Seeking wisdom about dating someone who struggles with porn

[lenna]

I agree that that is probably wisest. But even though I have wonderful parents, we have a hard time talking, especially with deeper, more serious, or sexually related things. My dad will need to know at some point, but I feel that is my boyfriend’s responsibility.

Don't make your boyfriends problem your problem. I know it hurts and hurts alot. But you are not married and not even engaged. You list all the wonderful qualities that you see in this person, but his sexual addiction ruins all of it. I would advise you to sit down with both your parents at the same time and just tell the truth.

Your dad should know before things go further. It's fine to say well he could be helped with this or that or whatever, but maybe he will and maybe he will not. Your parents may very well tell you to extricate yourself from the relationship. You are agonizing over someone else's sin and that is not a life you want. If you were my child, that is the advise I would give you and I would also have your boyfriend come over and discuss the situation (best maybe if you were not there for that)

This is not going away on its own.

 

[Daylilly]

Just the plain old KJV. Any translation is fine, the point still remains the same. God and his right ways have never changed.

I did not mean for that reply to go through. After looking up the verse references I realized they were correct. I had them confused with another scripture. My apologies

 

[Daylilly]

Don't make your boyfriends problem your problem. I know it hurts and hurts alot. But you are not married and not even engaged. You list all the wonderful qualities that you see in this person, but his sexual addiction ruins all of it. I would advise you to sit down with both your parents at the same time and just tell the truth.

Your dad should know before things go further. It's fine to say well he could be helped with this or that or whatever, but maybe he will and maybe he will not. Your parents may very well tell you to extricate yourself from the relationship. You are agonizing over someone else's sin and that is not a life you want. If you were my child, that is the advise I would give you and I would also have your boyfriend come over and discuss the situation (best maybe if you were not there for that)

This is not going away on its own.

Thankyou for your insight.

 

[JeremiahsCup]

How does the fact that the guy is not virgin equate to him not being the one for her? You expect this young man to commit to a lifetime arrangement with a woman because of a one night stand? Only God knows for sure whether He joined the two of them together in the first place, which I would say is highly unlikely. Being a virgin or not is hardly a weightier matter. Hopefully, the OP will disregard your ill conceived counsel.

Because he is all ready one flesh with another woman. Indeed this young man should commit to love his real wife for life seeing as they came together as one flesh. It is extremely evil to condone fornication and lead the virgins astray after fornicators. It is not the will of God for us to be enjoined to and become the members of the whore and for the land to be absolutely polluted with whores. It is an extraordinarily weighty matter. If the OP takes any other advice, then it is a great curse but at least I told them the truth so that they have no excuses before the face of my Lord and my God, in Jesus name amen.

 

[JeremiahsCup]

I did not mean for that reply to go through. After looking up the verse references I realized they were correct. I had them confused with another scripture. My apologies

There's no need to apologize, it's just translation differences, they're just small. The point is still the same, sex is the marriage, it is not right before the sight of the Lord God to be with someone that is all ready taken. It is a great evil thing that society has done, but God will not wink at this loveless society and their ways in the end. You are more blessed than you know, you haven't done anything wrong so far, and you have a chance to escape the snare that many millions of the hordes of the children of the Devil will fall into over and over to their own destruction, in the name of Jesus amen.

 

[lenna]

Because he is all ready one flesh with another woman. Indeed this young man should commit to love his real wife for life seeing as they came together as one flesh. It is extremely evil to condone fornication and lead the virgins astray after fornicators. It is not the will of God for us to be enjoined to and become the members of the whore and for the land to be absolutely polluted with whores. It is an extraordinarily weighty matter. If the OP takes any other advice, then it is a great curse but at least I told them the truth so that they have no excuses before the face of my Lord and my God, in Jesus name amen.

This is not a very balanced view of scripture. Did Jesus condemn the woman caught in adultery? NO. He forgave her but did tell her to stop sinning with regards to the adultery.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8. There is forgiveness but also the need to stop the sin.

There are other examples, but I would think this one in particular reveals instructions from Jesus.

I told them the truth so that they have no excuses before the face of my Lord and my God, in Jesus name amen.

You told the op YOUR version of the truth which is an extreme understanding and excludes any other scripture to balance it out.

