Well, here I am 3 years later and not much has changed which tells me that I probably need to start the divorce proceedings and separation. I really want to be obedient to God's plan but maybe he is telling me that this relationship was never meant to be. Is that possible? Why can I not clearly see what the Lord is telling me? or is he and I refuse to see it? I am so confused and I worry that I do not have the strength to move forward. I no longer have minor children so I do not need to worry about child support, visitation, etc. but I am the rep payee for my intellectually disabled daughter. We have a lot of financial obligations, mostly his doing and back taxes that are rather significant (also his doing because he was self-employed for 3 years and never payed his taxes despite my nagging). He tells me that he wanted out for years and that I just refuse to see it and he also has hurtful things like "I only stayed so I wouldn't have to deal with another man raising my kids." I think it's important to mention that he was away for 6-8 weeks at a time (sometimes more) while the kids were growing up so it's not like he really had to live with me or anything. Despite his insistence that he has wanted to leave for years, he doesn't make any moves to leave either probably because I continue to enable his behavior or he's waiting for me to get tired of it all and begin the process like I do with everything else. He agreed to go to counseling recently and we attended 4 sessions together and then he decided he was not returning because "talking about the past is not going to do a thing". Basically, he became uncomfortable talking about his mother's death and his abandonment issues regarding his relationship with his dad and decided its not worth the discomfort. He blames me for some of his behavior or he uses excuses to defend it. A few examples are: 1) I wanted to be a one woman man but your jealousy (I am hypersensitive to odd behavior and I am paranoid) drove me to porn and dating sites. 2) Your parents are the biggest issue in our marriage (we live 8 hours away and I rarely see them although they are difficult people). 3) I get bored and then I just get stupid 4) I know I wrong when I do it 5) You would be better off without me, I don't want to keep disappointing you (this is usually where I encourage him to seek therapy and work on changing his behavior rather than continuing with what obviously isn't working).
Why am I hanging on to a relationship where his respect for me is clearly non-existent?
There is so much more to say but this is probably a good spot to take a breath.
Why am I hanging on to a relationship where his respect for me is clearly non-existent?
There is so much more to say but this is probably a good spot to take a breath.
