Dark Attractions

[SirSolaScriptura]

I keep attracting dark gals.. Goths.. witches.. and etc.

I do not get it, often it happens when I am shining in my Christian ways.

I keep thinking of the verse,
"In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, “We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!” (Isaiah 4:`1).

Other than that.. I guess it could be sabotage plans from the enemy camp.

Any advice?

 

[MsMediator]

You should ask, what is it about you that attracts the dark gals?

Do you wear a lot of black? Do you have piercings? Is your hairstyle non traditional?

My experience is, based on former friends who got involved with astrology, once they know I am a believing Christian they kind of distance themselves.

 

[tourist]

You should ask, what is it about you that attracts the dark gals?

Do you wear a lot of black? Do you have piercings? Is your hairstyle non traditional?

My experience is, based on former friends who got involved with astrology, once they know I am a believing Christian they kind of distance themselves.

Maybe some tats too. Personally, I don't have any. Same goes for piercing too. In Florida, you can also get branded. Not my cup of tea for sure.

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

You should ask, what is it about you that attracts the dark gals?

Do you wear a lot of black? Do you have piercings? Is your hairstyle non traditional?

My experience is, based on former friends who got involved with astrology, once they know I am a believing Christian they kind of distance themselves.

I have no piercings, no tattoos cuz even tho I am New Testa (Testament) Christian I still take the "do not take for thyself a tattoo" seriously in the Old Testament. My hair is the normal short and well groomed style.

But online no one can see these things..

 

[Snackersmom]

I keep attracting dark gals.. Goths.. witches.. and etc.

I do not get it, often it happens when I am shining in my Christian ways.

I keep thinking of the verse,
"In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, “We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!” (Isaiah 4:`1).

Other than that.. I guess it could be sabotage plans from the enemy camp.

Any advice?

I'm not a goth or into witchcraft (by the grace of God... I know how dangerous that stuff is), but my sense of humor is a bit dark and I've been compared to Wednesday Adams a time or three. 🤦‍♀️

I do have a few observations but I don't know you real well so I would have to speculate a bit, would that offend you? 🤔

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

I'm not a goth or into witchcraft (by the grace of God... I know how dangerous that stuff is), but my sense of humor is a bit dark and I've been compared to Wednesday Adams a time or three. 🤦‍♀️

I do have a few observations but I don't know you real well so I would have to speculate a bit, would that offend you? 🤔

Oh I am not against Goths, I love their colors haha, and I have watched Wednesday on Netflix haha. I also tend to like some of dark movies I shouldn't like Alien.. sigh.. XD

Plus there is Christian Goths, I want to say that. Because not all Goths are punk and qausi-Satanists.

 

[Snackersmom]

Oh I am not against Goths, I love their colors haha, and I have watched Wednesday on Netflix haha. I also tend to like some of dark movies I shouldn't like Alien.. sigh.. XD

Plus there is Christian Goths, I want to say that. Because not all Goths are punk and qausi-Satanists.

OK all *THAT* I quoted above is part of your answer..... goths are sensitive to being judged and you're not the type to judge them for their appearance or offbeat interests. That's actually pretty rare, especially in the church.

Another reason is that most dark/goth girls have been through trauma of some sort that they haven't fully processed. You do seem the type to listen without judging, and that can be incredibly healing and powerful to a girl struggling with dark tendencies.

Dark girls are generally pretty observant, so even on a forum where no pictures come into play we can usually discern a guys' spirit to know if he is safe and able to handle our true selves.

I'm sure it can be rough on the guys end of things though, as dark girls have a tendency to spread their darkness. Tread carefully Sir, and maybe pray for discernment.... your desire to help is admirable but your heart needs to be protected too. 🖤

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

OK all *THAT* I quoted above is part of your answer..... goths are sensitive to being judged and you're not the type to judge them for their appearance or offbeat interests. That's actually pretty rare, especially in the church.

Another reason is that most dark/goth girls have been through trauma of some sort that they haven't fully processed. You do seem the type to listen without judging, and that can be incredibly healing and powerful to a girl struggling with dark tendencies.

Dark girls are generally pretty observant, so even on a forum where no pictures come into play we can usually discern a guys' spirit to know if he is safe and able to handle our true selves.

