Premarital sex: Why so much compromise?

[Chey60]

He doesn't sound like the real deal to me either. Sorry you can't delete your account that would be frustrating. Anyhow glad you joined CC, I like your posts.

Thank you..
I have so many different life experiences to share in my learning to love and serve God with all my heart

I love that a married woman in a godly marriage is here too
thank you for being here!

 

[Chey60]

Not really because we are ALL practicing sin, there are just those of us who deny we are actually doing so. Our pastor has been on a real kick lately about preaching against couples who are living together within our congregation. I don't know who they are but I can tell you, I can't remember the last time he preached against gossiping and baring false witness. THAT I know is running rampant in our church as well as most churches abroad. Then I have to ask myself, whose sin is more destructive here? If there are children involved, naturally, they can be the innocent victims of unwed parents. Outside of that, the sin is affecting the two people involved only, not the congregation. Yet gossiping damages many.

If a Christian believes they have no practicing sin, congratulations, pride is their practicing sin. Until we all accept that we are no better than anyone else, we will never truly accept Christ's sacrifice.

oh mi gosh I waited so long to respond but apparently after posting this got a job lol.. a long hour one..
So biblical term for practice means to have unrepentant sin in your life..
we live in sinful bodies but don't have to be slaves to sin and our hearts can be convicted and repentant.
Christ died to give us that.. read the whole book of Romans to find those answers.
So though we are not completely able to stop sinning, we as christians don't have to live in the bondage of sin to "practice" sin.

As for gossip and bearing false witness? yes those both run rampant in the church. But do you really think someone living in sin doesn't hurt the church? one bit of yeast leavens the whole lump.
we don't wrestle against flesh and blood but spirits.. so to say that two people are only involved is to say that we don't belong to one body.. christ's body.. what one person does , in fact, affects the whole church body.

Paul gives several chapters in 1 Corinthians over to sexual sin.. and the devastation it causes.. even above other sins..
sin is sin yes but so is crime..however there are different consequences to different crimes.. different affects and the same goes for sin.. with sexual sin having some of the worst consequences.. as it's done with the body and the Holy spirit is supposed to dwell there.

anyway.. this thread stopped awhile back.. I am loathe to bring it up again.. but I think being bored, and having an opinion, wanted to share

ta ta

 

[Lynx]

Eh, what's a year and a few months between forum friends? >.>

 

[WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest]

So.. I have to say, after all this talk about dating sites.. I did ask the question after all, I went back on one that has a questionnaire after having been off it for some time.
There are all these questions regarding christianity that so many of the men answer in such a great way..then there's this one " After how many dates would you figure you would have sex" and they all answer between 1 and 2 or 3 and 5..
seriously!! none say "After the wedding"...
why is this???
I realize the draw is so hard to resist! but aren't we supposed to try to buffet our flesh?

I don't get this at all..

Welcome to today's generation :/

I guess it is an advantage when people tell you 1, 2, 3 or 5 etc. because then you know early on when dating them that they are definitely not the right person for you.

 

[mystikmind]

Welcome to today's generation :/

I guess it is an advantage when people tell you 1, 2, 3 or 5 etc. because then you know early on when dating them that they are definitely not the right person for you.

On the positive side, perhaps it is because they think they can fall in love and find commitment that quickly??!! (Possible, but unlikely)

but i think the main thing is to have love and commitment, and waiting until marriage is kind of a fools gold because it does not guarantee either. But don't take it as an excuse to have sex before marriage either, all i am saying is that love and commitment are the main things to consider, and don't use marriage as a crutch to rely upon.

 

[WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest]

On the positive side, perhaps it is because they think they can fall in love and find commitment that quickly??!! (Possible, but unlikely)

but i think the main thing is to have love and commitment, and waiting until marriage is kind of a fools gold because it does not guarantee either. But don't take it as an excuse to have sex before marriage either, all i am saying is that love and commitment are the main things to consider, and don't use marriage as a crutch to rely upon.

Hmm - sex is not love though - it is merely an expression of love.

If one centers a relationship around sex, then what makes up the rest of the relationship? How is that going to last long term? Best not to build your house upon sand

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.


Not to mention, fornication is also a sin - people should be trying to uphold and respect what God wants - it should not just be a matter of 'the heart' as many mainstream people push forward, but more so a duty where one knows where to stand IMO.

 

[maxwel]

My potential match and I had the discussion..but he didn't set a "Date" per se..what he said was this..
"ButI don't believe a piece of paper issued by a gov't and standing in front of a preacher makes you married.
Marriage is the commitment made between a man and a woman before god !

So I guess I am saying if we commit to each other heart before god then what we decide to do from there is great "

Gosh it might be rude for me to do this (air this here) .. but "many counselors" and all that..
I trust ya'll...

He said what he is saying is the same thing I am saying about having the covenant..

I often feel as ifevery man I think God is bringing into my life compromises soooo much on their values..

And KJV.. tho I agree, we all still live in our sinful nature.. practicing sin and sinning are too very different things..

Compromise:

When a guy says you don't need a piece of paper to be married...
he is NOT "compromising his values".

He just wants in your pants.


