Guys, help us understand this...

[violakat]

Hmm..it's kinda like when women say they want a man who is decisive, has some spine, and takes a stand, yet once married they put him on the couch if he takes a "stand" and won't bend to her will...

Yeah it's kinda like that....

Yup totally confusing.
Totally makes no sense either way.

It sounds to me that if a guy had a spine, he wouldn't be put on the couch.

But you do have a point there Stilly. A lot of women do play the game of been sweet and coy until she gets married. Then you see the real person coming out. But, the same could be said for men. A lot act one way. But you don't really see who they are until after you married them.

(On a side note, maybe I should play sweet and coy. Nah, it's wouldn't work. I'm to crazy for anyone to think I'm sweet.)

 

[Jullianna]

If I had ever told my husband he had to sleep on the couch he would have laughed while he was fluffing the pillows on his side of the bed. I would have been welcome to go to the couch if I didn't wanna sleep where he was.

 

[gene77]

You know the relationship is right, when there are no games involved. There are no chases, no pursuing. You know it's right when you both want each other equally and connect in such a way, that you don't really know who is pursuing who.

I have been pursued, and not felt the same way about those men. And, there have been times when I've liked a guy and tried to pursue him, and that didn't work either. However, when I met my man, we just knew. He didn't have to pursue me, and I didn't have to pursue him. It's beautiful. =)

Most importantly, it's that peaceful feeling you have inside, the feeling that this is right. There's no need to be anything but yourself. No aggression, no personality-change, nothing. Of course we aren't married yet. But most games start at the courting/dating phase. And, we have none of that.

You will know that the relationship is right, when you don't have to be anything but yourself, and you're loved for being exactly who you are (even if you're a big doof and a klutz, like me). There are no expectations to be anything else. And, above all, when God is the focus of your relationship, then there's nothing to worry about. I've always prayed for a man that draws me more closer to God, than to himself. God sure does answer prayers. =)

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Actually he just played his hand so well you thought that was the case gene77. You never had a chance against his male prowness. Lol... hehe.

 

[Chrissy77]

Also, I was using on the couch as more of a metaphor.
I should have used in the dog house.

That was what I took it to mean.

 

[Ritter]

Naive? Somehow "naive" and "Ritter" does not seem to sound right to me. XD You're like a 22 year old body with a 52 year old mind. JK. =D

truth

(wasting space for 10 characters)

That's because he's not a Democrat... lol.

Haha, thank you, friends. I'm glad I make a good impression.

 

[JesusFreak787]

You know the relationship is right, when there are no games involved. There are no chases, no pursuing. You know it's right when you both want each other equally and connect in such a way, that you don't really know who is pursuing who.

I have been pursued, and not felt the same way about those men. And, there have been times when I've liked a guy and tried to pursue him, and that didn't work either. However, when I met my man, we just knew. He didn't have to pursue me, and I didn't have to pursue him. It's beautiful. =)

Most importantly, it's that peaceful feeling you have inside, the feeling that this is right. There's no need to be anything but yourself. No aggression, no personality-change, nothing. Of course we aren't married yet. But most games start at the courting/dating phase. And, we have none of that.

You will know that the relationship is right, when you don't have to be anything but yourself, and you're loved for being exactly who you are (even if you're a big doof and a klutz, like me). There are no expectations to be anything else. And, above all, when God is the focus of your relationship, then there's nothing to worry about. I've always prayed for a man that draws me more closer to God, than to himself. God sure does answer prayers. =)

thats all that needs to be said right thur

 

[Relena7]

You know the relationship is right, when there are no games involved. There are no chases, no pursuing. You know it's right when you both want each other equally and connect in such a way, that you don't really know who is pursuing who.

I have been pursued, and not felt the same way about those men. And, there have been times when I've liked a guy and tried to pursue him, and that didn't work either. However, when I met my man, we just knew. He didn't have to pursue me, and I didn't have to pursue him. It's beautiful. =)

Most importantly, it's that peaceful feeling you have inside, the feeling that this is right. There's no need to be anything but yourself. No aggression, no personality-change, nothing. Of course we aren't married yet. But most games start at the courting/dating phase. And, we have none of that.

You will know that the relationship is right, when you don't have to be anything but yourself, and you're loved for being exactly who you are (even if you're a big doof and a klutz, like me). There are no expectations to be anything else. And, above all, when God is the focus of your relationship, then there's nothing to worry about. I've always prayed for a man that draws me more closer to God, than to himself. God sure does answer prayers. =)

Lotta wisdom in this post! When I first read this I thought someone in their 40's had written it, haha.

 

[gene77]

Actually he just played his hand so well you thought that was the case gene77. You never had a chance against his male prowness. Lol... hehe.

AgeofKnowledge, he's on CC too, and he read this comment. He laughed at first, and then said, "Wait... I hope he was joking."

 

[gene77]

Lotta wisdom in this post! When I first read this I thought someone in their 40's had written it, haha.

Haha, Relena7. I'm often asked if I'm really 22. =/ Thanks for the compliment. When I was a teen, I remember praying a prayer specifically asking for wisdom. So, maybe God remembers that prayer at times and shoots some thoughts down into my head, so that I can share them. =D

 

[SeanS]

I've been reading (and agree) with what scripture and godly men expect from wives, yet in many threads I'm reading that men want women to be more aggressive in forming relationships PRIOR to marriage. It's almost as if we are supposed to undergo some sort of personality transplant as vows are spoken. Can you guys please help us understand this?

