Courtship?

[Lanolin]

Does this 'neanderthal school jock' read any books?
Or is he just popular with the ladies and boasts about how he romances them, and claims any woman will fall for his tricks.

 

[seoulsearch]

It's now Sunday and my former courtship partner has not done anything to redeem himself.
Instead he''s kind of insulted and humiliated me *cry* by calling me names, like 'gold digger'
What's a girl to do?

Maybe can take your pick and shovel and go to the beach.

He'll have to start calling you "clam digger" instead.

 

[Churchgoer]

Since we are talking about courtship, I heard from another Christian single group, that internet chatting, private emailing don't count as real dating, until 2 people actually meet up in person.

I kind of agree with that.

Wonder if this cc crowd agree on this?

 

[seoulsearch]

Since we are talking about courtship, I heard from another Christian single group, that internet chatting, private emailing don't count as real dating, until 2 people actually meet up in person.

I kind of agree with that.

Wonder if this cc crowd agree on this?

This is just my own opinion, but I think a dating relationship can definitely happen online, especially if the couple involved has mutually decided not to see anyone else (whether in real life or online.)

I'm always the odd one out for this topic though, because I'm so used to making friends through writing first.

I think I met @Lynx and @cinder here on CC around 2014 -- but I don't think I met them in person until around 2019. So this would be like saying we didn't have real friendships all that time online until we actually met, which definitely isn't true.

If a couple met in person, then had to move far away from each other (or one was in the military, etc., and had to go away for a while,) they'd have to keep building and maintaining their relationship through internet and phones as well.

So I see online dating as kind of being a type of dating in reverse -- the relationship gets built online, then you go to meet in person instead of meeting in person first.

But again, this is just my own view, because this is what's worked for me (mostly in friendships, not necessarily dating.)

 

[seoulsearch]

I just realized, there are many introvert people out there, and online chat is a great communication tool .
I never even thought about it. In real life, I didn't communicate with introvert people
I do know people who hate public transportation, public pool.... but I am not sure that's introvert?

I do think the internet has become a vital form of communication for a lot of introverts.

As for avoiding things like public transportation and public pools, yes, it could be introverts avoiding crowds of strangers, but I've known extroverts who avoid such things too.

Some don't like dealing with crowds, germs, lack of privacy, etc.

But of course, this could apply for both introverts and extroverts.

I've always thought it would be great to have more public transportation, but seeing as in some areas, it seems dangerous for a woman to travel alone on the bus, train, etc. -- even if I were an extrovert, I'd still probably prefer my own car due to safety.

 

[RodB651]

I have never ever heard of anyone say in all my life they are 'courting' someone.

It's an old school concept. Guys used to show up and tell the Dad that they want his permission to court his daughter...
Now the girl shows up at home with a guy and tells the family, "Oh this is my boyfriend and we're gonna hang out in my room."

A guy showed up to see my oldest daughter one time... Just one time. He didn't like it because I wouldn't let him close the door to the room they were hanging out in. THIS IS MY HOUSE AND THAT'S MY DAUGHTER AND THAT'S HOW THAT WORKS... I never saw that guy again.

 

[Churchgoer]

I do think the internet has become a vital form of communication for a lot of introverts.

As for avoiding things like public transportation and public pools, yes, it could be introverts avoiding crowds of strangers, but I've known extroverts who avoid such things too.

Some don't like dealing with crowds, germs, lack of privacy, etc.

But of course, this could apply for both introverts and extroverts.

I've always thought it would be great to have more public transportation, but seeing as in some areas, it seems dangerous for a woman to travel alone on the bus, train, etc. -- even if I were an extrovert, I'd still probably prefer my own car due to safety.

Understand.
What state are you in?

Ny in general is safe, but of course things happen. My go to circle is very small, I am happy to be in this circle. From Church, to stores, to pools, to office..... all easy to get to.

 

[seoulsearch]

A guy showed up to see my oldest daughter one time... Just one time. He didn't like it because I wouldn't let him close the door to the room they were hanging out in. THIS IS MY HOUSE AND THAT'S MY DAUGHTER AND THAT'S HOW THAT WORKS... I never saw that guy again.