 

[tourist]

Because he is all ready one flesh with another woman. Indeed this young man should commit to love his real wife for life seeing as they came together as one flesh. It is extremely evil to condone fornication and lead the virgins astray after fornicators. It is not the will of God for us to be enjoined to and become the members of the whore and for the land to be absolutely polluted with whores. It is an extraordinarily weighty matter. If the OP takes any other advice, then it is a great curse but at least I told them the truth so that they have no excuses before the face of my Lord and my God, in Jesus name amen.

So, if an 11 or 12 year old boy has sex with a girl his age that woman is now considered his wife? That's totally absurd and is sexually and biblically naive.

 

[tourist]

This is not a very balanced view of scripture. Did Jesus condemn the woman caught in adultery? NO. He forgave her but did tell her to stop sinning with regards to the adultery.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8. There is forgiveness but also the need to stop the sin.

There are other examples, but I would think this one in particular reveals instructions from Jesus.



You told the op YOUR version of the truth which is an extreme understanding and excludes any other scripture to balance it out.

Exactly, Jesus did not tell the woman, "Go and sin no more and be reconciled to your now husband". The two may become one flesh but that does not make them husband and wife let alone Gad actually joining the two together.

 

[tourist]

Thankyou for your insight.

I believe that @lenna has given you the most sound spiritual counsel and you should seriously consider following it.

 

[Daylilly]

Because he is all ready one flesh with another woman. Indeed this young man should commit to love his real wife for life seeing as they came together as one flesh. It is extremely evil to condone fornication and lead the virgins astray after fornicators. It is not the will of God for us to be enjoined to and become the members of the whore and for the land to be absolutely polluted with whores. It is an extraordinarily weighty matter. If the OP takes any other advice, then it is a great curse but at least I told them the truth so that they have no excuses before the face of my Lord and my God, in Jesus name amen.

I’m very sorry if I come across rudely, and I do not mean to, however I am noticing a self righteous air and argumentative tone coming from you. While I respect your opinions, and the time you have taken out of your day to comment, I do not appreciate the fact that you are arguing with everyone about everything that does not perfectly alone with Your views. The reason I posted in the first place was to seek wisdom concerning very specific and personal matters and your posts seem to have strayed from my initial endeavors.

 

[JeremiahsCup]

I’m very sorry if I come across rudely, and I do not mean to, however I am noticing a self righteous air and argumentative tone coming from you. While I respect your opinions, and the time you have taken out of your day to comment, I do not appreciate the fact that you are arguing with everyone about everything that does not perfectly alone with Your views. The reason I posted in the first place was to seek wisdom concerning very specific and personal matters and your posts seem to have strayed from my initial endeavors.

You don't come across as rude, and it wouldn't matter too much if you did. I'll just answer you then and not get caught up battling the digressing queries of the others.

All righteousness is of the Lord alone, if there is any in me it is both given and for the Lord. What I say to you is not for my sake, but yours.

If you stay with this man, and worse, sleep with him ever, you are going to be cursed pretty greatly and your days will be full of sadness and toil as Babylon takes you captive and either twists you and corrupts to their ways or else enslaves and makes you suffer through all of it. In the best case scenario after you have joined Babylon then in tears weeping and broken down by the world you will come and ask forgiveness of our mighty Lord Jesus. In the worst case scenario after you join Babylon you simply are corrupted by the spirit of wickedness to love fornication and abomination, and Lord Jesus shall cast you into the Lake of Fire.

If you leave the man enjoined to another woman, whom even while he illegitimately has started dating you has to seek after the images of other women, then the Lord God will show you that there are actually many better men whom are legitimate for you to marry, and you will instead be blessed among women with an honorable husband that you might have an honorable name and clean children. In the name of Jesus, amen.

 

[Mii]

Alright, looks like you've had some bad advice in this thread. That is troubling and an apology makes sense. I'll give a response and it's not my intention to come across as judgemental, I can only say what my own experience has been and put myself in his position.

Hopefully you aren't chased away entirely from this site because of one person that has a very particular view. I am not 100% against his view being militant myself regarding purity but I draw a line on some of that stuff because typically the "heart" of adultery is omitted. Someone that watches porn for 15 years and then gets married a virgin, are they really a virgin? Not in their heart, but physically sure. It's somewhat complicated sometimes the roots that are involved.


