Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who is the Fairest of them all?

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Jennie-Mae

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Appearance has become, or really, has always been, very important. The girl we all want to be seems to be that 5’7”, long blonde, blue eyed babe. Perfect skin and makeup, and just to add insult to injury, a limitless beauty budget.

How do we teach our daughters that this is not the way it is? My own daughter is concerned about the fact that blondes seems to have more fun. She looks like her mother, meaning she is short, ginger, has freckles and is pale. Of course, that is average, but she and the other average girls have noticed what girls are popular.

To me, an adult, it’s obvious that many of the popular, beautiful girls are using way too much makeup, they are spending too much time shopping, many of them are coming from broken homes, and they’re already messing around with boys way older than them.

Any thoughts?
 
My mom was always honest to me. When i was overweight and complained about my stomache she said yes but you can make it look the way you want it. She doesn't hold me back. Encourages me to do what is good for me and if she thinks i overdo it she tells me to slow down and remember that I am beautiful inside and out.
She gave me confidence pointing out specialties when i was down, mistakes and problems when i got proud.
Then later my bf and some friends built my self image up where my mother couldnt reach me.
 
Hey Jennie,

This is a great topic. And for the record, pale gingers with freckles are adorable. :)

I've always been intrigued by the fact that women seem to either be each other's strongest supporters--or worst competition. Women will tell each other, "Oh honey, you look gorgeous! That dress looks fab on you!" and I don't quite think that men get that kind of encouragement from other men (at least, not without it turning into a fist fight.)

But on the other hand... Women will also scratch each other's eyes out for the attention of a man, so it's no wonder why we all feel like we have to look like mannequins.

I don't have any daughters (or sons), but I know one way that God has shifted my focus over the years is to send me lots of little sisters in Christ. They are all wrestling with finding their way in a society that tells them they have to be perfect, and that how they look is more important than who they are.

It's one thing to be going through those same struggles yourself, but it's another thing to see your little sisters beating themselves up over weight and pimples and other supposed imperfections. I just want to hug them and tell them how beautiful they are and that God loves them even more than I do. But I know that only goes so far.

I know the one thing they all crave and think that they absolutely need isn't compliments or affirmation from me, but rather, positive attention from a guy--and not just any guy, but THE guy they have their heart set on. I feel so sad watching some of them chase circumstances that you know are like hurling yourself into a roaring volcano. It makes me even sadder to see so much of myself in them, and the only way I learned was by not listening to anyone and running straight through the fire (and the tornado, and the hurricane after that.) I keep praying that that these young women will be a lot smarter than me.

I'm of the belief that most people hardly ever hear anything positive in their lives, so when I can, and when it's honest and sincere, I try to plant some kind of positive feedback into their lives. I worry a lot about young Christian guys, too, because society seems to be on this "Empowering Girls" kick, which is great, but what about little boys? Are they being left behind?

Both genders need to be told, and really grasp that they have an eternal value far beyond the illusions of this world.

But how do we make them see, and really believe that?

I honestly don't know.

And maybe if I knew the answer, I could also start believing it for myself.
 
For a person that seldom looks in the mirror, I could say that the fairest of them all are everybody else.

At primary school it was the common norm to be skinny, blond and have long hair. My mother was a sensible person and demanded short hair. I also had a name that the hairdresser thought was a boy's, so I more than once got a boy's haircut.
The other "it" factor was to be a good athlete in handball and cross country skiing. I was the worst there as well. So when we should have schoolplays where it was going to be chosen a princess, I was always voted out first.

Did this hurt me? I didn't have a supportive family. And the truth was that my sister was the pretty, popular, clever and bright one. That hurt me more, than being the chubby, clumsy, music nerd with short hair and fingernails as I was.

What my parents did, though, was to help me find a context where I could be myself. In music I found freedom and acceptance. (they also tried to shape me to be more cultivated, like pushing me to play tennis to meet "posher" friends)

So when bringing up my son, I sought to find a place where he could get friends and develop his social skills on his own premisses. I supported without pushing, I gave positive feedback about looks, friends, interests and skills. Still I failed.
The majority at school didn't accept him. He was the odd one in wind band. But he found himself in the programme for especially gifted musical youth. And I am happy I helped him find that place.

