"Bear" in mind that I am writing this without reading Any of the other responses.
Roh_Chris, it is a pleasure and an honor to be in community with you. The internet has been used as a tool of the devil time and again, but it is through fellowships like this that I feel confidant that the internet is God's tool, too.
I worry anytime I hear of a Christian that either is not going through spiritual struggles or cannot look back and speak of major spiritual struggles they have been brought through by God's hand. It either means that they are about to go through something (and need prayers) or that they are so far off God's path without knowing it that the devil doesn't need to bother them, he's got them in his bushel basket come the harvest. So it is with joy, yes joy, that I read your post, dear friend. Philippians 4:4-9
Thank you for reading and replying to my post, Brother. Thank you for your prayers and for your valuable advice. Despite the difficulties in “connecting” with my parents and my church, I do count a lot of the wonderful folk on CC Singles as family, which is why I have “bared” my problems to y’all.
From everybody’s replies I have clearly understood that the church is not supposed to “bridle” its members to this extent. This has always been a red flag to me but I thought that this is necessary in order to lead the church towards perfection. Clearly, that is not the case.
3. I do not believe there is ONE right way to worship God.
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As Jesus the Christ Himself said in John 4:24, we are to worship in Spirit and in Truth. Worshiping because a man (or woman) commands it of you seems to be counter to this. Worshiping because you are consumed by a crowd doing so and are moved by the crowd mentality seems counter to this. Attempting to present before God any kind of worship that you do not feel in your heart to be giving Him His due seems to me to be counter to it. It's not a fake it till you make it kind of thing, it's bring God your heart, however it may be - imperfect, stained, troubled or joyfully clean - and sincerely give to God the best you can that day. Your offering of worship may be like the two mites (Luke 21) but if you pray like the tax collector (Luke 18) , that is to say earnestly and sincerely, your worship and your prayers are great indeed. Beyond that, who is to say that you need a harp, a drum, a guitar, a fog machine, or a solemn chapel with an a capella song service.
A lot of the advice have pointed out that worship can be in any way. There is no ONE right way to worship God. It is not only a “checkpoint” for my church but also for me as well. I never “approved” of any worship if it was noisy or chaotic. But as long as the person is not disturbing the fellow worshippers, I now understand that any form of worship is fine.
Grace is Amazing. Remember that 'The New Testament is a Message of Reconciliation Not of Condemnation', and you will go far.
I hope that you find a place and a way to worship God, to be part of his church, and to be loved by Family...for by HIS blood we are family, Brother Bear.
Lastly, and separately, do not neglect your health in any way. If you are bleeding you would bandage the wound. If your heart is bleeding, let Christ heal you, too. If you feel you are suffering from a psychiatric condition, do not rush to self diagnosis too soon (some of what you wrote could point towards PTSD or similar instead), but do not neglect proper treatment either. All healing and all comfort comes from God. He may not always choose what we expect (like prayer healing illness one time, but the same illness healing only through medicine another time).
I love you, Brother.
Thank you for those valuable words on God’s Amazing Grace. It is surprising that you spoke of this when that was exactly the song God put in my heart last week. I was contemplating putting up this post for about two days and it was big struggle within myself. Out of nowhere, God reminded me of the “Amazing Grace” song. I felt so reassured because I knew that these questions were from God because He wants to take me through a deeper spiritual path.
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That I think the most important question asked in this whole thread was "Are the people at your church happy? Do they have God's joy?" I forget who asked it though. I've seen many churches that define themselves by how they are NOT like other churches, and most of the members of said churches are usually whipping out the measuring stick all the time. They don't seem to be very happy, they're always too busy measuring others to see if they measure up.
It also matters on how the people think. If they just blindly follow the words of my church, they are very joyful to come to church. If they ask questions and search for the truth, then they are not joyful and end up like me.
Yesterday while discussing with my parents about a close friend of mine who is going through a period of mental depression and physical ailments, my dad just wrote off the prescription for the problem – “He needs to be more spiritual.” I pointed out that his mom is still a believer and that my friend stopped going to church after all these issues happened. To which my dad replied “Well, then he is not spiritual enough. The devil is deceiving him through these diseases when the only solution is by coming to God.” I did not want to carry the discussion further so I dropped off talking with them.
The problem is that nothing is “spiritual enough” for my church. I am not saying that we must be complacent. What I am saying is that if something goes wrong (like when I was without a job for 3 months), the only answer is that there are some sins which I need to confess, some vows to make and some more spirituality to attain. I always have this feeling that I am a sinner and that no matter what I do, it is simply not enough to make my parents shut up. I really don’t know how I can survive in an atmosphere where the only response I get for ANY problem is “It is of the devil. Confess your sins, turn back from your evil ways and get closer to God.” It just drives me insane!
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In terms of 'can' as a biblical form, I would say that any amount of influence is permissible as long as it does not:
a) compromise the truth of the gospel
b) compromise on loving God
c) compromise on loving your neighbour
I would say that some of the things I have heard you say would sound like cultural influences are excessive in your church
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I'm curious as to whether anyone in your church would be caught dead in today's equivalent of the Areopagus, or Samaria? For the record, I don't think the Bible has anything against celebrating birthdays. Herod or Pharaoh is hardly comparable. Frankly, I'm more worried about your church's exegesis than anything else
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That sounds like a good idea. Do that. Make it two weeks, at least, if you can, or at least be away from your church on Sundays for at least two weeks.
My overriding piece of advice for you would be, if you do decide to leave your church, don't leave without having another church you can go to immediately, that will look after you and protect you. I can't advise any off the top of my head, but I'm sure the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students would have a branch in India. I don't know whereabouts in India you are, but I have a minister friend who is from Tamil Nadu that I trust who might have suggestions if you're in the south somewhere.
Thank you for the advice Nick. And the point on celebrating birthdays was also interesting. I never thought that the Bible forbade birthdays.
I did take a break from church yesterday. Well, a partial one. I attended worship for about half an hour and I sat at the back and worshipped God. Then I left under the pretext of attending to some work.
I will check out this International Fellowship of Evangelical Students and see if they have a branch near where I live. If I can’t find a church I can call “home” within the next couple of months, then I will get in touch with you to meet your minister friend.
