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I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.
For me, porn is definitely out. I know, I know... I'll probably be single forever--everyone tells me I'll NEVER find a guy who's not into porn, Christian or otherwise. But I would be able to tell him that I'm not into porn either, including "women-specific" porn like novels, soap operas, and most chick flicks (sorry ladies... I honestly believe most of those movies really set us up to supposedly believe in a Prince Charming that does not exist, especially since the main characters start sleeping together after barely saying "hello".)
The other reason I am anti-porn is because I have a strong heart for victims and perpetrators of sexual abuse, both male and female--from the time I was a kid, other people have told me about terrible things that have happened to them and I feel God wants me to pray for them.
I could not participate in the ministries I'm interested in (praying for healing of these kinds of abuses) and then come home to someone who actively seeks out these kinds of materials. As I said there may be some cases out there, but I have yet to hear of a case of sexual abuse in which porn was not somehow involved.
I just feel that in order to fulfill the things God is calling me to do, I need to stay away from such things and will need a spouse who would believe and live the same (I'm not judging anyone, I'm just saying that this is what I believe God is calling me to do in my own life.)
J
Jullianna
Guest
Megatron, I think there is indeed a communication issue and it has apparently led to some misunderstandings by some posters. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to encourage them to re-read the posts they find objectionable without jumping to conclusions, without adding/taking away from what's been posted, and take a few moments to carefully consider the messages other posters are truly attempting to convey. Seems like all too often there's far too much skimming/speed reading and the wrong conclusions are drawn. Not good. Not edifying. For anyone.
I have not seen one single post encouraging sex before marriage. If I had, I would have been all over it in heartbeat. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to be about. If some people don't think they can benefit from it, that's fine. Not a problem. Move on to another thread. But it's clearly been helpful to some and those are the ones my heart is for at the moment.
So, please give them some space and an opportunity to take another look. I think they'll be surprised at how far off the mark they've landed.
I have not seen one single post encouraging sex before marriage. If I had, I would have been all over it in heartbeat. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to be about. If some people don't think they can benefit from it, that's fine. Not a problem. Move on to another thread. But it's clearly been helpful to some and those are the ones my heart is for at the moment.
So, please give them some space and an opportunity to take another look. I think they'll be surprised at how far off the mark they've landed.
I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.
But I would be able to tell him that I'm not into porn either, including "women-specific" porn like novels, soap operas, and most chick flicks (sorry ladies... I honestly believe most of those movies really set us up to supposedly believe in a Prince Charming that does not exist, especially since the main characters start sleeping together after barely saying "hello".)
The other reason I am anti-porn is because I have a strong heart for victims and perpetrators of sexual abuse, both male and female--from the time I was a kid, other people have told me about terrible things that have happened to them and I feel God wants me to pray for them.
I could not participate in the ministries I'm interested in (praying for healing of these kinds of abuses) and then come home to someone who actively seeks out these kinds of materials. As I said there may be some cases out there, but I have yet to hear of a case of sexual abuse in which porn was not somehow involved.
I just feel that in order to fulfill the things God is calling me to do, I need to stay away from such things and will need a spouse who would believe and live the same (I'm not judging anyone, I'm just saying that this is what I believe God is calling me to do in my own life.)
I'm not advocating porn. I've known women who have been victimized by the industry too...while they were still in it. I used to talk to this girl every weekend where she bartended and she became a huge pornstar. I've also known a few women who worked in the industry. I just wanted to know what is it about porn that scares women... not what women hate about porn.
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This is a good question... and one that we, as Christians, tend to avoid. I grew up in a Christian school in which the only thing that was said about sex was basically, "Don't do it. Don't think about it. And for God's sake, don't ask us about it!" But I think it's legitimate that people have these types of questions.
As far as fetishes... I do think that's it's between the married couple and God. However, I also think it's important that God created sex as an expression of LOVE.
It might just be me, but having one spouse tie up the other and enact a "rape scene" is not an expression of love. At least... I don't see how the recipient will feel loved and cherished... and I don't know that the domineering partner is feeling love (putting the other person's interests above his/her own) towards the person who is acting out the "victim" role. What they are feeling at the time is domination, ownership, and power... which I don't think meets the Biblical definition of love that was meant for a sexual context.
I do think it's very tough to discern nowadays because our culture bombards us with so many other "ideas".