But he hates himself. He hates his looks. And hates his gender. Perhaps if I had not hated my own looks and body as much as I do, my son wouldn't look at himself that way. Who can I blame for that? My sister, parents, grandparents, ex-husband, school, teachers? Yes. They can all be blamed to an extent. But it is my responsibilty to move on and be comfortable in my own skin. I am not there yet. Perhaps I never will
 
Apparently I'm one of the only girls on the planet who is not the social norm for beauty and really doesn't care. I like a little makeup, I enjoy making clothing and matching outfits, I even like fussing with my hair...every two years or so, when I have something big to go to. But I never cared. I am sure that wasn't just me. My mom had a way of teaching things without me realizing it, and I'm sure she did that in this case too, but I have no idea what. So sorry, not really any help...
 
I think the whole blond thing started with the movies and tradition.

The old black and white movies meant blond actresses stood out more
so the concept of blond being the “in thing” was borne.

Added to it was that the bady was always dark and evil.

Then of course we got colour TV and someone decided tall dark and
handsome was good if you were a man. Then Marilyn Munroe came
along and emphasised the whole blond is better look and phrases like
blond bombshell started.

Of course we all know that hair colour is not the issue. We’ve all been fed a lie by
the media. Try telling you daughter that.

Maybe we shoukd all start our own fasionable phrases, like:

Red instead!
Dark hits the mark!

Or even

Bald is sold! Ha ha
 
Being a male of the species, I'll keep my contribution appropriately concise...

Not every male prefers blonde hair.
 
Being a mom of a 16 year old daughter, who is very comfortable in her own skin and who does not feel she needs to look a certain way to be accepted by others, one would think I would have all the answers. I don't. I do know what has helped with my daughter.

1. From a young age I told her some girls are skinny, some are not, some are blonde, some are brunette, we are all different and there is nothing wrong with that, it's just different. I struggled with my weight as a child and I knew the struggles of being different and for a long time felt like something was wrong with me. I look back at old photos and reality was I wasn't overweight but I wasn't stick thin so I compared myself to that. I tried to teach her not to compare herself with others.

2. She has had, for years, a good group of friends who know Christ. These girls don't just go to church, they seek Christ. They know their beauty stems from Christ. They know what Christ says about them and believe it.

3. She just happens to be an outgoing ray of sunshine. I really think this helps her feel confident in who she is, who Christ has made her.

I think each child is different. I think it's important they know what Christ says about them. It's important for them to see their mothers living out what we want them to learn, not what society says we should do. I don't like my current weight but I never let my daughter see me shy away from a swimsuit in pool/beach settings. (Even though it was uncomfortable for me) I'm sure I failed but I *tried* to not down myself as well and tried to remember what Christ says about me.

I look back and am amazed she has turned out the way she has because I know I made a lot of mistakes and following through on the stuff I have mentioned was a 50/50 thing. I failed a lot.

Most importantly, prayer. I prayed for her a lot.

Hope some of this helps.
 
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i just on the mirrors when i want to go to work, to church and go out. not really fan of mirrors because i think healthiness is the most important thing not the flesh body. because the beauty is from heart.

be happy n be yourself then mirrors isnt really big thing. :o
 
I wonder if it’s a Country thing, but I guess my lil Country isn’t as exposed to the “stereotype” of what a woman “should” look like in the world. We are a bit delayed with fashion, celebs etc.

Anywho, continue to encourage our daughters of what true beauty is about - “Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God's sight.” - 1 Peter 3:3-4
bible-verses-about-appearance.jpg
 
Jennie-Mae said:
Appearance has become, or really, has always been, very important. The girl we all want to be seems to be that 5’7”, long blonde, blue eyed babe. Perfect skin and makeup, and just to add insult to injury, a limitless beauty budget.

How do we teach our daughters that this is not the way it is? My own daughter is concerned about the fact that blondes seems to have more fun. She looks like her mother, meaning she is short, ginger, has freckles and is pale. Of course, that is average, but she and the other average girls have noticed what girls are popular.

To me, an adult, it’s obvious that many of the popular, beautiful girls are using way too much makeup, they are spending too much time shopping, many of them are coming from broken homes, and they’re already messing around with boys way older than them.

Any thoughts?
Click to expand...

Yes, I have some thoughts. Tell your daughter to stay away from those unruly, self-indulgent girls you described in your last paragraph. They will only be a bad influence on her. Tell her that God is looking for genuineness and honesty and that He doesn't give a hoot about popularity. Tell her to satisfy God first and He will find a good relationship for her.
 
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