I'm sure it can be rough on the guys end of things though, as dark girls have a tendency to spread their darkness. Tread carefully Sir, and maybe pray for discernment.... your desire to help is admirable but your heart needs to be protected too.

Oh I wasn't judging Goths.. I was saying the stigma that they are up to real darkness is not true for a lot of them. It's kinda like how bands in Metal and Grunge will use Anarchist symbols, and stuff.

The last part of what you said is my concern, I am one who tends to be drawn to the "hurting" and I don't judge books by their covers, its just I am concerned about "guarding my heart in Christ Jesus."

Cuz as you said, "they tend to want to spread their darkness.." and lest we forget: Samson was caste down by falling for Delilah and Solomon was led astray, he built over 300 temples to false gods in addition to The Temple of the Lord because of who he married.

 

[seoulsearch]

I have no piercings, no tattoos cuz even tho I am New Testa (Testament) Christian I still take the "do not take for thyself a tattoo" seriously in the Old Testament. My hair is the normal short and well groomed style. But online no one can see these things..

Are most of these attractions online?

Not that it can't happen in real life, of course. What is the emotional and mental state of the women you attract? I've found that a lot of women drawn to these beliefs often have abusive/troubled backgrounds and are pulled into these sects because of the feeling of empowerment it gives them. It makes them feel like they have some sort of power or control and can prevent being hurt, protect themselves and their loved ones, and/or seek revenge.

When online chatting was brand-new, I had a conversation I'll never forget with a woman who identified as someone of high ranking within the Wiccan system. Her family had been strict Catholics, and when she tried to go to them for help because her grandfather started sexually abusing her starting when she was 5, and they told her she must somehow be "tempting" him, because he was a "good man" and would surely never do something like this on her own.

Nothing was done to stop him and she was handed all the blame. She said the the reason she became a Wiccan is because it allowed her, as a woman (in her own reasoning,) to feel empowered and to never allow herself to be abused like that again.

I used to follow another woman on YouTube who said she was part of the Wiccan belief system because her father too had been extremely abusive, and she used Wiccan spells to "bind his power" and keep him away from her, her husband, and their kids.

If a common vein between most of these women is emotional pain and/or abusive backgrounds, I can see why they would flock to you, especially online. Many people out there will throw themselves headfirst at any scrap of compassion or willingness to listen because they've never been granted that before, and/or because they've come to rely on attention as their primary coping mechanism.

I'm about a plain as a sheet of school paper, but throughout my life, I've attracted a lot of party boys, and now, party men. My ears are only pierced once, I have no tattoos, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never tried drugs, and I don't go to parties. But guys like this see something in me that they hope will save them. I remember one guy at work asking me if he called me from a party because he was plastered, would I pick him up (I never gave anyone my phone number there except my boss,) and when I said no, he asked why not.

He said that with as compassionate as I seemed to others, wouldn't I want to help save him?

Believe me, I've been there, done that, and have all the scars to prove it. But this too is often what I attract. People who see something in the way I am that they either sincerely think will change them for the better, or that they want to exploit because they want to keep one and a half feet firmly planted in their own world, but also want to believe that someone will love them enough to put up with their antics while repeatedly rescuing them from their own terrible choices.

I know Christians will say, "It's the light of Christ that attracts these people," and I'm sure that's what these women see in you as well.

But as you have expressed several times here on the forum, almost all in these belief systems are drawn to it only because they want to use the good in you for their own purposes. Most have no interest in doing the hard work or going through the genuine pain it will take to truly change.

I was a doormat for a lot of people for many years, until a good friend of mine told me, "Most people want attention, not true healing."

I am much more selective now about who I let in and who I get close to, and it's made a world of difference, though admittedly, has shrank the number of people I talk to regularly to down to a few, and only those who, unfortunately, live across the country.

However, it's been well worth it, and I hope you'll be able to discern, cut off, and only keep the people around whom God wants to be in your life, too.

 

[Snackersmom]

Oh I wasn't judging Goths.. I was saying the stigma that they are up to real darkness is not true for a lot of them. It's kinda like how bands in Metal and Grunge will use Anarchist symbols, and stuff.

The last part of what you said is my concern, I am one who tends to be drawn to the "hurting" and I don't judge books by their covers, its just I am concerned about "guarding my heart in Christ Jesus."

