I found out yesterday that my (ex)girlfriend, from Oklahoma, is really mad at me for being clingy and being immature about things and so is having no contact with me. she thinks I am controlling and I threw a tantrum. She has kept me in the dark about having a surgery, that prevents her from having kids, but I wasn't mad at her when she told me later. I was okay with it, only saying her that she should've told me sooner and what the reason was. Now I have no way to contact her. I have no where else to turn to and in desperate need of God's help to get her to speak to me and fix anything between us--I love her dearly still--and help me to be a better person with patience and trusting of others. I'm praying everyday and fasting for that miracle to happen. While also asking for prayers from others to come in agreement. May God bless you if you can constantly pray everyday for this!
Desperate Need of Help with a relationship
- Thread starter TriWulv
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We'll gladly join you in prayers for God to make you a more godly man who is more patient and trusting and discerning. And we'll pray that he helps you cope with rejection and move on with your life.
But to ask God to override someone else's will who has made it clear she wants nothing more to do with you, that's kind of the epitome of being immature, clingy, and controlling. There are two people's wants and needs in play here and God is working out his plans to do good to both, so I'll leave you with the question God floored me with when dealing with a crush a long time ago: what if God's best for her is someone else? Is your love such that you'll bless her and let her have that or is your love really a cover for a selfishness that insists on what you think is good for you no matter what it costs her?
But to ask God to override someone else's will who has made it clear she wants nothing more to do with you, that's kind of the epitome of being immature, clingy, and controlling. There are two people's wants and needs in play here and God is working out his plans to do good to both, so I'll leave you with the question God floored me with when dealing with a crush a long time ago: what if God's best for her is someone else? Is your love such that you'll bless her and let her have that or is your love really a cover for a selfishness that insists on what you think is good for you no matter what it costs her?
It's complicated to explain. I just want to believe that there is hope. A fatal mistake in my words has been made and hope there's anything that can be done to reverse the damage along with apologizing to her. I will consider your questions. But it is in God's will on what happens, I still believe in redemption.
Precious @TriWuly, I will pray for you - please Be Very Richly Encouraged And Edified
In Christ, and In His Precious Word Of Truth!:
God's Grace Word for our infirmities!
Amen.
Oh words r so important , we all have to b so careful with them . It's hard to forget when some one says some thing awful to u , even if u r able to forgive them , u can still hear their words going around in your head . Remember this , words r like toothpaste , once they r out u can't put them back in the tube . It always hurts so much more when the person who said the horrible thing is someone that u love and u believed that they loved u 2
. U must accept God's Will in this matter .
@cinder said it best so there is nothing I can add to what she has posted. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
Well-spoken Suze.Oh words r so important , we all have to b so careful with them . It's hard to forget when some one says some thing awful to u , even if u r able to forgive them , u can still hear their words going around in your head . Remember this , words r like toothpaste , once they r out u can't put them back in the tube . It always hurts so much more when the person who said the horrible thing is someone that u love and u believed that they loved u 2
I am grateful for these advices and verses. But Romans 8:31 does say " If God be for us, who can be against us?" and Matthew 19:26 "But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. "
I want to believe the impossible can happen, still wan't to know if there is a chance to apologize and make up for everything I've said. I have been with her for 12 years now. The film War Room (2015) showed a couple that faced various challenges that required God's intervention. If the film shows that miracle, I hope the same restoration to happen in the relationship. Even it seems hopeless, it is in His hand now and with prayer to see if it is possible. He knows the future.
I want to believe the impossible can happen, still wan't to know if there is a chance to apologize and make up for everything I've said. I have been with her for 12 years now. The film War Room (2015) showed a couple that faced various challenges that required God's intervention. If the film shows that miracle, I hope the same restoration to happen in the relationship. Even it seems hopeless, it is in His hand now and with prayer to see if it is possible. He knows the future.
Hi @TriWulv,
Welcome to CC!!
I was just wondering if I could ask a few questions to try to clarify your situation.
In your first post, you said that you need her to help make you a better person. I was just wondering, what do you have to offer her in return?
In your second post quoted here, you said you've been together 12 years.
