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MaryR
Guest
Okay, technically flirting is to make advances toward someone superficially and without serious intent (Yes, I took that straight from the dictionary. haha). But I consider different things to be flirting. Some people tease and some people attract others emotionally through, as Maddog said, stimulating conversation. In my personal opinion, there is nothing wrong with flirting as long as it's not insulting or degrading. Many people flirt simply to be complimentary and others do so in the hopes of getting your attention or forming some sort of relationship.
I kind of feel like I'm going in circles here. I guess what I'm saying is that it depends on the circumstances and it's perfectly understandable for you not to like it. Just move on to someone else if it makes you uncomfortable. =)
I kind of feel like I'm going in circles here. I guess what I'm saying is that it depends on the circumstances and it's perfectly understandable for you not to like it. Just move on to someone else if it makes you uncomfortable. =)
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Maddog
Guest
Hold on to your hat, because I'm going to agree with you.
I would also suggest though, to treat suspected flirtatious advances with charity. In other words, try and take it as compliment and with the spirit in which it is given. After all, I'm pretty sure these chaps are not intentionally trying to make you feel uncomfortable. All they're doing is being more upfront about their intentions (and honesty isn't a bad thing is it?). Others may adopt more subtle approaches that don't jar the ear, but their intentions are likely similar.
And there's also the possibility that these 'flirts' haven't got any such intentions but are simply not as adept at navigating the social protocol minefield. Yes, I've been there, worn the t shirt and got into very hot water over it.
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MaryR
Guest
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Maddog
Guest
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HumbleSaint
Guest
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold or pearls, or costly array. 1 Timothy 2:9
Maybe if you didn't protray a gothic appearal, than you wouldnt' have so many of the wrong kind of guys go after you. If you dress descent you willl be more likely to have decent guys seek you, if you dress like the drug induced metal heads, than that is probably the type of guys that will hit on you.
Just something to think about. Not trying to be unkind, but simply point out what seems to be abvious.
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xspinningisfun
Guest
I have a flirty personality. I mean, i don't intentionally flirt.
Just - when I meet new people, I try to make them feel welcomed and whatnot.
And I know that some guys have thought I was flirting, and I apologized immediately afterwards. Because that's not what I meant to do.
I know what it's like to be "led on" and I don't want to be that kind of person.
But I have been told that my personality it just flirty - fun and outgoing.
Bah, I sound like a horrible person, but yeah. Whatever, lol.
Just - when I meet new people, I try to make them feel welcomed and whatnot.
And I know that some guys have thought I was flirting, and I apologized immediately afterwards. Because that's not what I meant to do.
I know what it's like to be "led on" and I don't want to be that kind of person.
But I have been told that my personality it just flirty - fun and outgoing.
Bah, I sound like a horrible person, but yeah. Whatever, lol.
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goth4god
Guest
I have never been hit on by a goth guy, only regular guys, so I know for a fact it is not how I dress.
plus I make sure and cover everything up.
I disagree with this statement. Men are not senseless dogs with tongues protruding and saliva dripping. I have seen some pictures of the ladies in this forum and have found some of them to be quite attractive. Nonetheless, I've yet to make any comment on a woman's appearance.
I have commented on character and will continue to do so - because honestly - that endears my heart more than anything. But even then I have no expectation of any response. Rather, I am quite happy if I can make someone feel good about themselves, even if I should never cross paths with them again.
TimeIonQuest
I could be waaaaayy off on this one, but I have a sneaking suspicion that there aren't many goth guys that frequent this forum.
Quest
The whole point is that girls who always get 'hit on' want men to be interested in their personality instead of just their appearance.
If women really really really didn't want to get hit on in the chatroom, they would take their picture down. After all, this is a forum/chat site - there is no obligation at all to reveal what you look like.
I get what you mean now. Yes, they can take their pictures down if they really are so bothered. I suppose that's a good question too; if these women dislike the attention so much, then why don't they take their pictures down?
