Didn't want to see it in Streams? The Charcoal Thread

[Charcoal]

I don't see what the big deal is really. If you really feel love for someone, tell them. It's not a binding contract. Just make sure there's at least an 80% chance they'll say the same otherwise you'll probably feel like a fool.

In the past there was a time or two that I did express deep feelings for people. Sometimes it didn't work out, or things changed and I was left being metaphorically slapped across the face with my own words. As of late, I have made it a point to let her know HOW I feel without saying exactly WHAT I feel.
A home grown, but none the less beautiful, red rose on her front porch the day I was leaving town.
Taking her to my church for worship service last night.
Sitting intentionally in front of many people I know, and holding her hand in church where they could see.
Talking with her about my hopes and fears.
Telling her about my prayers to God thanking Him for her.
Praying together.

 

[Charcoal]

I'm not sure how her saying, you make me happy, is an indication she wants you to tell her you love her. Could you be over complicating this?

Ho11y, I over think **E*V*E*R*Y*T*H*I*N*G** however, it was the context in which those words were said that was more the indication.
In any case, she has started signing emails to me with the word "Yours," she talks about missing me when I am away (I've wanted to say that to her, but thought it might be cheesy...guess she beat me to it.), and... other stuff.
Golly, I need to go paint a house. More later, CC peeps Yall is Cool. I like me some CC.

 

[CatHerder]

the charcoal thread

 

[Tintin]

Charcoal, no worries, mate. I'll have to see if Arlene is willing to share her side of the story.

 

[tourist]

You touched a nerve, mate.
*Holds his chest dramatically*

Here are some points you may want to think about -

1. What I 'glean' (this is an over-used word on CC today ) from your posts about her is that she wants to minimize the losses in case this relationship does not work out. It does not mean that she is looking for her escape hatch. She believes you are worth her time and effort but she wants to keep her feet on the ground.

In my opinion, this is good. And it's great to know that you are willing to move at her pace without rushing her into things. If the 'difficult' topics are being discussed at the first, then you guys are going down the right path. You both are no more in your teens now. You have far more responsibilities now and you both have had your hearts & dreams crushed numerous times. At this stage in your lives it is safer to keep your feet on the ground, clear out all the 'difficult' topics before you can take this relationship to the next level.


2. It seems to me that you really love her. Or at least you like her very strongly. But I agree with what Grace said. You have to slow down. There is nothing wrong in saying what you feel about her. But this is a relationship between two people. It could unsettle things if you don't slow down. Either she may reciprocate and your relationship may speed up or it may open up some unpleasant memories for her and she may clam up. Give her all the space and time that she needs to open up to you. That will add to her confidence and respect for you.


Make no assumptions about her feelings for you. If a woman tells you that you make her incredible happy it does mean that she likes you at least as a platonic friend. And if she wants to talk about kids and the other 'difficult' topics it means that she wants to see how this works out. So hang in there.

3. You cannot take her 'for granted'. You have to be at your best every moment that you spend with her. I am not referring to the comfort level, but I am referring to the way you express your love and affection for her. You have to 'be yourself' and still be 'at your best'.


4. Last but not least, a relationship is like a high-jump event. The bar will only keep rising. It will never come down. Before you plan a surprise for her think whether you can keep at this level (if not exceed it). Make sure that she is worth your time and effort not just today but every day for as long as the relationship lasts. Don't let this deter you from planning those 'take-your-breath-away' surprises.

I'm happy for you. And I hope that God works out whatever He has planned for you. God bless you brother!

I enjoyed this post very much as you have offered wise counsel. I agree in that in the formation of relationships you had better bring your 'A' game. I agree also about raising the bar as that bar is not coming down once raised but can only go up further. I agree also in that you must be sure in your mind and heart that you can at least maintain the desired level that you want the relationship to go. To me, someone saying to the other that this person makes her/him incredibly happy is definitely an indication that feelings of love are developing. There are risks in the formation of relationships as you are allowing yourself to become vulnerable to allow for openness and honesty. Pursuing a relationship is not for the timid.

 

[Roh_Chris]

There are risks in the formation of relationships as you are allowing yourself to become vulnerable to allow for openness and honesty. Pursuing a relationship is not for the timid.

Well said, Mr. Tourist.

 

[Charcoal]

I'd left my phone in the car, but had to go find it... In that time she had text'd me about a friend once laying on her the quote, "Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else." She had many good things to say after that. ::blushes::
I'd gone looking for my phone because I'd been reading Jullianna's Respect thread (sorry, I can't sing it like Aretha) and had paused to read the whole of 1 Peter 3...and that made me want to txt my sweetie. While she is strikingly beautiful, I see her as verse four. That in turn makes me want to live verses 7 & 8. The fact that she is willing to in humility look to me as a leader, places on me a great responsibility. For as long as this relationship lasts, I will wear that mantle of responsibility with pride of having earned it once, and the humility of needing to earn it each day. It is only with God's assistance that I can be remotely worthy of earning it.
May I never have to put it down.

