How is your relationship with your parents?

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Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,571
1,293
113
#21
Dad died about 9 years ago. My real mother had me and said "Nope. No. Uh uh. No, uh like NO. and NO. Did I mention NO?" and wasn't in my life. I had a sister that kinda went back and forth between the two and that's why she's chronically fickle. My dad raised me along with an uncle and aunt. My dad would take a liking to a woman and start dating and would say things like "don't blow this for me, son". :):)
:(XX
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#22
And I can think of time
When families all lived together
Four generations in one house
And the table was full of good food
And friends and neighbors
That's not how we like it now

Cause if you sit at home
You're a loser
Couldn't you find anything better to do
Well no I couldn't think of one thing
I would rather waste my time on
Than sitting here with you

- Sara Groves "Every Minute"
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,571
1,293
113
#24
And I can think of time
When families all lived together
Four generations in one house
And the table was full of good food
And friends and neighbors
That's not how we like it now

Cause if you sit at home
You're a loser
Couldn't you find anything better to do
Well no I couldn't think of one thing
I would rather waste my time on
Than sitting here with you

- Sara Groves "Every Minute"
I want that framed on my wall🙌
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#26
And I can think of time
When families all lived together
Four generations in one house
And the table was full of good food
And friends and neighbors
That's not how we like it now

Cause if you sit at home
You're a loser
Couldn't you find anything better to do
Well no I couldn't think of one thing
I would rather waste my time on
Than sitting here with you

- Sara Groves "Every Minute"
The only family that I know that fits that description is the Walton's.
 

She_is_Legendary

Well-known member
May 30, 2019
1,378
1,139
113
#29
My dad passed about 5 years ago... and we were really close right before he passed, and my mother and I have had plenty of falling outs since I got married, and now 7 years later... she comes over to visit us and see my 2 year old.. and now we are going to my uncles house for thanksgiving to see them and my mom. My older brother and I are super close since our dad passed... and I see a lot of my dad in my brother which makes me feel like his spirit is still around. I love spending time with him, so I think I’m going to enjoy the holidays more this year than I have in the past 5 years.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,571
1,293
113
#30
:love:(y):giggle:Oh thank you so much!! This meant a lot to me it made me cry at one point... in the 9 years my kids and I have been I no our own I can only recall 2 Christian familes that invited us for dinner... what a wonderful testimony... my family used to be like The Waltons in some ways and when we watch The Waltons it comforts our hearts and reminds us of good family values👌❤️🙏🏻It encourages me towards the goal of rebuilding our family from the ashes...
I've subscribed:giggle:
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,571
1,293
113
#31
:love:(y):giggle:Oh thank you so much!! This meant a lot to me it made me cry at one point... in the 9 years my kids and I have been I no our own I can only recall 2 Christian familes that invited us for dinner... what a wonderful testimony... my family used to be like The Waltons in some ways and when we watch The Waltons it comforts our hearts and reminds us of good family values👌❤️🙏🏻It encourages me towards the goal of rebuilding our family from the ashes...
I've subscribed:giggle:
Lol as if John-Boy is the presenter🤣👌😁
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#32
The short version of cinder's 15 years or so of adult life. Shortly after graduating college, I got a job in my field and moved 800 miles from home to take the job and also help out a former pastor who was planting a church in that area. Had a good job, a nicer apartment than I have now (it had laundry machines inside it, I can't wait to live somewhere with laundry machines inside again), and pretty good career prospects, but my co workers were also almost all current or former special ops guys closer to my parents age than mine. And the church plant wasn't a good fit either.

So socially I was miserable (quite possibly still the most difficult and miserable year of my life) and after a year and some proding I finally admitted to myself that it totally wasn't working and tried moving home... for about a year and then I went off of my first mission adventure with YWAM and got sucked into the YWAM world which meant that I was abroad for x months and then home a few months and then back abroad for another few months. I did that for two and a half years staying with my parents and living a lot off of their subsidizing my lifestyle (which to their credit they didn't give me a blank check for my "mission work" but just treated me like one of the missionaries they supported) with free room and board during my home times (where I worked cheapy temp jobs, mostly substitute teaching). YWAM can vary a lot in different places in the world, but my experience was that it in some ways encouraged in me extended adolescence which wasn't so good; and I was perfectly content to kind of let my parent's home be home base and my permanent home though there were months at a time when I was in other countries and only my stuff was living there.

That ended by spending a few years at home (still with my parents) trying to prepare and raise support for a 3 year venture doing Bible story translation work. Support raising was one of my achille's heels during my time as an aspiring missionary and so after that 3 year venture I came home burned out and with a small enough support base that staying on the field long term wasn't going to be possible. And after months in the lazy bummitude of the burned out and fairly aimless, it was my parents again who pretty much kicked me in the butt and said if you don't get job hunting soon, you're going to have a harder time finding a decent job because a big employment gap is really ugly to prospective employers. And after some thought I started down my current whateverth career path (or at least job path) this is. Remembering the lessons from my last real job though, I definitely prioritized that the job I was looking for had to be within driving distance of Mom and Dad's so I could transition reasonably slowly into new job, new town, new place to live, figuring out how to be an american adult in america etc.

