Should I let these people back in my home?

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Should I let these children into my home?

  • Total voters
    8
A

AkanniRose

New member
#1
Dec 6, 2018
9
9
3
#1
My children are friendly with a few teenagers. I have been letting them in to play with my two daughters and talk to me on and off for about a year now. They constantly would leave trash on my floor but I would try to ignore it and clean it up anyway.

Recently when I let them in they stole water bottles from my fridge when they thought I was sleep. I foolishly let them in this final time and they broke my tablet.

I always gave these children a listening ear, wanting to show them Jesus and giving them food and drinks when I could. But im tired of being taken advantage of and having my stuff stolen and broken.

Jesus says to forgive 70 times 7. I think I forgave, but they're still not allowed inside of my home. I can pray for them and love at a distance. Am i doing the right thing or should I allow them inside my house when they knock? Recently I've been ignoring them pounding at my door. I want to be a good christian. I know at least one of them isnt being treated right at home, Just tired of being taken for a fool.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
42,663
17,116
113
69
Tennessee
#2
Based on their previous behavior and disrespect by trashing your home I would absolutely not allow them into my home. Being a good Christian has nothing to do with who you allow or not allow into your home. If your children leave trash on the floor also I would take away their cell phones for a month, including revoking their computer privileges if one is available.
 
A

AkanniRose

New member
#3
Dec 6, 2018
9
9
3
#3
tourist said:
Based on their previous behavior and disrespect by trashing your home I would absolutely not allow them into my home. Being a good Christian has nothing to do with who you allow or not allow into your home. If your children leave trash on the floor also I would take away their cell phones for a month, including revoking their computer privileges if one is available.
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Aren't we supposed to be welcoming and hospitable?
 
kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#4
Jun 26, 2013
3,946
1,507
113
#4
You are down a tablet and water bottles. Do you want more things broken and stolen? If you do, invite them in. Maybe you can meet them at a park, if you feel you need to mentor them?!?!

Just remember I don't know you or these kids, so I'm really not the best person to ask. Maybe ask your neighbors what they would do.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
42,663
17,116
113
69
Tennessee
#5
AkanniRose said:
Aren't we supposed to be welcoming and hospitable?
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Yes, but you have the right to control who comes into your home and the conduct that's expected. This is a Christian spiritual responsibility. Personally, except for supervised visits I would not allow any teenagers into my home that exhibit poor manners and total disrespect for me, my home, and my belongings. If those kids trashed my home the way that they did yours I would not allow them into my home period. Welcoming and hospitable yes, doormat no. They can wipe their feet somewhere else.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#6
Feb 21, 2014
70,924
9,673
113
#6
I agree with Tourist. If they can't be respectful of you and your house, then they don't need to come in. Let them visit someone else. And the one who isn't being treated right at home? THAT is NOT your problem..
 
inukubo

inukubo

Active member
#7
Jun 27, 2019
169
166
43
45
#7
It sounds like they probably need some tough love more than anything. Very likely they don't have any structured boundaries at home, so having to experience consequences for their behavior will have a more long-lasting impact on them than if you continue to let them take advantage of you. Setting and enforcing boundaries and consequences is part and parcel of providing a safe space for kids, and without it they will never mature into responsible adults.
 
Leastamongmany

Leastamongmany

Well-known member
#9
Jun 2, 2019
3,270
1,269
113
Usa
#9
Prayer changes MANY things and gives His direction in our lives! 💖💖💖
 
Hazelelponi

Hazelelponi

Well-known member
#10
Jul 8, 2019
609
397
63
USA
#10
AkanniRose said:
My children are friendly with a few teenagers. I have been letting them in to play with my two daughters and talk to me on and off for about a year now. They constantly would leave trash on my floor but I would try to ignore it and clean it up anyway.

Recently when I let them in they stole water bottles from my fridge when they thought I was sleep. I foolishly let them in this final time and they broke my tablet.

I always gave these children a listening ear, wanting to show them Jesus and giving them food and drinks when I could. But im tired of being taken advantage of and having my stuff stolen and broken.

Jesus says to forgive 70 times 7. I think I forgave, but they're still not allowed inside of my home. I can pray for them and love at a distance. Am i doing the right thing or should I allow them inside my house when they knock? Recently I've been ignoring them pounding at my door. I want to be a good christian. I know at least one of them isnt being treated right at home, Just tired of being taken for a fool.
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I wouldn't ignore them, I would answer the door and tell them they aren't allowed over anymore because you feel they have not honored your rules and treated your property with respect.

You never know it may change their behavior in the end..

My sons best friend didn't have a mother, and they were freinds since they were 5. In time, myself and his father became almost like divorced parents where the child was concerned, I even got phone calls for medical emergencies occasionally.

When he turned 18, he thought he was a man and didn't have to respect my home anymore, and he walked in that day without removing his shoes, and put his boots on my coffee table and asked for something to eat.

Without ANY hesitation I threw him out of my home.. and only let him back a couple weeks later after tons of profuse apologies and begging for favor and forgiveness.

lol.. he never dared disrespect me again. And that was that.

Don't be a pushover, but don't be abusive. Tell them their error, and that they won't be coming back because of it. Actions have consequences, and they learn that lesson from us first..
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#11
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
113
#11
Yes, keep forgiving, loving mercy all the days of your life.

