Hey Everyone!
We have several threads going that basically all say the same thing: don't look at the outside appearance or what a person has, look for who the person really is and what their relationship with God is like.
We all know "the good Christian answer".
But I'm pretty sure we all struggle with it as well. In what areas do you feel you are fighting your OWN flesh? I'll give you some examples.
Most of the guys who have been attracted to me are:
1. Much older. But to tell you the truth, even ten years older makes me uncomfortable. As I've stated in other posts, when I was 12, I went to a Christian school and there was a Christian teacher with a crush on me (and a few of the other girls as well.) He was about 24. And though I came to no harm, I remember feeling a sense of dread, fear, and shame. I feel the same way around older men who express an interest in me now.
2. I've had several very, very heavy men approach me on the Christian dating sites. NOW PLEASE UNDERSTAND--MOST ALL OF US ARE A LITTLE HEAVY, I KNOW. But when I say "very, very heavy", I mean 350+ pounds and barely able, or not able to walk. I have to admit to feeling a lot of shame over my own shallowness when one wrote, "If you would just look past the weight and see who I really am..."
But I couldn't. And one of the reasons why a healthy lifestyle (NOT just a weight struggle) is important to me is because I've also struggled with eating disorder issues all my life. I know that now that I'm in a much healthier place, being around someone with food issues would pull me into a downward spiral. I also have a friend who dated a man who was differently-abled, and while he was independent at first, she was eventually expected to become his personal nurse. He stopped caring for himself (though he could) and saw her job as having to do everything for him. (NOT THAT EVERYONE WITH THIS CHALLENGE WOULD BE THIS WAY--this is just one example.) This is what I was thinking of when this man wrote about us possibly hitting it off and being together--I was picturing myself caring for his every need... including walking, because he was unable.
PLEASE also understand that I am NOT trying to say older people or heavier people can't or shouldn't be able to find love. I have several other examples as well (men in prison, etc.) but for the sake of time, will limit my own personal story to these two examples. I AM NOT SAYING AT ALL THAT PEOPLE IN SUCH CONDITIONS SHOULD NOT HAVE LOVE OF THEIR OWN.
In fact, my struggle is just the opposite: I find myself asking, "God, am I missing out on someone YOU would choose for me (NOT whom I would choose, but YOU) because of my own inability to see past what they're asking me to look past? Am I failing to be like you and not seeing their heart? Is THIS why I've been single for so long, because I keep looking with my eyes and not my heart? Are YOU calling me to this man... to serve him, even if I'm afraid I could never feel love towards him? Am I thinking only of ME and not having the heart of the HELPMATE you would want me to be?"
I always think of Hosea and Gomer--God called His own prophet to marry a woman he knew would be unfaithful. God does not call us to do what's easiest or happiest, even in marriage. God may be saying that these men do indeed need a wife... and that He is calling me to be one to one of them. And I may be missing the boat completely.
I AM NOT MEANING TO OFFEND ANYONE OUT THERE AND I'M VERY SORRY IF I HAVE HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS. (My personal thoughts are always that older men should be looking within their own age range for a wife, but that's just my opinion, and that someone who is in a position of needing constant care should seek out a means of at least partial care before expecting a potential date or spouse to do so. BUT, as I said, these are my own limitations and shallowness of thinking--my own fleshly struggles--and I apologize to anyone who may be offended by that.)
THESE ARE MY MOST HONEST STRUGGLES AND QUESTIONS FOR MYSELF.
What are yours?
We have several threads going that basically all say the same thing: don't look at the outside appearance or what a person has, look for who the person really is and what their relationship with God is like.
We all know "the good Christian answer".
But I'm pretty sure we all struggle with it as well. In what areas do you feel you are fighting your OWN flesh? I'll give you some examples.
Most of the guys who have been attracted to me are:
1. Much older. But to tell you the truth, even ten years older makes me uncomfortable. As I've stated in other posts, when I was 12, I went to a Christian school and there was a Christian teacher with a crush on me (and a few of the other girls as well.) He was about 24. And though I came to no harm, I remember feeling a sense of dread, fear, and shame. I feel the same way around older men who express an interest in me now.