As to your question, as someone that is quite familiar with his struggle personally I do NOT think it is in ANY way appropriate for you to be helping him with this. If you were both married and it came out later that he struggled with it then sure, you could have deep sexual discussions in ways that as an unmarried virgin and a female seem kind of the opposite of pure. There are some rather scary traps that people have fallen into trying to get their significant other away from porn, YOU are NOT his standard or his guide to lead him away from that by yourself. It "could" work, but the risk is rather high to cross a line somewhere. Please don't take that risk when there are many other safer options that keep boundaries in place and are more effective.

I get that you want to help him, point him toward some help. It just seems to function better for that help to be another male (you mentioned your father). This is extremely important to discuss but I get that it's uncomfortable...do you have a pastor you can speak with?

Being near a woman and having an interest in a woman was always an extreme motivator to not give in to lust and my desire was even less and I was able to brute force a lot of it away and pray through just because there was a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. To pursue purity with reckless abandon because maybe just maybe the finish line (and the ensuing "round 2") was in sight. So it seems strange to me that he is not motivated to discontinue use much more strongly as it is adultery in one's heart.



Does he have a computer? Does he have the internet? Is there any legitimate reason that he has to have the internet? Netflix, video games, social media, etc aren't legitimate reasons when the risk is pornography. Especially when you "know" it's a possibility.

Even cutting out porn isn't going to stop lustful thinking but it's a great start.

It could be he needs more specialized accountability besides just cutting off access, some can and some can't. I'll be honest that I cheated myself out of a lot of married time and experiences by doing it my way. Took way longer than it needed to.

A wife is NOT a fix for lust. Jesus and walking in holiness is the fix for lust. If that isn't taken care of before marriage there is most likely going to be some heartbreak. Maybe not divorce or anything, but a waywardness that is really sad

It's a struggle and it's a battle. I've known females to cut off all contact because they feel like they are being cheated on due to this. If you leave the door open with a "if you gain self-control/deliverance in this area then we can continue to court/date" mentality that's commendable. His freedom could be around the corner, but I do think he needs to involve someone else.


It's a heart issue more than anything. It could be that he's being tempted more strongly "because" of your interest, but still...based off my own experience he should want more than anything to be past this before being married because you can take a "fleshly" heart condition into marriage even if you are porn free. Being lust free is the goal, in all self-control.

It seems impossible sometimes to men in this place of sin, but Philippians 4:13

 

[Daylilly]

Alright, looks like you've had some bad advice in this thread. That is troubling and an apology makes sense. I'll give a response and it's not my intention to come across as judgemental, I can only say what my own experience has been and put myself in his position.

Hopefully you aren't chased away entirely from this site because of one person that has a very particular view. I am not 100% against his view being militant myself regarding purity but I draw a line on some of that stuff because typically the "heart" of adultery is omitted. Someone that watches porn for 15 years and then gets married a virgin, are they really a virgin? Not in their heart, but physically sure. It's somewhat complicated sometimes the roots that are involved.


As to your question, as someone that is quite familiar with his struggle personally I do NOT think it is in ANY way appropriate for you to be helping him with this. If you were both married and it came out later that he struggled with it then sure, you could have deep sexual discussions in ways that as an unmarried virgin and a female seem kind of the opposite of pure. There are some rather scary traps that people have fallen into trying to get their significant other away from porn, YOU are NOT his standard or his guide to lead him away from that by yourself. It "could" work, but the risk is rather high to cross a line somewhere. Please don't take that risk when there are many other safer options that keep boundaries in place and are more effective.

I get that you want to help him, point him toward some help. It just seems to function better for that help to be another male (you mentioned your father). This is extremely important to discuss but I get that it's uncomfortable...do you have a pastor you can speak with?

Being near a woman and having an interest in a woman was always an extreme motivator to not give in to lust and my desire was even less and I was able to brute force a lot of it away and pray through just because there was a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. To pursue purity with reckless abandon because maybe just maybe the finish line (and the ensuing "round 2") was in sight. So it seems strange to me that he is not motivated to discontinue use much more strongly as it is adultery in one's heart.



