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AuntieAnt
Guest
I'm laughing so hard at this statement, I can hardly type!!!! Omigosh, that's hysterical!!!
Sorry BurlyCarl... I realize you said this conversation is over but Sirk caught me off guard with his humor... again.
*whew* Anyhow... I'm very happy to hear you're gonna move on, dear. Blessings of grace & peace to you! ♥
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RBA238
Guest
This was me, many years ago. I was the One who would'nt let go. We were both young. I was 16 when we met, she was 14. She and I were first love, each other. It lasted 1and a half years. My dad got a job promotion and transfer 200 miles away..No Text, no Email, just snail mail and a wall telephone. We kept in touch even made plans after I finished school, to do my Plans for Navy, and get.married during or after that.
You are caught in the trap of grief. Grief is normal, when we lose someone we love - whether by death, separation or the person running off with someone else. But a year is about the upper limit to get over this.
I know you said you are going to pull away and I applaud you. But just to remind you again. You were with her only 4 years. Since she ran off with another man, you have been pining for her for 4 years. You don't want to go into missing her and grieving her for 5 or 6 or 10 or the rest of your life.
There are real life grief support groups. You might want to find one, and go listen to the stories and share your own. And definitely do not have any contact with her. Just send her one note, say you do not want to see or talk to her any more. Then stick to it!
You may think she is your soul mate (which I do not believe in, because it is not anywhere in the Bible) but I think she is a manipulator, who decided to have her cake and eat it too! You don't want to be the cause of the breakup of her marriage, do you? Because that is what you are flirting with.
Praying you make this break and for good!
I know you said you are going to pull away and I applaud you. But just to remind you again. You were with her only 4 years. Since she ran off with another man, you have been pining for her for 4 years. You don't want to go into missing her and grieving her for 5 or 6 or 10 or the rest of your life.
There are real life grief support groups. You might want to find one, and go listen to the stories and share your own. And definitely do not have any contact with her. Just send her one note, say you do not want to see or talk to her any more. Then stick to it!
You may think she is your soul mate (which I do not believe in, because it is not anywhere in the Bible) but I think she is a manipulator, who decided to have her cake and eat it too! You don't want to be the cause of the breakup of her marriage, do you? Because that is what you are flirting with.
Praying you make this break and for good!
Im sorry blue_ladybug but this is simply not true - how are u able to post stuff like this with no facts ? your just spewing your opinion like it is the law of the land and its NOT .
I'm like Blue Lady bug, not a believer of the soul mate thing. I do think there are certain individuals that we really connect with, friendship or romantic relationship wise. But the world soulmate is thrown around a lot. It almost sounds like a fairy tale and marriage as nice as it can be , isn't a fairy tale. I think the perception that most people have of finding their soulmate is that once they do then that they and that person will be perfectly suited for each other and there will never be an issue. No matter how compatible you are with someone, that's not real.
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Ugly
Guest
Because, outside of Adam and Eve, the very first people in creation so there was no other option, there is nothing in the bible to indicate that people are ever made for each other. People are not made for other people, we are made for fellowship with God. God never promises us marriage, let alone that people are created for one another and spiritually bonded in any certain why at birth.
I can't help notice that while you accuse someone of 'spewing opinion' with 'no facts', even though you have no idea what the basis is for someone stating as such and if they do or do not have support for their claim, you turn around and tell them they are wrong. But all we see is you sharing an opinion with no facts, and also stating it as law and truth. Hypocrite much? How are you able to post such things about people while being so equally and fully guilty of it yourself?
If you believe in "soul mates" just show me where that is in the Bible. I have never seen it in all my reads or studies. And something that important should be codified in the Bible if it is true.
Instead, like Ugly says, we were created to know and serve God. Marriage is important for some in that equation, but it is neither necessary, nor ordained. And marriage should always be between Christians. Anything else is being unequally yoked.
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" 2 Cor. 6:14
Instead, like Ugly says, we were created to know and serve God. Marriage is important for some in that equation, but it is neither necessary, nor ordained. And marriage should always be between Christians. Anything else is being unequally yoked.
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" 2 Cor. 6:14
Stop being so dramatic.
