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What Kind of Daughter Can God Trust With One of His Sons?
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'Good character' means 'godly character'. Godly character doesn't cheat and isn't unfaithful, etc., so I believe it's the best answer to choose in the poll on what the most important quality a woman can have before marriage.
I believe in 'wrestling with God' (even if it isn't a wrestle, it's just something most are afraid to do). I told Him I'll take one extraordinary woman to marry and that if she isn't beyond a dime but a diamond in the rough, different from all other women (ie. most women), then "No deal" and I'd rather stay single and sleep around with hundreds of women, hoping that God would forgive me for my sins. But God knows (better than I do) that I am not going to settle with one woman if she isn't 'perfect'. (Not perfect but just a very real anomaly.) When God sent Israel into the Promised Land and into other nation, He told them to be sure to not be like the people around them (and therefore, God fully understands if a man or woman wants someone totally different from all those around them). I'll be sure alright. Sure to not marry any woman if she's like all the women around her. What a woman special to a man is that she is different and distinct from other women (at least that's what it's supposed to be) just like Jesus is attracted to the Bride because she is different and distinct from all others around her. Not perfect? No deal. No deal.
(Of course, God is the one who inserted that resolve in me probably before birth (as my heart was seeking a companion (without my permission) since I was a boy). So while I thought I was drawing the line in the sand of our negotiations, God was agreeing ("Okay, Caleb. I got you, buddy") and turning me over and over in the furnace of affliction so I can also be 'unlike all the men around me' for that woman. Man, refining fires just suck. It took a while to realize I was inside them. Started wondering why everything was so hot all of a sudden. I thought I was just supposed to insist on a diamond in the rough. God never said He'd torment me to make me ready for it.) Don't ask dishonest christians about suffering. Ask honest people like Job. No religious platitudes are found in those fires, no great faith, no piety; everything is stripped off down to your naked authenticity-- the good, the bad, and the ugly.)
God didn't choose Israel because of their good character because they didn't have it. On the other hand, God sometimes does give people good character so that He can bless them. He uncharacteristically gave people like Jabez, Moses, and Joseph good and unique character traits before they were even conceived/born. (There are others in the Bible like this but there aren't many.) He usually lets people come out as they are, but once in a while He makes a person unique; they come out the womb 'shining' in a way. The three people I listed above you can read their stories and find that this was the case with them. About Jabez, the Bible says he was "more honorable than his brethren" (ie. he was entirely different from them but in a good way) and so Jabeza actually asked God to change his name/destiny at a time when people didn't do that and to bless him, and God did (1Chronicles 4:9-10). Of Moses, it says in both OT and NT that his parents saved him from being the male infanticide going on in Egypt at the time because they recognized that Moses was 'special' (Exodus 2:2; Hebrews 11:23). Of Joseph, he was favored from birth (because Jacob loved his mother), and when he received his generational blessing later, both Moses and Jacob revealed that Joseph had been 'exceptional' in character from childhood to the point that God highly favored him (because God sometimes gives a person good character so that He can favor or be near them (prerogative)) and that Joseph's suffering made him even more favorable (to God) and exceptional (to people) because God was working with him through them (Genesis 49:22-26; Deuteronomy 33:13-17). This is God's prerogative to make people unique (I really wish He'd do it for at least 50% of births on earth but He does it for under 1%). At the end of the day, He does what He wants. But I don't want anything less than one of those unique people (sometimes I feel like I really should never have asked). 'Normal' would slow me way down and drive me to all forms of ungodliness and maybe an early grave.
Good/godly character is the most important trait in a potential wife (or husband), but generally speaking, the onus is on the husband to love his wife like Jesus loves the Church, good or bad character. I pray that God shows me Grace where that's concerned so we can be an equal yoke rather than a continuous tornado of chaos or something.
So, what type of woman can God entrust with one of His sons?