But, I could be wrong... Just my own personal thoughts! (And to clarify, I am stating all of these things in the context of within marriage only!)
J
Jullianna
Guest
One funny story... When I was married, my then-husband and I had a long conversation about fantasies and themes in movies that we thought were romantic. Because I love action films, I told him that one storyline that always melted my butter was when some super macho or burly, rough-around-the-edges kind of guy got stuck protecting or looking after some woman... and begrudgingly fell in love with her.
He thought it over for a minute, then said, completely seriously, "Ok baby... how about this. I'll pretend to be some kind of Super Secret Agent kinda guy and... My Super Secret Code Name will be Flash Dashing..."
He didn't get much further than that because I was laughing so hard!! I was completely charmed by his sense of humor and the fact the he wasn't offended by my somewhat girlish notion of romance... And I completely fell into his arms without much convincing at all. He was adorable!!
cute story
I'm actually against maried couples or any couple getting into kinky sex...NOT because of morals though. Because from what I have read, once they enter that "taboo" area of kinky sex and find it pleasurable, they will no longer find pleasure in normal straight sex. They can also get into a dangerous pattern where they need to try kinkier and kinkier types of sex just to keep it pleasurable.
J
Jullianna
Guest
Question: What scares women about porn.
1. They've seen marriages destroyed because of addictions to it. The amount of threads we see about it on a regular basis are evidence of just how far reaching these addictions are. EXAMPLE: A couple I know with two teenagers love one another very much. I think highly of both of them. The husband became addicted to porn and, after repeated warnings from his employer, he lost his extremely well-paying job and had to take a job he hated to support his family. He, his wife and their children were completely humiliated because it was a small town and most of the people worked at the same factory where he worked, and pretty much everyone knew why he lost his job.
2. Many women have been degraded and abused because they were led to believe that "everybody does it", and they went along with things they knew would scar them either physically or emotionally for life because they loved a guy who didn't love them back, even within marriages, as some of the ladies here have shared. Few women don't know someone who's fallen for this. And the young ladies who are afraid don't want to be next.
3. As Seoulsearch said, self-esteem issues are a BIG DEAL for many women. Yes, we know men have them too, but there aren't nearly as many airbrushed men on tv/magazine covers as there are women. There aren't nearly as many cover-to-cover magazines, websites, etc. that show "perfect men" as there are allegedly "perfect women". It wouldn't really matter even if that weren't the case because most women are not as visually stimulated as most men are. One of the morning news programs just last week reported that 70% of men said they would leave a spouse who got fat if they could. Even in these threads, how many men will honestly say that looks aren't a priority (but I've seen women say it too in all fairness)?
4. Innocent young ladies see what goes on in porn and think...I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I can do that. That looks painful. Will I be expected to know this stuff by my husband? If I don't do something right, will he still love me? That looks disgusting and I don't ever want to do that. That can't be pleasant.
Lastly, the same reason this thread was necessary. The world took something awesome and made it seem dirty, as it does with pretty much everything else God made. A lot of young ladies have the unhealthy notion that if they are curious or interested in having a healthy sexual relationship with their spouse, there must be something wrong with them. Hopefully, the Genesis 2 scripture and Song of Solomon will blow that notion out of the water and more marriages will be healthier as a result. GOD SAID that woman would DESIRE her husband.
Now that we've answered the guys' questions about porn, I have one for the guys that I know is on the minds of alot of women. If porn is so great, why are there so many threads about wanting to overcome addiction to it?
1. They've seen marriages destroyed because of addictions to it. The amount of threads we see about it on a regular basis are evidence of just how far reaching these addictions are. EXAMPLE: A couple I know with two teenagers love one another very much. I think highly of both of them. The husband became addicted to porn and, after repeated warnings from his employer, he lost his extremely well-paying job and had to take a job he hated to support his family. He, his wife and their children were completely humiliated because it was a small town and most of the people worked at the same factory where he worked, and pretty much everyone knew why he lost his job.
2. Many women have been degraded and abused because they were led to believe that "everybody does it", and they went along with things they knew would scar them either physically or emotionally for life because they loved a guy who didn't love them back, even within marriages, as some of the ladies here have shared. Few women don't know someone who's fallen for this. And the young ladies who are afraid don't want to be next.
