Hey Everyone!
The conversations we've been having about flirting, dating, and seeking a Godly marriage partner reminded me of something I've seen in real life.
One of the topics we've been talking about is the advice to Christian men that they should date/ask out several women at once because it's assumed that a man will go through many rejections (which I hear a lot of guys talking about on dating sites especially.)
Let me tell you about John, a great Christian guy, hard-working, 28 years old with a good job and lifelong commitment to serving at his church. John has been praying for a long time, and he would really like to find a wife. And so, he decides to start dating.
John knows a few very attractive girls at his church that he's been interested in. He starts out by asking Sara if she'd like to see a movie with him Friday, and she accepts. John also asks Courtney if she would like to go to a church event together Sunday afternoon. He proceeds to go on these dates and is a perfect gentleman. At the end of each date, he asks if it would be ok if he could hug the girl he has taken out and each girl gives him a big hug in return, thanking him for a nice time.
But John doesn't really feel a spark with either girl, and so he decides to ask Rachel out the following week. She too accepts, but he doesn't feel any chemistry with her either.
And so, he decides to ask Michelle if she would like to go to dinner on Saturday.
Michelle isn't sure what to think. John seems like a great guy -- they've talked some after Bible class and he seems knowledgeable but yet never condescending. But she also knows that he's asked out 3 other girls at the church in the past month. Is John just simply going down the list of single women in the church, crossing them off like a checklist? Although she's never heard anything bad about John, she's also wary of becoming "the next on the list." Michelle, fearing that she's just another number, decides to politely decline.
By now, the other single women in the church know John is actively asking these women out and are starting to wonder if John is some kind of spiritual "player."
* How could John have convinced Michelle -- and any other girl after her -- that he was sincere and not trying to play her?
I know this example might seem ridiculous to some, but I've actually seen this play out -- and the poor guy wound up leaving the church (due to a cumulation of other things too, but trying to ask out almost every single woman in the church was a part of it.)
* Ladies, if you were that 4th girl that John asked out, would you have accepted? Why or why not?
* Gentlemen, if this was in reverse -- if a Godly single woman was asking out several of the single guys in the church and you were next on the list, would you accept?
* Is there anything John (or anyone else in his shoes) could have done in a better way?
This is just one of the many Catch 22's Christian singles seem to find themselves in -- we're told to "Find someone at church!" -- as if we couldn't think of that ourselves. But then when some singles actually try dating within their church, they develop a "reputation" -- and it generally isn't good.
* What do you think are better ways to approach this, if any?
The conversations we've been having about flirting, dating, and seeking a Godly marriage partner reminded me of something I've seen in real life.
One of the topics we've been talking about is the advice to Christian men that they should date/ask out several women at once because it's assumed that a man will go through many rejections (which I hear a lot of guys talking about on dating sites especially.)
Let me tell you about John, a great Christian guy, hard-working, 28 years old with a good job and lifelong commitment to serving at his church. John has been praying for a long time, and he would really like to find a wife. And so, he decides to start dating.
John knows a few very attractive girls at his church that he's been interested in. He starts out by asking Sara if she'd like to see a movie with him Friday, and she accepts. John also asks Courtney if she would like to go to a church event together Sunday afternoon. He proceeds to go on these dates and is a perfect gentleman. At the end of each date, he asks if it would be ok if he could hug the girl he has taken out and each girl gives him a big hug in return, thanking him for a nice time.
But John doesn't really feel a spark with either girl, and so he decides to ask Rachel out the following week. She too accepts, but he doesn't feel any chemistry with her either.
And so, he decides to ask Michelle if she would like to go to dinner on Saturday.
Michelle isn't sure what to think. John seems like a great guy -- they've talked some after Bible class and he seems knowledgeable but yet never condescending. But she also knows that he's asked out 3 other girls at the church in the past month. Is John just simply going down the list of single women in the church, crossing them off like a checklist? Although she's never heard anything bad about John, she's also wary of becoming "the next on the list." Michelle, fearing that she's just another number, decides to politely decline.
By now, the other single women in the church know John is actively asking these women out and are starting to wonder if John is some kind of spiritual "player."
* How could John have convinced Michelle -- and any other girl after her -- that he was sincere and not trying to play her?
I know this example might seem ridiculous to some, but I've actually seen this play out -- and the poor guy wound up leaving the church (due to a cumulation of other things too, but trying to ask out almost every single woman in the church was a part of it.)
* Ladies, if you were that 4th girl that John asked out, would you have accepted? Why or why not?
* Gentlemen, if this was in reverse -- if a Godly single woman was asking out several of the single guys in the church and you were next on the list, would you accept?
* Is there anything John (or anyone else in his shoes) could have done in a better way?
This is just one of the many Catch 22's Christian singles seem to find themselves in -- we're told to "Find someone at church!" -- as if we couldn't think of that ourselves. But then when some singles actually try dating within their church, they develop a "reputation" -- and it generally isn't good.
* What do you think are better ways to approach this, if any?
