Hey Everyone,
I started out thinking about this topic from the perspective of a single person, and how many single people will say don't want to approach a potential date because of a fear of being rejected. This made me think of my own history in how I've dealt with rejection in my life.
When I was younger, I wanted to fit in like everyone else. We all have our own unique challenges, but mine was being Asian with white (adoptive) parents in a small, all-white community where many people had never seen an Asian. My best friend was a redhead, and I was always envious of how much people adored her for her red hair. Partially because of that (and because I felt I was perfectly qualified to be a ginger -- I have no soul!), I always wanted to be a redhead.
As if to rub it in, God has always put redheads in my life, and currently, I am friends with 3 of them.
But the real salt block in the wound came when, years later, my husband left me -- for a redhead (technically, strawberry blonde.) I told the judge at our divorce hearing, "For whatever reason, my birth parents did not want me -- and now my husband doesn't want me either," and left the court room. It was one of the lowest points in my life. Even though I was blessed to have friends and family, I couldn't get over the feeling that my birth mother and father, the very people who made me, left me for someone else to find, and now, after all the hype about the blessings of marriage in the church, my husband was leaving me behind as well, and had already found someone else.
Many years later, those rejections still stick. I know we are loved and accepted by God and that's all that should count, but sometimes, there are some wounds that will not be completely healed this side of heaven.
These days, I don't care much about fitting into social groups; I don't try to mold myself to try to get others to accept me; and rejections don't matter as much to me now because I'm usually not rejected in ways that I care about anymore. Now, if it was a close friend or family member, it would be devastating -- but I think in most cases, the very reason that person means so much to me is because I know he or she would try everything in their power to work things out between us. I tend to be choosy about which situation I'll get emotionally attached to enough to feel rejected, and there aren't nearly as many as when I was younger.
However, I can't help but wonder, if I did let someone in enough to cause another high-caliber loss, would this be the thing that would cause me to finally collapse in despair. By the grace of God, I keep moving on.
But I was also thinking about this topic from many different angles. Because there are so many faces to rejection, I wanted to ask a wider range of people (beyond singles) if they are better at dealing with rejection now than when they were younger and had less life experience.
I would like to know:
1. What areas of rejection are toughest for you?
2. Do you handle them better now than in the past?
3. What changed, and what helped? What advice can you give others?
4. If your condition has stayed the same or gotten worse, why?
I'm thinking of examples such as rejection from:
* Potential dates and/or partners and spouses.
* Parents/step-parents/siblings/family members. (How does a parent handle it when their child rejects them? Etc.)
* Teachers/mentors/pastors/spiritual figureheads who rejected you.
* Social groups/friends/co-workers.
* Employment (do you handle being rejected or passed over for a certain work position now any differently than when you were younger?)
And of course, there could be an infinite number of other possibilities as well.
I know that God is our everything -- but we're all still human and go through painful times.
I would like to know how time and experience has or hasn't affected you while going through yours.
Many thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts.
I started out thinking about this topic from the perspective of a single person, and how many single people will say don't want to approach a potential date because of a fear of being rejected. This made me think of my own history in how I've dealt with rejection in my life.
When I was younger, I wanted to fit in like everyone else. We all have our own unique challenges, but mine was being Asian with white (adoptive) parents in a small, all-white community where many people had never seen an Asian. My best friend was a redhead, and I was always envious of how much people adored her for her red hair. Partially because of that (and because I felt I was perfectly qualified to be a ginger -- I have no soul!), I always wanted to be a redhead.
As if to rub it in, God has always put redheads in my life, and currently, I am friends with 3 of them.
But the real salt block in the wound came when, years later, my husband left me -- for a redhead (technically, strawberry blonde.) I told the judge at our divorce hearing, "For whatever reason, my birth parents did not want me -- and now my husband doesn't want me either," and left the court room. It was one of the lowest points in my life. Even though I was blessed to have friends and family, I couldn't get over the feeling that my birth mother and father, the very people who made me, left me for someone else to find, and now, after all the hype about the blessings of marriage in the church, my husband was leaving me behind as well, and had already found someone else.
Many years later, those rejections still stick. I know we are loved and accepted by God and that's all that should count, but sometimes, there are some wounds that will not be completely healed this side of heaven.
These days, I don't care much about fitting into social groups; I don't try to mold myself to try to get others to accept me; and rejections don't matter as much to me now because I'm usually not rejected in ways that I care about anymore. Now, if it was a close friend or family member, it would be devastating -- but I think in most cases, the very reason that person means so much to me is because I know he or she would try everything in their power to work things out between us. I tend to be choosy about which situation I'll get emotionally attached to enough to feel rejected, and there aren't nearly as many as when I was younger.
However, I can't help but wonder, if I did let someone in enough to cause another high-caliber loss, would this be the thing that would cause me to finally collapse in despair. By the grace of God, I keep moving on.
But I was also thinking about this topic from many different angles. Because there are so many faces to rejection, I wanted to ask a wider range of people (beyond singles) if they are better at dealing with rejection now than when they were younger and had less life experience.
I would like to know:
1. What areas of rejection are toughest for you?
2. Do you handle them better now than in the past?
3. What changed, and what helped? What advice can you give others?
4. If your condition has stayed the same or gotten worse, why?
I'm thinking of examples such as rejection from:
* Potential dates and/or partners and spouses.
* Parents/step-parents/siblings/family members. (How does a parent handle it when their child rejects them? Etc.)
* Teachers/mentors/pastors/spiritual figureheads who rejected you.
* Social groups/friends/co-workers.
* Employment (do you handle being rejected or passed over for a certain work position now any differently than when you were younger?)
And of course, there could be an infinite number of other possibilities as well.
I know that God is our everything -- but we're all still human and go through painful times.
I would like to know how time and experience has or hasn't affected you while going through yours.
Many thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts.