I never heard that Skynyrd song before. I remember 'Seven Years Old' by Lukas Graham. Some pretty good lyrics: "Once I was 11 years old. My daddy told me 'Go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely.' Once I was 11 years old."
'Good character' is about 'godly character' or 'godliness' and sums up that area. Good character here isn't about one's personal accomplishments around their personality or likeability.
The poll did not give a choice of 'showing Christian virtues'
Dont know about todays world , 60 or so years ago young women went to Bible colleges to "study" for a husband. For my grandsons accepting the fact, no one truly knows another's heart . I would pray for modest girl, yet willing to speak her mind. One lives with her parents as to honor God. In looking at what we can see, one who makes Godly things like church and family the top of her list . A girl who is willing to accept the headship of Church and husband. Would not hurt if she is prettywell well i just described my grand daughter in law !
The poll used 'good character' to summarize everything about godliness and righteousness (which is why the other four options are blatantly temporary in comparison). I can write a novel in just one comment, so you might not want to tempt me to write novellas in my polls and list every possible option available.
I think a modest woman, in a man's eyes, is to die for. If she is also respectful and honorable, a man might weep for joy. But it depends on what the man wants. Of the famous exemplary women of the Bible, sometimes used to teach christian women what godly women are supposed to be like, I reached outside the 'box' (eg. Ruth, Esther, Miriam, etc.) and put my finger on Abigail because of the character qualities she showed in her first encounters with David. (1Samuel 25.) What a woman. What a woman. Wow. But that's just me. Everyone has their tastes, but I believe good/godly character is the most important quality in a woman.
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TheNarrowPath
Guest
Well its like what you said about being "nice"Shots fired.
I would rather have other people speak on someones character or see him in action iykwim. If some guy tells me he is this and that, I take it with a grain of salt.
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TheNarrowPath
Guest
See most people dont equate good character with godly character. Now that you explained it...Its still a good thing that we are looking to find God in your options although our definitions are different
The positive side of genuinely liking people is that you're generally happier. The negative side is that you can make lots of mistakes in life that way.
When I was in my teens, my natural friendliness made it so almost every pretty girl was game. After a while, I told God He'd better take the reins when it comes to my future wife because I was likely to marry one hundred wrong ones or one wrong one. But after my encounter with God, things changed. Instead of being focused on outward looks, I became automatically focused on inward character. This is how I rate the three foundational facets of a woman by importance but not necessarily in order of importance:
1.) Attractiveness: 20% importance.
2.) Femininity: 40% importance.
3.) Character: 40% importance.
Of course, each would be 100%, but this is what I get when breaking it down. A woman's femininity and her character are more important, to me, than her looks... which is not to say her looks aren't important.
Which inner attributes do you find attractive in a woman? And, if you want to talk about it, where are you finding the women who are taken or acting?
I get it. What would you call 'good character' that isn't 'godly character'?
Sometimes, my meanings or definitions are broad or can seem contradictory. Eg. I believe that all truly 'good' character is godly and that there's no good character that isn't godly. However, Cornelius was a Roman centurion in the Bible who did not yet know Jesus but who was still godly. That is because people can be 'godly' (I didn't say 'saved') and not know God because all people have God's Nature (not the Christ Nature, which is different) inside them.
Do you have any examples of 'good character' traits that are not godly?
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TheNarrowPath
Guest
To clarify I saw good and godly as two separate things. I thought godly was something to strive for but we can never be at God level. So when I hear someone is good and I havent seen it for myself its just meh. I had been told that good works (from a good character) alone does not get you into heaven. So how can good be what is godly? Theres always the argument is good inherent? How can a society that doesnt know God have good character? If good only comes from God?
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TheNarrowPath
Guest
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TheNarrowPath
Guest
Ive never heard of Gods Nature and Christ Nature. Why are they not the same thing?
