man dreams.
I get the sexual dreams. f---ing friends that I care about. and it hurts.
now a little data. dreams generally follow two patterns: what you thinking about when you fall asleep, and fear.
usually you only remember fear related dreams, asi can express. having my only dreams i remember being a few sex dreams, and one i wrote down, although i don't remember that unless i read it.
so for me nightmares are sex.
I dont really get people trying to kill me, but i don't really get fear of death. having almost killed myself enough times, I was only saved by God. and just in time, too. I was about to kill myself. fear of... somethiing... is what drives me. each time that i was about to commit suicide, i broke and talked to someone. and each time got a little bit better.
so now my nghtmares are all about going back to the past.
Because of my past, i would do anything for God, but if the past returned... I would go insane. i would break. i don't even know.
probably go off the deep end. and probably never come back.
i am the same way about my past. Once I went to hell in a hospital, God to Satan entered my mind and told me that I needed to read the Bible before I can go to heaven. When I got out, after spending a week in a mental institution, my God family took me in, taught me in what order I should read the Bible, brought me to church a few times, I was still in college at the time just taking a painting class cause I felt like that was all I could handle at the time. I was a fragment of the person I was and the person I am now. I couldn’t absorb anything I tried to read, I couldn’t go places where their logo was the color red, I felt like a demon was extracted out of me at the hospital but even though that all happened, a year later, I started smoking marijuana, drinking, my friends from high school and I shared a 9 bedroom house in the highest earning city in America around that time. I was right back to partying and living for pleasure, with no relationship with God.
A year after that, after I went back to that lifestyle again, I had a rude awakening from God. I was at a party, I smoked spice in front of my fiance at the time and I went into a demonic realm, where I thought everyone there was demon possessed. I thought that I never left that hospital. Scared the crap out of me. I called out Jesus’ name and 20-30 minutes later, my God brother and God father show up to basically escort me out but I felt like because I called on Jesus’ name, they rescued me.
I get a job as a host the next week at Olive Garde, move up to server 6 months later and I year and a half later I’m led to Christ and surrender my life to him.
i vowed to never go back to 5hat life, ever again.
i had the world, the popularity, the worlds treatment and I traded it all.
Don’t let that fool you though, I’m still a work in progress.
i got challenged to tonight and I couldn’t respect the guy more. If I mislead any one on here, I expect to bo challenged and corrected.
Also, I don’t usually think of sex before bed as much any more. I did have a habit of it two months ago with p*rn but have since repented and turned away from that, as well as repenting from a different instance that I won’t get into.
Also, I don’t really fear much and I don’t mind dying, even though I called the suicide hotline 12 times this year. After they started saying the same things every time I called and followed their instructions every time, I realized that I don’t need to call them anymore, since I’ve pretty much got my coping skills down with pray.com, Bible reading, prayer and worship music.
i don’t know why but apart of me enjoys my dreams of the past, even though I know God would rather have me obtain a pure mind, and I think that is just recovery from a decade of p*rn use. It is horrible how far away from God p*rn can lead a person.
Now all we can do is just make healthier, biblically sound choices from here on out.
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