The Marriage Pact: I'm Single, You're Single, Let's Get Married!!!

[christiancollegegirl]

Me and my best friend did that once. We're both doing great with the people were with, so nothing is gonna come of it.

 

[GreenNnice]

If it's the right pact, it will be a great marriage, the Lord leads

 

[Jullianna]

This would make as much sense to me as "I have chips", "I have salsa", "Okay, let's get married."

 

[Catlynn]

Zombiezombiezombiezombie

 

[Descyple]

I'm single, you're single, let's get.................. matching t-shirts that say "I'm NOT With The Loser Beside Me"

 

[Nuns_n_roses]

I have jokingly "married" friends. It never ends up really happening though.

 

[presidente]

Rumor had it (NO! Say it isn't so!! Rumors in church!) that they two had been best friends for many years and had made an agreement that if neither one was married by age XX, they would marry each other.

Needless to say, the marriage didn't last long... not even a year, I remember correctly.

The two were strong Christians, raised in church, attended Bible colleges, both held positions in the church--they were obviously very Christ-centered--and were best friends... Now I can't say for sure, but I would guess they felt they were on the right path. After all, isn't this the "magical formula" people say will produce the Christian fairytale marriage everyone talks about? So what do you think went wrong?

I disagree with you. There must have been areas in which they were not both strong Christians or their marriage would have lasted more than a year.... unless the marriage ended because one of them died. If they were strong, why couldn't they keep covenant?


A lot of the things we think we need for marriage, like a certain level of physical attraction and certain feelings, are ideas that are strongly promoted in our culture. Our culture teaches us we need these things for a successful marriage. We've had centuries of ideas about romance that have evolved into modern ideas on this. Henry II's wife is said to have promoted the idea of courtly love, which isn't necessarily related to marriage. By the time of Shakespeare, you get this romanticized story about a teenage couple who just see each other once... just once... and fall in love based on looks. Then, even though their families are feuding, they run off and get a priest to marry them without even getting any kind of parental permission or telling them what is going on, and the girl was really quite young, too. Then they end up committing suicide. And this is portrayed as the idealization of romantic love. It's a story about young people making some pretty foolish decisions based on their emotions. But we all read that or watch that story in the movies and it's part of our cultural ethos when it comes to love.

Lots of Indians were matched up when they were kids for centuries. Nowadays, a lot of the candidates for marriage have veto power at least. Lots of Asian groups had arranged marriage. So did the Europeans. There must have been similar customs in the first century, at least among some of the Gentile people-groups. Yet Paul wrote, "husbands love your wives." He doesn't tell the husbands or wives that if their parents set them up, but they weren't in love first, that their marriages didn't count.

Anyway, what I am saying is that if two friends get married, and they are both believers, they can follow what the Bible teaches and have a successful marriage.

Personally, if someone wanted to marry a friend and there was no physical attraction, I would think that was less than ideal. I wouldn't really advise it. I guess it can work if each is willing to 'do their duty' later on in marriage, but lack of physical attraction can hinder that part of the marriage.

I don't know if I have any friends that made a pact, but I do know one ethnic Chinese guy who was working for a church ministry, in the same ministry an Indian woman worked in. They were both young and single. We saw them after they married and he told us how he decided to marry her. He had all these rational reasons about her doing ministry, about how they got along together well, how she would be a good partner. He didn't say he loved her, that she was pretty, or anything at all like that. It was all strictly rational and she was sitting right there. He was raised in the US, but maybe he was culturally Chinese to a certain extent. I think she sounded pretty American, too, but Indians are kind of rational about marriage. She is a pretty young woman, and maybe he just left the physical attraction part of his decision process out. They didn't say anything at all about being in love. They seemed to be happy. I think they have been together a couple of years. It seems like they really prayed about their decision a lot. Not everyone wears their feelings on their sleeves. One Chinese women I know said her husband said he loved her once... before he married her.

Paul wrote, "If you marry, you have not sinned." That's assuming you do things right. If you marry someone else's spouse or a divorced person who should reconcile, that can be a sin.

If two close friends get married, I am not against that. I think it's wise for there to be some sexual attraction there, especially if they are young. How sexually attracted can two 80 year olds really be to each other? I don't know. If you don't have that attraction, if both people realize that they need to take their sexual 'responsibilities' seriously in marriage, it may be able to work out.

 

[presidente]

I could marry my best friend, but i couldn't have sex with him.

Don't marry him then. That would defeat the purpose.

 

[presidente]

I can totally relate, Nod. I don't know... my mind categorizes a guy as "potential boyfriend" or "great friend" to me, the lines are set. Though as I get older... I can see how the lines between "great friend, someone who's always been there for you" and "love" might become blurred.

