Just because you like the same music, it doesn't mean you should be together

[JonahLynx]

I consider socioeconomic factors like age, educational background and upbringing, parental values to be far more important. Christianity can be the foundational base, but that's really not enough to date someone.

Your thoughts?

I was recently thinking about this and had a similar shift in mindset. Now I strongly consider parental and home background whereas I used to not care at all.

That being said, metalheads are all compatible lol.

 

[Tinuviel]

I was recently thinking about this and had a similar shift in mindset. Now I strongly consider parental and home background whereas I used to not care at all.

That being said, metalheads are all compatible lol.

Hear, hear! Not that marrying, say...someone who had divorced parents would NEVER be an option for me, but stuff like that affects people, and I think it unwise to go in with your eyes shut.

 

[Tommy379]

Hear, hear! Not that marrying, say...someone who had divorced parents would NEVER be an option for me, but stuff like that affects people, and I think it unwise to go in with your eyes shut.

At one time, I refused to consider a woman whose parents were divorced. I ended up marrying a girl at church, parents still together, homeschooled, all that modern Christian stuff. We're divorced now. I don't know that all that stuff matters. I think getting with a Christian does matter, so that makes a terribly small pool of prospects, then you'd likely be cutting it in half by demanding that their parents are still together.

 

[Pipp]

You guys have got to remember that there is no magic formula ..... you can marry a strict Christian and things still fall apart cause marriages are made of people and people are rotten. Both people have to want it to work for it to work.

 

[Tinuviel]

At one time, I refused to consider a woman whose parents were divorced. I ended up marrying a girl at church, parents still together, homeschooled, all that modern Christian stuff. We're divorced now. I don't know that all that stuff matters. I think getting with a Christian does matter, so that makes a terribly small pool of prospects, then you'd likely be cutting it in half by demanding that their parents are still together.

Like I said, it's not a "must". But whatever their personal feelings on divorce, a person's background influences them, consciously or not. It doesn't have to be divorce, either. I have some friends who are from very different backgrounds who married. They are still together but I have heard both of them say "I wish I had paid attention when someone told me this could be a problem." For example, growing up her family moved around a lot. Basically, this meant that they never really had to resolve things. An annoying situation came up, it was natural to move away from it without even realizing they were doing so. The husband grew up on the family farm and had only been away for 4 years for college. Unintentionally, they were both influenced by this way of living. When the going got tough her reaction was to move away. His reaction was to hunker down and weather it out. It caused arguments and problems. Not incompatible, but something to know about.

 

[seoulsearch]

After reading the last several posts... I just wanted to toss in a thought that even when two people have been married a long time, it doesn't that their marriage is stable or even moral.

Some of my friends had parents that stayed together for decades and are still together, but they're in abusive situations or are having affairs and looking the other way.

I had one friend whose mother caught her father with his secretary, and he announced that he was going to do whatever he wanted, with whomever he wanted, and that she was just going to have to live with that because he brought in all the money. He thought he had her trapped-- he was bringing in a 6-figure income and she was a stay-at-home mom for their 4 kids, and she only had a high school diploma.

Her answer to him was basically, "You've got to be kidding, and so she left him, got custody of their kids (he had no interest in them because he wanted to keep all his money for himself), and raised them all on her own.

In contrast, I had another friend whose parents stayed married until the end--but their kids were regularly traumatized when they would come home from school and catch either parent with someone else, always with a warning that they were not to tell the other parent about the new "friend" who had been over to "visit."

Both of these friends were terrific people but I honestly have to say that the one from the divorced home seemed to be in a much better place emotionally.

 

[MissCris]

Sometimes, a person whose parents got divorced will be more determined Not to have that happen to their own children. So, while history like that absolutely can shape a person, it doesn’t have to be in a bad way.

 

[Lynx]

Sometimes, a person whose parents got divorced will be more determined Not to have that happen to their own children. So, while history like that absolutely can shape a person, it doesn’t have to be in a bad way.

And this might be the largest part of why I have never bothered to actively look for a spouse. My parents divorced and both of them have married other people... and gotten divorced again... No thank you, I'll pass on that.

Mind you, if I happen to meet Mrs. Right and we hit it off, yay! But in the meantime I have better things to do than intentionally seek out situations that will probably damage my heart. I can't psychoanalyze myself very well, but I'd guess my parents' divorces are a factor in that.

 

[tourist]

I have to like any woman who loves sappy old 70's love songs and wants to live in a Carpenters and Bread songs themed life...

[video=youtube;__VQX2Xn7tI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI[/video]

That was the song that was to be played at the conclusion of my first wedding ceremony. The wrong record was played. "We can't go on hurting each other...". It was a sign of things to come. Oh, both her parents together, Christian. Marriage was a total disaster and damaged me for years to come. I don't think it matters at all if the parents are still together or not.

 

[Tommy379]

I'm on the fence about all this stuff, and worried too. I read these studies about kids of divorce are more likely to divorce, use drugs, abuse alcohol, engage in criminal activity, premarital relations...... it may or may not be true, but it seems everything is trending in that direction.

 

[Tommy379]

And this might be the largest part of why I have never bothered to actively look for a spouse. My parents divorced and both of them have married other people... and gotten divorced again... No thank you, I'll pass on that.

Mind you, if I happen to meet Mrs. Right and we hit it off, yay! But in the meantime I have better things to do than intentionally seek out situations that will probably damage my heart. I can't psychoanalyze myself very well, but I'd guess my parents' divorces are a factor in that.

I'm sorry about all that. My Paternal lineage has been in Virginia since the 1640s.... I'm the first in that line to be divorced. I never really grew up around all this. I wouldn't know what it's like. That's why I'm so worried about my kids.

 

[laura_charlotte]

I consider socioeconomic factors like age, educational background and upbringing, parental values to be far more important. Christianity can be the foundational base, but that's really not enough to date someone.

So true. If they've had a litany of past relationships, been married already, have already had a family with others, their education and work, you only have to look at their choices and experiences in life to ascertain whether or not your values align with their's and what kind of future would be told as a result.

 

[Tinuviel]

Sometimes, a person whose parents got divorced will be more determined Not to have that happen to their own children. So, while history like that absolutely can shape a person, it doesn’t have to be in a bad way.

I was going to say this too. Sometimes a person will actually be MORE committed if they've arrived at that place by conviction and not by tradition. Sometimes it is the opposite. It depends wholly on the person and their standing with God.

 

[AdolfHipster]

When you've been around extreme spontinuity and instability enough, you'll learn that predictability can be a blessing.