I'm trying to keep all my nauseating posts about her here on this thread, but today I bled out all over the forum. Sorry. Sorta.

 

[Roh_Chris]

Hey does anybody hear what I'm hearing?

(P.S. On a serious note, it's good that you're keeping it to a single thread. )

 

[Charcoal]

My elder child guessed that we are dating. They have been cautioned to not tell their sibling, that they should hear it from me. They have been cautioned to not tell my girlfriend's son, that he should hear it from his mom. they have also been cautioned to Not Tell Their Mom. I can't imagine my ex taking it well, and what business of her's is it anyway? (not a rhetorical question)

I've thought about asking her son if I may have his permission to date his mom... but what if he said no? :-O

 

[Charcoal]

Well, Last night she told her son that we are dating.
She'd been on the phone with his dad, who was whimping out on a camping trip that he was supposed to take the dear boy boy on. I had called, and she had forgotten that the iPad was sync'd to the phone at the time... So he got all nosey nosey. She sat him down and they talked. His responses were:
1. I KNEW IT!
2. I'M SO EXCITED!
3. THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!

when she text'd this to me, I stopped and prayed that I not ever let him down in any way that is unnecessary.

Then she text'd me again... because he asked, "Mom, if you end up marrying him someday, can I call him Dad?"

After my heart melted I prayed again.


She did, of course give him the, "cool it kiddo, we're just dating" type answer... but I think that in her heart she may have been wanting to say, "Yeah, that'ld be ok with me if it's ok with him.

 

[Tintin]

Well, Last night she told her son that we are dating.
She'd been on the phone with his dad, who was whimping out on a camping trip that he was supposed to take the dear boy boy on. I had called, and she had forgotten that the iPad was sync'd to the phone at the time... So he got all nosey nosey. She sat him down and they talked. His responses were:
1. I KNEW IT!
2. I'M SO EXCITED!
3. THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!

when she text'd this to me, I stopped and prayed that I not ever let him down in any way that is unnecessary.

Then she text'd me again... because he asked, "Mom, if you end up marrying him someday, can I call him Dad?"

After my heart melted I prayed again.


She did, of course give him the, "cool it kiddo, we're just dating" type answer... but I think that in her heart she may have been wanting to say, "Yeah, that'ld be ok with me if it's ok with him.

Yes, it's very early days but I'm so happy for you, mate! That's a great sign! God is good!

 

[tourist]

Well, Last night she told her son that we are dating.
She'd been on the phone with his dad, who was whimping out on a camping trip that he was supposed to take the dear boy boy on. I had called, and she had forgotten that the iPad was sync'd to the phone at the time... So he got all nosey nosey. She sat him down and they talked. His responses were:
1. I KNEW IT!
2. I'M SO EXCITED!
3. THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!

when she text'd this to me, I stopped and prayed that I not ever let him down in any way that is unnecessary.

Then she text'd me again... because he asked, "Mom, if you end up marrying him someday, can I call him Dad?"

After my heart melted I prayed again.


She did, of course give him the, "cool it kiddo, we're just dating" type answer... but I think that in her heart she may have been wanting to say, "Yeah, that'ld be ok with me if it's ok with him.

This is a wonderful post and this seems to working out for God's glory.

 

[JesusLives]

Ok, so I am slapping this stuff up here in case no one wants to see it in streams. Frankly, if you don't want to hear about this side of my life, That's Cool. I feel like posting about it. Over Here you can more readily ignore it and perhaps get less sick of me, LOLz.

Yay....I'm interested.... I like lovey, dovey stuff - you won't make the Blond sick.... I like this stuff and happy to read you are happy.

 

[Charcoal]

I've not yet told my younger child.
I did however have a conversation with them earlier this week that went along the lines of this...I am paraphrasing until I get to the double ""s
'what do you think of (her son)?'
'He's so cool. He's so nice. He is all the things that an 8 year old boy looks for in a friend. I saw him at school three times today, let me tell you all about it.'
(I let this run its course and waited for a natural time and said) 'what do you think of his mom?'
And my eight year old looked at me with a face more serious than any eight year old should be capable of and he said, ""I would rather have her as my mom than my own mom. His mom makes a lot of good choices and my mom makes a lot of choices that aren't good.""

Ooooooh, you better believe I prayed when I heard him say that.

Then the words that came out of my mouth were, ""It is very good of you to see that when people make bad choices that even if you love them that their choices are bad. It's ok to love your mom, no matter what kind of choices she is making. I will never tell you how to feel. It is ok to love your mom, but if you don't love her very much these days, that's fine. You need to respect her, she is your mom. I'm glad that you can see the difference in people by their actions instead of their words."