Cuz as you said, "they tend to want to spread their darkness.." and lest we forget: Samson was caste down by falling for Delilah and Solomon was led astray, he built over 300 temples to false gods in addition to The Temple of the Lord because of who he married.

I know ya aren't judging goths.... I'm saying that ya DONT judge them, and that's why they're drawn to you. 😁

@seoulsearch pretty much said what I was thinking better than I did lol, so let me just say that her post is worth reading over a few times. And I think it's very key what she said about most people just wanting attention rather than true change. With discernment and caution, I think you will be able to tell the difference. Be VERY careful though. 🙏

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

Are most of these attractions online?

Not that it can't happen in real life, of course. What is the emotional and mental state of the women you attract? I've found that a lot of women drawn to these beliefs often have abusive/troubled backgrounds and are pulled into these sects because of the feeling of empowerment it gives them. It makes them feel like they have some sort of power or control and can prevent being hurt, protect themselves and their loved ones, and/or seek revenge.

When online chatting was brand-new, I had a conversation I'll never forget with a woman who identified as someone of high ranking within the Wiccan system. Her family had been strict Catholics, and when she tried to go to them for help because her grandfather started sexually abusing her starting when she was 5, and they told her she must somehow be "tempting" him, because he was a "good man" and would surely never do something like this on her own.

Nothing was done to stop him and she was handed all the blame. She said the the reason she became a Wiccan is because it allowed her, as a woman (in her own reasoning,) to feel empowered and to never allow herself to be abused like that again.

I used to follow another woman on YouTube who said she was part of the Wiccan belief system because her father too had been extremely abusive, and she used Wiccan spells to "bind his power" and keep him away from her, her husband, and their kids.

If a common vein between most of these women is emotional pain and/or abusive backgrounds, I can see why they would flock to you, especially online. Many people out there will throw themselves headfirst at any scrap of compassion or willingness to listen because they've never been granted that before, and/or because they've come to rely on attention as their primary coping mechanism.

I'm about a plain as a sheet of school paper, but throughout my life, I've attracted a lot of party boys, and now, party men. My ears are only pierced once, I have no tattoos, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never tried drugs, and I don't go to parties. But guys like this see something in me that they hope will save them. I remember one guy at work asking me if he called me from a party because he was plastered, would I pick him up (I never gave anyone my phone number there except my boss,) and when I said no, he asked why not.

He said that with as compassionate as I seemed to others, wouldn't I want to help save him?

Believe me, I've been there, done that, and have all the scars to prove it. But this too is often what I attract. People who see something in the way I am that they either sincerely think will change them for the better, or that they want to exploit because they want to keep one and a half feet firmly planted in their own world, but also want to believe that someone will love them enough to put up with their antics while repeatedly rescuing them from their own terrible choices.

I know Christians will say, "It's the light of Christ that attracts these people," and I'm sure that's what these women see in you as well.

But as you have expressed several times here on the forum, almost all in these belief systems are drawn to it only because they want to use the good in you for their own purposes. Most have no interest in doing the hard work or going through the genuine pain it will take to truly change.

I was a doormat for a lot of people for many years, until a good friend of mine told me, "Most people want attention, not true healing."

I am much more selective now about who I let in and who I get close to, and it's made a world of difference, though admittedly, has shrank the number of people I talk to regularly to down to a few, and only those who, unfortunately, live across the country.

However, it's been well worth it, and I hope you'll be able to discern, cut off, and only keep the people around whom God wants to be in your life, too.

I had some IRL ones, my first real girl friend was a Goth type who was raised Christian. But the majority of them are online these days.

Yeah see what scares me is my Brother was Youth Minister, and he fell for a Woman who turned out to be a "Bride of Satan." That means your are born into a high Satanic family (there is even a movie about this with Arnold Swartzneggor called End of Days which I do not recommend, but in it he is trying to protect the girl who is a Bride of Satan). Since my brother married her, his gifts have erroded and she has isolated him on a rural plot of land. He kept saying when they were dating her, "I can save her." I do not have that complex.. I think. That is what worries me.. I have before me the example of Esau.. who sold his birth right.

I totally agree, they are "attracted to the light of Christ," thing which the apostle speaks of, "For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life." (2 Corinthians 2:15-17). That is probably how they are detecting me, and me being so vocal about the Bible.