I'm a very open and honest man, so I'm definitely not trying to evade the first part of this question. It's just that there are so many different variables involved in the correct answer to this question that it might literally take me a lifetime to properly answer this. If I had to try to sum it up in a short statement, then I'd say that God is much more concerned about our eternal destinies than he is about us experiencing a "comfortable ride" during this temporal life. In other words, in order to properly prepare us for eternity, God will oftentimes need to deal directly and even severely with our hearts. Sometimes those dealings will come in the form of healings and deliverances, and other times those dealings will come in the form of rebukes and corrections. Without going into any specific details at the moment, I can honestly say that God sought to deal with both me and my ex in both of these areas on a daily basis in order to properly prepare us for the world to come.
At my end, there were some areas of both sin and inner wounds that weren't fully dealt with in my life until God REALLY turned up the heat. The Bible calls such things "fiery trials", and, like gold that is purified in the fire, God exposed a lot of dross in my life/heart through what I experienced in my marriage. BELIEVE ME, my trials were EXCEEDINGLY HOT...to the point that I literally despaired of life at times. In fact, I recall driving alone in my car one day on the highway while sticking my head out the driver's side window, looking up towards heaven, and literally screaming "ENOUGH!!!"
They say "If you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen". Thankfully, I stayed in my fiery trial until the time came that God had removed the dross that needed to be dealt with, and until the time came that my ex ultimately cheated on me repeatedly and then divorced me. I'm a much better man now than I was when I first entered into my marriage covenant, and, as fiery as my trials were, God never released me from the same until the time came that my ex cheated on me and divorced me herself. There are a lot of people, including some people on this very website (based upon their own testimonies that I've read) who seem to believe that there are a host of different acceptable reasons to procure a divorce, but I vehemently disagree. Anyhow, divorce isn't the topic being discussed here, but I felt the need to just mention that anyway.
To this part of your question, I would also add that my marriage affected a lot of other people's lives as well that God wanted to do works in. I could greatly elaborate on this point while giving many different precise examples, but I won't. Of course, my marriage also resulted in three precious children being born, so there's their lives to consider as well.
Marriage isn't just about snuggling on a sofa while sipping hot chocolate and watching a Hallmark movie. If anybody wants a realistic view of marriage, then I would heartily recommend that they just read their Bibles from cover to cover. In other words, as I've rightly stated many times on this website before, God's covenant with his people is likened to a marriage covenant all throughout scripture. If anyone reading this thinks that THAT "marriage" was/is all fun and games, then I honestly question their sanity. Marriage is messy, and it's definitely not for the weak-minded. I'm NOT trying to make it sound like all gloom and doom because it isn't, but it's no day at the beach either...unless we're talking about a scene from the movie "Jaws"...lol.
This part of your question is much easier to answer.
Ultimately, my marriage failed because, despite all of the healings and deliverances which God had wrought in my ex's life, she ultimately didn't want to live the type of self-sacrificing Christian life that Christ calls each and every one of us to. It was NEVER an issue of me telling her things to do that she didn't want to do. Instead, it was definitely and always an issue of her not wanting to do the things that God himself was showing her to do.
There were many times throughout our marriage that my ex came to me and told me of either a dream, or vision, or word that the Lord (not me) had given her. On every such occasion, I knew that it was the Lord himself who had told her or shown her the things that she was hearing or seeing. It simply wasn't what she wanted, and she ultimately renounced Christ/Christianity while trying to destroy me continually throughout the ongoing process. In other words, rather than just be honest with the Christian community that we were then a part of, my ex sought to demonize me continually (as in multiple times every single day for many years) as one who was guilty of both domestic violence and multiple accounts of child abuse. In fact, she ultimately pressed such phony charges against me in a court of law, and I needed to appear in court to defend myself. I was found to be totally innocent of the charges, but my ex ultimately got what she wanted. In other words, the gullible/undiscerning "church", including more than one "pastor" (read: HIRELING), helped her tremendously during that whole ordeal (she fleeced them for all sorts of monies and other material goods) while they all shunned me as if I was Satan himself.