Yes, take care and PROTECT you and your children, which includes being a good steward of the well-being of them and the household.

So yes, I agree forgive them with a sincere, loving heart and continue to pray for them, wanting only the very BEST, Messiah's revealing, for them.

I hope you find peace and resolution.
 
lolo4

lolo4

Active member
#12
May 17, 2019
86
104
33
#12
a
AkanniRose said:
My children are friendly with a few teenagers. I have been letting them in to play with my two daughters and talk to me on and off for about a year now. They constantly would leave trash on my floor but I would try to ignore it and clean it up anyway.

Recently when I let them in they stole water bottles from my fridge when they thought I was sleep. I foolishly let them in this final time and they broke my tablet.

I always gave these children a listening ear, wanting to show them Jesus and giving them food and drinks when I could. But im tired of being taken advantage of and having my stuff stolen and broken.

Jesus says to forgive 70 times 7. I think I forgave, but they're still not allowed inside of my home. I can pray for them and love at a distance. Am i doing the right thing or should I allow them inside my house when they knock? Recently I've been ignoring them pounding at my door. I want to be a good christian. I know at least one of them isnt being treated right at home, Just tired of being taken for a fool.
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AkanniRose, what an excellent question!! Your referance to Jesus saying to forgive 70x7 times is exactly what I have struggled with many times over my lifetime.

Also, as a Christian, I have gone way out of my way, and given so much of myself and/or finances or possessions. My last experience was helping a family financially/ paying rent for 2 months, buying groceries for them, giving them many household items (blankets, dishes etc) and being very happy to do so.... until they started to harrass me for more and more. It was very disconcerting.

I totally agree with everyone who says to keep them out of your home. They have not earned your respect nor trust. In my opinion, it is not a sin to distance yourself from someone who is being abusive and disrespectful, nor is it your responsibility to take them into your home even if they have an unhappy homelife. Your responsibility is to your own family and to yourself.

If I were in your position, I would not let them back into my home, nor would I allow any further contact with my children.
 
Deade

Deade

Called of God
#13
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,531
113
78
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#13
AkanniRose said:
Aren't we supposed to be welcoming and hospitable?
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Yes, you are. But when you become a doormat, you become an enabler. You enable them to use and abuse you and your family. That is not keeping your house in order. If you let them in, they owe you respect. 2eek.gif
 
T

Thristy_for_living_waters

Member
#14
Nov 12, 2018
37
31
18
#14
AkanniRose said:
My children are friendly with a few teenagers. I have been letting them in to play with my two daughters and talk to me on and off for about a year now. They constantly would leave trash on my floor but I would try to ignore it and clean it up anyway.

Recently when I let them in they stole water bottles from my fridge when they thought I was sleep. I foolishly let them in this final time and they broke my tablet.

I always gave these children a listening ear, wanting to show them Jesus and giving them food and drinks when I could. But im tired of being taken advantage of and having my stuff stolen and broken.

Jesus says to forgive 70 times 7. I think I forgave, but they're still not allowed inside of my home. I can pray for them and love at a distance. Am i doing the right thing or should I allow them inside my house when they knock? Recently I've been ignoring them pounding at my door. I want to be a good christian. I know at least one of them isnt being treated right at home, Just tired of being taken for a fool.
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Matthew 7:6
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and tear you.

Try enforcing rules of respecting ur house or find another way of mentoring them .
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#15
Jul 3, 2015
61,142
30,289
113
#15
AkanniRose said:
My children are friendly with a few teenagers. I have been letting them in to play with my two daughters and talk to me on and off for about a year now. They constantly would leave trash on my floor but I would try to ignore it and clean it up anyway.

Recently when I let them in they stole water bottles from my fridge when they thought I was sleep. I foolishly let them in this final time and they broke my tablet.

I always gave these children a listening ear, wanting to show them Jesus and giving them food and drinks when I could. But im tired of being taken advantage of and having my stuff stolen and broken.

Jesus says to forgive 70 times 7. I think I forgave, but they're still not allowed inside of my home. I can pray for them and love at a distance. Am i doing the right thing or should I allow them inside my house when they knock? Recently I've been ignoring them pounding at my door. I want to be a good christian. I know at least one of them isnt being treated right at home, Just tired of being taken for a fool.
Click to expand...
Did you have clearly defined house rules for them? Did you let them know what was expected of them as your guests?
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#16
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,778
113
#16
AkanniRose said:
But im tired of being taken advantage of and having my stuff stolen and broken.
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You will not be helping brats by tolerating their nonsense.

But why have you failed to talk to their parents and/or guardians regarding their unacceptable behavior?
 
Mii

Mii

Well-known member
#17
Mar 23, 2019
2,082
1,330
113
#17
My personal rule is to bring it up first...or if you are well past that point and feel that there is no reason they should be in the home at all. What about outside? I very rarely went into neighbors homes as a child...usually it was all outside and on rare occasions inside. Most of the people I visited were pretty messy and it was me cleaning up after myself and them kind of thinking that odd lol.

Not too hard to have a mini-fridge on the front porch with a rule list and a trash can next to it. Please throw away your trash or the nice water lady will stop bequeathing water ;)


Difficult scenario tbh. What are the conversations like? That's nature of them is kind of what makes things worthwhile to me. If I feel like I'm making headway and I see positive progress, etc.
 
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