I concur that emotional trauma often draws people to the dark side. They want to have some sense of power, and spirituality.. its so sad that the true strength.. not only to heal them and to be truly empowered is in Christ, but they get seduced by the Egypt and its counterfeits.

 

[seoulsearch]

The last part of what you said is my concern, I am one who tends to be drawn to the "hurting" and I don't judge books by their covers, its just I am concerned about "guarding my heart in Christ Jesus."

Cuz as you said, "they tend to want to spread their darkness.." and lest we forget: Samson was caste down by falling for Delilah and Solomon was led astray, he built over 300 temples to false gods in addition to The Temple of the Lord because of who he married.

This is exactly why they are drawn to you.

I went through a long period in life where people who had been sexually abused were always opening up to me about their stories. It got to be so regular that I started having physical pains (stabbing feelings, like lightning going through my abdomen) as a warning sign. I remember one flash so severe while I was driving that I had to stop in a parking lot for a few minutes.

And I would immediately start to pray and look around me because I knew God was about to send someone else who needed someone to listen.

Your compassion and the fact that you don't judge is what draws them in. Some have never told their story and are dying to tell someone. Some don't want to tell someone that in some cases (NOT ALL of course, but in some,) they eventually started to like the physical sensations but hated what it was doing to their soul, and it made them think of self-deleting. One woman told me she had to use it as a bargaining chip to survive as she was growing up (as the abuser was a parental figure.) Some are dying to confess their feelings but have never had someone to confess to.

Most people will give their stories in small bites, testing to see what kind of reaction they get. When you respond with understanding and not judgment, it breaks the dam of emotion they've been using to try to hold everything back.

The fact that you listen, offer comfort and compassion, and don't tell them its somehow their fault or that they are evil or sinful is going to draw women like this to you in flocks and droves, no matter what you look like.

I don't know if this will work for you, but I know eventually I was having a hard time coping with dealing with so much of other people's trauma (from both men and women,) but God knew I was on overload and thankfully, the work in trying to help others had slowed down to a more manageable pace.

However, some people (myself included) get to a point where we falsely come to see our value in comforting or helping such people, and when no one is relying on us to trauma-dump, we (I) sometimes go looking for more of it (because it makes us feel as if we have worth,) and ignore that it is severely crippling our own emotional and spiritual health in the process.

 

[Snackersmom]

@SirSolaScriptura, There's likely multiple pieces to this puzzle but you might try looking up "super empath" and see if anything strikes a chord. 🙏

 

[seoulsearch]

I had some IRL ones, my first real girl friend was a Goth type who was raised Christian. But the majority of them are online these days.

Yeah see what scares me is my Brother was Youth Minister, and he fell for a Woman who turned out to be a "Bride of Satan." That means your are born into a high Satanic family (there is even a movie about this with Arnold Swartzneggor called End of Days which I do not recommend, but in it he is trying to protect the girl who is a Bride of Satan). Since my brother married her, his gifts have erroded and she has isolated him on a rural plot of land. He kept saying when they were dating her, "I can save her." I do not have that complex.. I think. That is what worries me.. I have before me the example of Esau.. who sold his birth right.

I totally agree, they are "attracted to the light of Christ," thing which the apostle speaks of, "For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life." (2 Corinthians 2:15-17). That is probably how they are detecting me, and me being so vocal about the Bible.

I concur that emotional trauma often draws people to the dark side. They want to have some sense of power, and spirituality.. its so sad that the true strength.. not only to heal them and to be truly empowered is in Christ, but they get seduced by the Egypt and its counterfeits.

I definitely feel bad for your brother.

I'm sure you know this, but the other thing I've come to look out for is to not let anyone use the Bible or Scripture to manipulate you.

I saw a lot of this in the church, but ironically couldn't put my finger on it until I started writing to and visiting inmates. One in particular was probably genius level IQ (his own lawyer told me on the phone that if not for his conviction, he would have made a brilliant attorney,) and he had nothing better to do all day than to study the Bible and figure out ways to use my own beliefs against me.

Seeing as this was a long time ago, I took his accusations to heart.

He would write me things such as, "How is it that you've (become so lost in your faith that you have) allowed Satan to enter into your heart? The Bible says we don't have, because we don't ask, and I am asking." (Obviously, he wanted me to send him money.) He also said I only helped people for my own benefit or recognition, and that I was refusing to help him because I couldn't use it to my own glory.