Anyhow, as crazy as this sounds, my ex actually cooked me dinner last night...so go figure. There's definitely no chance of reconciliation between the two of us, but we're quite amicable now (as in now that she got everything that she truly desired), and I still pray for her daily. Her home is littered with all sorts of idols, and she's into all sorts of Eastern demonically-inspired religions, and she regularly takes Jesus' name in vain now. It's horrifying to watch, but she has her own free will.
I'm still trying to reach my own children who were caught up in this whole mess and greatly turned away from Christ/Christianity (especially my two daugthers...my son wasn't as swayed as his sisters were) in the process. Just last night, I had the privilege to speak to one of my daughters for about 30 minutes on her necessity to receive Christ as her own Lord and Savior. BELIEVE ME, while we were still living together as a family, I taught my children on every topic imaginable from the Bible, so they're no rookies when it comes to knowledge of the same. Anyhow, I'd rate our conversation last night somewhere around the 50/50 mark. In other words, there were some things that I shared with my daughter that she agreed with and others that she vehemently rejected. As I said before, marriage is no joke...especially if children are involved.
I hope that this somewhat answered your questions.
This is pretty hard to explain in words (but I understand it in my heart), but I'll try (and probably fail terribly in properly explaining it).
In a very real sense, I'm still a teenager in my heart. In other words, I still have that pure type of desire to just be with a woman and know what is in her heart without all of life's complications and baggage piled on top of it. When I perceive that I've found someone who is simply kind or tender-hearted, then I find that extremely attractive. Again, this attractiveness is much more a heart or spirit connection than it is anything outward in nature.
Although I'm quite sure that many people, certain women especially, don't view me this way, I'm truly a man who is not the least bit interested in strife. I simply desire to just love a woman while sharing our hearts openly with each other. In today's world, where people have experienced all sorts of hurts, and in which many people have erected walls in their hearts to protect themselves from more of the same, it's not easy to find what I'm actually looking for. That said, I'm definitely NOT opposed to finding a woman who has past hurts while trying to help her through the same. In fact, I spent the bulk of my marriage attempting to do just that with my now ex even while she was seeking to destroy me continually. At the same time, if a woman won't let me into her heart, even if in slow increments over a period of time, then I lose all interest in her because she's not willing to let me know who she really is.
Anyhow, whether anybody reading this believes it or not (not that I think most people even care), I'm truly all about matters of the heart.
I'm finding them just by living my life in this world daily. Sometimes I might find such a woman while at work, or on social media, or even right here on this website (I've privately interacted with quite a few women here).
It's the actresses that really bother me.
If there's anything that I absolutely ABHOR ("hate" isn't strong enough of a word to describe it), then it's pretense or superficiality. Why people even bother to engage in the same is a bit of a mystery to me. I honestly believe that such people are sick in the head, but that's just my personal assessment. I mean, why even bother playing games with somebody? Again, to me, it's sick, and I've encountered some people like that right here on this very website and plenty more elsewhere.
So great is my ABHORENCE of pretense that I actually designed the hoodie pictured below which depicts a man walking away from pretense, and I purchased it for myself a while back in order to let women know to not even bother playing games with me:
Anyhow, I hope that this answers your questions.
Well, I'll probably get some more "fan mail" (yeah, that was sarcasm) for what I'm about to say because some people seem to have the "gift" of misconstruing everything that I say and actually mean, but here goes:
"Femininity" is very attractive to me as well.
I get that women have been abused and denied certain rights or privileges throughout history, and that many women have therefore adopted a sort of "hard" or "fend for themselves" sort of mentality, but if I find a woman who is "soft" (NOT as in being a pushover or a doormat), then my inclinations are always to protect and care for such a woman, and never to possibly hurt her or dominate her in any way, shape, or form.
Anyhow, that's just me being me...come what may.
