Falling apart

[kanri26]

I know I have another thread on this topic, but that one is dedicated to a sin issue of mine. I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. It's so incredibly hard sometimes to not lose my mind. Last night I had a terrible breakdown, so bad that I thought I wasn't going to make it and today I had another one. It's getting bad.
BPD makes me feel lonely, abandoned, and miserable. It takes over sometimes and leaves me not feeling like myself. I lash out and do horrible things. I "split" on the people that I love, meaning I freak out on them for silly reasons because my brain is warping everything.
I am in desperate need of prayer right now. My BPD hasn't been this bad in years. Please pray for strength, please pray for clarity, and please pray for hope. Please please pray for hope. I'm barely holding on.
Thank you so much.

-Megan

Edit: please only positive responses. I have been told in the past that my having a disorder means I'm not close enough with God or I haven't really given my life to Him. I don't need that, I just need support.

 

[tourist]

I'm not sure how this disorder can be a sin issue but I have said a prayer for God to deliver you from it.

 

[SweetmorningDew78]

I pray to God to give you strength and hope in your life. Hang in there sis ,God hears you.

God bless you


God bless you

 

[levi85]

Lord please heal kanri26, of BPD, remove all these negative things. Let you pour your love upon kanri26. we agree with this pray, and ask you Lord, please bless kanri26, in Jesus loving name, Amen!

 

[Ugly]

I agree with tourist. I don't see having a mental illness as a sin issue. I have depression. I've known other Christians with various other mental illnesses.
I think the difficult thing for many to grasp is that God's primary focus is on the heart. True, our actions don't get a free pass, bit in the case of mental illness I believe our heart Still matters mist. So if we're trapped in a mind that our heart is against God recognizes the struggle. Just keep doing your best and seeking God. And ignore the ignorant people.

 

[Iamlearning]

I know I have another thread on this topic, but that one is dedicated to a sin issue of mine. I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. It's so incredibly hard sometimes to not lose my mind. Last night I had a terrible breakdown, so bad that I thought I wasn't going to make it and today I had another one. It's getting bad.
BPD makes me feel lonely, abandoned, and miserable. It takes over sometimes and leaves me not feeling like myself. I lash out and do horrible things. I "split" on the people that I love, meaning I freak out on them for silly reasons because my brain is warping everything.
I am in desperate need of prayer right now. My BPD hasn't been this bad in years. Please pray for strength, please pray for clarity, and please pray for hope. Please please pray for hope. I'm barely holding on.
Thank you so much.

-Megan

Edit: please only positive responses. I have been told in the past that my having a disorder means I'm not close enough with God or I haven't really given my life to Him. I don't need that, I just need support.

Praying for you, God bless you.

 

[slave]

Hello Kanri26 - May God be with you! And I mean that.....literally!....when you say support, do you want to simply be emotionally supported alone, or Supernaturally supported? I think we all understand you don't want to be ridiculed, and I hope no one would do that as well.

The reason I ask this is because we all want to support you but in so supporting, we also want to avoid becoming passive and pitiful in Christ faithfully for you - praying intercessory. For some reason many of us hear a Doctor's diagnosis and we stop having faith, and seek Science alone - but why? This still is in His hands and He is capable of anything He wills; meds not withstanding if He so leads. But seek ye first...the Kingdom of God and His righteousness....." I plan on praying in intercessory support and cure as God will answer one way or another, but also my prayers will have answers because I prayed, meaning as you live by faith also be proactive and believing in the things you can do to help yourself in Christ based on His will.

This is not my field medically, but do you have counselors? And are they (DBT) counselors? These dialectical behavioral therapists are specially trained over some other support staff. Also, are you praying, believing God will answer your prayers and acting with all your strength to procure changes toward a healthier step by step growth? The simple things in faith can move mountains - right? Even, faith the size of a mustard seed. Willfully Set your mind in Christ and work your mind in Christ as you live thru your spirit first - reading His Word expectantly, praying expectantly and hopefully; asking, seeking, and knocking.. Even letting Him be your refuge while going onward and upward moving forward in whatever increments God allows.

And I am sure you know of the basics, good sleep habits, exercise, reducing anxiety triggers, etc etc. Place your faith in those steps again(in Christ), and pray as if it will change things, and know we, now, are also praying...do you see the hope?

There is hope!

And God wants you to prosper and give you a future in His love. How is your support group in your family? They need counseling too, I suggest godly-counsel, and they need to see how that would help them to support you as well.