Does he have a computer? Does he have the internet? Is there any legitimate reason that he has to have the internet? Netflix, video games, social media, etc aren't legitimate reasons when the risk is pornography. Especially when you "know" it's a possibility.

Even cutting out porn isn't going to stop lustful thinking but it's a great start.

It could be he needs more specialized accountability besides just cutting off access, some can and some can't. I'll be honest that I cheated myself out of a lot of married time and experiences by doing it my way. Took way longer than it needed to.

A wife is NOT a fix for lust. Jesus and walking in holiness is the fix for lust. If that isn't taken care of before marriage there is most likely going to be some heartbreak. Maybe not divorce or anything, but a waywardness that is really sad

It's a struggle and it's a battle. I've known females to cut off all contact because they feel like they are being cheated on due to this. If you leave the door open with a "if you gain self-control/deliverance in this area then we can continue to court/date" mentality that's commendable. His freedom could be around the corner, but I do think he needs to involve someone else.


It's a heart issue more than anything. It could be that he's being tempted more strongly "because" of your interest, but still...based off my own experience he should want more than anything to be past this before being married because you can take a "fleshly" heart condition into marriage even if you are porn free. Being lust free is the goal, in all self-control.

It seems impossible sometimes to men in this place of sin, but Philippians 4:13

Thankyou for your thoughts. Since I posted he has been taking steps to be victorious. He has talked to his best friend and his dad about his struggle and Asked them to keep him accountable. He has talked to our pastor and will be going to him for counseling. We refrain from discussing sexual details as that is not appropriate. But we do treat it as a sin that needs to be addressed before we continue.

 

[Mii]

Thankyou for your thoughts. Since I posted he has been taking steps to be victorious. He has talked to his best friend and his dad about his struggle and Asked them to keep him accountable. He has talked to our pastor and will be going to him for counseling. We refrain from discussing sexual details as that is not appropriate. But we do treat it as a sin that needs to be addressed before we continue.

That is awesome to hear! Thanks you for sharing.

If it means anything from a random person on the internet I am thankful that you both have pursued wisdom on this issue as that is uncommon in today's world but it is an encouragement.

 

[Daylilly]

That is awesome to hear! Thanks you for sharing.

If it means anything from a random person on the internet I am thankful that you both have pursued wisdom on this issue as that is uncommon in today's world but it is an encouragement.

We are strangers in this world and family in the Lord😊.
Biblical Encouragement And wisdom Coming from Anyone is welcome

 

[Matthew7x3]

