Marriage Reconciliation Question

[Tone2133]

I was married for 22 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 4 kids together. We recently went through a rough patch and got an ill-advised divorce. In a rebound/mid-life crisis/mentally unstable move, I got remarried. That marriage lasted 67 days before I filed an annulment due to fraud. I have since reconciled with my first wife and we are happier and moving forward. My rebound wife is evil, found out she was in a cult, is stealing my money, and purposely staling the divorce. My first love and I want to reconcile. We’ve gotten mixed Christian advice and we want to take the advice that she is my first wife and in God’s eyes we are still one. We want to publicly profess our love, be intimate, and move on…pastors in person and on other Christian chats have said to go on because God sees us as together and to reconcile asap. That’s what I believe, we are just getting 2nd, 3rd opinions

 

[Locoponydirtman]

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord , and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance.
Deuteronomy 24:1‭-‬4 NASB
https://bible.com/bible/100/deu.24.1-4.NASB
Abomination is a strong word, that means detestable. So I would not advise it.

 

[CharliRenee]

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord , and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance.
Deuteronomy 24:1‭-‬4 NASB
https://bible.com/bible/100/deu.24.1-4.NASB
Abomination is a strong word, that means detestable. So I would not advise it.

Unless I misunderstood, the wife did not remarry, He did. I suppose, though, it can apply either way but in this verse you cited it mentions the wife being defiled. Since we are one in Him, are we to interpret this verse going either way? Any thoughts?

 

[7seasrekeyed]

Unless I misunderstood, the wife did not remarry, He did. I suppose, though, it can apply either way but in this verse you cited it mentions the wife being defiled. Since we are one in Him, are we to interpret this verse going either way? Any thoughts?

yeah

citing OT scripture regarding marriage...not sure that flies

if we are going to go by OT law, then how far do people want to take it?

I might question the remarriage as well, considering one of them got married and then 'annulled' it

but I wouldn't go by the OT reference to women being defiled because women were more or less chattel back then in many cases

back then, a man could divorce his wife simply by saying 'I divorce you' three times

since the mr here seems to jump around as a solution to his 'problems', he should probably hold off, go for counselling and his ex wife
should think twice about it

frankly, I would let him think about his actions because jumping from one woman to another rather than face why you make those kind of decisions is really avoidance IMO

however two things here:

I am positive that God does not see any woman as defiled if she is in Christ

and second,

I do not think they should rush into remarriage for the reasons stated above but at the same time, I do not think I would say no right off and use the OT...cause everybody better go have their tats removed then (I don't have any. I don't like 'em)

but they should not be together at this point because I really question the man's stability and his excuse of a middle aged crisis

summation: I would say no but not because of the OT injunction against it

 

[7seasrekeyed]

I was married for 22 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 4 kids together. We recently went through a rough patch and got an ill-advised divorce. In a rebound/mid-life crisis/mentally unstable move, I got remarried. That marriage lasted 67 days before I filed an annulment due to fraud. I have since reconciled with my first wife and we are happier and moving forward. My rebound wife is evil, found out she was in a cult, is stealing my money, and purposely staling the divorce. My first love and I want to reconcile. We’ve gotten mixed Christian advice and we want to take the advice that she is my first wife and in God’s eyes we are still one. We want to publicly profess our love, be intimate, and move on…pastors in person and on other Christian chats have said to go on because God sees us as together and to reconcile asap. That’s what I believe, we are just getting 2nd, 3rd opinions

respectfully, you should hold off

IMO, that would actually be respecting the woman you left

I would hold off no less than a year

check your actions. of course your ex wants you back. you probably made life harder for her by doing what you did

you sound selfish and she may be also, but you are not helping anyone by jumping back into bed with her...yes I did note you
want to be intimate. not a solution at all

 

[tourist]