Sometimes it almost seems like the old, "There's the kind of girl men date and the kind they marry" thing...



View attachment 41461

I agree with you. Christian men on the whole are putting christian women in a confusing position. The truth is, the majority of christian men today are cowards (for lack of a more specific term). Scripture indicates throughout, that its a mans responsibility to seek and FIND a wife (Proverbs 18:22, 31:10).

I believe it comes down to the leadership that most men are submitting to. You show me a pastor that preaches the pure word of God on topics such as male leadership and ill show you a church of men who don't hesitate to approach a woman who fits their desire. The sad truth is, however, that this type of preaching is getting more not less, rare.

Given the situation, I think maybe women could help out a bit, you don't have to physically approach a man but make it obvious you like him. If you do that, and he likes you, he is most likely to make a move if he has that courage in him at all.

Its not a perfect situation but we live in a fallen world. There are too many single older women in the church and surprisingly a lot of single men. This is a problem because we know that singleness (unless a gift from God), increases temptation (1 Corinthians 7:9) which then can lead to sin which in turn deminishes the work of God in our lives.

 

[Tintin]

You show me a pastor that preaches the pure word of God on topics such as male leadership and ill show you a church of men who don't hesitate to approach a woman who fits their desire.

Sorry, bud. That's not going to happen this side of Heaven. Every single church is made up of flawed humanity.

 

[Tinu2409]

I agree with you tintin

 

[SeanS]

You show me a pastor that preaches the pure word of God on topics such as male leadership and ill show you a church of men who don't hesitate to approach a woman who fits their desire.

Sorry, bud. That's not going to happen this side of Heaven. Every single church is made up of flawed humanity.

Well I should have worded it this way 'a pastor who preaches the unwatered down scriptural view of male leadership, and also lives that out in his life'

 

[Donkeyfish07]

By "being more aggressive" prior to marriage I mean that it's almost as if guys want you to chase them or something. I don't know how we reconcile this with the way we are expected to behave as godly wives after marriage. It's a very mixed message.

I see what your getting at. It's something I'll try to explain. Most men are absolutely terrified of a woman they are really interested in. It's an emotion I don't think a female could ever completely understand. Personally, I've been in fistfights and had a gun pulled on me on two different occasions (one guy actually fired a round in between my legs, we were having a dominance contest that got out of hand at a party) and those are really adrenaline provoking experiences and obviously scary......A woman your extremely interested in though? Asking her out can terrify a guy literally 10 times worse than a life threatening situation.

The last girl I asked out actually had such an effect on me, my friend introduced us and I was totally blown away (like drooling on the floor melting Popsicle style). I expressed my interest immediately and was so nervous my voice was quivering. I asked her for her phone number and said I wanted to get together asap and when I went to put her number in my phone I almost could not get it in there my hands were shaking so bad, lol. Not every female does this to a guy though but it's something I think every guy has experienced more than 5 or 10 times in his life. Most guys are just too scared to start an interaction at all half the time and will not be in a relationship at all unless the girl starts it.

The other half of the time the guy might have put a lot of effort in but if it isn't going smooth enough/quick enough/ or doesn't think the investment level is high enough on the girls side compared to what you already put in....backing off and deciding if she wants to pursue it fine but I'm not willing to put any more energy into it is a common line of reasoning. There are definitely other reasons but those are the biggest ones I know of.

 

[RickShafer]

I've been reading (and agree) with what scripture and godly men expect from wives, yet in many threads I'm reading that men want women to be more aggressive in forming relationships PRIOR to marriage. (I don't!) It's almost as if we are supposed to undergo some sort of personality transplant as vows are spoken. Can you guys please help us understand this? (Anyone who wants a surly wife is a complete idiot!)

Sometimes it almost seems like the old, "There's the kind of girl men date and the kind they marry" thing...Yea, ....well
I got news for you Jules,......(men are generally stupid).

 

[Tintin]

Most men are absolutely terrified of a woman they are really interested in. It's an emotion I don't think a female could ever completely understand.

Yes, this! A hundred times, yes.

It hasn't happened 5-10 times but certainly once or twice. Scarier than flying for the first time or abseiling (and both terrified me).

 

[psychomom]

wait, wait, wait...women are terrifying?

I do feel for you guys. It's the rejection, though, yeah?
That's the scary prospect?
And only the women you're truly interested in?

When I consider it all, I have to praise God that any of us ever do get together.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Yes, this! A hundred times, yes.

It hasn't happened 5-10 times but certainly once or twice. Scarier than flying for the first time or abseiling (and both terrified me).

Yea, you get it! lol. I've even seen guys that were in special forces and seen live combat that would rather go back to war than approach such a woman. It's ridiculous when you think about it, there's no logical reason to feel THAT intense about it but it happens nontheless.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

wait, wait, wait...women are terrifying?

I do feel for you guys. It's the rejection, though, yeah?
That's the scary prospect?
And only the women you're truly interested in?

When I consider it all, I have to praise God that any of us ever do get together.

Fear of rejection plays a role for sure but it's more than that. The type of situation I'm talking about, your going to feel that way regardless of the outcome. Even if your advance is accepted and you get her to light up and she says "sure, I'd love to go out with you", your going to feel just as rocked and brain fried as you were a few minutes before....if not more. lol. It's really difficult to explain. I wouldn't say "truly interested" is a good way to define that though. I've been truly interested in women that didn't make me feel like I was blasting off into space on an acme rocket. I just brought it up to answer the issue of why guys don't always pursue the way you think they should