Christian jokes

[Zoeboy]

A commitee is a group that keeps minutes but loses hours

 

[whiteknite]

The reverend got up and strode to his pulpit with a patch on his chin: "I'm sorry about the bandage, but I cut my chin shaving thinking about my sermon."
A voice for the congregation called out, "Next time, whiy not think about your chin and cut the sermon?"

 

[missy2shoes]

hahahahahaha loved that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[whiteknite]

On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only thien inister and one farmer arrived at the villiage church. The minister observed, "Well,I don't guess we'll have a service today." To which the farmer replied, "If only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."

 

[whiteknite]

Clara: My pastor is so good he can preach on any subject for an hour.

Sarah: That's nothing! My pastor can talk for an hour without a subject.

 

[whiteknite]

After a Sunday morning church service, Phillip suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's ok with me. But what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I'll have to got to church on Sunday anyway, so I fugure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit down and listen."

 

[whiteknite]

I have a long one.....(and I hope there are no lawyers on here...or future ones or otherwise that might be offended...lol)

here goes.....

One day God decides to call Satan to see how it is all going.

Satan replies that it has been really great since they got the new enginieer....they now have air conditioning, and escalators and many other new improvements.
God was taken aback and asked...how they got an engineer there, then said...you better send him back right away...there had to have been a mistake.
Satan says...no way!!

God says...you better send him back now or I am calling my attorney....Satan just laughs and says.....yea, yea,,,where are YOU going to find an attorney..?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Tha'ts a good one.

 

[whiteknite]

Watching Sunday school pupil Willy making faces at th ekids around him, teacher Miss Betsy stopped the lesson and said, "Willy, when I was your age, I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze that way."

bobby looked up and replied innocently, "Well, Miss Betsy, you can't say you weren't warned."

 

[Zoeboy]

Bad Day

you know its going to be a bad day and you need to pray when;
you call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
You see a 60 minutes news team waiting in your office.
Your birthdaycake collapses from the weight of the candles.

 

[missy2shoes]

LOL you guys....GREAT JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Zoeboy]

Five-year-old Jonny was being urged by his mother to take some medicine.
"Its good for you, Jonny. And God wants you to take it."
"I don't think He does, mommy. I'll ask Him." the
younster buried his head under the blankets on
his bed, and soon a hoarse voice came. "No,
definitely not!"

 

[His_will_i_am]

One day Satan was arguing with Jesus about who was the smartest out of the two. He got so rowdy that Father God said, "I know how to settle this. You'll both be given an hour to give me a computer presentation on any subject you want and I'll decide who did a more complete job."

So the hour begins and Jesus and Satan really show off the skills; powerpoint, spreadsheets, graphs the works. Five minutes before the hour is up, all the power goes out. A few seconds later the power comes back on and Satan realizes that he lost all of his work. So he furiously punches away at the keys and the times is up. Jesus calmy gives his report to Father God, while Satan is cussing and swearing and accusing Jesus of cheating to which Father God looks at Satan, shrugs and says, "Jesus saves!"

 

[Zoeboy]

Belly Button

Bill: How do babies get their belly buttons?

Susie: Well, when God finishes making little babies, He
lines them all up in a row. Then He walks along in
front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy
with His finger and says, "You're done...you're
done...you're done..."

 

[SamIam]

Here is a joke my daughter tells me....... she says....... guess what YOU ARE...... and i say what...... then she says DOOODEEEEE

 

[Zoeboy]

Member: How did you like the minister's sermon?
Friend: Frankly, I like our own minister better.
member: why is that?
friend: It's the words they use. Our minister says, "In conclusion," and then he concludes. Your minister says, "lastly," and he lasts.

 

[missy2shoes]

Here is a joke my daughter tells me....... she says....... guess what YOU ARE...... and i say what...... then she says DOOODEEEEE

you have a daughter?......cute

 

[Zoeboy]

Q: What kind of food did Jesus eat after fasting 40 days in the wilderness?


A: Fast food.

 

[Zoeboy]

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do u expect to get into heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, `For heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out.' "

 

[missy2shoes]

hahahahaha good ones Zoe

 

[whiteknite]

Good one. And a good lesson too

One day Satan was arguing with Jesus about who was the smartest out of the two. He got so rowdy that Father God said, "I know how to settle this. You'll both be given an hour to give me a computer presentation on any subject you want and I'll decide who did a more complete job."

So the hour begins and Jesus and Satan really show off the skills; powerpoint, spreadsheets, graphs the works. Five minutes before the hour is up, all the power goes out. A few seconds later the power comes back on and Satan realizes that he lost all of his work. So he furiously punches away at the keys and the times is up. Jesus calmy gives his report to Father God, while Satan is cussing and swearing and accusing Jesus of cheating to which Father God looks at Satan, shrugs and says, "Jesus saves!"