I was married for 22 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 4 kids together. We recently went through a rough patch and got an ill-advised divorce. In a rebound/mid-life crisis/mentally unstable move, I got remarried. That marriage lasted 67 days before I filed an annulment due to fraud. I have since reconciled with my first wife and we are happier and moving forward. My rebound wife is evil, found out she was in a cult, is stealing my money, and purposely staling the divorce. My first love and I want to reconcile. We’ve gotten mixed Christian advice and we want to take the advice that she is my first wife and in God’s eyes we are still one. We want to publicly profess our love, be intimate, and move on…pastors in person and on other Christian chats have said to go on because God sees us as together and to reconcile asap. That’s what I believe, we are just getting 2nd, 3rd opinions

You apparently were a poor judge of character in choosing this woman to be your wife in this instance. You're fortunate that wife #1 is willing to take you back because what you did was tantamount to adultery. My counsel is to tell God you're sorry, tell wife #1 your sorry and let the chips fall where they may. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the street. I guess that you know this now. Regardless, I wish you well in this reconciliation.

 

[tourist]

Unless I misunderstood, the wife did not remarry, He did. I suppose, though, it can apply either way but in this verse you cited it mentions the wife being defiled. Since we are one in Him, are we to interpret this verse going either way? Any thoughts?

My thoughts are that this is a real mess.

 

[CharliRenee]

I do think it is wise to wait, to pray about it and perhaps seek Christian counseling and discipleship together and maybe apart.

I know mid life crises is quite the monster, and believe that Satan loves this season. It is a shame for all of you.

The problems that caused this choice may resurface, so why not enter into your reconciliation mindfully, as to avoid more impulse choices. Your wife of 22 years, and you too, deserve prayerful consideration. It seems it would serve to strengthen your bond with one another and more importantly with God.

The ultimate decision really is between you two and God.

I will lift you two in prayer.

 

[presidente]

I had an aunt who was invoiced in a scenario like this except she was the high school (or maybe middle or elementary) sweetheart. She married another man who abandoned her and their child who divorced her, married and had kids with a man who drank and beat her, divirced and remarried him, then married a divorce cop with kids, divorced then a guy who seemed to have the mentality of a nine-year-old, divorced then that high school sweetheart after he had just divorced the wife of his youth.

She always wanted a house and helped him on one he was building. He divorced her for wife #1.

Your situation is messy and I am not sure the best answer. I suppose the options would be go back to 1. Keep 2. Move to Utah and keep both....except Utah is antipolygamy as the mainstream LDS in charge don't like the polygamous offshoots. Not advising three ofcourse but I think there are missionaries who have advised similarly.

My first comment though is about wife 2 being evil. Whether preacher's sermons warned you or not, both of you should have read your Bibles and not gotten into this ethical mess. I hope you advise others not to do this sort of thing and leave themselves a clear path free of confusion when it comes to living right with the Lord.

About calling her evil. You married her and she is stalling a divorce for you to marry someone else. Is that soshockinf? It might have been sin for you two to marry. But according to the standard secular morality many professing Christians hold to she was okay because you had a paper from the same government that declares gays married. You might have given her legal rights to drain accounts with that community property thing. You might have ruined the lady for the next guy or her own conscience to remarry (unlikely if she married you unlessl she changed) by divorcing her. So go easy on her. If your first wife had done this and posted here she might have gotten advice to do the same thing.

I do not take the OT verses about nit returning to wife one after she remarried as applying the other way. The law was given to polygamous men also in a law which regulates polygamy. Monogamy was laid out in the garden. But God allowed for righteous men to be polygamous without condemning them.

I see the OT as having different laws for men and women on marriage. Men had to give certificates not women. I tend to see Matthew 19 this way, which some other posters hate.

I am not sure the right advice to give you. Pray and seek God. I just notice if posters say go back to number 1 but they tell others God requires them to be faithful and monogamous to a second marriage with no grounds for divorce from the first that seems to be contradictory.

I am also wondering if you go to church regularly, and if so if ypu recall hearing warnings about committing adultery by divorcing and remarrying or the Lord's command not to divorce ypur wife?