Now, knowing that I can indeed be quite quarrelsome at times, as well as knowing that God DOES tell us to ask for what we need, I went to a church mentor about it. And she told me that she honestly didn't think what he was saying about me was true, though anyone will say this was obviously a biased answer, as she knew me.

So I put his letter out on the table and prayed for several days.

And when I wrote him back, I believe God was with me in my answer: "Yes, God tells us we don't have because we don't ask. But when i asked God about this, I believe He told me, 'Just because he's supposed to ask doesn't mean he's supposed to ask YOU. Let him ask ME instead.'"

I mention this because I am actually very grateful for this lesson. Of course, anyone will say, "Duh, Seoul, this guy was in prison, of course he was trying to manipulate you."

But the thing is, I'd seen this exact kind of play being used over and over by those who claim to be good church people -- it's just that it was always ignored and treated as normal. Even as a kid, I knew something didn't feel right about people using the Bible to get others to do what they wanted, while always claiming it was from God.

I mention this because as you've said in some of your other posts, even people in different belief systems often know the Bible as well or better than we do, and will stop at nothing when using our own beliefs against us, all to try to bend us to their will.

 

[seoulsearch]

I know ya aren't judging goths.... I'm saying that ya DONT judge them, and that's why they're drawn to you. 😁

@seoulsearch pretty much said what I was thinking better than I did lol, so let me just say that her post is worth reading over a few times. And I think it's very key what she said about most people just wanting attention rather than true change. With discernment and caution, I think you will be able to tell the difference. Be VERY careful though. 🙏

Snackers is the spiritual/psychological missing part of my brain that I wish I had!

She can take anything I want to say, find a way to say it twice as effectively, and, use 1/4 as many words to do so. ❤️😊

 

[Edith]

I keep attracting dark gals.. Goths.. witches.. and etc.

I do not get it, often it happens when I am shining in my Christian ways.

I keep thinking of the verse,
"In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, “We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!” (Isaiah 4:`1).

Other than that.. I guess it could be sabotage plans from the enemy camp.

Any advice?

Oh dear the kinds of spirits guiding their lives are around you and want to have contact with you, so they use the best way they get to most men, that is women. women are spiritual gate ways. this happens because of exposure. Have you been exposed to spirituality lately. through videos, audios, books, pictures. Just pray and reject them. tell them I am not interested in you and your ways in Jesus' name.
One time at church about 4 married men came to ask me out. and these men have beautiful women. Being a fleshy person I found it bizarre so I complained to some one who told me same. and I prayed and it stopped.
Another one was a picture of a mutated male organ instead. some young person showed me asking if such existed I brushed it off. but for the weeks that followed I became more aware of the male reproductive organ and it was as if they wanted to show it off, then I remembered the picture, took authority in the name of Jesus and that was it.

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

This is exactly why they are drawn to you.

I went through a long period in life where people who had been sexually abused were always opening up to me about their stories. It got to be so regular that I started having physical pains (stabbing feelings, like lightning going through my abdomen) as a warning sign. I remember one flash so severe while I was driving that I had to stop in a parking lot for a few minutes.

And I would immediately start to pray and look around me because I knew God was about to send someone else who needed someone to listen.

Your compassion and the fact that you don't judge is what draws them in. Some have never told their story and are dying to tell someone. Some don't want to tell someone that in some cases (NOT ALL of course, but in some,) they eventually started to like the physical sensations but hated what it was doing to their soul, and it made them think of self-deleting. One woman told me she had to use it as a bargaining chip to survive as she was growing up (as the abuser was a parental figure.) Some are dying to confess their feelings but have never had someone to confess to.

Most people will give their stories in small bites, testing to see what kind of reaction they get. When you respond with understanding and not judgment, it breaks the dam of emotion they've been using to try to hold everything back.

The fact that you listen, offer comfort and compassion, and don't tell them its somehow their fault or that they are evil or sinful is going to draw women like this to you in flocks and droves, no matter what you look like.

I don't know if this will work for you, but I know eventually I was having a hard time coping with dealing with so much of other people's trauma (from both men and women,) but God knew I was on overload and thankfully, the work in trying to help others had slowed down to a more manageable pace.

