Older single children living with their parents....

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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#1
#1
What are your thoughts on older single children (30s and older) living at home with their parents? I have been thinking about this more recently, wondering if I am offered a position in my parents' city (I am planning to apply at different places), should I live with my parents or on my own?

I would like to hear from both adult children and older parents, as they may have different perspectives.

Do you believe it is more acceptable (less social stigma) for women to live with their parents then men? Are these beliefs valid? There is more pressure I believe for men to leave home than women.

If the adult children are financially able, and if the parents do not need assistance, do you believe the older single children should live on their own? There are some clear benefits to living with parents (such as reduced costs, division of labor, and companionship). However, there is also the risk that the adult child might be too sheltered and doesn't expand his/her wings. Do you believe the the pros outweigh the cons (or vice versa)?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#2
Dec 15, 2018
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#2
Depends if you get along with your parents! If you can get along its a real blessing for you and for them.

As a cohort, the over 30 generation these days have it tough because most are not financially able. I am not going to say whether people should or should not do something. Thats being legalistic, when you as a Christian actually have choices as to whom you will serve.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#3
Dec 15, 2018
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#3
In OT even when you married, you went to live with your in-laws. There was no such thing as being separated from your family unless you went into exile. And that was only temporary.
 
2ndTimothyGroup

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
#4
Feb 20, 2021
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#4
I will say this: "you" [are] at risk in the view of Adult Protective Services. Typically, this government agency looks down upon children living with their parents as there is a default perspective of what they call "Exploitation." It doesn't matter what the truth is . . . this government agency has been known to use people as sources of money, meaning that they will run you and your situation into the ground to ensure work/payment. They will ignore evidence that renders you innocent . . . in other words . . . I am outlining government corruption.

There is a tremendous risk, as if you were found guilty of any of their identifiable forms of abuse, you could end up on their Registered Adult Offenders list and no one wants to be "there." I would avoid the situation unless it was absolutely necessary.
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#5
#5
2ndTimothyGroup said:
I will say this: "you" [are] at risk in the view of Adult Protective Services. Typically, this government agency looks down upon children living with their parents as there is a default perspective of what they call "Exploitation." It doesn't matter what the truth is . . . this government agency has been known to use people as sources of money, meaning that they will run you and your situation into the ground to ensure work/payment. They will ignore evidence that renders you innocent . . . in other words . . . I am outlining government corruption.

There is a tremendous risk, as if you were found guilty of any of their identifiable forms of abuse, you could end up on their Registered Adult Offenders list and no one wants to be "there." I would avoid the situation unless it was absolutely necessary.
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What?! That seems to be an extreme situation, not the norm.
 
2ndTimothyGroup

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
#6
Feb 20, 2021
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#6
TheIndianGirl said:
What?! That seems to be an extreme situation, not the norm.
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I hope that you're right. The good news is that Adult Protective Services has a different set of rules and regulations per state.
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#7
#7
I do take advantage of my mom's cooking. :)
 
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Oblio

Guest
#8
#8
I miss my parents. Well, at least when they drop me in a hole in the ground, it'll be next to them. And the spot I caught a 5-pound bass! :)
 
L

Live4Him2

Guest
#9
#9
TheIndianGirl said:
What are your thoughts on older single children (30s and older) living at home with their parents? I have been thinking about this more recently, wondering if I am offered a position in my parents' city (I am planning to apply at different places), should I live with my parents or on my own?

I would like to hear from both adult children and older parents, as they may have different perspectives.

Do you believe it is more acceptable (less social stigma) for women to live with their parents then men? Are these beliefs valid? There is more pressure I believe for men to leave home than women.

If the adult children are financially able, and if the parents do not need assistance, do you believe the older single children should live on their own? There are some clear benefits to living with parents (such as reduced costs, division of labor, and companionship). However, there is also the risk that the adult child might be too sheltered and doesn't expand his/her wings. Do you believe the the pros outweigh the cons (or vice versa)?
Click to expand...
From God's perspective, he's perfectly fine with a child living with their parents until the time comes that they get married:

Matthew chapter 19

[3] The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
[4] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
[5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Mark chapter 10

[2] And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
[3] And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
[4] And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
[5] And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
[6] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
[7] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
[8] And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
[9] What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,320
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Tennessee
#10
My wife's adult daughter has lived with us without a job for over 3 years now. I believe that is what is called enabling. I have no problem with adult children living at home with their parents, but they will need to pay room and board and have a clear-cut plan on when they can eventually fend for themselves. I have had periods where I lived at home for a year or two but always paid my own way. Parents made a financial profit by providing housing. Been on my own now for years and years. Better that way in the long run.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#11
Mar 13, 2014
41,320
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#11
Lanolin said:
In OT even when you married, you went to live with your in-laws. There was no such thing as being separated from your family unless you went into exile. And that was only temporary.
Click to expand...
I did the living with the in-laws thing for a period of time when I lived in Maine. It was almost impossible to set up my own household because every week they sucked me dry financially. Finally, enough was enough. Thank God.
 
OneOfHis

OneOfHis

Well-known member
#13
Mar 24, 2019
1,430
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#13
What are my thoughts?

I wouldn't really judge someone for living with their parents or at least not by that one fact alone.

It could be a positive if the individual still living with their parents was very helpful and grateful to still be there.

It would be a negative if they were entitled and took their parents for granted.