I am a blessed father. I will do my best to raise up my children in the Lord.
In what ways I can, I will try to model that to her son. If life holds for me the role, I will do my best to raise him, too.
I am a blessed man.

 

[Tintin]

I've not yet told my younger child.
I did however have a conversation with them earlier this week that went along the lines of this...I am paraphrasing until I get to the double ""s
'what do you think of (her son)?'
'He's so cool. He's so nice. He is all the things that an 8 year old boy looks for in a friend. I saw him at school three times today, let me tell you all about it.'
(I let this run its course and waited for a natural time and said) 'what do you think of his mom?'
And my eight year old looked at me with a face more serious than any eight year old should be capable of and he said, ""I would rather have her as my mom than my own mom. His mom makes a lot of good choices and my mom makes a lot of choices that aren't good.""

Ooooooh, you better believe I prayed when I heard him say that.

Then the words that came out of my mouth were, ""It is very good of you to see that when people make bad choices that even if you love them that their choices are bad. It's ok to love your mom, no matter what kind of choices she is making. I will never tell you how to feel. It is ok to love your mom, but if you don't love her very much these days, that's fine. You need to respect her, she is your mom. I'm glad that you can see the difference in people by their actions instead of their words."

I am a blessed father. I will do my best to raise up my children in the Lord.
In what ways I can, I will try to model that to her son. If life holds for me the role, I will do my best to raise him, too.
I am a blessed man.

This just keeps getting better and better!

 

[Charcoal]

Oh, you are So on it....
I was mighty bull headed going into the relationship that lead to me being the proud father to two kids and the relieved ex husband to their mom. I'd not cared two hoots about God's will on that when I got married and the outcome was Obvious. Along the way we had our troubles and our struggles, and I had my share as my own. I got right with God, though, and she refused. I thought that MY getting right with God would be enough to salvage the relationship and BEGGED God to fix it on MY terms. I fought hard for two years to get MY marriage the way I thought it should be.
Then, in complete humility and utter brokenness, physically and metaphorically on my knees in supplication I cried out to God placing my family in HIS hands, begging HIM to do for us what HE knew best. I was just beginning to see how her choices were affecting the children, and I knew that change needed to happen. I couldn't figure out how to get things back to un-broken when fighting to do it MY way. I Finally gave in and surrendered in whole to God.
I prayed like this DAILY, if not more often, for two solid weeks. After a fortnight, She Left. I was in shock. This is how God answered my prayer? This is what is best for my children?
Yes. Yes I believe it is Exactly what God knew to be best for my kids. I grew to see just how adversely they were affected by their mother's issues.
God Hates Divorce. So do I. But through that fire I have walked with Him holding my hand and guiding me all the way. Here I am on the other side, raising children who are Now reasonably well adjusted, excelling in school, and catching up socially. They are now healthy and well nourished, catching up on their growth charts to what is expected for their age, and are clean and well dressed very nearly all the time. (though we make time to have fun getting dirty - like digging in the yard for the sole purpose of playing in the dirt kind of thing) They now have nearly all of their school work in on time, they now participate in extracurricular activities, and they are at church 3x's a week...except when they go visit their mom on a weekend.

As the divorce was wrapping up, I talked with God - Not just prayed to Him, but Had conversation, as moved by the Holy Ghost - about the possibility of me staying single forever. I put that in God's hands, too. I Gave God the reigns and told Him to drive...but we talked about IF I was to ever not Stay single. I worked through a list of traits that WE agreed would be right for me, and my children. In short, I spoke with the factory and came up with a build structure for what the future Mrs. Charcoal might be, if there was to be such a person. Once it was firmly established what such a woman would be like, I just left it in God's hands. God and I were in agreement that I could stay single and I told God that I only wanted to meet this person when and if I were ready. Not my will but thine. And then I stopped thinking about it, at peace that it was all in God's hands. I went about my life as though I would not be getting remarried or even date. I sometimes sought out friendships, and sometimes was very misunderstood in that. I withdrew some. I focused on becoming a better me and I focused on my family and my church family.
I let slip from my mind the conversation with God about all of this...except that I kept up with my side of staying single and not seeking out anyone. I was very much not looking for a date.
Then God put her in my life. For the past month, I have been ever so blessed to be keeping the company of exactly who I asked God for. I foolishly get surprised that she is so very much spot on the woman I had discussed with The Lord, and even find myself dumbfounded at the ways in which she is more than what I asked for. And with perspective, I can see how Everything in my life has lined up for This moment in my life. I am incapable of believing that this is anything other than God doing a great job of being able to take the mess of my life and plan it for His glory.
I am a blessed man.

