I have prayed for you
I feel for you, I cannot imagine what you are going thru, yet if I speak from my own experience, I would say I am the foolish things of the world, and the choices of destruction I made, I am now living with them. (the hard road)
it is like you do not get away with anything, (yet in JESUS we absolutely do). yet the consequences of my choices have left me with a hard road, so I feel your pain.
If JESUS restores you, you will be in an excellent position for an education in JESUS. for that hard recovery road is filled with wisdom as one travels along with THE LORD, a special education awaits you.
Stay close to JESUS, lots of time in Prayer to THE GREAT G-D of Abraham I would suggest.. for this is our Strength
escape Egypt best you can...
this was and is my path, since I have been a Christian 23 years of trying to break free from addictions along the way with many relapses, I have been 21 months sober and much more than that, have exited Egypt almost entirely. and have a precious education, and Wisdom I have from the hard road I have travelled... yet I am still the foolish things of the world.
think how much better you will fair, and how much quicker you will learn.
I am routing for you!!!
in my experience, as a Christian I would show G-D I was fighting, and wanting deliverance from certain bondages, for many times as I struggle with different bondages, it is Like G-D would let me struggle for some time, and as I fought and perhaps things looked bleak, G-D would reward my efforts and take that bondage away all at once.. then it was on to the next battle.....