Need some input: Feeling totally mistreated

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hi all,
thank you for your replies.

i wrote this person an email asking for an explanation. i haven't heard back from him.
when things like these happen and people suddenly start replying then i assume that it's
because they decided to drop me. i have experienced this before and it's very sad.
i would feel much better if my assessment was wrong, we will see.

i am also not sure about deliverance ministries. but one thing is sure there's something wrong with me
and i dont know if it's "only" mental. i have tried all kinds of meds over the years and none of them helped
at all.
the suffering is tremendous and it also negatively affects my faith. i am tripping on the spot always struggling
with the same issues. for years my biggest fear has been losing my faith and then getting lost. can you imagine
how awful this feels like?
that is also why i'm scared of reading in the bible cause there are so many scary passages and parables in there
which make me fear losing my salvation or not really being saved in the first place.
i mean i dont feel like i make much progress and then i can always wonder what if I'm simply bad soil? :(

i have experienced it so many times in the past that i made myself read in the bible and i always ended up scared or
frustrated cause i simply did not understand what it meant and then i think to myself "Should I not automatically be
able to understand the bible as a christian, with the Holy Spirit as helper????" and this creates another conflict in me.
then i worry again and fear what if I'm simply not really saved????

and this then feeds into the whole ocd thing. normal people dont understand what spiritual ocd is like. they have no idea
how bad this is.

i can always wonder "how do i know that my faith is strong enough or pure enough or big enough????"

there are pastors who teach that you can fail to "receive" your salvation if you don't have enough faith. stuff like that is
poison for me.

i can hardly listen to sermons from pastors. i have to be ULTRA selective who i listen to cause most of the pastors preach
a mixed message which totally messes me up. for example if i listened to reformed pastors who scare people and say that
God doesn't have to save you when you ask Him to do it and so on. I used to listen to Paul Washer many years ago and it totally
messed me up. stuff like this is poison for someone like me. it creates such a hopelessness.

IF my faith should not have been enough to get me saved more than 20 years ago then how could it EVER be enough?
I am in a much worse state now. back then i had not been exposed to all these confusing, contradictory teachings which i listened
to over the years.

if i ever had a childlike faith then it has been utterly destroyed by being exposed to harmful doctrines!
 
the bible also says a double-minded man gets nothing from God. verses like these also make the ocd and struggling with
doubts worse.

the more faith and the necessity to have faith is emphasized the worse the doubting and the fear become! it's a vicious cycle

and i have been trapped in it for over 20 years, unable to find any solution and believe me i tried. i listened to hundreds of

sermons during the first years always hoping to find something which gives me comfort, but pastors dont even get into such

issues. normal people dont even think in such a way they cannot understand ocd at all.

i even bought christian books about anxiety and ocd which promised to deal with these issues only to find out that they didn't

really deal with these issues or at least not offer a solution which works for me.
 
candycane7 said:
hi all,
thank you for your replies.

i wrote this person an email asking for an explanation. i haven't heard back from him.
when things like these happen and people suddenly start replying then i assume that it's
because they decided to drop me. i have experienced this before and it's very sad.
i would feel much better if my assessment was wrong, we will see.

i am also not sure about deliverance ministries. but one thing is sure there's something wrong with me
and i dont know if it's "only" mental. i have tried all kinds of meds over the years and none of them helped
at all.
the suffering is tremendous and it also negatively affects my faith. i am tripping on the spot always struggling
with the same issues. for years my biggest fear has been losing my faith and then getting lost. can you imagine
how awful this feels like?
that is also why i'm scared of reading in the bible cause there are so many scary passages and parables in there
which make me fear losing my salvation or not really being saved in the first place.
i mean i dont feel like i make much progress and then i can always wonder what if I'm simply bad soil? :(

i have experienced it so many times in the past that i made myself read in the bible and i always ended up scared or
frustrated cause i simply did not understand what it meant and then i think to myself "Should I not automatically be
able to understand the bible as a christian, with the Holy Spirit as helper????" and this creates another conflict in me.
then i worry again and fear what if I'm simply not really saved????

and this then feeds into the whole ocd thing. normal people dont understand what spiritual ocd is like. they have no idea
how bad this is.

i can always wonder "how do i know that my faith is strong enough or pure enough or big enough????"

there are pastors who teach that you can fail to "receive" your salvation if you don't have enough faith. stuff like that is
poison for me.

i can hardly listen to sermons from pastors. i have to be ULTRA selective who i listen to cause most of the pastors preach
a mixed message which totally messes me up. for example if i listened to reformed pastors who scare people and say that
God doesn't have to save you when you ask Him to do it and so on. I used to listen to Paul Washer many years ago and it totally
messed me up. stuff like this is poison for someone like me. it creates such a hopelessness.