I am certainly not trying to sound discouraging, nor am I trying to be judgmental, but could it be that since you haven't decided to marry each other in 12 years, God might be trying to tell you it's time to move on? Also, when did she have this surgery that prevents her from having children? I'm trying to discern if she had it before meeting you (meaning she was with you 12 years without telling you about it,) or if she had it while she was with you, but still did not tell you about it until much later on.
I'm saying this because I really do feel a lot of sympathy for you both. I've been on both sides. But we also have to be realistic in that we can't force someone to be with us or even talk to us -- and God might keep you apart because He might see that you are toxic for each other.
I was married once. My then-husband moved out without telling me on what I thought was a normal day for me at work, and I came home to a half-empty house. Some time later, I received papers in the mail with the headline, "You Are Being Sued For Divorce."
I cried and begged God that he would change his mind. I fasted, I prayed constantly, I did nothing but read the Bible in all my spare time. I quoted all the passages you are quoting here, and many more. I also quoted the fact that God hates divorce, and surrounded myself with church people filled with stories of miracles and true belief.
But I also knew, in time, that God was was telling me that my ex's mind was made up -- he had set his heart on someone else -- and God told me NOT to go after him, but to let him go. I know other Christians would say God would never say this, as He hates divorce, and to fight for my marriage (I had the legal right to contest the divorce,) but I had to make what felt like the impossible decision to let it be and put it into God's hands. I saw my ex at our court date; he later called me because he needed something back at our former residence, which I later found out, belonged to his girlfriend; and that was the last time we ever talked. A lifetime ago.
I'm not saying these things to discourage you, and I'm certainly not saying there is anyone else involved or that my situation is any way the same as yours.
But from what you've said...
All I can do is pray that God's will would be done.
But I wrote this because I personally don't think it's going to have outcome you are hoping for, and maybe God is trying to tell you to prepare for that. If your ex is upset about you being clingy, she is not going to be happy about you further trying to cling on to her and be on the verge of forcing her to talk to you. This will only fuel her negative feelings and make her want to get away all the more.
I do wish you all the best, and if both God and your ex-girlfriend are willing, that you might be restored.
But... If not, I pray He guides you and gives you the strength to move on.
Thank you for the words. She had the surgery 2 months ago and never told me about it nor the reason why. I wasn't bright with my words and said something that made her stop contacting me after May 9th. I am now regretting that. We've mostly chatted online for 12 years, sending her gifts. I did have plans to visit her, promising her, but there were complications on my end. She might've gotten tired of it, didn't want her to lose faith in me during the same so I guess she got tired of all the text I sent to her too. I was very impatient on my texts, contacting her everyday.
Still, I want to at least apologize to my ex and ask if there is anyway to redeem what I've done to remain with her. Not saying that she should be forced by God, just want to believe there is hope for anything to be fixed before it is too late. What I have to offer her is the willingness to accept any criticism she has in order to improve, being less clingy and trusting for the sake of our relationship to work, getting back together and living up to my promises and faith.
It might take time for her but we'll have to see what happens, hopefully, and praying, it won't be too late to make amends.
You say that what you have to offer her is "the willingness to accept any criticism she has in order to improve, being less clingy and trusting for the sake of our relationship to work, getting back together and living up to my promises and faith."
In your first post, you said you need her in order to help you make you a better person.
I'm not meaning to sound harsh, but from what you are describing, this "relationship," from what you've described, is all about you.
It's about needing her presence, her companionship, her constant feedback for you -- and from what you're saying, it does indeed need to be CONSTANT.
I know there's probably much more to the story but this would exhaust anyone to the core and have them clamoring for just one breath of fresh air without the other person hounding them for attention or their own needs.
If you are serious about being good for her and working on what you need to, please back away and let this poor person BREATHE. She sounds like she wants a life away from your neediness -- let her at least experience that for a while. Just reading your posts makes ME feel emotionally claustrophobic for her.
I would strongly suggest to let her go and if she contacts you, ok, but if not -- can I be honest?
It sounds like you are on the verge of stalking her -- and using your faith to justify it.
As I said, I've been on both sides of this situation before, and it is never a good idea to keep pursuing someone who wants to space -- especially for the sake your own interests and need.
I see your point. I will give her as much space as she needs now, and wait to see. God does have His ways, only He knows the future and who can be redeemed. Thanks for the advice.