Wow, that guy had no idea what he was missing out on.

Not only did he miss the chance to be with your daughter, he also missed out on having a lifetime of access to the world-famous Rodney Burger!!

I'm too old to court any of your sons...

But I do keep inviting myself to friendship meetups just so I can reap the fruits (or rather, the meats ) of Rodney firing up the grill!!

 

[Lanolin]

I have no problems taking public transport but I can see why some people avoid it if they can. It's improving, but you need to be streetwise about it.

Not sure what that's got to do with courtship, but it's probably a lot safer than jumping into a car with someone you've never met before who's come to pick you up. (and is not an uber driver)

 

[Lanolin]

It's an old school concept. Guys used to show up and tell the Dad that they want his permission to court his daughter...
Now the girl shows up at home with a guy and tells the family, "Oh this is my boyfriend and we're gonna hang out in my room."

A guy showed up to see my oldest daughter one time... Just one time. He didn't like it because I wouldn't let him close the door to the room they were hanging out in. THIS IS MY HOUSE AND THAT'S MY DAUGHTER AND THAT'S HOW THAT WORKS... I never saw that guy again.

What if the daughter doesn' thave a dad, does the guy ask her mum?

What if the widowed mum wants to have a boyfriend while her children are still living at home. Does she ask them?

 

[Lanolin]

Maybe can take your pick and shovel and go to the beach.

He'll have to start calling you "clam digger" instead.


View attachment 293743

well at least he didn't call me 'gravedigger'
I did dig the garden yesterday though. A lot of weeds and old strawberry plants went in the compost.

I didn't find any gold.

 

[seoulsearch]

Understand.
What state are you in?

Ny in general is safe, but of course things happen. My go to circle is very small, I am happy to be in this circle. From Church, to stores, to pools, to office..... all easy to get to.

Washington State...

There's a joke going 'round that California, Washington, and Oregon are all becoming their own territory ("Califoregonashington", or a similar combination,) and I completely agree.

All the craziness from each state is seeping into the other. One of the reasons it took me so long to find a church here is because I was searching for one that hasn't adopted liberal policies and isn't flying crazy flags.

Lots of homeless, drugs (weed is considered part of daily living,) places so bad even the police won't go there, and pride flags everywhere. Some places have done experiments with defunding the police (it didn't go well,) decriminalizing hard drugs (that didn't go well either,) and it's been rumored that a large corporation/wealthy people paid for one-way bus tickets to ship many of the homeless from a bigger city to the area where I live.

Fentanyl is said to be rampant, so it makes talking to strangers feel risky (you never know if, or how high someone is, or what they'll do.)

They've recently expanded bus routes, but I've read some harassment horror stories about riding the bus as a lone woman.

I'm so grateful to God that I have a car, and most places I need to get to are under 30 minutes away.

I would love to move to another state, but for now, I'm here for family, and since their jobs are rooted in this area, I won't be able to move anywhere anytime soon.

I just try to keep praying that God's will would be done.

 

[Lanolin]

Were I live is an isthmus so, we've got water on both sides, and if you want to go north or south you have to contend with traffic, can take you at least an hour to get out of town.

It's quicker to fly lol

Anyway I like where I live I grew up here and have family and friends, I just don't see me giving it all up to move somewhere else.

 

[Lanolin]

Maybe I will have my midlife crisis later instead of at 25 lol

 

[Churchgoer]

Washington State...

There's a joke going 'round that California, Washington, and Oregon are all becoming their own territory ("Califoregonashington", or a similar combination,) and I completely agree.

All the craziness from each state is seeping into the other. One of the reasons it took me so long to find a church here is because I was searching for one that hasn't adopted liberal policies and isn't flying crazy flags.

Lots of homeless, drugs (weed is considered part of daily living,) places so bad even the police won't go there, and pride flags everywhere. Some places have done experiments with defunding the police (it didn't go well,) decriminalizing hard drugs (that didn't go well either,) and it's been rumored that a large corporation/wealthy people paid for one-way bus tickets to ship many of the homeless from a bigger city to the area where I live.

