Something to do before I die

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Cory85

New member
May 4, 2026
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Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
Try getting a hobby to keep you distracted.

That's what I did, and it's helped me.
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
What do you believe about Jesus?
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
Pray for God to soften your heart. Nothing at all is the fault of God. God will indeed heal your body at a time and place of his choosing. Pray also for God to give you something that is worth living for. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
Some churches teach that because you haven't been healed yet, that you aren't a true Christian...this is a lie.

I've been a born-again, saved Christian for over 12 years, and I'm not fully healed, but I believe, because the bible backs this up, that one day I will be healed, either in this life or the new earth.

Even Elijah and David had the symptoms of depression.
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
I can't speak for your personal life. All I know is a snapshot (2 paragraphs ) from years of decisions, some poor, others probably weren't. Don't make the fatal mistake that has no do overs.

All kinds of things can lead someone to have suicidal ideation... depression, prescribed meds for mental illness are big ones. I'm not telling you to get off any meds because it could be very dangerous/harmful to do so without qualified instructions. What I am suggesting as a possibility is that you have been looking in the wrong places.
Now it's easier to project blame on the Savior than to consider that there might have been some poor choices along the way. Perhaps much of it has not been your fault. My family was murdered. I blamed myself for not protecting them from the criminals. That nearly killed me from misappropriating the blame and it multiplied the suffering. That's just one example.
Here's a short 4 minute video you should watch AFTER talking to God, asking for mercy from the suffering and help.
There's more, but this is a start.

 
I can't speak for your personal life. All I know is a snapshot (2 paragraphs ) from years of decisions, some poor, others probably weren't. Don't make the fatal mistake that has no do overs.

All kinds of things can lead someone to have suicidal ideation... depression, prescribed meds for mental illness are big ones. I'm not telling you to get off any meds because it could be very dangerous/harmful to do so without qualified instructions. What I am suggesting as a possibility is that you have been looking in the wrong places.
Now it's easier to project blame on the Savior than to consider that there might have been some poor choices along the way. Perhaps much of it has not been your fault. My family was murdered. I blamed myself for not protecting them from the criminals. That nearly killed me from misappropriating the blame and it multiplied the suffering. That's just one example.
Here's a short 4 minute video you should watch AFTER talking to God, asking for mercy from the suffering and help.
There's more, but this is a start.

I tried to edit for clarity after posting. I was not able to change what I said, so here's MY do-over. Please excuse my previous unedited paragraph.

I can't speak for your personal life. All I know is a snapshot (2 paragraphs ) from years of decisions, some poor, others probably weren't. Don't make the fatal mistake that has no do overs.

All kinds of things can lead someone to have suicidal ideation... depression, prescribed meds for mental illness are big ones. I'm not telling you to get off any meds because it could be very dangerous/harmful to do so without qualified instructions. What I am suggesting as a possibility is to discuss this with your Dr and look up the possible side effects for yourself.
There are probably other issues that led to this crisis. Depression is a mental illness with solutions. IMHO Most councilors don't get proper training as well as MD psychiatrists. Their failure rates are a testimony to that.
The same can be said about most pastors/priests. Jesus Himself rebuked them when on earth as did the prophets, John the Baptist, all of the apostles, the first martyr Steven the deacon, and Jesus to the churches in the first 3 chapters of Revelation. What you are experiencing is not unusual. Jesus went through more injustices than both of us put together.

Solutions and healing can be long and painful, but decades of peace and joy are the result of proper guidance from the Lord.
 
I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed...
Precious friend @Cory85 , I will pray for you:

After you have humbly and completely "trusted with faith from your heart", in The
Lord Jesus Christ, and In His Death, Burial, And Resurrection For Forgiveness of all
sin,
Then;

Please Be Very Richly Encouraged And Edified and
Comforted In Christ, and In His Precious Word Of Truth:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities


----------
And, precious friend(s), Please Be Very Richly Encouraged and Edified
In The Lord Jesus Christ and In His Precious Word Of Truth, Rightly
Divided:


The Bible: The BIG Picture

Amen.
 