Not complicated.
Not tricky.
No analysis needed, lol.
: )

 

[cmarieh]

I also view it as being if you have already expressed that you do not want to have premarital sex or that you want a commitment and he comes back with that he doesn't need a piece of paper he is basically telling you to your face that what you value is not important and just keep walking. You are better off without a man or woman that is like that. They are not respecting you and that is a key in a successful relationship. Respect leads to trust and goes on from there.

 

[zeroturbulence]

All this time I thought this was a new thread.

 

[slave]

When I see Jesus talking to people of Earth... when He walked the Earth, I see A God-man who saw peoples Hearts, and His responses were in regards to that. Sometimes He used logical conclusions readjusting the facts we wrongly concluded initially to have us see His principles, other times He asked questions that seemed to have nothing to do with the immediate issue at hand, directing His comments directly to the heart itself.

If I ask the question...Why do Men have sex after the third or forth date [Christian men, allegedly] ...I know what the answer would be. So would most men. Regardless of their final decision on that subject. Sexual tension and the feelings and longings to show and share Love are real.

And I could show scripture showing this is not real love etc,...But let me ask the question that matters.....Firstly, let me say I am 100% all MAN BABY! But the right question about my manhood in that department isn't about sex at all......The right Question is How much am I IN Christ. How much time this week have I been in prayer, His Word, and prone before Him? How much time have I trusted His promises? How long do I listen to Him In quiet expectancy?

Now after those questions go back to the issue of sex. God has not taken the temptation of sex away....at all!.... He has conquered the temptation at it's source. For that matter ALL SIN! But there is a condition to that. A condition that needs a daily answer. For christ asks us to pick-up our cross daily and follow Him. That CONDITION is If we remain in Him and His words remain in us.

How are we to get any answers right to anything, including sex without this premise? It's not just a intellectual conclusion, but an overcoming- power- of -Grace conclusion that Jesus Himself gives us and makes apart of our nature and demeanor in the NEW ME IN CHRIST.

So I don't have to sit with my legs crossed jumping up and down saying no problem I am a christian I don't need sex yet! Not really meaning it at all except as a hallmark card you send to your Mom. But God gives us victory thru things already accomplished in Christ, over that issue .....IT'S NOT FAKE BEHAVIOR. And for women this is GREAT news . Because it means there can be men out there that are truly able to get it right! Not sex reduced Men but sexually alive and in the right spot of understanding to this powerful and fragile thing called sex!

Today's times do not help in anyway the influences of men I would agree! Christian men need to take to arms over this! We need to check ourselves at the door. Men do we talk at the football game days when just us men are there and talk cheaply about women in fun??? Why? The B word even the chic comment needs to be put in its place!
Yeah But , Slave, that's just in fun today's society does those thing's. Well Ecclesiastes tells us there is nothing new under the sun. This isn't today's liberties allowed by God it is SIN pure and simple just as in Yesterday's.

It is the question of How do we see ourselves...simply servants of God? Or Slaves of God?... Boughten at a price!! And if we are slaves we are also Heirs of God's family. For me ... once those ducks are in a row....male sexual frustration and the need to show my affections, which are real and fervent are then seen thru God's eyes. And Satan's overwhelming attacks are subdued by the authority of Christ. And I find He leaves me alone because He no longer has victory there.

There was a time in my marriage I got this scripture wrong. But I got it now...Men love your wives [or future wives, and if you date that's the investment considered] as Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the church? He nurtured them and loved them. He served them.He put the church above Himself in service to them. This, men, is the foundation to a GREAT SEX LIFE!

 

[Galahad]

It annoy's the heck out of me when I hear people say that. It's not about the piece of paper. But from a legal standpoint that piece of paper is important.

To me that's an excuse from someone who isn't ready to make a full commitment to you period. My son used to play with this boy that lived by us, his parents weren't married 2 kids and no plans to marry. I didn't question it, his Mom brought up that they'd been together so long that they are common law married. She said she had no problem not having a marriage license, etc, etc. This is until the day he left, then it was we aren't legally married so it's going to be hard to get spousal support, etc, etc. Well he came back so I guess they are common law married again.

This guy didn't need a bright blinking sign over his head to say, I don't want to officially commit to this woman, for me to know, he didn't want to. Sad for her, sad for the kids. They moved I think they are still together, but I don't know.

You don't have to have a giant wedding, just the wanting and willingness to commit to each other. When people it's apiece of paper, it's a slap in the face to me. I've been married 14 years, 2 children, and good times and bad. I take my marriage vows seriously and I can tell from the way my husband behaves he does too.

Bravo! Excellent! Love it! If I was a woman, I would cry . Thank you. Very good.

(The paper ... a diploma is just a piece of paper, a medical license is just a piece of paper, a deed is just a piece of paper, a $100 bill is just a piece of paper. Well, these all have value behind them. They carry meaning. So too does a marriage license.)

 

[mystikmind]

What i have learnt is that it is much more about the lack of commitment. What is the use in waiting until after marriage to have sex if it will simply end in divorce? What is the use in standing before a minister in church and speaking wedding vows when those vows can be tossed aside so easily when things get tough?