2. I've had several very, very heavy men approach me on the Christian dating sites. NOW PLEASE UNDERSTAND--MOST ALL OF US ARE A LITTLE HEAVY, I KNOW. But when I say "very, very heavy", I mean 350+ pounds and barely able, or not able to walk. I have to admit to feeling a lot of shame over my own shallowness when one wrote, "If you would just look past the weight and see who I really am..."
But I couldn't. And one of the reasons why a healthy lifestyle (NOT just a weight struggle) is important to me is because I've also struggled with eating disorder issues all my life. I know that now that I'm in a much healthier place, being around someone with food issues would pull me into a downward spiral. I also have a friend who dated a man who was differently-abled, and while he was independent at first, she was eventually expected to become his personal nurse. He stopped caring for himself (though he could) and saw her job as having to do everything for him. (NOT THAT EVERYONE WITH THIS CHALLENGE WOULD BE THIS WAY--this is just one example.) This is what I was thinking of when this man wrote about us possibly hitting it off and being together--I was picturing myself caring for his every need... including walking, because he was unable.
PLEASE also understand that I am NOT trying to say older people or heavier people can't or shouldn't be able to find love. I have several other examples as well (men in prison, etc.) but for the sake of time, will limit my own personal story to these two examples. I AM NOT SAYING AT ALL THAT PEOPLE IN SUCH CONDITIONS SHOULD NOT HAVE LOVE OF THEIR OWN.
In fact, my struggle is just the opposite: I find myself asking, "God, am I missing out on someone YOU would choose for me (NOT whom I would choose, but YOU) because of my own inability to see past what they're asking me to look past? Am I failing to be like you and not seeing their heart? Is THIS why I've been single for so long, because I keep looking with my eyes and not my heart? Are YOU calling me to this man... to serve him, even if I'm afraid I could never feel love towards him? Am I thinking only of ME and not having the heart of the HELPMATE you would want me to be?"
I always think of Hosea and Gomer--God called His own prophet to marry a woman he knew would be unfaithful. God does not call us to do what's easiest or happiest, even in marriage. God may be saying that these men do indeed need a wife... and that He is calling me to be one to one of them. And I may be missing the boat completely.
I AM NOT MEANING TO OFFEND ANYONE OUT THERE AND I'M VERY SORRY IF I HAVE HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS. (My personal thoughts are always that older men should be looking within their own age range for a wife, but that's just my opinion, and that someone who is in a position of needing constant care should seek out a means of at least partial care before expecting a potential date or spouse to do so. BUT, as I said, these are my own limitations and shallowness of thinking--my own fleshly struggles--and I apologize to anyone who may be offended by that.)
THESE ARE MY MOST HONEST STRUGGLES AND QUESTIONS FOR MYSELF.
What are yours?
at least I've got The Lord to turn to 
Let's just say that despite his youth, he sets an amazing example in his faith and lifestyle. BUT.. yeah there it is. But. There is and has never been a "spark" between us. I do not find him outwardly attractive, and this is from someone who does not subscribe to Hollywood's definition of attractive. Despite this, I know that sometimes a guy's outward appearances have literally grown on me after spending more time with him, so out of genuine admiration for his excellent character and personality, I decided to give him a chance. In my courtship-oriented family, this means sending him along to my dad for a man-to-man chat. My dad ended up recommending that we not enter into a relationship, for multiple reasons, one of them being that he believes compatibility is important in many areas of life, not just spirituality, and he pretty much only saw spiritual compatibility between the two of us. Odd as this sounds, I was almost upset that I didn't find this guy attractive. I can't emphasize enough how wonderful of a person he is, and yet I wasn't attracted to him. I even questioned my own godliness, and wondered if my priorities were all out of whack and if I was a horribly shallow and selfish person. Though we never entered into a relationship, I still kept my mind open to the the possibility, because I admired him as a person that much and I was almost hoping that maybe over time something would change on my end. I also noticed that for a whole year he showed me the slightest bit of special treatment, almost as if he was trying to remain on my radar.