 

[Locoponydirtman]

yeah

citing OT scripture regarding marriage...not sure that flies

if we are going to go by OT law, then how far do people want to take it?

I might question the remarriage as well, considering one of them got married and then 'annulled' it

but I wouldn't go by the OT reference to women being defiled because women were more or less chattel back then in many cases

back then, a man could divorce his wife simply by saying 'I divorce you' three times

since the mr here seems to jump around as a solution to his 'problems', he should probably hold off, go for counselling and his ex wife
should think twice about it

frankly, I would let him think about his actions because jumping from one woman to another rather than face why you make those kind of decisions is really avoidance IMO

however two things here:

I am positive that God does not see any woman as defiled if she is in Christ

and second,

I do not think they should rush into remarriage for the reasons stated above but at the same time, I do not think I would say no right off and use the OT...cause everybody better go have their tats removed then (I don't have any. I don't like 'em)

but they should not be together at this point because I really question the man's stability and his excuse of a middle aged crisis

summation: I would say no but not because of the OT injunction against it

On most accounts I would agree with you, but there are a few things that I would take into account. There are matters that hold across both covenants. The things that are called immorality are pretty universal, such as don't kill, steal, lie and cheat, and sexual immorality is one of them. Jesus demonstrated in his brief statement about marriage, that marriage was actually more serious than it was treated even by Moses.
My point is simple. If Jesus said it is more serious than it was treated in the Old testament, then it stands to reason that it would be wise to look at the OT, and engage in some serious contemplation on the matter.
But who am I? Nobody. Just a human giving scripture and making suggestions.

If it were me I would count it as loss because I am a fool that makes bad decisions.

 

[Locoponydirtman]

Unless I misunderstood, the wife did not remarry, He did. I suppose, though, it can apply either way but in this verse you cited it mentions the wife being defiled. Since we are one in Him, are we to interpret this verse going either way? Any thoughts?

Yes, an old saying goes what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I would say that there is not one thing that is immoral for one that isn't for the other. Respectively.

 

[kaylagrl]

I was married for 22 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 4 kids together. We recently went through a rough patch and got an ill-advised divorce. In a rebound/mid-life crisis/mentally unstable move, I got remarried. That marriage lasted 67 days before I filed an annulment due to fraud. I have since reconciled with my first wife and we are happier and moving forward. My rebound wife is evil, found out she was in a cult, is stealing my money, and purposely staling the divorce. My first love and I want to reconcile. We’ve gotten mixed Christian advice and we want to take the advice that she is my first wife and in God’s eyes we are still one. We want to publicly profess our love, be intimate, and move on…pastors in person and on other Christian chats have said to go on because God sees us as together and to reconcile asap. That’s what I believe, we are just getting 2nd, 3rd opinions

Well, since opinions got you in to this mess in the first place perhaps it's not opinions you need. You may need to just pray about it and come to your own conclusion. What caused the rough spot and have you solved it? You don't have to answer, but you may need to ask yourselves some serious questions before you make this move too quickly.

 

[Leastamongmany]

I was married for 22 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 4 kids together. We recently went through a rough patch and got an ill-advised divorce. In a rebound/mid-life crisis/mentally unstable move, I got remarried. That marriage lasted 67 days before I filed an annulment due to fraud. I have since reconciled with my first wife and we are happier and moving forward. My rebound wife is evil, found out she was in a cult, is stealing my money, and purposely staling the divorce. My first love and I want to reconcile. We’ve gotten mixed Christian advice and we want to take the advice that she is my first wife and in God’s eyes we are still one. We want to publicly profess our love, be intimate, and move on…pastors in person and on other Christian chats have said to go on because God sees us as together and to reconcile asap. That’s what I believe, we are just getting 2nd, 3rd opinions

Welcome and Blessings! I will be praying for your guidance from God and His word thru the leadership of the Holy Spirit!.🙏🙏🙏

 

[7seasrekeyed]

On most accounts I would agree with you, but there are a few things that I would take into account. There are matters that hold across both covenants. The things that are called immorality are pretty universal, such as don't kill, steal, lie and cheat, and sexual immorality is one of them. Jesus demonstrated in his brief statement about marriage, that marriage was actually more serious than it was treated even by Moses.
My point is simple. If Jesus said it is more serious than it was treated in the Old testament, then it stands to reason that it would be wise to look at the OT, and engage in some serious contemplation on the matter.
But who am I? Nobody. Just a human giving scripture and making suggestions.