I never said my opinion is "the law of the land". If I did, I challenge you to find the post where I DID say it. We are created with ONE soul, and that soul does NOT have a mate. Man and woman are meant for each others, souls are not. Like Fenner said, the word "soulmate" gets tossed around like a fairy tale romance. Sorry, but NO marriage is a fairy tale. While they may very well have a good connection to each other, they are NOT soulmates. If we all had soulmates, that one person that is meant for only us, then there wouldn't be any divorces, affairs and adulteries in marriages, now would there? 
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RBA238
Guest
There is no such thing as soul mates. The two of you really cared about each other, that's all. She's married, and obviously he's insecure/jealous of you, or he wouldn't have sent a letter warning you away from her. You need to get your stuff together and move on. She's not yours and never will be. God will send you the woman HE has in mind for you.
I totally agree...God sends us WHAT WE NEED, not necessarily what we want!
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RBA238
Guest
There are certain people you connect with. But there can be more than one person out there like that.
I know a guy who dated a woman who lived in another country. He met her when she was on vacation where he lived. They dated for years and years. He went to her country, met her parents, thought about proposing but didn't. Then he was busy working full time, on a jury for a murder trial, and in grad school and didn't contact her much. She married another man. He went around for years regretting, going through times of depression. He was a new believer.
My wife and I told him his longing for her seemed like a kind of lust, even if it wasn't purely sexual. He was longing for another man's wife. He seems to have gotten a lot better about longing after this woman. Lust is desiring something you shouldn't. It doesn't just have to be about sex. So that's something to pray about. You can ask God to set you free from any inappropriate desire you have for her. It doesn't have to be sexual thoughts. Wishing she were your own. Sitting around thinking that she was your 'soul mate' isn't very helpful either.
I don't believe the idea that God makes one woman out there to be one man's wife and they are a perfect fit and no one else is. If that were the case, why would widows and widowers be allowed to remarry?
I know a guy who dated a woman who lived in another country. He met her when she was on vacation where he lived. They dated for years and years. He went to her country, met her parents, thought about proposing but didn't. Then he was busy working full time, on a jury for a murder trial, and in grad school and didn't contact her much. She married another man. He went around for years regretting, going through times of depression. He was a new believer.
My wife and I told him his longing for her seemed like a kind of lust, even if it wasn't purely sexual. He was longing for another man's wife. He seems to have gotten a lot better about longing after this woman. Lust is desiring something you shouldn't. It doesn't just have to be about sex. So that's something to pray about. You can ask God to set you free from any inappropriate desire you have for her. It doesn't have to be sexual thoughts. Wishing she were your own. Sitting around thinking that she was your 'soul mate' isn't very helpful either.
I don't believe the idea that God makes one woman out there to be one man's wife and they are a perfect fit and no one else is. If that were the case, why would widows and widowers be allowed to remarry?
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ave
Guest
I'm so sorry to hear that, BurlyCarl, I really am. I pray that God will shower you with lots of love and help you out through all the pain and suffering you have been or having right now. I can only assure you that time heals everything and with the help of our Lord God. Just trust in Him and seek Him, he will pull you out of this difficulty and make you whole again just let Him work for you. Things may not come as we want it, but there's always a reason for that. In time God will reveal to you those reasons. For now my advised to you is to focus on yourself and your priorities. You may want to cut off your communication to her so you can moved on eventually. Everything will be okay soon. God loves you! God bless and take care!!
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RBA238
Guest
A lot is being said anti-soulmate on here. Recently, they ran a story of a World War II American Soldier. He was stationed in England and met a girl. They fell in love, but he sent her a message he had to go with his troops on a mission, but would come back quickly as possible. He sent her that mrssage, but somehow she never received it. She eventually gave up, he tried to locate her, but she had moved, etc. He returned to The States, married someone else, and The Girl did likewise. They never forgot one another. Over the years, she had moved to Australia with her Husband..
They divorced. Her Former Sweetheart who married in the USA...his wife died. He was now 80+ years old, as was his Former Love in Australia. He had his Son check on line to see if he could find his Former Love..
