I don't feel like getting out of bed today. Beyond getting over a cold, I feel very weighed down by my thoughts and feelings. I just want to get away and have little hope that anything will change. Much of life has been melancholy and painful, and I don't know why we exist at all. I don't know why God put all of this into motion knowing bad things would happen.
I've come to the point where I feel so alone inside and so tired and frustrated that I don't really care about anything except making enough money to pay my bills so I can come home and shut the door and distract myself. I hold these feelings inside mostly and don't tell anyone in my life partly because I don't want to weigh them down.
The people who I've let become closest to me have hurt me the most.
The thought of picking myself up by my bootstraps, as usual, is just depressing.
I just want to be rescued.
Or to rescue myself.
But I don't have much hope that will ever happen in this world.
I've come to the point where I feel so alone inside and so tired and frustrated that I don't really care about anything except making enough money to pay my bills so I can come home and shut the door and distract myself. I hold these feelings inside mostly and don't tell anyone in my life partly because I don't want to weigh them down.
The people who I've let become closest to me have hurt me the most.
The thought of picking myself up by my bootstraps, as usual, is just depressing.
I just want to be rescued.
Or to rescue myself.
But I don't have much hope that will ever happen in this world.