The answers you seek cannot be found in an online forum. There are only two possible ways to obtain them, and neither is guaranteed. One is via a failed suicide attempt and has only a 5-10% chance of providing your desired answers, so I do not recommend it. The other is a long process of finding a good teacher and spending time unlearning and relearning. It is far more certain than a failed suicide attempt, but much less dangerous, just a lot harder.
 
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Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
Jesus did all of this for Cory!
 
Hi Cory85 welcome to CC, glad you are joining us! Regarding all the imperfect stuff and worldy problems we live with started way back at the beginning when Adam and Eve were tempted by Satan, disobeyed God and 'fell' down into the flesh/carnal world, putting these flesh & bone bodies on us. Is that God's fault? God does want a family so much, He sent His sinless son to make a way for us to get back with Him. It's up to us to want to accept His love or reject it. Being mad at the way things are and blaming God, who IS The Spirit of Love, is not the answer. God didn't want us to be robots, He gives us the right to believe in Him or not. Yes there are corrupt people bc that's their choice and it's our choice to focus on God and read His word to live a blessed life. Look up Bible promises, watch some good Pastors like Greg Laurie. God does love you and that's the truth bc He IS love and is 'No Respecter of persons'. Get on your knees and ask Him to help you and He will, He's our heavenly FATHER.
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11,
Saying a prayer for you tonight, may you allow His loving presence to enter your heart and give you His peace. God bless and keep you Cory85🤗🙏🙌
 
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:)

I hope what ever has "triggered" this kind of perspective is attended to accordingly,
as only you have an idea of things that have left you with this state of mind. One must learn
to strive to fix their life challenges. Hopefully you find the courage to overcome the dilemma



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Some churches teach that because you haven't been healed yet, that you aren't a true Christian...this is a lie.

I've been a born-again, saved Christian for over 12 years, and I'm not fully healed, but I believe, because the bible backs this up, that one day I will be healed, either in this life or the new earth.

Even Elijah and David had the symptoms of depression.
Thank you for saying that out loud ! A dear brother of mine who has since died , was the most religious man I ever knew , his faith was a rock and his love was evident every time he spoke . He suffered all his life from crippling depression and sadly also from feeling guilty and unworthy . I'm so sure that his feelings of guilt and unworthyness were compounded by other Christians who made him feel less faithfull because he ' couldn't sort his depression out ' 🙄 , Christians who seemed to forget that we r to take up our cross , ( which is our burden , which I believe refers to our flesh ) , and follow Jesus . We r never free of our flesh in this life , it will war against our spirit all our earthly days , this is our burden . This burden will b removed when Christ returns and our flesh will b truly mortified and translated into the same as Christ's , until then we will always b at war with our own weak and sinful nature and the enemy will always persist in using our own flesh against us , to get us to doubt God's love for us and mercy towards us when we give in to our flesh / sinful nature .
The lesson I have been learning recently is that ; Colossians Ch 3 verse 5 : COVETOUSNESS IS IDOLATRY . Strong words ! Words I need to take serious notice of . I thank God for making these words jump out at me ❤️ and I thank God for u and your straight shootin 😜
 
Wow, a thread of treasure, endurance and love. I would have been greatly encouraged back in my days of tribulation to hear such. Sorry if I missed someone that may have pointed out troublesome items that stall progress, affecting both physical or spiritual. In all our tribulations, any deep crisis must start with a determination of whatever degree of patience it takes to see relief. Simply, however much. That pretty much puts an end to "how Long" do remedies require!

Second, as stated, it's not God's will!

