Well, your pastor might look at this question and say, "NOT MUCH!"
But, all kidding aside, it's best to look at the first date as not really a "date" at all, at least not in the traditional sense. When we say "date," it usually conjures images of the guy going to the woman's house to pick her up. They may go to a nice restaurant for dinner, a movie, or both. After the movie, the guy brings her back home and walks her to her door; she fumbles for the keys, and he at least attempts to kiss her.
However, nothing like this should ever happen on the first date. Why? Because neither of you knows each other well enough to make the date successful. At the very least, you should have chatted for a little while to see what kinds of food and movies you like. Also, it would be a borderline tragedy to find out that neither of you could stand the other halfway through dessert!
This is where the first date comes in. It goes something like this:
You have said hi and flirted with Sharon a few times before Sunday church services. She's been receptive enough to laugh at a few of your corny jokes, and now, in the church community room, you are getting up the nerve to talk to her again.
"Oh no, have we run out of donuts this morning?" You ask her.
"Only the yucky ones are left," she says.
"I have an absolutely brilliant idea, and most of my ideas are brilliant."
"And what exactly is that?"
"Let's meet at XYZ Donuts for coffee and those extra gooey raspberry-filled things with the fifteen pounds of powdered sugar they sprinkle over them."
"Now?"
"Yes, of course, now. Who knows what might happen if I don't get my sugar fix today. It will be my treat."
Sharon hesitates.
"Besides, you said you moved here from California, and I would be interested in learning about the differences between here and there. "
"Well, okay," she says. "But I don't have much time before I have to go feed my cats."
"I understand. Cats be needn' feedn'" (You smile. She smiles. Everyone eavesdropping in on your conversation smiles).
You both get to the donut place at about the same time. OF COURSE, YOU OPEN THE DOOR FOR HER.
You are at the counter and let her choose WHATEVER she wants. Sharon is a lovely lady who doesn't want to rob you of your life savings, so she orders one donut and a cup of coffee.
Now is not the time for you to pig out. Show some control!
You pay for both hers and yours. This is non-negotiable. The man always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, pays! She can be a doctor, lawyer, businesswoman, or the President of the United States. You still must pay for all dates.
Why you ask?
It has to do with her perception of you, mostly. Do you want her to perceive you as just another one of her male friends who she pals around with once in a while or a romantic tiger who can sweep her off her feet and eventually become so in love with you that she has no other choice but to say yes to marriage?
In the next post, I'll explore the differences between being relegated to just her "friend" and being the man of her dreams. For now, suffice it to say you need to pony up the $9.29 for the coffee and donuts.
Welcome to the first date. You will spend no more than one hour with her with the following objectives in mind:
1. Show each other that neither of you is a raging psychopathic ax murderer
2. Delve (a very little bit) into what she does and a bit about her family (plenty of time for that on other dates as well)
3. Find out if you have anything in common (besides a love for Christ)
4.
Show your romantic interest (super duper, extremely important!)
5. Getting the second date
Things NOT to talk about
--The weather
--Computers, quantum mechanics, or doctrinal differences between denominations
--Politics
--Your past failures with women
--Her cats (Get off of that subject as quick as possible. It's bad enough having to compete with other men, let alone her cats!)
What to talk about on a first date
--Which do you find more beautiful, the sunsets here or in California?
--What's the best vacation you've ever taken?
-- How inspired you were when your parents finally told you how they met and fell in love. What about her parents?
--What's the most romantic movie you've ever watched?
The list is only limited by your imagination and the feelings you want to elicit from her. Remember, women are all about feelings, feelings, feelings, so talk about things that will make her feel good. Conversely, avoid discussing things that elicit sadness, distress, or grief. There will be plenty of that kind of talk when you start having children.
Setting up the second date
Never ask a woman, "Hey, would you like to go out again sometime?" That only works in the movies and sitcoms.
Instead, say this:
"I've really enjoyed our time together, but I have to go, and I know you have to get back to your lovely cats. So, I was thinking... I have two movie passes that are going to expire soon, which would be a shame. I've been wanting to see (pick any chick flick or, better yet, an inspiring spiritual movie). I certainly don't want to go alone. Would you like to go with me this coming Saturday?"
Always be as specific about the date as possible. Never offer up any ambiguity. Never say, "You wanna get together sometime?"
When she says yes, get her phone number and say you will call her the night before to confirm. It will be a 30-second call to ensure she has not come down with COVID or something since your last encounter. Also, it's not a time to tell her how bad your week has been going or to see how she feels about the latest Fox News poll on the upcoming election.
Once she says she's still going, tell her you look forward to seeing her tomorrow. Then say goodbye and hang up!
The less you talk at this point, the better.
.
from a distance !
(sigh - "not for me it's not")