It's too complicated to explain-- or it would take a book to explain-- so it's best to get that understanding from the Holy Spirit. But here's my attempt in the meantime:
The Bible uses many words interchangeably. It also employs a lot of 'play on words'. This is the way God naturally talks (ie. metaphorically). He talks plainly for our sakes.
An example of playing on/with words is found in Joseph's blessing in Genesis 49:
"The archers bitterly grieved him, shot at him, and hated him; but his bow remained in strength" (vv. 23-24).
It says that "archers" grieved Joseph and that "shot at him". So here, the automatic implication is that 'people with bows (and arrows) assaulted Joseph'. (However, no one ever assaulted Joseph with bows and arrows.) It then goes on to say that Joseph's "bow" remained in strength. So, first it implies that people with bows (and arrows) attacked Joseph; then it clearly says that Joseph himself had a bow. But the word 'bow' (and the implication of the word 'bow') indicates a person's heart or character:
1.) "Guard your heart (bow), for out of it are the issues (arrows) of life" (Proverbs 4:23). Your heart (your character) is your internal bow which then 'sends/shoots out' like arrows your thoughts, words, and actions.
2.) Jesus talks about the bow of the heart/character and the arrows from it: "Out of the overflow of the heart (the bow), the mouth speaks (sends forth arrows)" (Luke 6:45). This isn't saying all your words come from your heart (or character); it's saying that whatever (thoughts, attitudes, beliefs) is indeed in your heart/character, even if you hide it well in front of others, must eventually "overflow" out where others can see it because it is the real you; it's who you really are.
3.) Psalm 127:3-5 is another one of many Scriptures that alludes to a bow and the arrows that are 'shot/sent out' from it. However, here, it is talking about parents being the bow and the children being the arrows: "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they will not be afraid but will contend with their enemies in the gate."
Gen. 49:23-24 says, "The archers bitterly grieved him, shot at him, and hated him; but his bow remained in strength" (vv. 23-24). But in more modern vernacular, it would sound more like this: "Principalities and humans (the archers) terribly and negatively affected Joseph (bitterly grieved him), attacked him (shot at him), and agreed together for his downfall (hated him); but his character (heart) remained the same/upright as before (remained in strength)." Joseph's struggles didn't make him bitter; he remained an upright person. Furthermore, because he remained righteous through his struggles, God Himself personally was with him (as it says several times in the Bible) and personally made Joseph an even better person which is the meaning here: "and the arms of [Joseph's] hands were made strong by the Mighty One of Jacob; from there is the Shepherd, the Stone of Israel" (v. 24). Arms and hands here refer to resilience as well as the ability draw a bow and 'fight back' (ie. not fold under suffering), so it's still talking about Joseph's character: "[God] teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze" (Psalm 18:34).
In the Gen. 49:23-24 passage, there is a play with words surrounding archery, bows, and arrows. In the same way, the Bible does this often enough for one to need the revelation of the Holy Spirit to know what it is saying. When the rich young ruler approached Jesus, he called Him, "Good Teacher." Jesus responded, "Why do you call me good, for no one is good except God alone" (Mark 10:18). Jesus was indeed good, so why did He say this? Because the ruler was addressing Jesus as a man. He didn't know that Jesus was God, so when he called Him "good", he was calling a man good. Jesus was God, and only God is good, so He discouraged the ruler from calling Him 'a good human being'. However. God's Nature in all humans is good and therefore gives people the ability to 'be' good, but only in a human way. Eg. compare phileo (brotherly love) to agapao (God's love). Both are love, but only one type of love is perfect. Therefore, people can be 'good', but only God is perfectly good. Good only comes from God, but He put a deposit of good in all humans being via 'the God Nature'. I'll flesh that out a little in your other comment where I think you mentioned it.
sorry it was a poorly thought out joke which nobody got
I was just joking. Everyone understood what you were saying. Nothing wrong with it.