Demi and Ashton! (The Age Issue... In Reverse...)

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
20,116
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Hey everyone,

We currently have a thread going in which the original poster (male) told us he is 41 and considering the pursuit of a woman who is 28.

I was just curious as to how you all feel when the role is reversed? What if you had a 41-year-old woman and a 28-year-old guy? And, who should do the pursuing in this case? Is it ok for the woman to ask him out or should she wait and see if he'll ask her?

One of the reasons I'm asking is because I usually attract older men (we're talking 70... sorry, not what I see as my age range at all!) but was recently asked out by someone 21--he didn't know my age and said he'd thought I was around 26 (I didn't bribe him to say that but maybe I should have! :) Just kidding!) And when I DID tell him how old I was (nearly 38), he said he didn't care.

I told him, thanks so much for flattering me :), but the age difference is way too much.

Now, if it was someone say, 28... I have to admit I'd at least consider it, possibly. But it would really depend on maturity, faith, and whether we were at compatible stages in life.

What do you all think? When the situation is reversed... older woman, much younger man... Is there a chance for anything that will last?
 
P.S. I have to confess that since I've been dumped before for a younger person, this would be one of my major fears/hesitations in dating someone younger. Of course it could happen at any range, but what I'm thinking is that a 28-year-old guy is still within the dating range of say, 21-year-olds, and looks-wise, I could never compete with that!!! I mean... I'm starting to get a few lines on my face and all of that... The inevitable signs of getting older.

And unlike Demi Moore, I can't afford the plastic surgery to have it all fixed (unfortunately, it didn't work for her anyway.)

I suspect these kinds of differences would trigger a host of insecurities... But, I could be wrong?

What do you all think? Gals, how much younger of a guy would you date, and guys, would you date an older woman? Would you pursue her, or expect her to ask you out first? And what if she had kids that were close to your own age... say, within 5 years?
 
I would certainly NOT take Demi and Ashton as an example. They are just two rich celebrities who live in a whole other world than regular people. I mean when Demi gets upset she can just go on a shopping spree and make it all better.

I don't think age is what is important. Whats important is the level of maturity of both parties. Of course there will be strange "issues" that come up as they grow older, but those things should NOT be a reason to reject someone who genuinely loves you.
 
zeroturbulence said:
I would certainly NOT take Demi and Ashton as an example. They are just two rich celebrities who live in a whole other world than regular people. I mean when Demi gets upset she can just go on a shopping spree and make it all better.

I don't think age is what is important. Whats important is the level of maturity of both parties. Of course there will be strange "issues" that come up as they grow older, but those things should NOT be a reason to reject someone who genuinely loves you.
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Good point and well-taken, Gabe :).

I didn't really mean to use Demi and Ashton as an "example" per se... but of course, when I thought of this topic I immediately thought of them. I also thought of the fact that we often see younger women with much older men... but to see a younger man with an older woman is relatively rare. Unless, of course, it happens to be Demi Moore, Jennifer Lopez, or Madonna... 'Nuff said. ;) In other words, women who can buy entire countries, as well as a new face and body.
 
seoulsearch said:
Good point and well-taken, Gabe :).

I didn't really mean to use Demi and Ashton as an "example" per se... but of course, when I thought of this topic I immediately thought of them. I also thought of the fact that we often see younger women with much older men... but to see a younger man with an older woman is relatively rare. Unless, of course, it happens to be Demi Moore, Jennifer Lopez, or Madonna... 'Nuff said. ;) In other words, women who can buy entire countries, as well as a new face and body.
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I wasn't criticizing you for using Ashton and Demi. I was just saying that they are a bad example. Hmm, I guess that does sound like criticizing. Well, I meant it in a loving way. :p

Anyway, I think you should stop writing off younger guys just because they are out of your age range. I mean, what really is an age range? There are some 21 yr olds that are more mature than some 40 yr olds. Some people have lived more in 25 years than most people have in 50.
 
Ok, and then theres the other side of the coin.. as some folks mentioned earlier.. "Do you really want to steal this person's chance to experience life on their own?" or something to that effect..

First of all, what will they be missing out on? Lonely nights wishing they had someone?

Second, if you don't take the chance with this person they will most likely just go find someone else who will.
 
There was apparently a time when age really wasn't a big deal relationship-wise (Read Genesis 38 where Tamar was told to go home to live with her family until the child brother of her late husband was old enough to marry her, as he was required to do by the law.)

Until the past couple of years, it would not have been something I would ever have considered personally, especially since I have historically been attracted to older guys. But I have met a couple of very mature younger guys who have been around the block a time or two who have caused me to change my thinking about this, one in particular. I'm still not completely sold on the idea, but I'm certainly not as opposed to the concept as I was.

I have two very good friends who are presently in relationships with younger men and are extremely happy. One is married to a guy who is 10 years younger (they've been married for YEARS) and the other is engaged to a guy who is 15 years younger (they've been a couple for 6 years).