If it were me I would count it as loss because I am a fool that makes bad decisions.

well if you think you are a fool, then perhaps you are

I don't know you at all

I don't like to hear people degrading themselves and I don't find that particularly biblical

it will never appeal to any sort of sympathy on my part although it might work with some

as Paul states...once you WERE

 

[Absolutely]

yeah

citing OT scripture regarding marriage...not sure that flies

if we are going to go by OT law, then how far do people want to take it?

I might question the remarriage as well, considering one of them got married and then 'annulled' it

but I wouldn't go by the OT reference to women being defiled because women were more or less chattel back then in many cases

back then, a man could divorce his wife simply by saying 'I divorce you' three times

since the mr here seems to jump around as a solution to his 'problems', he should probably hold off, go for counselling and his ex wife
should think twice about it

frankly, I would let him think about his actions because jumping from one woman to another rather than face why you make those kind of decisions is really avoidance IMO

however two things here:

I am positive that God does not see any woman as defiled if she is in Christ

and second,

I do not think they should rush into remarriage for the reasons stated above but at the same time, I do not think I would say no right off and use the OT...cause everybody better go have their tats removed then (I don't have any. I don't like 'em)

but they should not be together at this point because I really question the man's stability and his excuse of a middle aged crisis

summation: I would say no but not because of the OT injunction against it

"because women were more or less chattel back then in many cases"
What do you mean by chattel ?

 

[Locoponydirtman]

well if you think you are a fool, then perhaps you are

I don't know you at all

I don't like to hear people degrading themselves and I don't find that particularly biblical

it will never appeal to any sort of sympathy on my part although it might work with some

as Paul states...once you WERE

I only mean I'm can not speak authoritatively into what someone else should or should not do. I have enough work trying to manage mine, and I have certainly managed to error myself.
This I have, which I regard as wisdom; Holy scripture and The Holy Spirit. But I have no regard for my own.

 

[Bingo]

Well, since opinions got you in to this mess in the first place perhaps it's not opinions you need. You may need to just pray about it and come to your own conclusion. What caused the rough spot and have you solved it? You don't have to answer, but you may need to ask yourselves some serious questions before you make this move too quickly.

"Amen"
"This is sound advise that should be taken seriously."
'Praise God'

 

[Silverwings]

Wow, talk about being double minded, it seems that you are determined to not listen to your heart, but to every wind that blows. You need to get alone with God until you can hear from him, then go with it, as long as you are dependant on others for advice, it is going to be a rocky road.. Having said that, if it were me I would be extremely thankful that wife #1 was willing to reconcile, I would remarry her and do the best possible job of trying to make her happy, and not ever give in to the divorce thoughts again.

 

[Alfred1963]

Don't let others discourage you. We live in tough times. That said...

Marriage, divorce, and remarriage - the decisions to proceed on any of these has to be decided between you and the Lord, and in this case you should also include your former wife. Keep in mind Hosea remarried Gomer, but that was only because God made it clear that He wanted Hosea to remarry her. It goes the same for you. Seek the lord and you will get your answer. Here is a really good book that will help you in such decisions, and it also has a chapter on learning how to start hearing God's will.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VD1181...llows+divorce&qid=1563736486&s=gateway&sr=8-1

May God bless you with the knowledge of His will for you and plans for you.

Al

 

[tourist]

If it were me I would count it as loss because I am a fool that makes bad decisions.

...yet realizing this makes you wise.