Hey Everyone,
How do you feel about male/female interactions and the age difference between them?
This is something I think about more and more as I become older myself and observe interactions between the genders both in real life and online.
As I've talked about regularly here on CC, due to whatever reasons (and it can't be denied that sometimes it's due to racial stereotypes), older (meaning, anywhere from 10-50 years older) men have always tried to approach me as a potential date, starting when I was about 15 and had a job in which I regularly worked with the public. I have NEVER been interest in finding a "father figure" in a significant other, so this always makes me uncomfortable.
I have also found a problem (and this could just be me) with some older men being a bit bold--as in, it starts by talking to me, and if I'm pleasant in return ("How's your day going?"), the next thing I know, a man in his late 60's man is greeting me by walking up behind me and putting both hands around my waist or running his hand down my ponytail. (I've had this happen more than once and with more than one older man.) Personally, I don't like this at all and will do all I can to keep enough space between them and myself so that they can't touch me. Talking to me (in an appropriate manner) is fine, but please, keep your OWN personal space. And this is NOT because I'm a cold or non-touchy person. I just have my own set of boundaries, and one of them is that I only like hugs (NOT grabbing me in any way or touching my hair) from people I know very well and feel comfortable with.
Now, let's talk about the flip side. When I was in my early 30's, I didn't think much about it because I've always worked with a wide variety of ages. But now that I'm in my 40's, I am much more sensitive to the possibility of invading the personal space of gentlemen who are much younger than me. People often think I'm around 29 years old, so I've often been in situations where, let's say, a 24-year-old guy thinks I'm only a few years older than he is (I always try to let them know my age if possible.)
Sometimes they will see me as a big sister, telling me about their lives or the girl they like. Every now and then, a younger guy will give me a hug. Depending on how well I know him, I might be just fine with that, but I always wonder, am I crossing a line? I never want to seem like I'm rejecting his friendship but I'm always thinking, "Should I somehow say no? How can I back away and not offend him? Is it wrong if he initiates the hug and I accept, or should I avoid any touching at all because of the age difference?" In my head I'm always thinking, what would HIS MOTHER think if she saw me hugging him, even though I didn't initiate the hug? Would she slap me?" Please note that in this case, I AM NOT seeing the guy as somehow stepping over the line, but rather, I'm worried that HE MIGHT SEE ME as stepping over the line, just as I am uncomfortable with older men touching me.
I KNOW THIS WILL SOUND HYPOCRITICAL and it's just my own personal feeling. I have one father whom I adore and if he hugs me, great. I'm just not comfortable with the thought of other men his age or older thinking they can touch me. But because I have younger brothers who had friends who were also my friends and peers, I don't feel as uncomfortable around younger guys. . It's just a personal thing.
I've also had times where guys in their 20's occasionally asked me out, but I am always very up front about my age and I try my best to never give them any reason I am somehow misleading them. But it doesn't bother me as much because if my brother's friend asked me out, no big deal. If my Dad's friend asked me out, I would silently be freaked out. But that's just me. I realize there are other opinions out there, so that's why I'm asking.
I joined the CC community when I was 35 years old. Back then, I thought nothing of PM'ing a guy in his late 20's (let's say around 28) to tell him I liked his post or insight, etc. But now I feel a lot more cautious because I don't want to be the older person who is bypassing boundaries or imposing upon a younger male member. I've been known to write PM's to both men and women, telling them that I appreciated specific posts and why. But now when I want to compliment a younger male (let's say younger than 35), I either use the reputation system and sign my name or I post it in a thread and make it public.
* Do you feel boundaries must be made after certain age differences? What should they be? 10 years? 20?
* How cautious do we all need to be before we run the risk of crossing the line into things like Political Ridiculousness?
* Should things like private messages between vast age differences across genders be allowed, or should communication be kept public after a certain point?
* What should the lines be, and where should we draw them?
How do you feel about male/female interactions and the age difference between them?
This is something I think about more and more as I become older myself and observe interactions between the genders both in real life and online.
As I've talked about regularly here on CC, due to whatever reasons (and it can't be denied that sometimes it's due to racial stereotypes), older (meaning, anywhere from 10-50 years older) men have always tried to approach me as a potential date, starting when I was about 15 and had a job in which I regularly worked with the public. I have NEVER been interest in finding a "father figure" in a significant other, so this always makes me uncomfortable.
I have also found a problem (and this could just be me) with some older men being a bit bold--as in, it starts by talking to me, and if I'm pleasant in return ("How's your day going?"), the next thing I know, a man in his late 60's man is greeting me by walking up behind me and putting both hands around my waist or running his hand down my ponytail. (I've had this happen more than once and with more than one older man.) Personally, I don't like this at all and will do all I can to keep enough space between them and myself so that they can't touch me. Talking to me (in an appropriate manner) is fine, but please, keep your OWN personal space. And this is NOT because I'm a cold or non-touchy person. I just have my own set of boundaries, and one of them is that I only like hugs (NOT grabbing me in any way or touching my hair) from people I know very well and feel comfortable with.
Now, let's talk about the flip side. When I was in my early 30's, I didn't think much about it because I've always worked with a wide variety of ages. But now that I'm in my 40's, I am much more sensitive to the possibility of invading the personal space of gentlemen who are much younger than me. People often think I'm around 29 years old, so I've often been in situations where, let's say, a 24-year-old guy thinks I'm only a few years older than he is (I always try to let them know my age if possible.)
Sometimes they will see me as a big sister, telling me about their lives or the girl they like. Every now and then, a younger guy will give me a hug. Depending on how well I know him, I might be just fine with that, but I always wonder, am I crossing a line? I never want to seem like I'm rejecting his friendship but I'm always thinking, "Should I somehow say no? How can I back away and not offend him? Is it wrong if he initiates the hug and I accept, or should I avoid any touching at all because of the age difference?" In my head I'm always thinking, what would HIS MOTHER think if she saw me hugging him, even though I didn't initiate the hug? Would she slap me?" Please note that in this case, I AM NOT seeing the guy as somehow stepping over the line, but rather, I'm worried that HE MIGHT SEE ME as stepping over the line, just as I am uncomfortable with older men touching me.
I KNOW THIS WILL SOUND HYPOCRITICAL and it's just my own personal feeling. I have one father whom I adore and if he hugs me, great. I'm just not comfortable with the thought of other men his age or older thinking they can touch me. But because I have younger brothers who had friends who were also my friends and peers, I don't feel as uncomfortable around younger guys. . It's just a personal thing.
I've also had times where guys in their 20's occasionally asked me out, but I am always very up front about my age and I try my best to never give them any reason I am somehow misleading them. But it doesn't bother me as much because if my brother's friend asked me out, no big deal. If my Dad's friend asked me out, I would silently be freaked out. But that's just me. I realize there are other opinions out there, so that's why I'm asking.
I joined the CC community when I was 35 years old. Back then, I thought nothing of PM'ing a guy in his late 20's (let's say around 28) to tell him I liked his post or insight, etc. But now I feel a lot more cautious because I don't want to be the older person who is bypassing boundaries or imposing upon a younger male member. I've been known to write PM's to both men and women, telling them that I appreciated specific posts and why. But now when I want to compliment a younger male (let's say younger than 35), I either use the reputation system and sign my name or I post it in a thread and make it public.
* Do you feel boundaries must be made after certain age differences? What should they be? 10 years? 20?
* How cautious do we all need to be before we run the risk of crossing the line into things like Political Ridiculousness?
* Should things like private messages between vast age differences across genders be allowed, or should communication be kept public after a certain point?
* What should the lines be, and where should we draw them?
Asian women). Just keep setting them straight.