I suppose my answer would be the same for this question as for the other thread, it all comes down to the individuals involved and whether they can handle it. This brings to mind a biracial couple who are my beloved best friends. They apparently came from a very small town where this was highly uacceptable, but they LOVE one another so completely that they have been able to withstand indescribable pain, insults and rejection from family members. There are times when what others might see as an obstacle can actually create an amazing bond in a relationship.

As for who should do the pursuing, in my book, it would have to be COMPLETELY his idea. In my mind, such a relationship might prove far more difficult for him than for me so there's no way I would do the pursuing. But I can't speak for anyone else. :)

Life is short. If a man and woman love one another so much that they want to dedicate their lives to God and one another, far be if from me to say that it's wrong.
 
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Well the only guys I ever attract are like 10-15 years younger than me, so looks like I'm destined for Cougarville. :P
 
28-41 is a 12-13 year difference depending on birthdays. I don't necessarily see a problem but, I guess I'm wondering what age the relationship displays.


Like are they more 20's or are they more 40's? Cause 40's seem to do a lot of sitting and watching TV. Which I'm pretty much allergic to. And I guess its really hard to think about beyond a case by case basis.


I wouldn't mind but, if I was 28 and my soon to be wife was 41, I would hope that she isn't expecting me to have a mid-life crisis and buy a sports car.
 
sweetnshy said:
Well the only guys I ever attract are like 10-15 years younger than me, so looks like I'm destined for Cougarville. :P
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lol. I see your age is 28...So I think you'd have to wait quite some time before you could visit Cougarville.

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As to the original question...I think it depends on the two individuals involved whether it would work out or not. Sometimes age is just a number. We each have our preferences too as far as age range.

As for me, would I consider an older woman? It depends on how much older and the person. I think I could be fine with up to 5 years. Past that...not sure.
 
Girls are generally annoying, so if given the choice to date outside the normal age range, I'd pick an older woman. Of course, I'd prefer a girl around my age who is mature beyond her years, but if God sent me a woman 10 years older than me, I can't see myself complaining.

All I know is if I were forced to go the rest of my life with someone immature, I would start spending quality time with Jimmy Bean and Buddy Weiser.

And no ladies, that isn't an invitation. ;)
 
Ritter said:
And no ladies, that isn't an invitation. ;)
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*Quietly withdraws her request for Ritter's phone number.* Just kidding!!! :D

I also wanted to address Liamson's post--I can't speak for all 40-year-olds but my first vehicle was actually a used sports car (and a money pit!!) so maybe I went through the mid-life crisis early :).

And although I occasionally like TV (right now I'm going through a phase of re-watching favorite cartoons I grew up with--Pole Position is my current conquest), I would hope I'm not yet at the phase where someone could come by and dust me off like a piece of furniture! :) My personal goal is to travel the world and see as much of it as I can, God willing... Even if all I start out with is the next town.
 
Hear Hear, Seoul! :) I'm not ready for foot soaks, wrinkle cream, fluffy robes, bunny slippers or menopause either! hahaha

And I have been a Mustang gal all of my life, so they will have to pull the steering wheel from my lifeless hands one of these days. :)
 
seoulsearch said:
*Quietly withdraws her request for Ritter's phone number.* Just kidding!!! :D

I also wanted to address Liamson's post--I can't speak for all 40-year-olds but my first vehicle was actually a used sports car (and a money pit!!) so maybe I went through the mid-life crisis early :).

And although I occasionally like TV (right now I'm going through a phase of re-watching favorite cartoons I grew up with--Pole Position is my current conquest), I would hope I'm not yet at the phase where someone could come by and dust me off like a piece of furniture! :) My personal goal is to travel the world and see as much of it as I can, God willing... Even if all I start out with is the next town.
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A Camaro is not a sports car! :p
 
Bridget_Left_China said:
Awww snap :(
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seoulsearch said:
*Quietly withdraws her request for Ritter's phone number.* Just kidding!!! :D
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Jullianna said:
I know, right? pssshhh..Ritter ruined all of our fun...
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Geee, with all the ladies my age chasing men Ritter's age no wonder I'm still single. :p

On a more serious note though, I have usually dated women about 5 yrs younger than myself with one exception. A few years ago I was dating a lady that was 15 years older (I was 35, she was 50). We had known each other for years which I think helped overcome the age barrier initially. She both looked young for her age, and young at heart. In the long run, her concerns about the age gap began the crumbling of the relationship. She had always envisioned me as a family man with kids and she had already raised her family and had no interest in starting another one. The humorous thing is that 7 years later I'm still single and childless. :rolleyes:
 
What can we say, oncefallen...Ritter's polysyllabic ponderings make our cougaresque hearts go pitterpat. Oops...there went my pacemaker alarm again.
 
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