Dear sisters and brothers,
I am new here and will likely not be here long. But I am in desperate need of some wisdom and encouragement from unbiased people who seek the Lord first and foremost. I apologize this is so long and sincerely appreciate anyone who takes the time to read all the way through and respond.
I am 18 and have been a Christian most of my life. I was blessed to be raised in a strong Christian home with great parents. I am the oldest of ten, homeschooled, country bumpkin kids. I have a quiet, shy, strong, capable personality and tend to always pick myself back up and trust the Lord to work all things out for His glory no matter how bad it gets. Sometimes I struggle with depression or anxiety for a few days but usually I am cheerful and optimistic. People seem to connect with me and share a lot of their burdens and sorrows. Somehow I’ve been able to encourage and help people in this way. It can be hard to bare, but Jesus is really the one who carries everything. I believe it is a gift I’ve been given and pray continuously that the Lord will be glorified by it.
So Now for the real reason for this post...
I have been In a relationship/courting This 21 year old young man since the beginning of this January. But we’ve grown up around each other and been friends for awhile. We go to the same church and have similar social circles. I have not been in any Romantic relationship prior to him, and am a virgin. He was also raised in a Christian home with great parents. (His mom has been my mentor for a couple years). He is saved and has a heart for the Lord. He is kinda a loner, very private, has problems with self-criticism and blame and doubt, he’s been deeply hurt by Some of his Broken family (Brother, grandparents, etc.), and struggles with hopelessness sometimes. But he has one of the strongest personalities I’ve ever seen. His character is honorable. He is loving, servant-minded, honest, Has insane amounts of creativity, hard working, possesses a hilarious sense of humor, Encouraging, kind, sweet, playful, wise with his resources, and ambitious with his endeavors.
I’ve been deeply Blessed by our relationship and we have grown very close. We are emotionally and spiritually connected. We have taken precautions and set boundaries from the beginning because we both desire purity in our walk. We have kissed some In the past, but We decided that even that was too much Of a temptation and we did not want to go there. He has dealt honorable towards me from the beginning and gone through my dad’s authority as well. He has become very precious to me and I to him. We have had a few rough spot but they’ve brought us closer together. We have not shied away from discussions a possible Future with one another and he has told me three different times that he wants to marry me.
This Is the hard part. He told me this in the beginning: he has been in one short relationship before when he was 16/17. Neither him nor the girl had very much spiritual or parental input at the time. (His parents were wrapped up in his brother’s rebellious life at the time) They had sex twice, but afterwards he decided he could not be in a relationship with her anymore and they broke up. Ever since that time he was terrified to be in a relationship because he didn’t want to “fail again”.
(Until I came along) It absolutely killed me when he told me that. I had hoped, as every girl hopes, to be his first time. But now I felt robbed of that God ordained treasure. We got through it and there’s been healing.
Then a couple months later He told me that he struggles with porn.
At one point in our relationship he had looked at it and it was killing his conscience so bad, that he told me everything. He said it was really bad when he was 12-16/17. Then he got right with the lord and got re-baptized. Last summer he had gotten into it again. After that, hating himself He’d stopped. Yet another hard blow. But I looked at his character and the fact he was honest with me about all of it and we got through that too. This morning I started to text him good morning and found a message from him saying:
“”Hey I need to tell you something. this afternoon and evening I was struggling with that problem I have and I failed again and I'm vary sorry and I hate myself for it and I feel like you need to know this sooner then later I would ask for your forgiveness but I understand if you are not ready.””
It was such a hard blow to take and I’ve been on the edge of breaking down all day. He also said:
“”You don’t deserve this. You deserve someone better. You have every right to be mad””
One of the things I told him:
“”Also, you need to know how it makes me feel knowing your sexuality is being fed by these sorts of things. One, terribly heartbroken, because it feels like I’m not worth waiting for enough for you to abstain from these things.
Two, extremely self conscious, especially of dressing nice or femininely because I’m afraid you might see me poorly or through a dirty mind because of what you look at.
Three, jealous, because not only does it Change how you see me, but also how you see other girls’ bodies especially ones that don’t dress modestly. And four, inferior and heartbroken, because if, and hopefully when, we marry and give ourselves to one another my body will not be like those porn images. It won’t be smooth and spray tanned and waxed and airbrushed and edited everywhere. It won’t be full and busty and “perfect”. It’s just going to be me, as I am. Imperfect and flawed and natural and just exactly the way God made me.
It’s really hard. Your mind and sexuality is use to being aroused and temporarily fulfilled by these false images, even if it’s been a long time since you looked at anything, it puts fear and self criticism and questioning in my heart towards you. I don’t want that.””
All along we’ve been there for each other. We’ve encouraged and built each other up. He has been a comfort and a steady friend. We are very much growing in Steadfast love and care And have a heart to serve each other. I I so deeply desire is to see him become the man he was created to be. Strong and bold. Fearless and valiant in the spiritual battles we face. I told him I could not go into marriage until I knew he had faced his battle and won. I know how hard the addiction can be. But he has to walk in complete purity. Am I blinded by infatuation? Am I caught up in some sort of fantasy romance in my head? Am I young and stupid? Is he not worth it anymore? I see him fighting and hating that sin in his life and not wanting that for himself anymore. How do I help him? I can’t fight his battles, so how do I encourage him? How do I show forgiveness, not tolerance? How do I know when it’s time to leave the relationship? How to I be the girlfriend that I’m supposed to be? Most of all, how do I interact with his weakness in a strong, loving, and ultimately God honoring way?