Certainly I don't make any excuses for the behavior the males have expressed towards them, but on the other hand their lack of willingness to hide their appearance is baffling; especially when they say that are so bothered.
I suppose it's like complaining that everytime you walk through the slums, you get mugged. Well, perhaps a good way to prevent this from happening, would be to stop walking through the slums. This doesn't justify the behavior of the slum-ites, or slum-ians, but it does put a stop to the muggings.
Quest
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HumbleSaint
Guest
I think you have a good point when you say that they should take the picture down if they don't want guys to flirt with them. I think subcounciuosly they realy want to be flirted with. It helps their self-esteem when guys show their interest towared them. It makes their self-esteem go even higher when they can pretend that they don't like when men flirt with them.
As an aside, I have noticed that very few men in this forum actually show a picture of themselves, while several women show pictures of themselves.
I noticed one woman who joined this forum recently who - in my opinion - posted provocative photos of her self. This was - in my opinion - completely unChristian, and unnecessary.
This could just be the way God has designed women, because they attract men by appearance primarily, while women are attracted to men by confidence.
Quest
There is a big difference between complimenting someone and flirting, while most of the girls appreciate compliments, flirting might lead on someone indeed and i don't find it appropriate as long as the flirting guy has no serious intentions.
Taking off your picture won't save you from flirts, they will message anyway (i know from experience). It's not the pictures' fault, as long as they are decent, we don't walk on the streets with our faces covered do we? even strangers can see how we look like
So saying that those having pictures up are asking for flirting makes me strongly disagree!
Taking off your picture won't save you from flirts, they will message anyway (i know from experience). It's not the pictures' fault, as long as they are decent, we don't walk on the streets with our faces covered do we? even strangers can see how we look like
So saying that those having pictures up are asking for flirting makes me strongly disagree!
Taking off your picture won't save you from flirts, they will message anyway (i know from experience). It's not the pictures' fault, as long as they are decent, we don't walk on the streets with our faces covered do we? even strangers can see how we look like
Let's have an experiment shall we Erika? Let's do a Google Image Search for obese women, and we'll put a picture of an extremely obese woman as your avatar and we'll see if you get as many flirts contacting you.
Hmm... Maybe I'll create a second account and pretend that I am a pretty woman so I can see how many flirts I get.
Quest
lol I'm well aware that if i was obese or else i wouldn't get as many flirting guys hit on me, but my point was that it's NOT my fault it's theirs. If seeing a decent picture makes them hit on me they have a sick mind that's all I'm saying. Even if guys find me or other girls attractive only by seeing our avatar that's fine but they should control their language. Or should i wear a veil like muslims do?
not to tempt 'poor' guys?
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Maddog
Guest
There is a big difference between complimenting someone and flirting, while most of the girls appreciate compliments, flirting might lead on someone indeed and i don't find it appropriate as long as the flirting guy has no serious intentions.
Taking off your picture won't save you from flirts, they will message anyway (i know from experience). It's not the pictures' fault, as long as they are decent, we don't walk on the streets with our faces covered do we? even strangers can see how we look like
Here's the thing though, I think most people flirt with each other anyway to some degree, whether consciously or otherwise. There's every chance that the bloke who's just paying you a compliment is flirting with you as well. The only difference is how he's doing it.
Therefore, I don't think the problem seems to be flirting itself, but rather the manner in which they are expressing it. This is really just a question of social protocol, and I think we need to be charitable towards those who happen to have a different understanding of what's appropriate and what's not.
And speaking as a man, I'm fairly confident that a lass displaying a picture of herself will draw more attention that she would have otherwise (well...I suppose it does depend what you look like as well).
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Maddog
Guest
Ok I'll rephrase then, they have no manners whatsoever and that is very unappealing to me, and once again some men will hit on me on the streets too that doesn't mean i should dress up as a nun, the problem is with men who cannot or don't want to control themselves as long as i dress up and behave in a decent way it's not my fault. Same goes for CC: if putting up a picture (which is a very normal thing) makes guys go crazy then they have a problem so let's not blame the pictures.