IF my faith should not have been enough to get me saved more than 20 years ago then how could it EVER be enough?
I am in a much worse state now. back then i had not been exposed to all these confusing, contradictory teachings which i listened
to over the years.

if i ever had a childlike faith then it has been utterly destroyed by being exposed to harmful doctrines!
Click to expand...
What is your current situation - do you have a job, car, enough money, etc?
 
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Burn1986 said:
What is your current situation - do you have a job, car, enough money, etc?
Click to expand...
She is in a very bad situation has no job atm and her room is infested with carpet beetles, she yearns so badly to experience God and I can only pray he will grant her wish
it is hard to see a soul so desperate for God but has been left thirsty
 
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Blain said:
She is in a very bad situation has no job atm and her room is infested with carpet beetles, she yearns so badly to experience God and I can only pray he will grant her wish
it is hard to see a soul so desperate for God but has been left thirsty
Click to expand...
do you live with her? How often do you see her? What kind of medication is she taking? Does she have any assistance from Social Security, Medicaid, or SSDI to get meds?
 
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Burn1986 said:
do you live with her? How often do you see her? What kind of medication is she taking? Does she have any assistance from Social Security, Medicaid, or SSDI to get meds?
Click to expand...
No I don't live with her I just talk to her via pm I am not sure what medications if any she takes or anything else like that but from what she has told me she is very distraught and deeply hurt and her anxiety is through the roof so I have been trying to help her she hasn;t responded to me in a while so I am waiting to see when she comes back online I can ask her about her medications and such when she does
 
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Sometimes our emails end up in spam folders, because of key words which are religious. Like, 'Jesus', 'God', 'Demons'. Sometimes your emails will end up in spam folders, just because your not from the same email host. Gmail does this, putting any none gmail into the spam folder.
 
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Blain said:
No I don't live with her I just talk to her via pm I am not sure what medications if any she takes or anything else like that but from what she has told me she is very distraught and deeply hurt and her anxiety is through the roof so I have been trying to help her she hasn;t responded to me in a while so I am waiting to see when she comes back online I can ask her about her medications and such when she does
Click to expand...
Gotcha. Tough one. Sounds like she’s in need of some medical/ crisis intervention help. Hmm
 
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candycane7 said:
the bible also says a double-minded man gets nothing from God. verses like these also make the ocd and struggling with
doubts worse.

the more faith and the necessity to have faith is emphasized the worse the doubting and the fear become! it's a vicious cycle

and i have been trapped in it for over 20 years, unable to find any solution and believe me i tried. i listened to hundreds of

sermons during the first years always hoping to find something which gives me comfort, but pastors dont even get into such

issues. normal people dont even think in such a way they cannot understand ocd at all.

i even bought christian books about anxiety and ocd which promised to deal with these issues only to find out that they didn't

really deal with these issues or at least not offer a solution which works for me.
Click to expand...
I’m not sure were the best help for you atm. The best we can give is advice on fasting and prayer. However, if you’re taking medication, then it could adversely affect you. Do you have a church nearby that you attend regularly?
 
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Burn1986 said:
I’m not sure were the best help for you atm. The best we can give is advice on fasting and prayer. However, if you’re taking medication, then it could adversely affect you. Do you have a church nearby that you attend regularly?
Click to expand...
I just messaged her and she is thinking of leaving I hope she comes back online but she is not online atm.
 
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Blain said:
I just messaged her and she is thinking of leaving I hope she comes back online but she is not online atm.
Click to expand...
Oh okay. Do you have a chance to visit her or just know her online? She needs intercessory prayer for help and assistance (you probably already know that).
 
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Burn1986 said:
Oh okay. Do you have a chance to visit her or just know her online? She needs intercessory prayer for help and assistance (you probably already know that).
Click to expand...
Sadly I just know her online but yes you are correct she does need intercessory prayer a lot of it.
 
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Okay, let’s just agree to pray for God to intervene in her situation (Matt 18:19-20 “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.)