Heyy, my name is Matthew, I too used to suffer with the same addictions and similar story. I must say you do sounds like you have a good head over your shoulders through GODS wisdom. What I would remind is that we aren’t fighting flesh and blood, but the principalities and rulers of this dark world. Porn is a very dangerous addiction, and you’re right it will defile the mind and how you look at women or your partner. But JESUS helped me from that filthy sin but the only way is to truly give yourself to the LORD, literally surrender and say you want it no more! You have to rebuke Satan and his demons out loud with the name of our messiah Yahweh, Jesus! Prayer constantly and even fasting. You have to remember that you love and fear GOD more than your own selfish desires. You have to carry that cross if your a true follower of the LORD and know with your heart When you call on HIM in that powerful name JESUS! All evil must flee! Let it be vocal cause the enemy can’t hear our thoughts. I would definitely not move closer to marriage until he can be all in for the LORD and not allow the temptations of this world weigh him down because it is true that if he continued to look at that stuff, he would not be able to enjoy you in marriage as he should because he would be a slave to that sin. And those evil spirits Would be mixing with your body. There is a whole spiritual world out there all around us! Thank GOD HE doesn’t let us see it but HE gives us authority only through the father Yahweh JESUS to fight. You must have the Holy Spirit and if you don’t, you cannot fight this world of anything! You must put on the armor of GOD and never take it off or the evil on will prowl on you like a lion searching for his next prey! I will pray hard for you guys, but remember, he needs to be born again and see that he is a man seeking to please the LORD before you decide to pursue marriage. Then all else will be smooth and he can be strong for you when you’re weak. Last thing I’d say is if he can’t and be grateful he is being honest, but if you can’t stop, then you gotta let him go cause it’s gonna ruin the relationship for sure and you won’t feel attractive enough for him and you don’t deserve that. Hoped that help 🙋🏽‍♂️

 

[AndyMaleh]

What's wrong with you posting something like this in public? Sin must always be covered and you are supposed to seek help for it in private to avoid having it spread and prevent people from getting tempted by sin to copy your bad example! Do not post sin-promoting things in public!

 

[Anthony256]