However, some people (myself included) get to a point where we falsely come to see our value in comforting or helping such people, and when no one is relying on us to trauma-dump, we (I) sometimes go looking for more of it (because it makes us feel as if we have worth,) and ignore that it is severely crippling our own emotional and spiritual health in the process.

That makes perfect sense and feels less of indictment (negative) of something be wrong with me. Thank you for that.

@SirSolaScriptura, There's likely multiple pieces to this puzzle but you might try looking up "super empath" and see if anything strikes a chord. 🙏

I took a test, I came out Empath (90%+). XD

What is painful tho is it feels like sometimes its a calling that means I should just become a Priest, because none of Good Christians Women are interested. They usually already have a nice guy they have chosen.

I try to tell myself, well maybe I am Hosea type and will be like that.. but that is rough.. his wife wasn't faithful...

 

[seoulsearch]

That makes perfect sense and feels less of indictment (negative) of something be wrong with me. Thank you for that. I took a test, I came out Empath (90%+). XD
What is painful tho is it feels like sometimes its a calling that means I should just become a Priest, because none of Good Christians Women are interested. They usually already have a nice guy they have chosen.
I try to tell myself, well maybe I am Hosea type and will be like that.. but that is rough.. his wife wasn't faithful...

The fact that broken, traumatized women are drawn to you most definitely DOES NOT mean there is anything wrong with you.

To the contrary, it means God has bestowed you with a wonderful gift of compassion and empathy, as you well know. The tricky part is learning how God wants us to utilize it without losing ourselves (or think it's our whole identity) in the process.

I understand the irony of "Good Christian Women" not being interested -- it's an ironic part of our calling.

We often attract those whose hearts are shattered panes of glass, and often become addicted to attention. The people who would make "ideal" choices often aren't drawn to us because they haven't been hurt to that extent or God has already put them on a path to healing. To them, our presence might feel like a bucket of water to a plant that's already been through a long, nourishing rain -- they don't need what we do best, and so they don't feel connected to us.

Likewise, those of us drawn to extreme pain might sometimes also feel that someone who isn't trying to cling to us out of pain doesn't' really love or need us, because the only times we've felt loved is when someone is constantly trauma-dumping their lives onto us.

I've written threads in the past about how I believe a lot of people actually "fall into pain together" rather than "falling in love." And many aren't really in love, but are addicted to the attention and the drama extreme pain brings.

I wish I had some answers for you and I certainly wish I could be of more comfort. Unfortunately, I'm the last kind of single that other single people would want to hear from.

When my husband left for his girlfriend, my biggest fears were that:

1. I would never find anyone like him. (We had trauma-bonded over some things I've never been able to bond with any one else over.)

2. I would always be alone. (I won't mention specifically how many years it's been, but some of my friend's kids are now getting married... and I'm still single.)

So far, both of those fears have been reality for many, many years, and with no end in sight. All I can do is trust that God has a purpose in all of this, though I often lose hope.

One very bright spot however, is that I've been able to meet other singles going through the same things here, and the adventures of meeting some of them in person has made all my time on this site worth it.

May God comfort you and lead you on in your purpose!

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

The fact that broken, traumatized women are drawn to you most definitely DOES NOT mean there is anything wrong with you.

To the contrary, it means God has bestowed you with a wonderful gift of compassion and empathy, as you well know. The tricky part is learning how God wants us to utilize it without losing ourselves (or think it's our whole identity) in the process.

I understand the irony of "Good Christian Women" not being interested -- it's an ironic part of our calling.

We often attract those whose hearts are shattered panes of glass, and often become addicted to attention. The people who would make "ideal" choices often aren't drawn to us because they haven't been hurt to that extent or God has already put them on a path to healing. To them, our presence might feel like a bucket of water to a plant that's already been through a long, nourishing rain -- they don't need what we do best, and so they don't feel connected to us.

Likewise, those of us drawn to extreme pain might sometimes also feel that someone who isn't trying to cling to us out of pain doesn't' really love or need us, because the only times we've felt loved is when someone is constantly trauma-dumping their lives onto us.

I've written threads in the past about how I believe a lot of people actually "fall into pain together" rather than "falling in love." And many aren't really in love, but are addicted to the attention and the drama extreme pain brings.