Praise and Honor and Glory to the Name of the Lord God Most High.
May my life from this point forward be naught but honoring Him and living out His blessings that others may see just how good our God is. May I continue to be blessed for His sake, that others may be lead to Him by what He has done in my life. I pray this not for my benefit, but for the benefit of God's kingdom, God's plan, and God's children. May His will be done.
Ahmen.

I moved this here from Jullianna's His vs. Yours thread. A thread I highly recommend. She's a cool lady and starts cool threads

 

[Tintin]

I moved this here from Jullianna's His vs. Yours thread. A thread I highly recommend. She's a cool lady and starts cool threads

I'm loving this adventure you're on. My heart is so warm right now! I'm proud of you, my dear brother. Praise God!

 

[zeroturbulence]

I've not yet told my younger child.
I did however have a conversation with them earlier this week that went along the lines of this...I am paraphrasing until I get to the double ""s
'what do you think of (her son)?'
'He's so cool. He's so nice. He is all the things that an 8 year old boy looks for in a friend. I saw him at school three times today, let me tell you all about it.'
(I let this run its course and waited for a natural time and said) 'what do you think of his mom?'
And my eight year old looked at me with a face more serious than any eight year old should be capable of and he said, ""I would rather have her as my mom than my own mom. His mom makes a lot of good choices and my mom makes a lot of choices that aren't good.""

Ooooooh, you better believe I prayed when I heard him say that.

Then the words that came out of my mouth were, ""It is very good of you to see that when people make bad choices that even if you love them that their choices are bad. It's ok to love your mom, no matter what kind of choices she is making. I will never tell you how to feel. It is ok to love your mom, but if you don't love her very much these days, that's fine. You need to respect her, she is your mom. I'm glad that you can see the difference in people by their actions instead of their words."

I am a blessed father. I will do my best to raise up my children in the Lord.
In what ways I can, I will try to model that to her son. If life holds for me the role, I will do my best to raise him, too.
I am a blessed man.

I didn't know you and her had kids. This changes EVERYTHING (in my book it does, anyway) It opens questions in my mind about where her kids' father is and where is your kids' mom and why are you guys not together anymore, is there no more room for reconciliation, etc..etc.. In my mind its a whole different ball game..

 

[tourist]

I've not yet told my younger child.
I did however have a conversation with them earlier this week that went along the lines of this...I am paraphrasing until I get to the double ""s
'what do you think of (her son)?'
'He's so cool. He's so nice. He is all the things that an 8 year old boy looks for in a friend. I saw him at school three times today, let me tell you all about it.'
(I let this run its course and waited for a natural time and said) 'what do you think of his mom?'
And my eight year old looked at me with a face more serious than any eight year old should be capable of and he said, ""I would rather have her as my mom than my own mom. His mom makes a lot of good choices and my mom makes a lot of choices that aren't good.""

Ooooooh, you better believe I prayed when I heard him say that.

Then the words that came out of my mouth were, ""It is very good of you to see that when people make bad choices that even if you love them that their choices are bad. It's ok to love your mom, no matter what kind of choices she is making. I will never tell you how to feel. It is ok to love your mom, but if you don't love her very much these days, that's fine. You need to respect her, she is your mom. I'm glad that you can see the difference in people by their actions instead of their words."

I am a blessed father. I will do my best to raise up my children in the Lord.
In what ways I can, I will try to model that to her son. If life holds for me the role, I will do my best to raise him, too.
I am a blessed man.

I am sure that you are a wonderful father to your children and will be the same type of father to her son if things go that way. It pleases me that you are serious about your prayer in your relationship as that is most important. It seems to me that you have made the choice for happiness and have the courage to pursue and explore. Life is an adventure that is worth living well.

 

[Charcoal]

So... We've not been dating terribly long (a month), but as the post I moved indicates, she is everything I asked for, and more.

Today we're driving to (a nearby town) and going to the (art museum) and then this evening we are going to go folk-dancing.

Spending the day together like this will surely present itself with opportunities. The first one I want to take is Praying With Her Before The Drive. I think that there could be no better way to set the tone for the day than by talking to God together.

She asked about adding something to the itinerary, if we have time... She has two relatives buried there and she wants to pick up some simple flowers and leave them at the graves. I was complimented by the way that she asked this (which btw, kept it from being totally creepy, so don't go there) and feel like this side trip should be of high priority.

I told her to bring her iPod (my car has direct plugs on the audio system and a USB connection hardwired) and that she would DJ the day.

I think today might be the day, but I don't want to rush it.
Last week we moved up to the hug/kiss on the cheek combo.
Maybe sometime between folk-dancing and me driving back to my house after dropping her at her own... maybe our lips will meet.
I've prayed about it and asked God to use the Holy spirit to keep me from kissing her too soon, but to prompt me to kiss her when I should.

I'm a little nutsy this morning.
This is going to be a great day... man I hope I don't blow it.