Dear sisters and brothers,
I am new here and will likely not be here long. But I am in desperate need of some wisdom and encouragement from unbiased people who seek the Lord first and foremost. I apologize this is so long and sincerely appreciate anyone who takes the time to read all the way through and respond.
I am 18 and have been a Christian most of my life. I was blessed to be raised in a strong Christian home with great parents. I am the oldest of ten, homeschooled, country bumpkin kids. I have a quiet, shy, strong, capable personality and tend to always pick myself back up and trust the Lord to work all things out for His glory no matter how bad it gets. Sometimes I struggle with depression or anxiety for a few days but usually I am cheerful and optimistic. People seem to connect with me and share a lot of their burdens and sorrows. Somehow I’ve been able to encourage and help people in this way. It can be hard to bare, but Jesus is really the one who carries everything. I believe it is a gift I’ve been given and pray continuously that the Lord will be glorified by it.
So Now for the real reason for this post...
I have been In a relationship/courting This 21 year old young man since the beginning of this January. But we’ve grown up around each other and been friends for awhile. We go to the same church and have similar social circles. I have not been in any Romantic relationship prior to him, and am a virgin. He was also raised in a Christian home with great parents. (His mom has been my mentor for a couple years). He is saved and has a heart for the Lord. He is kinda a loner, very private, has problems with self-criticism and blame and doubt, he’s been deeply hurt by Some of his Broken family (Brother, grandparents, etc.), and struggles with hopelessness sometimes. But he has one of the strongest personalities I’ve ever seen. His character is honorable. He is loving, servant-minded, honest, Has insane amounts of creativity, hard working, possesses a hilarious sense of humor, Encouraging, kind, sweet, playful, wise with his resources, and ambitious with his endeavors.
I’ve been deeply Blessed by our relationship and we have grown very close. We are emotionally and spiritually connected. We have taken precautions and set boundaries from the beginning because we both desire purity in our walk. We have kissed some In the past, but We decided that even that was too much Of a temptation and we did not want to go there. He has dealt honorable towards me from the beginning and gone through my dad’s authority as well. He has become very precious to me and I to him. We have had a few rough spot but they’ve brought us closer together. We have not shied away from discussions a possible Future with one another and he has told me three different times that he wants to marry me.
This Is the hard part. He told me this in the beginning: he has been in one short relationship before when he was 16/17. Neither him nor the girl had very much spiritual or parental input at the time. (His parents were wrapped up in his brother’s rebellious life at the time) They had sex twice, but afterwards he decided he could not be in a relationship with her anymore and they broke up. Ever since that time he was terrified to be in a relationship because he didn’t want to “fail again”.
(Until I came along) It absolutely killed me when he told me that. I had hoped, as every girl hopes, to be his first time. But now I felt robbed of that God ordained treasure. We got through it and there’s been healing.
Then a couple months later He told me that he struggles with porn.
At one point in our relationship he had looked at it and it was killing his conscience so bad, that he told me everything. He said it was really bad when he was 12-16/17. Then he got right with the lord and got re-baptized. Last summer he had gotten into it again. After that, hating himself He’d stopped. Yet another hard blow. But I looked at his character and the fact he was honest with me about all of it and we got through that too. This morning I started to text him good morning and found a message from him saying:
“”Hey I need to tell you something. this afternoon and evening I was struggling with that problem I have and I failed again and I'm vary sorry and I hate myself for it and I feel like you need to know this sooner then later I would ask for your forgiveness but I understand if you are not ready.””
It was such a hard blow to take and I’ve been on the edge of breaking down all day. He also said:
“”You don’t deserve this. You deserve someone better. You have every right to be mad””
One of the things I told him:
“”Also, you need to know how it makes me feel knowing your sexuality is being fed by these sorts of things. One, terribly heartbroken, because it feels like I’m not worth waiting for enough for you to abstain from these things.
Two, extremely self conscious, especially of dressing nice or femininely because I’m afraid you might see me poorly or through a dirty mind because of what you look at.
Three, jealous, because not only does it Change how you see me, but also how you see other girls’ bodies especially ones that don’t dress modestly. And four, inferior and heartbroken, because if, and hopefully when, we marry and give ourselves to one another my body will not be like those porn images. It won’t be smooth and spray tanned and waxed and airbrushed and edited everywhere. It won’t be full and busty and “perfect”. It’s just going to be me, as I am. Imperfect and flawed and natural and just exactly the way God made me.
It’s really hard. Your mind and sexuality is use to being aroused and temporarily fulfilled by these false images, even if it’s been a long time since you looked at anything, it puts fear and self criticism and questioning in my heart towards you. I don’t want that.””
All along we’ve been there for each other. We’ve encouraged and built each other up. He has been a comfort and a steady friend. We are very much growing in Steadfast love and care And have a heart to serve each other. I I so deeply desire is to see him become the man he was created to be. Strong and bold. Fearless and valiant in the spiritual battles we face. I told him I could not go into marriage until I knew he had faced his battle and won. I know how hard the addiction can be. But he has to walk in complete purity. Am I blinded by infatuation? Am I caught up in some sort of fantasy romance in my head? Am I young and stupid? Is he not worth it anymore? I see him fighting and hating that sin in his life and not wanting that for himself anymore. How do I help him? I can’t fight his battles, so how do I encourage him? How do I show forgiveness, not tolerance? How do I know when it’s time to leave the relationship? How to I be the girlfriend that I’m supposed to be? Most of all, how do I interact with his weakness in a strong, loving, and ultimately God honoring way?

Thanks for sharing, i for sure had a Porn addiction before for quite some years and i had lost hope for being set free from this death trap since i tried several times to quit but i kept falling back but through commitment and prayer, God eventually delivered me. I feel like 80% of the men battle with P- addiction but it takes lots of courage for someone to open up about this issue since some are guilty, feel disgusted and afraid of being judged or condemned. Your boyfriend loves you so much and needs your help, all he needs right now is for you to show him unconditional love in-spite of what his going through. It takes time to heal from this habit ‘I’ve been there’ if i say so myself but theirs hope for deliverance in Christ Jesus. It causes depression, guilt and self condemnation so love is the only thing that can set him free and I’m sure his willing to let go though he can’t fight this alone.....don’t give up on him cos this is the time he needs you most.
God bless you and be strong 💪

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

 

[Anthony256]

Sure Lord Jesus can redeem them, but that means they have to acknowledge their evil and repent, literally, to turn back, from it. With the fornicators most of them will not ever repent, they'll feign it and keep living with their illegitimate lovers. Save yourself the heartbreak and get rid of the other woman's husband whom you ought not be with, you're worth more than that in the eyes of Jesus.

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus

 

[Robertt]

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus

just ensure you are IN christ before placing that scripture as part of your life