I wish I had some answers for you and I certainly wish I could be of more comfort. Unfortunately, I'm the last kind of single that other single people would want to hear from.

When my husband left for his girlfriend, my biggest fears were that:

1. I would never find anyone like him. (We had trauma-bonded over some things I've never been able to bond with any one else over.)

2. I would always be alone. (I won't mention specifically how many years it's been, but some of my friend's kids are now getting married... and I'm still single.)

So far, both of those fears have been reality for many, many years, and with no end in sight. All I can do is trust that God has a purpose in all of this, though I often lose hope.

One very bright spot however, is that I've been able to meet other singles going through the same things here, and the adventures of meeting some of them in person has made all my time on this site worth it.

May God comfort you and lead you on in your purpose!

Yeah what concerns me is my best friend growing up met his wife in middle of a great trauma, her parents of forty plus years were splitting up. Well my bestie is divorced now, because the bond was formed in trenches of trauma as you speak of.

That is my concern, if a Lady falls for me in the middle of her gauntlet or right after, it can be simply that I am an empath and am there and helping, but when she has healed she will leave, because one thing they don't tell you about abused and hurt people, when they heal they want you gone because you remind them of the time they were still healing and hurt, you are medicine box with bandages and memories that remind them of their hard times and so they off load you...

Maybe I need to consider the AI Wife thing lol joking. XD

 

[Lynx]

Are most of these attractions online?

Not that it can't happen in real life, of course. What is the emotional and mental state of the women you attract? I've found that a lot of women drawn to these beliefs often have abusive/troubled backgrounds and are pulled into these sects because of the feeling of empowerment it gives them. It makes them feel like they have some sort of power or control and can prevent being hurt, protect themselves and their loved ones, and/or seek revenge.

When online chatting was brand-new, I had a conversation I'll never forget with a woman who identified as someone of high ranking within the Wiccan system. Her family had been strict Catholics, and when she tried to go to them for help because her grandfather started sexually abusing her starting when she was 5, and they told her she must somehow be "tempting" him, because he was a "good man" and would surely never do something like this on her own.

Nothing was done to stop him and she was handed all the blame. She said the the reason she became a Wiccan is because it allowed her, as a woman (in her own reasoning,) to feel empowered and to never allow herself to be abused like that again.

I used to follow another woman on YouTube who said she was part of the Wiccan belief system because her father too had been extremely abusive, and she used Wiccan spells to "bind his power" and keep him away from her, her husband, and their kids.

If a common vein between most of these women is emotional pain and/or abusive backgrounds, I can see why they would flock to you, especially online. Many people out there will throw themselves headfirst at any scrap of compassion or willingness to listen because they've never been granted that before, and/or because they've come to rely on attention as their primary coping mechanism.

I'm about a plain as a sheet of school paper, but throughout my life, I've attracted a lot of party boys, and now, party men. My ears are only pierced once, I have no tattoos, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never tried drugs, and I don't go to parties. But guys like this see something in me that they hope will save them. I remember one guy at work asking me if he called me from a party because he was plastered, would I pick him up (I never gave anyone my phone number there except my boss,) and when I said no, he asked why not.

He said that with as compassionate as I seemed to others, wouldn't I want to help save him?

Believe me, I've been there, done that, and have all the scars to prove it. But this too is often what I attract. People who see something in the way I am that they either sincerely think will change them for the better, or that they want to exploit because they want to keep one and a half feet firmly planted in their own world, but also want to believe that someone will love them enough to put up with their antics while repeatedly rescuing them from their own terrible choices.

I know Christians will say, "It's the light of Christ that attracts these people," and I'm sure that's what these women see in you as well.

But as you have expressed several times here on the forum, almost all in these belief systems are drawn to it only because they want to use the good in you for their own purposes. Most have no interest in doing the hard work or going through the genuine pain it will take to truly change.

I was a doormat for a lot of people for many years, until a good friend of mine told me, "Most people want attention, not true healing."

I am much more selective now about who I let in and who I get close to, and it's made a world of difference, though admittedly, has shrank the number of people I talk to regularly to down to a few, and only those who, unfortunately, live across the country.

However, it's been well worth it, and I hope you'll be able to discern, cut off, and only keep the people around whom God wants to be in your life, too.

For some reason I heared the Smallville theme song playing...