Hello Magenta! What a beautiful color! I have discussed my loneliness with him. He says I can talk about anything I want. Lately, with all the sexual harassment on the news, I asked him what he thought about all these woman's claims; he said he wouldn't know if they were telling the truth. I said where I grew up, sexual harassment was almost an everyday occurrence if you walked on the streets anywhere or took the bus. He said, "yep"...that was the end of the conversation. He was baptized as a child to be Lutheran, but as he grew up got away from any kind of practice. He said the last time he was in a church was when his mom died 7 years ago. He doesn't ask me anything personal. He never comments on anything except the weather, and specifics regarding the household. This is just my own fault. I have lived a long time disliking myself. Out of many years of doing that, I met him. Despite all the red flags that went up, I was scared to leave. Now I am lying in the bed I made. I am ashamed of my stupidity. I just want to exist with out begging him to show me love, or to want to be interested in me. I wish I knew how many breaths I still had to take before I died. I would be counting them every waking moment!