Who can tell you how you are supposed to feel? How do you know if 'great friend' for you feels any different from what some other person calls 'in love.'

If the idea of being married to someone makes you feel happy, though, that may be a good indication.

 

[presidente]

I made a marriage pact once. With my best friend, who was a girl, when I was ten. I don't think I fully understood the concept of marriage yet. I was like, "Hey, my best friend is awesome; not to mention the coolest person I know. She has the best toys and I love playing cats with her. We should get married!"

As you can see, my way of thinking wasn't exactly clear.

You probably were thinking as clearly as some adults I know. It sounds better than some of the thinking the contestants share on 'the Bachelor'.

 

[presidente]

I understand what you're saying, but yes, these two people had prominent positions in the church, and what I think it also boils down to is two lonely, very human people who made a mistake. I felt sorry for them because not only did they made a mistake, but they did it in front of an entire church that was whispering about and judging them.

What mistake do you refer to? I wouldn't consider marrying a single best friend of the opposite sex 'a mistake.' I would consider regretting the decision and therefore getting a divorce a mistake. I don't know their reasons for it.

 

[seoulsearch]

What mistake do you refer to? I wouldn't consider marrying a single best friend of the opposite sex 'a mistake.' I would consider regretting the decision and therefore getting a divorce a mistake. I don't know their reasons for it.

Since I was only a child at the time (these were two people in the congregation where I attended church), I can't say what went on for sure but I do know what was said is that they married not because they were in love or necessarily wanted to marry each other, but because, as I had written, they were best friends, had been for many years, and had agreed in college that if they each got to a certain age, they would marry if both were still single.

The marriage seemed to be based on this--reaching that age and still being single--rather than actually wanting to marry each other.

If you feel led by God to do something like that, Presidente, and it works for you, that's great!! God's blessings to you. But I know if I did that in my own life, it would definitely be a mistake.

If I remember correctly (I think I was in about 6th grade at the time), this couple was divorced in less than a year.

 

[Cee]

Sounds about how I see my marriage proposal... You're a girl, I'm a guy. I'm cool, you're cool. Let's get married!

 

[AzureAfire]

Interesting thread!

Hmm...i've never had any pacts of any kind made with anyone. Even though i was a kid before, gets infatuated with one person like crazy and such...i always knew that marriage isn't as simple as just 2 people who are attracted to each other deciding to seal the bond for keeps, and live life together like it's nothing but fun, and eating ice cream, and making googly and shy eye contact with each other for the rest of their lives.

I grew up in a family that didn't show much affection. I grew up with Mom working overseas, and only coming home to spend Christmas vacation with us. Dad was often not around either, usually assigned to distant provinces. When he was around, though, we could barely breathe 'coz he was super strict. When i see my mom and dad together before (they're separated now, by the way), it didn't feel good...didn't make me happy, nor gave me a sense that they were enjoying each other's company. You don't even get the feeling that they miss each other. What i did sense from their relationship is more of a sense of duty to stay together, for me and my brother's sake.

But even though i saw such a bad example of marriage, it never discouraged me from wanting to marry someday. I always knew that marriage was designed to be so much more beautiful and meaningful than just keeping the promise of staying together 'til death it's founded on love. A love that would bloom and blossom through the years, standing through stormy weather or mean winds or scorching suns, and raising up many beautiful, GOD-loving people for Christ

I don't know if i could make a pact with anyone to me marry me at a certain point in our lives. I probably couldn't, unless we knew each other so well, and prayed for each other so well, that we are certain that we were meant for each other (said conclusion being shown to us by GOD Himself). Everything of beauty takes time, including friendship, romance, and marriage. I understand this now. Before, i thought i could bypass the time requirement in my desperation. But of course, anything that's forced just ends up brutally destroyed, hurting people involved in the process. So i said to myself "Never again." This time, GOD leads me. And it is HIS will that i want for my life now, including my romantic and married life. I don't know why it took me so long to trust that GOD's plan for my life is undoubtedly the very best plan that would make me absolutely happy XD but now, i confidently proclaim this so!!!

Marriage between friends? I don't see anything wrong with that i believe that marriage founded on strong friendships from GOD are best. But of course, if the romantic attraction isn't there, i don't think 2 bestfriends should get married. That doesn't make sense to me, if you marry someone who'll just be your companion, and not someone you'll be loving intimately. Might as well just stay as bestfriends and nothing more. I'm no longer afraid of not ending up with anybody, as i was before. I'd rather grow old solo, than marry someone who i can't love romantically.

