Marrying a woman who isn’t a virgin and you are

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SavedmaninTx

New member
#1
Apr 24, 2021
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#1
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#2
May 23, 2009
16,492
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#2
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
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I'm just curious, but how do you feel this would work in reverse?

Do men who've had sex before mentally and emotionally compare women they've been with from the past, or are they able to singly focus and be fully content with a new wife?

For instance, I'm thinking of a guy I once knew years ago who dated a girl who had been a model, and he never let his current girlfriend forget that.

She never felt like she was good enough to him, even though she has also modeled (for a live show; the other girl had been a print model,) and was working on a degree in law.
 
Bob-Carabbio

Bob-Carabbio

Well-known member
#3
Jun 24, 2020
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#3
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
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Particularly since satan's folks are constantly busy REMINDING you about your imperfections. They DO KNOW exactly which buttons to push, and always do it in the MOST VICIOUS FASHION possible.

It's a good idea to learn, when the condemnation invariably comes, to tell satan to stick his filthy accusations where the sun don't shine, you'r forgiven and CLEANSED as a Christian.

I recall a pastor from the past who had a "besetting sin" that tended to repeat (He didn't say what). in any case, after asnother fall, he repented, and cried out to God that: "I'm Sorry, I did it again". And he sensed God say: "did what again?".

God's "forgetter" works better than ours.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
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#4
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
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Just curious: Why are you asking? Are you talking to a lady and want to date her, but she is not a virgin and you are worried she won't truly love you?
 
MessengerofTruth

MessengerofTruth

Well-known member
#5
Dec 21, 2022
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#5
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
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As a woman in those shoes, I can say that in Christ all things are made new.

I have learned what GOD truly intended in the covenant relationship of marital intimacy doesn't even compare to what I experienced formerly.

I hope that helps you.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#6
Oct 23, 2018
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#6
It's just like any sin, if someone gets born again truly, the past is gone and the Lord's will be put first. Hopefully, if this happens, you would be able to discern how honest the lady friend is if she presents herself as a Christian.
There is no comparison between between carnal passion and true love in the Spirit, so no need to worry about that. In fact, if we're wise, we don't worry anyway, lol.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#7
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
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#7
A woman that's a virgin?

I'm happy when I meet a woman that's a woman.

.
 
Moses_Young

Moses_Young

Banned
#9
Sep 15, 2019
9,991
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#9
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
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I think it depends on your circumstances, but if it were me and I'd just met her, I'd keep looking. Better to marry a younger woman who is a virgin, than an older one who is not. It's like marrying someone else's wife, in my view.

I also believe there are exceptions to the rule. Boaz married Ruth. Rahab married a Salmon. But I think these were special cases, for special women. It would have to be quite an exceptional woman to be worth breaking the rule for. You have to make your own decisions, but if it were me and I didn't consider her quite exceptional, I'd leave it at friendship.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#10
Dec 15, 2018
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#10
lol

the krazy kwestions on the singles forum start all over again

The woman who was married five times must have compared Jesus to her ex husbands right? But she somehow forgot about all that didnt she? btw she didnt marry him but she did something better, she BELIEVED
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#11
Mar 8, 2022
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#11
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
Click to expand...
Yes she can still love you and be detached from her partners. But with like any memory, she will have at least some memory of her past partners.

There are also examples of virgins who truly don't love their husbands. They may be longing for someone else.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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#12
Mar 8, 2022
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#12
seoulsearch said:
For instance, I'm thinking of a guy I once knew years ago who dated a girl who had been a model, and he never let his current girlfriend forget that.
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Best response to this is, if his past girlfriend was so great, why isnt he with her then?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#13
May 23, 2009
16,492
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#13
MsMediator said:
Best response to this is, if his past girlfriend was so great, why isnt he with her then?
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If I remember correctly, she dumped him for someone else.

Therefore, he was expecting this other girl to take her place and live up to what he saw as her crowning achievement (extreme physical attractiveness.)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#15
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
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#15
MsMediator said:
There are also examples of virgins who truly don't love their husbands. They may be longing for someone else.
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I want something else
To get me through this

*Lynx shakes his head to get the song out of his brain and goes on about his business.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#16
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#16
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
Click to expand...
She might also compare how much better her husband treats her than her previous relationships with men. Maybe she will think that her husband is a much better provider than the others and is more sensitive to her needs. Lots of factors in the equation besides sexual experience or lack thereof. Keep in mind also that any sins she may have committed were not against you. As one gets older the pool of available virgins becomes smaller. I would not consider a woman who is not a virgin to be a dealbreaker.
 
Encouragement

Encouragement

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#17
Aug 25, 2020
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#17
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
Click to expand...
I guess there are many things one can compare ones present spouse with previous partners from their physical attitudes to their hygiene to if they can cook or not.However the scenario you described ism sur does actually happen in peoples hearts secretly.Yet she needs to break any emotional and sexual ties with ex partners by prayer because this can undermine the relationship with her husband while is a unique individual and isnt a sexual clone of her past partners.Thats the thing about having sex outside of marriage..it can often create soulties with exes that can have a detrimental impact on a new relationship.I have always believed that Christian couples should pray about their sex lives often and and allow God to bless the quality of their sex lives and cleanse their heart from any inappropriate thoughts or motives that are there as an ongoing process of blessing their levels of sexual intimacy.
There is the possibility that her past experiences with some ex partners could be better or more experimental than what shes experiencing with her husband..yet that's not the defining dynamic here..being free from the long term effects of past sexual lovers is and she can subconsciously be idolising these sexual encounters opening up her and her husband to feelings of failure,selfish ambitions...even one becoming an adulterer over time due to feeling sexually unfulfilled ect.
Their sex life can work if done Gods way by prayer and allowing him to bring deep cleansing and allowing him to enhance their sex lives..
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#18
Aug 12, 2011
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#18
I know of a woman who started dating a guy. He shared with her early in the relationship that he wasn’t a virgin (and she was). She was ok with it for the most part because it was the past, but when they got engaged, the enemy had a field day in her mind. She was afraid she wasn’t going to be good enough because she had no experience. She even thought it as a regret! The devil is such a liar!

But praise the Lord for His comfort. The Holy Spirit reminded her of the truth!
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#19
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
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#19
SavedmaninTx said:
Can a woman who had sex before marriage keep from comparing her husband to past lovers and truly love her husband with her whole heart and not still be connected to past partners? This is in no way meant to be condemnation towards anyone. We have all sinned before the Lord saved us but that doesn’t mean that we magically forget about the sins we committed and any physical or emotional feelings caused by the actions.
Click to expand...
I just checked your post history. Sometimes that can shed some light on where a person is coming from, give some perspective on the topic at hand. But this time it reminded me of something from the past, something I had forgotten...

https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/still-a-virgin.200031/

We have been here before...
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#20
Aug 13, 2014
27,354
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#20
All I know is, if the quality (or perchance even absence!) of sex is a deal breaker for my hypothetical wife, I would seriously question whether she really loved me in the first place. Maybe she just married me to get sex.

If she did really love me, why would my performance in the bedroom affect her love for me? Either she loves me or she doesn't.
 
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