Searching for male advice

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JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,278
2,556
113
#42
I doubt that very much :)

Cross cultural relationship? I don't understand. This woman is from the same "culture" then I am.
Different life experiences, different city/region.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,686
9,618
113
#43
I doubt that very much :)

Cross cultural relationship? I don't understand. This woman is from the same "culture" then I am.
JohnDB says stuff like this a lot. You will get used to it.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,778
113
#45
But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.
You are indeed facing a dilemma. Should you just ignore her or should you respond? Based upon the rest of your post, you would have to ignore her (without offending). Or you could decide that what you had decided earlier may not apply any longer.
 
Jan 9, 2024
31
21
8
50
#47
I'm giving you an update:

After I heard, that this woman was interested in me, it worked in me. That's why I made this post.
I was torn. I was intrigued by it, although I might not have noticed her, if I hadn't been made aware of that.
After a while of struggle, we had some contact over WhatApp. But I shut that down after the 2nd day and a phone call.
I blocked her, as a protection, that I wouldn't go further down that road.
After 2 days I was asked by somebody else, if I had done it. I wouldn't have thought it, but that lady was really very upset about it. Self doubt, blamed herself, but didn't know, what she had done wrong a.so.
So, I agreed to talk to her, clearifying stuff.
I did and since then the contact was "normal" - for me it was just two siblings talking.
But I called her friend, to check what was going on.
Unfortunately, this 53-year old lady is deeple infatuated, rose coloured glasses, hopeful for the future.
Now I'm deconstructing it - piece by piece. Because she is nice, because I am maybe a little bit to blame, that it came to this.
 

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
Apr 21, 2021
8,418
3,673
113
#48
I'm giving you an update:

After I heard, that this woman was interested in me, it worked in me. That's why I made this post.
I was torn. I was intrigued by it, although I might not have noticed her, if I hadn't been made aware of that.
After a while of struggle, we had some contact over WhatApp. But I shut that down after the 2nd day and a phone call.
I blocked her, as a protection, that I wouldn't go further down that road.
After 2 days I was asked by somebody else, if I had done it. I wouldn't have thought it, but that lady was really very upset about it. Self doubt, blamed herself, but didn't know, what she had done wrong a.so.
So, I agreed to talk to her, clearifying stuff.
I did and since then the contact was "normal" - for me it was just two siblings talking.
But I called her friend, to check what was going on.
Unfortunately, this 53-year old lady is deeple infatuated, rose coloured glasses, hopeful for the future.
Now I'm deconstructing it - piece by piece. Because she is nice, because I am maybe a little bit to blame, that it came to this.
Sorry to hear it's gone a bit sideways. I'm praying things will get sorted out in a positive way.

In my experience, women who are quick to get relationships are: a) Desperate; b) Needy; c) Emotionally damaged somehow; d) Lack discernment; e) Lack impulse control; or, f) A combination of two or more of the previous. There's also a good possibility she's playing some kind of game, the rules of which are known only to herself. She may be trying to manipulate you. I'd be very careful you don't get entangled in something you'll regret. If all else fails, remember the words of the famous Paul Simon song: There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.
 

LenMcM

Active member
Mar 9, 2023
107
66
28
Perth, Western Australia
#49
Hello,

I just realized - I have absolutely nobody to talk to. No (older - or someone longer and stronger in the faith as I am) brother I could contact and ask.
I have been born again almost exactly 3 years ago and since then I'm pretty much on my own, because I couldn't find a suitable fellowship yet.
I know one, where I originally come from, but that is 500km away.
I spent my vacation on a tent evangelisation in my home region and that was prime Christian fellowship like I never experienced, a really very blessed time, BUT - I now face a challenge or rather question, because I encountered something.

At one point in those years I worked through the topic of divorced and re-marriage. (I'm divorced twice...)
And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

The LORD freed me from any pain or difficulty to fight desires or lustful thoughts - it is really easy, I'm celibate and 100% chastely since then.
And reading Paul I see, I might be one of the blessed, for whom being alone is quite possible without pain or strain. I've always been a loner anyway and the worst and challenging times in my life have been relationships. So - that might be my path.

BUT I encountered something. A woman, a possibilty. It is not that I fell in love or was smitten. I don't look for suitable women for marriage and what I like I dismiss very quickly anyway, because that is always only rooted in beauty.

But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.

And now here I am, thinking about it since then and having no one to talk to, no advice from someone with a truly Christian perspective.

Thank for everything and God bless all of you!

Hi - I am a little different. I am 91 yrs old. My wife passed on to be with her Lord late last year . We enjoyed 68 great years together. I miss her terribly but know we will soon meet again in better circumstances. I attribute the 68 good years to the fact that before I met my wife I asked the Lord to lead me to the right woman. I always maintained that my wife was proof that God does not make mistakes. I recommend to you and all young people to pray a similar prayer.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,655
17,111
113
69
Tennessee
#50
Hi - I am a little different. I am 91 yrs old. My wife passed on to be with her Lord late last year . We enjoyed 68 great years together. I miss her terribly but know we will soon meet again in better circumstances. I attribute the 68 good years to the fact that before I met my wife I asked the Lord to lead me to the right woman. I always maintained that my wife was proof that God does not make mistakes. I recommend to you and all young people to pray a similar prayer.
I prayed the same prayer but I was not a young person. God did answer my prayer though.
 

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
Apr 21, 2021
8,418
3,673
113
#52
The original poster said he was having no trouble with celibacy and felt he may be one of the ones Paul was talking about who should remain unmarried. Maybe this experience has him rethinking that, I don't know.

Someone who was called while celibate, and they are content staying that way, should stay celibate in my opinion. If a man needs a woman, then by all means ask the Lord for a good woman; she will bless you.