I'd love to know someone as deeply as possible, before i'd consider wanting to marry him. In the past, i was such a fool! I compromised so many things: faith, my own principles, things i love to do, and so on. This time, no more. GOD knows my heart's desire i even listed them down. The things i'd like for that man after GOD's own heart to be; his interests, the things he does and loves to do, his physical features, and so on. But i'm specially focusing on his relationship with Papa GOD. He should be deeply in-love with GOD and HIS Word, and will inspire me to be deeper in-love with GOD and HIS Word as well this time, in trusting GOD and HIS plans for me and this man, and patiently waiting for HIS leading, i am absolutely sure that i'll be so happy and blessed when GOD finally reveals to me who he is

So, definitely no brash actions on my part! I'll just keep working on myself, focusing on GOD and caring for the relationships HE has placed in my life, and wait upon GOD to awake love as HE so desires

 

[Markum1972]

I could marry my best friend, but i couldn't have sex with him.

same here.

This is strange to me. You wouldn't want to reserve intimacy for the one that you are the closest with? Can someone explain this? I have never heard such a thing before.

 

[seoulsearch]

This is strange to me. You wouldn't want to reserve intimacy for the one that you are the closest with? Can someone explain this? I have never heard such a thing before.

I don't know how to explain it Markum but I know what they're talking about. I've had two guy best friends before and couldn't see myself even kissing either one of them. I don't know why.

But, I know guys feel the same about girls who are friends as well sometimes.

I had a good guy friend who had two sisters who were adopted and Asian, like me. He and I were with some of his friends one day (and I had gone in secret waves of having a crush on him on and off throughout the years), and when one of them said we would make a good couple, he said loudly, "To me, all Asian women are sisters. I could never date Kim because I would consider it incest."

Uh... I think that would be officially called, "Being Put in the Friend (or Sister) Zone"... for life!!

 

[Ringer]

I don't know how to explain it Markum but I know what they're talking about. I've had two guy best friends before and couldn't see myself even kissing either one of them. I don't know why.

But, I know guys feel the same about girls who are friends as well sometimes.

I had a good guy friend who had two sisters who were adopted and Asian, like me. He and I were with some of his friends one day (and I had gone in secret waves of having a crush on him on and off throughout the years), and when one of them said we would make a good couple, he said loudly, "To me, all Asian women are sisters. I could never date Kim because I would consider it incest."

Uh... I think that would be officially called, "Being Put in the Friend (or Sister) Zone"... for life!!

The friendzone is an evil place.
In my opinion, single people shouldn't keep "friends" that put them in those categories unless the feeling is mutual. The one with the feelings has to be strong enough to walk away.

Reason for that?
1. If you hang around one person, it ruins your chances at future relationships.
2. You probably will be hurt seeing that person dating someone else.
3. You have issues of attachment.

Best thing to do, walk away until you're no longer single, then you can be friends again. Or be friends but pursue other people, key word, you have to pursue other people. You are not who you want to be with, you are you and you should make decisions based on that.

But anyway, I do feel that if you don't like being put in the "friend zone" you just have to stop pursuing that friendship. A large part of why i think women feel they "can marry their best friend but can't do anything else with them" is because they feel that the "friend" is not a strong individual and that he or she is depending on them.

Or something like that.
But it's all theory.
It's like being seen as a little brother who can't fend for himself.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

i made a marriage pact with a guy from cc that i truly loved. i meant it. but at the same time i left myself that little loophole in the back of my head of- i probably won't actually follow through with it. sad story is- we're not friends anymore. so i think the pact died with the friendship. would a marriage with him have died too? eh. maybe...i still think about what it would be like to marry him tho- as he is the closest thing to the man i think i wanna marry that i have ever not met in real life

another friend- nay- an ex boyfriend tried to make the same pact with me...
but that time instead of playing along like i normally do, i flat out turned him down. no need giving him hope he can someday have a very desperate ex gf. i wouldnt be caught with him if there was not another breathing man on earth. and i didnt make any agreement. i would make the agreement if i liked the idea even just a little, and then i would likely break the agreement if i didnt feel it was right WHEN the time of said agreement rolled around. i dont truly make decisions that far in advance. a lot happens in ... __ years....

but yeah. it's very unlike me to not play along.
jimmy crack corn is hysterical. you are hysterical seoul <3

 

[KeeganGentle]

I have been married multiple times. Not really married, I'm to young.

When me and one of my female friends are both single we joke that we are married, calling each other Mr and Mrs and all sorts I find it a lot of fun. But actually marrying some of them I would never consider it but most of us are young.

I've never heard of anyone actually carrying out a marriage pact, most just joke about it. I would never do one for me I either get the right one or no one.

PS I'm hoping the right one is a very rich and famous model so it might take awhile

 

[chosenone]

I would not marry a best friend. What happens if the marriage does not last? Then you stand to lose not only your partner but also your friend. God has someone out there for each of us, and he will provide in his time