Let’s just agree to pray as we think of her at least daily. 👍
 
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candycane7 said:
the bible also says a double-minded man gets nothing from God. verses like these also make the ocd and struggling with
doubts worse.

the more faith and the necessity to have faith is emphasized the worse the doubting and the fear become! it's a vicious cycle

and i have been trapped in it for over 20 years, unable to find any solution and believe me i tried. i listened to hundreds of

sermons during the first years always hoping to find something which gives me comfort, but pastors dont even get into such

issues. normal people dont even think in such a way they cannot understand ocd at all.

i even bought christian books about anxiety and ocd which promised to deal with these issues only to find out that they didn't

really deal with these issues or at least not offer a solution which works for me.
Click to expand...
Put your faith in the things God has promised, which are certain. Hold all other things loosely.
 
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here is what you said.

I am also scared of reading in the bible (yes, I know this sounds weird) cause every time when I

come across a verse which scares me, like

for example the many parables of the lazy servant or the bad soil, then I ALWAYS become

afraid and start to worry if this could be applying to me. To me it really makes no sense to read in the

bible if the result is ALWAYS that I feel bad afterwards.

We all have the same reaction to all those verses.

It is not weird to at times to be terrified by God.

The key to really understanding where you stand with God is the promise that God made to you.

Romans 19:12-13
For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches
for all who call on Him; for “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

What matters is what Jesus did for us not what you think you can do.

There is nothing you can do to put yourself in a better position with God.

Let go and immerse yourself in the joy and love that the Holy Spirit provides.

Let go candycane.
 
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candycane7 said:
the bible also says a double-minded man gets nothing from God. verses like these also make the ocd and struggling with
doubts worse.

the more faith and the necessity to have faith is emphasized the worse the doubting and the fear become! it's a vicious cycle

and i have been trapped in it for over 20 years, unable to find any solution and believe me i tried. i listened to hundreds of

sermons during the first years always hoping to find something which gives me comfort, but pastors dont even get into such

issues. normal people dont even think in such a way they cannot understand ocd at all.

i even bought christian books about anxiety and ocd which promised to deal with these issues only to find out that they didn't

really deal with these issues or at least not offer a solution which works for me.
Click to expand...


This Should Help< regarding the spiritual challenge.
 
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candycane7 said:
Seriously, can ANYONE imagine Jesus acting like this?
Click to expand...
candycane7 said:
I mean if I have the stance that I'll just drop anyone who doesn't DIRECTLY accept EVERYthing I suggest then

I should not even deal with people!
Click to expand...
candycane7 said:
I cannot wrap my mind around how someone can be a christian and act so incredibly heartless and inconsiderate and treat

people like trash. This is simply beyond me!

I could NEVER treat people like this. If I noticed that their problems are too big for me then AT LEAST I would tell them

and let them know and wish them well, so that they know that I do NOT treat them like dirt!

This decency should be expected ESPECIALLY from CHRISTIANS!!!!
Click to expand...

It sounds like you have some idea of how superior Jesus is to other people you might ask for help. Maybe you can see that going to Him directly is better than going to other people. But we should not go to Him with the expectation that He will make our life more fun and pleasant. We should not go to Him seeking tingling and other physical evidences of His presence. We believe He is present with us because His word say so, not because we have a vision or a warm fuzzy feeling.

He will make our life more meaningful if we do what He tells us in His word. And as we do what He tells us in His word, we will become more convinced that His word is true as we see the fruit of our obedience matches what His word says will be the fruit of our obedience.

You seem to know how you would want others to treat you, like you would expect Jesus to treat you, if He were physically with you. You need to learn to believe that He is treating you as He treated those around Him during His earthly lifetime, even when you are unable to feel any of it physically, which includes emotionally. I suggest you change your emphasis from trying to get something for yourself from others that Jesus wants to give you anyway if you will trust Him for it, and instead focus on giving to others what you perceive they need in terms of human empathy and kindness. Happiness and peace are by-products of living to please the one who loves you such He suffered the cross and hell to prove His love for you. Happiness and hell are not things we should be aiming to get for ourselves, but to give to others. Blessed are the peace-MAKERS, for theirs is the kingdom of God. Blessed are the merciFUL, those who GIVE MERCY TO OTHERS, for they shall receive mercy.

The beginning of your healing is to go to Jesus and ask Him to set you free from your obsession with yourself and you own feelings, and to teach you how to set your mind on Jesus and the needs of others around you, and ask Him what it is He wants you to do to help them bear their burdens. The Kingdom of Jesus is truly an upside-down kingdom.
 
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