"Do you believe it is more acceptable (less social stigma) for women to live with their parents then men? Are these beliefs valid? There is more pressure I believe for men to leave home than women."



I believe it is equally acceptable regardless of gender but I do not feel any kind of pressures from social norms. If I am happy about something and God doesn't convict me against it, someone elses opinion will not effect mine. (though it may change my opinion of the people trying to force their opinions on others)
 
JesusFreak1992

JesusFreak1992

Queen of Hearts
#14
Apr 26, 2022
240
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Kansas City
#14
I am almost 30 and live with my parents. I got a divorce in 2020 and moved out the end of 2018 (of the house with ex husband) and moved in with my parents.
I can’t say that it’s EASY living here because some things happened that messed up our relationship with eachother and my siblings but Ik they all still love me.
I would say do what is best for you
 
J

justahumanbeing

Active member
#15
Mar 25, 2020
440
243
43
#15
TheIndianGirl said:
What are your thoughts on older single children (30s and older) living at home with their parents? I have been thinking about this more recently, wondering if I am offered a position in my parents' city (I am planning to apply at different places), should I live with my parents or on my own?

I would like to hear from both adult children and older parents, as they may have different perspectives.

Do you believe it is more acceptable (less social stigma) for women to live with their parents then men? Are these beliefs valid? There is more pressure I believe for men to leave home than women.

If the adult children are financially able, and if the parents do not need assistance, do you believe the older single children should live on their own? There are some clear benefits to living with parents (such as reduced costs, division of labor, and companionship). However, there is also the risk that the adult child might be too sheltered and doesn't expand his/her wings. Do you believe the the pros outweigh the cons (or vice versa)?
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This would depend on the child and the parent. No home has the same framework, family background and structure. A home like mine does not have this. Some homes will have parents who expect their children to leave and be on their own.

Not every home will have parents willing for the children to come back home and stay with them. But if a family should welcome their child back home to stay, that could always be taken, provided the parents are okay with it and it's good for both parents and their child.

So, if you can go back. By all means do so. In case you change your mind or your parents feel burdened, then you can leave later. But you have to know both your level of comfort and that of your parent's.

Living on your own is better if you can afford that. It gives you independence and comfort. But the situation is such only you could know the better answer to this question.
 
E

EnglishChick

Well-known member
#16
Apr 20, 2021
673
349
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42
England UK
#16
Live4Him2 said:
From God's perspective, he's perfectly fine with a child living with their parents until the time comes that they get married:

Matthew chapter 19

[3] The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
[4] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
[5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Mark chapter 10

[2] And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
[3] And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
[4] And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
[5] And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
[6] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
[7] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
[8] And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
[9] What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Click to expand...


if they get married

I would hate living with family in my 30s and prefer living on my own. I am glad God doesn't have any rules about this!
 
Willow

Willow

Well-known member
#17
Oct 10, 2021
435
403
63
ohio
#17
TheIndianGirl said:
What are your thoughts on older single children (30s and older) living at home with their parents? I have been thinking about this more recently, wondering if I am offered a position in my parents' city (I am planning to apply at different places), should I live with my parents or on my own?

I would like to hear from both adult children and older parents, as they may have different perspectives.

Do you believe it is more acceptable (less social stigma) for women to live with their parents then men? Are these beliefs valid? There is more pressure I believe for men to leave home than women.

If the adult children are financially able, and if the parents do not need assistance, do you believe the older single children should live on their own? There are some clear benefits to living with parents (such as reduced costs, division of labor, and companionship). However, there is also the risk that the adult child might be too sheltered and doesn't expand his/her wings. Do you believe the the pros outweigh the cons (or vice versa)?
Click to expand...
My oldest son who is 31 lives with me. He has aspergers but is very high functioning. He can live on his own but chooses to live with me. I don't mind he does alot for me and works. We both respect each others boundaries. I personally could not live with my parents they treated me like I was still a child years back. They charged me for everything and told me my curfew was 10 oclock. I was working 2 jobs and they were giving me a curfew at 19 yr.s old ,lol. I guess it depends if you get along with your parents.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#18
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,894
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#18
Our culture practices a lot of “caring for our parents until time” which means, since all those years that they sacrificed and raised us, the very least we could do is care for them as they get older. It’s quite common here actually. we enjoy it because they live with us and continue to impart their wisdom and teachings as parents, additionally get to spend more time with their grandchildren.

Also, I wouldn’t trust others to look after my parents eg a retirement village or home, I’ve seen some pretty sad things happen in their care which I wish upon no parent.
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#19
#19
Not sure where you are from, but in the U.S. people generally like to maintain their own independence. The elderly prefer to live on their own, find love (if single)/date, than to live with their children/grandchildren (also depends on culture). However if they unable to take care of themselves they may reluctantly move in with the children, not that they hate their children but they prefer independence.

I don't think retirement homes are as scary as they used to be. Singles have no choice but to end up in retirement homes one day anyway, once they are no longer as mobile. Retirement homes or senior living facilities are all about providing convience and activities (such as prepared meals, Bingo nights) for the elderly, however most people delay going into these facilities and prefer to live in their own homes because these type of places also cost money. It's cheaper to live on their own.
 
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joecoten

Guest
#20
#20
I remember the day in January, 2011 that my oldest moved in with me. As I lifted one of his items, I had a stabbing pain in my lower back and permanently lost much of the feeling in my feet. Up until that moment, I'd lived alone for more than 6 years. I haven't lived alone since. Talk about perfect timing!
 
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