So my parents have been an awesome and huge support in my adult life, and one of the best things they've done is not continually bailed me out financially when the going got tough. They also expected me to pay rent when I was living at home and working full time and do the basic helping out around the house that you do as part of the family . They live a little over half an hour away now and I see them every few weeks to take advantage of their indoor washer and dryer (the default arrangement for that has become I buy their laundry soap when they run low) but other than that I'm pretty much independent, though I still get a lot of free dinners from them if I'm at their house during dinner time or we're out somewhere together (they also tend to get free tech support from me so this isn't always completely one sided).

Yes I have just about the best parents in the world.
You have a most impressive professional resume and have led a very interesting adult life. You seem level-headed, ambitious and driven and will go far in life. That I have do doubts whatsoever.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#33
:love:(y):giggle:Oh thank you so much!! This meant a lot to me it made me cry at one point... in the 9 years my kids and I have been I no our own I can only recall 2 Christian familes that invited us for dinner... what a wonderful testimony... my family used to be like The Waltons in some ways and when we watch The Waltons it comforts our hearts and reminds us of good family values👌❤️🙏🏻It encourages me towards the goal of rebuilding our family from the ashes...
I've subscribed:giggle:
You're welcome :giggle: It made me cry too... both sad and happy tears. ♥ I subscribed too after I saw it :giggle:
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#34
I have a chinese mother! Enuff said.

No seriously it can be diffuclt at times but in general my relationship with them is mostly one on one, im a daddy girls and sometimes think im the middle child keeping them both together.

Both support me (with meals and roof over my head) and I pay my way on other things. It is a kind of push-me-pull you relationship. Have left home and then gone back, not just because its financial and cant afford to, but because there is no place like home, I had to find the happiness in my own backyard literally. Mum had a cancer scare early this year and was seriously thinking she wasnt going to be here. God made a miracle and only just now is mum beginning to appreciate life again. After years of lambasting me for gardening, suddenly its like she now sees the flowers I planted for her and the harvest we going to have in autumn.

I spend time with my dad playing scrabble and doing jigsaws and other things. I take mum away on holidays. Rarely do they do stuff together with me unless its something like going out for yum cha. Sometimes I wonder why they married but they still together. And we are all together under one roof so thats something. If I wasnt there they would probably dote on the pets. Dad has the cat and mum the chicken.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,362
800
113
#35
Thanks for your sentiments, but my "running my mother off" was a kind of standing family joke. Every time my dad met a woman he'd always tell me to go hide. (at least I hope it was a family joke...:confused:)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#36
The only family that I know that fits that description is the Walton's.
The Waltons were an old fashioned family back when the show was made. These days they are REALLY old fashioned. But back in the day, that was the norm.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
113
33
Arizona
#37
I didn’t think about answering myself haha. I guess I would say I am still dependent on mom not only in terms of financials but also emotion. I’m not married, no kids, still job searching. So I’m very dependent sadly. And when I say sadly I know it’s my own sense of not wanting to be a sponger; mom has said multiple times she’s happy to have me home.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,536
2,701
113
Georgia
#38
Dad died about 9 years ago. My real mother had me and said "Nope. No. Uh uh. No, uh like NO. and NO. Did I mention NO?" and wasn't in my life. I had a sister that kinda went back and forth between the two and that's why she's chronically fickle. My dad raised me along with an uncle and aunt. My dad would take a liking to a woman and start dating and would say things like "don't blow this for me, son". :):)
It was her loss..... You're awesome.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,173
113
#39
I didn’t think about answering myself haha. I guess I would say I am still dependent on mom not only in terms of financials but also emotion. I’m not married, no kids, still job searching. So I’m very dependent sadly. And when I say sadly I know it’s my own sense of not wanting to be a sponger; mom has said multiple times she’s happy to have me home.
I think its the other way round, mums dependent on you. Mine is certainly on me. Even though she might not say so.

With daughters its often the case, not so much financially (although mum often would expect me to drive her round everywhere, without contributing any gas money) but emotionally. I thought she already lost one daughter who left home she doesnt want to lose another. When I left for a while mum begged me to come back. Somewhat reluctantly I agreed. Sometimes she tries to make out that I dont do anything for her but when I do she complains about it. Cant win...so I have stopped trying to cook dinners that will never come up to her standard. Shes a great cook but im just happy to have food. When I made breakfast for her in bed she would complain I made it too early.

Narcissm can be hard to deal with when its your own mother. So if it sound like Im complaining its only because thats what I learned my entire life from mother to always look at the worst of everything. Its down to fear I think.

Sometimes I think its a kind of twisted reverse pyschology like make out your daughter is really ugly s that the devil wont take her. Which is what happens in chinese culture.

When I first read the Joy Luck Club I thought wow finally someone who understands. Thats just like my weird mother-daughter relationship.