This is why
the first date is so vitally important. If you were to admit that you struggle with mental issues, most men would not ask you out on a second date-- not because they are insensitive jerks, but because they feel God has not equipped them to come alongside you at this time. Let me also say that, if you were to get the help you need and later initiate contact with one of these guys, I am sure they would be thrilled that you took the time to show interest in them once again.
I appreciate that you're trying to be encouraging in your response.
But I honestly think it's unrealistic to obtain this kind of information on a first date, and even more unrealistic to expect the person to state it right off the bat. It's a really tough balance to know how much to share and how to avoid flooding someone with too much, too soon. In most cases, I don't think a first date is going to uncover this level of personal background.
Now we all know there are some people that want to share everything way too early right out of the gate. Like the blind date I went on with a former worship leader who told me right off the bat that his ex-wife used to bribe him with sex. He then looked straight at me and said, "I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me!" Needless to say, there wasn't a second date. I guess I can be glad he was so straightforward so I knew what I was dealing with. (He actually did try to ask for another date and I had to explain that his approach to something so personal, like blurting out his most personal business with his ex-wife on a first date, just wasn't my style.)
I understand that there are some women as well that will start talking about all their issues nonstop and the poor man will wish he was anywhere but stuck listening to her.
But thinking it should be somewhat normal, and expected, for a woman to start admitting things like her mental health struggles on a casual first coffee date is on par with expecting that a man will instantly confess his issues with looking at things on his computer he wouldn't want the church to see him looking at.
@SteveEpperson, since this is something many men struggle with, when do you think is the right time for a man to let the woman know he has a problem with porn?
I'm certainly not trying to say every man does, but many have said they do, and I've tried to be tolerant of it in the past. I've learned over time it's not something I can compete with, and would choose to bow out.
As a parallel of your answer above, the woman who learns about a man's problems with porn might not want a second date -- not because she's insensitive, but because she doesn't feel God has equipped her to help him with that kind of issue.
This is why, in my opinion, it's going to take a while to get to know someone even if you get past the initial stages. Everyone has issues, most with deep-seeded roots -- maybe their issue, whether for the man or the woman, started with the deeply uncomfortable subject of childhood sexual abuse, which is all too common these days. How exactly does someone bring that up?
I say this as a woman who has dated men who have (sometimes in tears,) recounted issues of past abuse.
First dates are extremely tricky because they seem to have a high chance of dismissing someone too early (which most of us on the dating scene have experienced, both as the one who did the dismissing, and the one who was dismissed.)
I don't think modern church dating culture takes into considerate that it might take a very long time before either person wants to start talking about what what REALLY makes them tick.