God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him. (Acts 10:38)

"Doing good", Jesus was often one who both questioned, but most oft delivered. But when He did question, the target was always devastating to the powers of hell. For it is spiritual wickedness that wreaks havoc on the more obvious areas of life but still require being addressed if the sufferer has not found the stamina to "resist the Devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

I reject the notion God cannot answer prayer based upon the content in an online forum. The centurion answered, "just say the word, and my servant will be healed." The Master watches for faith in all, even when we question whether spiritual darkness has invaded the family line which requires a renouncing those generational powers over one's family, thereby the sufferer.

Just say the word Lord, and send remedies needed to alter this course!
 
Thank you for saying that out loud ! A dear brother of mine who has since died , was the most religious man I ever knew , his faith was a rock and his love was evident every time he spoke . He suffered all his life from crippling depression and sadly also from feeling guilty and unworthy . I'm so sure that his feelings of guilt and unworthyness were compounded by other Christians who made him feel less faithfull because he ' couldn't sort his depression out ' 🙄 , Christians who seemed to forget that we r to take up our cross , ( which is our burden , which I believe refers to our flesh ) , and follow Jesus . We r never free of our flesh in this life , it will war against our spirit all our earthly days , this is our burden . This burden will b removed when Christ returns and our flesh will b truly mortified and translated into the same as Christ's , until then we will always b at war with our own weak and sinful nature and the enemy will always persist in using our own flesh against us , to get us to doubt God's love for us and mercy towards us when we give in to our flesh / sinful nature .
The lesson I have been learning recently is that ; Colossians Ch 3 verse 5 : COVETOUSNESS IS IDOLATRY . Strong words ! Words I need to take serious notice of . I thank God for making these words jump out at me ❤️ and I thank God for u and your straight shootin 😜
Thanks @Suze , that means a lot, coming from you!

Thank you 🙏
 
I can't speak for your personal life. All I know is a snapshot (2 paragraphs ) from years of decisions, some poor, others probably weren't. Don't make the fatal mistake that has no do overs.

All kinds of things can lead someone to have suicidal ideation... depression, prescribed meds for mental illness are big ones. I'm not telling you to get off any meds because it could be very dangerous/harmful to do so without qualified instructions. What I am suggesting as a possibility is that you have been looking in the wrong places.
Now it's easier to project blame on the Savior than to consider that there might have been some poor choices along the way. Perhaps much of it has not been your fault. My family was murdered. I blamed myself for not protecting them from the criminals. That nearly killed me from misappropriating the blame and it multiplied the suffering. That's just one example.
Here's a short 4 minute video you should watch AFTER talking to God, asking for mercy from the suffering and help.
What do you believe about Jesus?
I don't know what to believe anymore. I have to believe that the "kingdom is at hand" and I just haven't found it within yet, or I am pretty sure I would just spontaneously turn back to dust, but I know nothing but words about Jesus. He doesn't feel real or present or caring. I definitely feel all alone even in prayer
What do you believe about Jesus?
 
John 14:6
New International Version
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Ephesians 6:10-18
New International Version
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Romans 10:9
New International Version
9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Matthew 25:31-46
New International Version
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
 
Hi, I believe in Jesus but I don't feel loved by or any love for God or my neighbors. We're all screwed and it's God's fault for making awful creatures like humans in the first place as far as I can tell. I didn't ask for an innocent miracle worker to get murdered for my sins, I want to be something that is not evil. Anyway, I'm on the verge of suicide and all conventional methods have failed (meds, counseling, studying scripture, attending churches etc).

Any advice here on what to do with a life besides consume stuff til it kills me, or why Jesus hasn't healed my body, heart, mind, or spirit, and or given me any instructions except go get crucified at the hands of an evil government?
Watch this and you’ll see why you have value and how much He loves you. I love you and I don’t even know you.
 
I don't know what to believe anymore. I have to believe that the "kingdom is at hand" and I just haven't found it within yet, or I am pretty sure I would just spontaneously turn back to dust, but I know nothing but words about Jesus. He doesn't feel real or present or caring. I definitely feel all alone even in prayer
You said you believed in Jesus. What is it about Jesus that you believed?
You didn’t answer that question. It’s very important.
 
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