3. As Seoulsearch said, self-esteem issues are a BIG DEAL for many women. Yes, we know men have them too, but there aren't nearly as many airbrushed men on tv/magazine covers as there are women. There aren't nearly as many cover-to-cover magazines, websites, etc. that show "perfect men" as there are allegedly "perfect women". It wouldn't really matter even if that weren't the case because most women are not as visually stimulated as most men are. One of the morning news programs just last week reported that 70% of men said they would leave a spouse who got fat if they could. Even in these threads, how many men will honestly say that looks aren't a priority (but I've seen women say it too in all fairness)?
4. Innocent young ladies see what goes on in porn and think...I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I can do that. That looks painful. Will I be expected to know this stuff by my husband? If I don't do something right, will he still love me? That looks disgusting and I don't ever want to do that. That can't be pleasant.
Lastly, the same reason this thread was necessary. The world took something awesome and made it seem dirty, as it does with pretty much everything else God made. A lot of young ladies have the unhealthy notion that if they are curious or interested in having a healthy sexual relationship with their spouse, there must be something wrong with them. Hopefully, the Genesis 2 scripture and Song of Solomon will blow that notion out of the water and more marriages will be healthier as a result. GOD SAID that woman would DESIRE her husband.
Now that we've answered the guys' questions about porn, I have one for the guys that I know is on the minds of alot of women. If porn is so great, why are there so many threads about wanting to overcome addiction to it?
Well, I have a feeling that survey of men who would leave a spouse if she got fat was a survey of young, unmarried men because from what I can see, most married women are overweight. (and thats perfectly OK with me!)
N
NukePooch
Guest
For the same reason that that apple must have seemed so delicious right up until the time that Adam and Eve sought to 'hide' from God.
There is nothing wrong with looking at porn. No one gets hurt. Except for those who are making it. And those who are watching it. And those who are involved with those who are addicted to it...
For those of us who have been there...that porn video seems like an awesome idea- for a moment. Then it's shame and guilt and why can't I stop? That first apple bite must have seemed like such a good idea...then it's pain in childbirth and eternal toil. Yeah. It was worth it... That video seems like such a good idea, who will know? Then it's pain in marriage, divorce, depression, addiction, etc. Those who say there's nothing wrong with it are either lying to cover up their own shame or they simply don't understand what it feels like to be truly loved.
M
Maddog
Guest
I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.
Hmm...I would take what 'everyone' says with a pinch of salt.
M
Maddog
Guest
Agreed. I'm no saint; I've been to the darker side of the internet and enjoyed what it has to offer. It's fun, until I've finished. Then reality snaps back, and I realise what I've done...how I've abused myself, abused the gift of sexuality, but more importantly, abused all those people I've been watching. Yes, even if they voluntarily offer their bodies for strangers' pleasure, the fact remains I have no right to it, and by using them solely for my own selfish gratification, I have dehumanised them, and dehumanised myself in the process.
Because we know the kind of damage it can cause for my future. I know God doesn't wan't to look at that crap. And really after learning how girls in porn are treated it just makes me want to stop even more...
Porn is disgusting! PERIOD!
I can't find something of that nature intimidating. Then again I don't find anything that is ungodly intimidating.
I can't find something of that nature intimidating. Then again I don't find anything that is ungodly intimidating.
Yes, porn is not a good thing for anyone (except the companies getting rich off it).
Now to answer that last question:
When God created us he gave us a few different types of appetites; an appetite for food, an appetite for knowledge, an appetite for feeling valued and loved, and an appetite for SEX. Those of us who are single have no one to satisfy that appetite for sex so we either try to suppress it, or pleasure ourselves with our imagination, or pleasure ourselves with...you guessed it...pornographic images.
These pornographic images feed our imagination like lighter fluid on a smoldering fire. They also make it easier for us because we don't have to work our own imaginations. It seems like an ok way to satisfy the appetite, except when porn itself becomes the fantasy. When the woman in a man's life no longer can compare to the pleasure the man gets from porn. Then there are very big problems.
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T
TDWP22
Guest
nooo, nothing to be ashamed of....marriage is marriage, even Paul recommends married couples ti come together intimately
I refuse to put big girl pants on, but I like this thread. It's an interesting read.
Oh and the other problem is when single men (and women) enjoy porn so much that they can't stop looking at it. What you have is a sexual appetite that won't go away and a forbidden food that feels very enjoyable to indulge in. Whats the solution? Besides getting married, I don't know.