Perhaps we should include a condition or two with our wedding vows.... i swear through good times and the bad, through sickness and in health, oh unless he doesn't do the dishes enough! Welcome to the modern pointless marriage.

I don't know how you find someone who knows what commitment means? Oh sure they will say lovely words, they will write you love letters and profess their undying love that will last forever - i heard it all from my ex wife, then after 6 years of marriage she tells me its over. Let me tell you, i had never met anyone like her, i was so sure, i thought she had such a large level of love and commitment, but in the end, i was wrong.

I know myself, i know i will come to change my viewpoint one day in the future, but right now i don't see that marriage is worth the paper it is written on. Commitment people, commitment! do you really know what the word means? Because according to the statistics, at least 40 to 50% of you don't know, simple fact.

 

[Fladreaming]

Sounds to me like that is the type of woman they are trying to attract or get a response from. Otherwise i would think you would want to put your sunday best on to meet someone unless that unfortunately is their best...too bad.

 

[mailmandan]

After how many dates would you figure you would have sex" and they all answer between 1 and 2 or 3 and 5..
seriously!! none say "After the wedding"...
why is this???
I realize the draw is so hard to resist! but aren't we supposed to try to buffet our flesh?

My wife works with a woman who is in her upper 50's that went through a Christian dating service to find a good Christian man to one day marry and she said just about all the men she met up with wanted sex on the first date! Eventually, she did find Mr Right who was willing to wait until after they were married and they have been happily married now for a year.

 

[pwrnJC]

I have a pastor friend who took a personal vow to NOT perform nuptials if he knew the couple were living together before the actual wedding. To this date, he has not performed a wedding in the last 10 years, except one elderly couple in a nursing home who wanted to marry and share the same room! There was also a post in here two months ago from a very active teenage bf and gf who were part of a youth ministry and team in their church, who claimed to be CHRISTIAN and yet bragged on their sex life together as being "NORMAL". When I offered my opposition, I was told to be more compassionate, less ridiculing and more lenient towards them. My own pastor is now a grandfather..none of his 3 children are married, but we embrace the newborn baby and see the joy in my pastor's eyes when he talks about his precious granddaughter. My own children to this day laugh at my wife and I when we shared that we both had something to look forward to on our wedding night. Honestly, I do not know anyone under the age of 35 in any local church congregation in my county that does not 'shack up". Being a CHRISTIAN seems to have NO effect on that scenario.

 

[LanceA]

I have a pastor friend who took a personal vow to NOT perform nuptials if he knew the couple were living together before the actual wedding. To this date, he has not performed a wedding in the last 10 years, except one elderly couple in a nursing home who wanted to marry and share the same room! There was also a post in here two months ago from a very active teenage bf and gf who were part of a youth ministry and team in their church, who claimed to be CHRISTIAN and yet bragged on their sex life together as being "NORMAL". When I offered my opposition, I was told to be more compassionate, less ridiculing and more lenient towards them. My own pastor is now a grandfather..none of his 3 children are married, but we embrace the newborn baby and see the joy in my pastor's eyes when he talks about his precious granddaughter. My own children to this day laugh at my wife and I when we shared that we both had something to look forward to on our wedding night. Honestly, I do not know anyone under the age of 35 in any local church congregation in my county that does not 'shack up". Being a CHRISTIAN seems to have NO effect on that scenario.

I seriously believe there is a difference between being a Christian and actually having a relationship with Jesus.

 

[Blessing208]

Unfortunately, I think the world has made their views on sex become more attractive than our biblical values. Which makes premarital sex look like a thing of the past.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

Coming from the life I am from, talking with people about homosexuality, you can eventually get them to understand the fact that homosexuality is a choice, as it is an urge you can refuse, and are not forced to act out on, just like any urge. But then their next argument will be about the "consequences" of refusing it, how it is mentally unhealthy to refuse sexual urges and leads to lower quality of life. Then they will accuse you of extreme violence for spreading the idea of self restraint. I do believe this works with people who practice heterosexual sexual immorality in every way.

The earthly world has its arguments built up, and has created exaggerated arguments on why self restraint is an evil thing, and they are working hard to get their message out, and to create a tolerance for it. But those whoa re with Christ know better. If you want to find a mate who shares your wishes of avoiding sexual immorality, youre gonna have to find another follower of Christ Anyone earthly has already decided to take the other path, and they will work to break you down to follow that path with them.

 

[setapartgirl]

Everytime men will come to me..i give them right away a hint that i will not sleep with him, unless he will marry me, then just like that they ran away like i have a disease lol, before, if you will tell you are not a virgin, they will not believe you, but nowadays, if you will tell you are a virgin or practicing celibacy, they will not believe you!see how twisted our world now?!?

It pains me, that this world became like this, i am not holy i am a sinner but i value my morality, and i am glad GOD removed those men, GOD is worthy of all this celibacy.

 

[jandian]

These are the things that mark how close we are to the end. When the lost sin its one thing; but when the "children of GOD" embrace sin the same way the heathens do or even surpass sin, that's when the time for judgement becomes ripe.

#sinwillalwaysseparateusfromGOD