Fentanyl is said to be rampant, so it makes talking to strangers feel risky (you never know if, or how high someone is, or what they'll do.)

They've recently expanded bus routes, but I've read some harassment horror stories about riding the bus as a lone woman.

I'm so grateful to God that I have a car, and most places I need to get to are under 30 minutes away.

I would love to move to another state, but for now, I'm here for family, and since their jobs are rooted in this area, I won't be able to move anywhere anytime soon.

I just try to keep praying that God's will would be done.

I hear you. Washington state is beautiful, I have been there for visit. I truly believe God set up the boundary of where we live. Moving is a big thing, at my stage, it has to come from God. If God don't give strong signals, I am staying where I am.

Enjoy your family, that's given by God. Keep serving at your church, God keeps 7000 that will not bow their knee to baal.

 

[Lightbeamrider]

What is the verdict on the Taylor Swift marriage?

I don't know her that well, other than she's dated a tonne of guys, broken up with them, then wrote a lot of songs as revenge for her broken heart.

I do not know that much about either one of them. Wish them both the best.

 

[Levib]

This is worth watching, relating to courtship and relationships

Yeah you didn’t get any likes for that. What a shame….

What this doesn’t address is how women expect more and more out of men. They rate men by the accumulated total of everyone they have dated. So all the gifts, treatment and attractiveness they got from 20-100 men, now one man has to provide to satisfy a woman going on 50. If the opening line isn’t an airline and cruise ticket, its just “yawning in my ear”.

 

[Lanolin]

?
Nobody watches you-tubes that don't make any sense, and nobody just hops on an airplane to go meet a guy at a cafe they have absolutely nothing in common with.

If this is what courtship is, well it sounds totally boring.

 

[Mem]

i remember being uncomfortable around females at that age. Afraid I would blow it and say or do something stupid. Rejection was to be avoided at all costs so that means oversensitive on top of it.

You'd appear more confident if instead you'd counted on doing something stupid and not pretending like you would never, imho.

My experience consisted of informal kissing soirees in the basement of Karen's home with daddy upstairs. Usually three couples. My time would have been better spent with the brain across the street playing chess since he later married and became a scientist. Both his mother and mine were friends from church. Lost touch with Karen after high school and all the others since i ended up in the Navy halfway around the world. The others went on to college.

If kisses bonded a relationship... whatever that reality is, maybe that's where the dynamics of the idea, "You may now kiss the bride," came from.

Never did cold calls with females. That is approaching unknown females and attempting to strike up conversations that lead to dates. Saw other males do it with ease. It was not a skill i developed. Interactions were usually spontaneous, with females asking if they needed help or commenting on what they were doing. The art of conversation was mostly lost on me. That kinda remains to this day. Sat with another female from work, trying to think of things to talk about, and ended up talking about the Powerball being so high and how many tickets we were going to buy. Me two and her one. I like her, but that is about it.

I see it as ironic that you braved the Navy and all the risk that assumes but would rather totally skip a conversation with a girl than ever risk rejection. I mean, you can't you always chalk it up to 'crazy' or whatever and keep going? There was a time that I explored rabbinical teachings (but mostly those of a particular one whose wife, I'm pretty sure it was her, I had befriended at a forum I frequented before coming here. We stood for one another against 'attacks.') Anyway, he has a teaching about guys being either being used to rejection or needing to become used to it... and girls being born ready for marriage until a certain point when they become jaded. It had some "ancient Jewish wisdom" in that lesson of boy/girl relationship.

 

[Lanolin]

Wonder if anybody actually married in the Christian Cafe i.e had their wedding ceremony or reception there.

Their wedding cake being a giant coffee cake.

Their confetti coffee beans

The gift list on the registry - Coffee machine, coffee mugs

Their bouquet...coffee flowers


Their toast - coffee mugs

Best mans speech ' This couple met in a cafe. They dated in a cafe. They had Nescafe. The groom proposed in the cafe 10 minutes after meeting the bride. They didn't waste time! They were both high on caffeine. Let's drink an espresso - to the happy couple!'