He did find her..He flew to Australia, they met, and the sparks started again. So when denies there is no such thing as a "Soul Mate" think of what happned here..Amen
One problem with the idea that everyone has a soulmate for marriage is that when an ex boyfriend or girlfriend marries, the jilted person might think, "That was the person God had for me to marry... so I'll just wait for them to get a divorce." That presents two problems, 1. lusting after another person's spouse and 2. a bad understanding about divorce and remarriage.
The other issue is that the Bible allows widowers and widows to remarry.
We do click better with some people than others. I can't say that for a given individual, that God doesn't have a specific person for that person to marry. But as far as a doctrine for everyone, I think that is an unbiblical way of looking at things.
The other issue is that the Bible allows widowers and widows to remarry.
We do click better with some people than others. I can't say that for a given individual, that God doesn't have a specific person for that person to marry. But as far as a doctrine for everyone, I think that is an unbiblical way of looking at things.
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BurlyCarl
Guest
Update!
I ran into this woman again. I told her leave me alone and go back to her choice that she made. Stop bothering me with her regrets of her own choices. Not sot speak to me until the day she is single. I explained to her that what she was doing was wrong to her husband and myself. Of course she was upset. I explained to her she was doing me no good getting my hopes up and working my emotions and I am moving on. I got a few angry comments. I explained to her again she was married, not to contact me or speak with me, until the day she was single. I said Those are my terms and I walked away.
I took a vacation and met some interesting new Christian mentors on this trip. One thing that was mentioned was "you don't want to let meeting someone slip away by holding on to someone that may never come back". Lots of other comments as well and advice. I also am seeing a Christian counselor and much of what everyone is saying the counselor mentioned in previous comments were mentioned in counseling. I was dealing with someone who plays with peoples emotions and their is something mentally wrong with them. I need to keep my distance. I just got next to the wrong person who lead me on. Those who do that for too long convince those of things that just are not going to happen. Is not healthy and they are toxic. I had wasted too much time with this lady.
I do not agree with anyone that has mentioned their is no such thing as a soul mate. I have my own reasons and they are not anyone else's but my own. I know soul mate is not mentioned in the bible. Sure God will send us who we need. However I do believe he will send someone you shouldn't just settle for just to fulfill loneliness. Which I wont do. Finding someone who you love and can love their soul and everything about them is the goal. Sorry their has to be some kind of attraction physically and mentally. Its just the way we are made up.
Current situation? New phone, New Clothes exploring all possible contingencies, one step at a time.
Thanks Everyone.
I ran into this woman again. I told her leave me alone and go back to her choice that she made. Stop bothering me with her regrets of her own choices. Not sot speak to me until the day she is single. I explained to her that what she was doing was wrong to her husband and myself. Of course she was upset. I explained to her she was doing me no good getting my hopes up and working my emotions and I am moving on. I got a few angry comments. I explained to her again she was married, not to contact me or speak with me, until the day she was single. I said Those are my terms and I walked away.
I took a vacation and met some interesting new Christian mentors on this trip. One thing that was mentioned was "you don't want to let meeting someone slip away by holding on to someone that may never come back". Lots of other comments as well and advice. I also am seeing a Christian counselor and much of what everyone is saying the counselor mentioned in previous comments were mentioned in counseling. I was dealing with someone who plays with peoples emotions and their is something mentally wrong with them. I need to keep my distance. I just got next to the wrong person who lead me on. Those who do that for too long convince those of things that just are not going to happen. Is not healthy and they are toxic. I had wasted too much time with this lady.
I do not agree with anyone that has mentioned their is no such thing as a soul mate. I have my own reasons and they are not anyone else's but my own. I know soul mate is not mentioned in the bible. Sure God will send us who we need. However I do believe he will send someone you shouldn't just settle for just to fulfill loneliness. Which I wont do. Finding someone who you love and can love their soul and everything about them is the goal. Sorry their has to be some kind of attraction physically and mentally. Its just the way we are made up.
Current situation? New phone, New Clothes exploring all possible contingencies, one step at a time.
Thanks Everyone.
BurlyCarl, I believe that I understand what you have said about a soul mate. I take that as to mean that you are searching for a woman of your heart's desire. God hears and answers all prayer and I believe that He will search and find the one for you, sooner rather than later. It looks like that you are already getting prepared for when this happens. I wish the best for you.