Here's an idea, of course just a suggestion, but:

Try using the hope you do have in Christ currently and sit down and write a paragraph of nothing but Scriptural promises God gives, and the love you have for God and yourself as a Child of God, adding nothing in it of the circumstances or problems your currently feeling. Now, I say this for therapeutic purposes not in denying the truth of your hardships, so know that ok? But see if it helps....one thing at a time, right?! And commit to onward and upward in Christ...day-by-day; moment-by-moment; minute-by-minute and God will be there every step of the way. I believe this, I know this from my own experiences; I will pray for this for you.

Nice to meet you, my name is Dan. May God richly Bless you, now keep us posted, Ok? We want to thank God with you, in praise. We praise Him even now, and thank Him even now in active faith realizing His promises are real..

 

[Taro]

May the Lord restore your soul, lead you in the path of righteousness. May God defend you, send you help and strengthen you. May goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life. Amen.

 

[kanri26]

Thank you guys for all the support!
For those of you who were confused as to why my BPD might be a sin, that was a miscommunication on my part. I don't see my mental illness as a sin, though sometimes it does cause me to sin.

@slave:
thank you for your response. I do want to be supported supernaturally as you said. I understand that there is always hope in God, no matter what diagnoses I might receive, so I have not given up on Him yet! I have not found a proper counselor for myself yet, but I haven't given up. Right now I'm just letting God carry me through this because I'm not able to do it on my own.
As for your suggestion of writing down God's promises from Scripture, that was extremely helpful! Sometimes I think I tend to dwell too much on feeling sorry for myself, so to remind myself that He is good lifted a lot of the burden.

And as an update on myself, I'm not doing incredibly well. Knowing that I have brothers and sisters in Christ praying for me has been a huge help, but I'm just not feeling myself. Depression is trying to get the best of me and sometimes I find myself getting angry at God. But I know he is faithful and his promises are true. While there is pain in the night, there will be joy in the morning. I just have to hold on to Him.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and responses, it's so wonderful to know that I'm not alone in this fight.

 

[slave]

Can I ask you one more question? There is a verse in the Bible that seems counterintuitive but in all actuality has not been in my life. I was wondering if you could read it and tell me your take on it:

(Matthew 16:25): ...The Voice (VOICE)

25 The person who wants to save his life must lose it, and she who loses her life for Me will find it.

[h=1](Matthew 16:25): ...King James Version (KJV)[/h]25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. ....

 

[kanri26]

I've always taken that verse to mean that you first must give up your life to God in order to truly live your life. Until we surrender to Him, then our lives are nothing.

Also, update, I'm doing a little bit better but my friendships seem to be deteriorating and I'm having an extremely hard time with that. Please pray for some restoration in my relationships...

 

[Gabriel2020]

It;s a lot deeper than that.. it mean to give up your old way of life, which you walk in darkness.and take on a new way of life,which is doing the things that are of the kingdom of God. Learn what is in the kingdom of God, and compare it with the Kingdom of Satan,and you will know the truth. God is light, Satan is darkness.

 

[longtrekker]

.
.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5 - tho i expect u know this one!

 

[Stewart]

Hi I fully understand.I myself developed mental illness many years ago (as a christian) and was developing schizophrenia and it was only the grace of god that I didn't get sectioned.Mental illness is not a sin in itself but I could naturally lead to sinful thoughts,behaviours ect which god understands and I am sure he wants to make you whole.Do not accept ANY condeming comments from ANYONE!!
You must be so tormented within and life must seem so very dark and frightening for you...god knows what it feels like to be you and he sees you intense struggle and all the painful thoughts and traumatic emotions you have to deal with.I am all the way in England and yet I sense the desperation within you.

".May god give you the strength to get throughout each moment of each day and guide your emotions, how you preceive yourself and others,how you relate to the world around you,how you actually relate to yourself.May he stabilise your thought life and alter any distortions in your thinking about things,may he sooth you from the emotions that torment you and those feelings of despair and you feeling low.May god hold all your tears in his hand and comfort you every night and may he give strength to those around you that you lash out on and may he give you practical breakthroughs in your life that will give hope to your heart."

I still struggle with mental pressures,confusion,fantasy life,paranoia ect which is all coming from me becoming mentally ill around 20 years ago...We care about your life Megan and you are NOT ALONE in your intense struggle and even though at times you feel that you're not going to make it..May god pull you back everytime in Jesus name.
You must feel so alone at times and may even feel that no one truly understands what it feels like to be you..Yet Megan god knows and I an sure that there are people in your life who care for your week being.

Do you get support via prayer from a local church ect?

stewart