I'm truly sorry for your pain.
Sometimes we need to hear hard facts we don't like.
This is a crystal clear case of MOVING ON. It seems God has given you the answer. Trust He knows best.
King David fasted, prayed and was in a bad way like you, when his child was sick and ultimately died. David accepted His answer, and so should you.
Praying for peace in your heart.
God has an plan for most of us including redeeming people. Still hold onto hope for those that need Him. There is always prayer for protection and for people to be saved.
I'm getting a lot of "yeah but" here. You keep politely acknowledging everybody's advice, and you are not arguing and getting upset about any of it.... But you keep politely restating your intention to ignore all that advice and keep holding on to something people keep telling you to let go.
It does make me wonder what the whole point of this thread was. If you are determined to keep holding on to it, why did you bother even starting this thread asking for advice? Your mind is definitely already made up.
If you want to mature then you've got to learn to surrender this to Father God. Let go of control, let go of what you think needs to happen, and let God do His will in both of your lives. It sounds like you've become obsessed with her and getting back together for nearly the last three months. This isn't healthy for you. God has plans for each of you, but if you keep holding onto this so tightly you'll end up delaying what God wants to do in your life. Let go and surrender this all over to God. Seriously. It's scary at first, we have to deny our flesh, but then you walk in FREEDOM! There is so much freedom in surrender. There's peace. There's joy. There's relief. And it sounds like right now you're obsessed, stressed, anxious, etc. That's not from God, and it's only going to keep you stuck as a prisoner in a constant cycle of disappointment, pain, and regret.
If even Jesus had to surrender to the Father, then how can we think we don't need to?
Luke 22:42 Saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
Mark 14:36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Matthew 26:39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
I know you're standing on Matthew 19:26, that all things are possible. But look what Jesus said in Mark; yes all things are possible for God, but Jesus still wanted the Father's will over His own.
You have scriptures to back up what you want, but remember that God is not going to give you what you want just because you quote a verse. Faith works when we are in agreement with what God wants. We don't demand and order God what to do, we serve Him and follow His direction. He has a plan and if you're not aligned with Him then He isn't going to give you what you're believing for. And as someone already stated, He's not going to override someone's will either.
I know this is hard to accept, your heart was intertwined with this woman and now it's breaking. But I pray that you will be able to see the truth, for the truth sets us free. I pray Psalm 147:3 over you, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." And Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Friend, it's time to let go and move on.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
If even Jesus had to surrender to the Father, then how can we think we don't need to?
Luke 22:42 Saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
Mark 14:36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Matthew 26:39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
I know you're standing on Matthew 19:26, that all things are possible. But look what Jesus said in Mark; yes all things are possible for God, but Jesus still wanted the Father's will over His own.
You have scriptures to back up what you want, but remember that God is not going to give you what you want just because you quote a verse. Faith works when we are in agreement with what God wants. We don't demand and order God what to do, we serve Him and follow His direction. He has a plan and if you're not aligned with Him then He isn't going to give you what you're believing for. And as someone already stated, He's not going to override someone's will either.
I know this is hard to accept, your heart was intertwined with this woman and now it's breaking. But I pray that you will be able to see the truth, for the truth sets us free. I pray Psalm 147:3 over you, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." And Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Friend, it's time to let go and move on.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Mostly chatted online and sent her gifts? Did you ever meet in person? Video chat? Because person you're dating online but never see live is a pretty big red flag for a catfish (though these days even video chat is questionable). And at the risk of encouraging you to ruminate on what we're telling you to let go of, what exactly was the gameplan for this relationship? Because from what you said it sounds like in 12 years you hadn't managed to plan a move to the same town / city to actually be together long term. So how do I say this nicely, did you have actual concrete plans for this relationship or was this more the happily ever after yay someone loves me and that gives me worth kind of fantasy of a relationship?
I agree and know what you are going through.
Are you 100% sure that you are saved and will be in heaven?
We did see each other on video cam from time to time before, she actually admit her feelings to me first all those years ago. I did have plans to visit to see how the country looks. If it was good, moving would be an option. But, during the time, I had complications in life that prevented me from planning to travel sooner.