When We Don't Grieve ~ Is there Guilt ~

[J-Kay-2]

I have discovered we aren't always going to grieve the death of friend
or loved one. There are times we will grieve differently, and times we
won't feel the sting of grief. I think it is okay not to always grieve.
What about you ? Do you feel badly for NOT grieving? Is there a
reason you want to share you felt something was wrong because you
don't feel the emotional part others have felt ? I have personally had
that experience of not grieving when it appeared I should have, but
there was reason for it.

I want to give someone a chance to tell it without feeling guilty.

 

[J-Kay-2]

It appears I need to start my own comment regarding grief.
Maybe people don't like the topic, but it is inevitable. DEATH
and GRIEF usually go hand in hand. But, not always.

We do want to remember though when a life is taken by
murder, there is a family left behind to grieve. Friends
and relatives.

If there is a suicide, from my understanding, it is the most
grievous of all. Especially if no one has any idea why that person
took their life.

For my own losses of loved ones and friends, man, it seemed like
it was not going to end. We had so many with in a 3 year period
we almost dreaded a new year.

When is it okay not to grieve ? This is strictly my own opinion. I
feel if a person has watched a loved one suffer and there is no hope
for recovery, it is okay to feel relief the one who suffered, suffers no more.
If they are elderly and ready to meet the Lord, and have nothing
holding them back here, and the Lord says come home, we can feel it is
okay to say good-bye.
It took me a year to begin to find some peace when my daughter
died. The grief was unbearable. But due to the circumstances it
was hard to find peace. Then her son, the 22 yr. old died and it
was another shock, and yet as much as I missed him and loved
him, I did not feel the same grief. I just see him as sleeping peacefully.
My Father died and I was with him and saw him go peacefully. I
missed him, but did not grieve. My Mother died like 6 years later and
I did not grieve for her. She really had caused so much conflict over
the years, it was relief. Sounds bad doesn't it ? It is okay to think
that, because the Lord was with me and her the last hours of her death
and I was blessed to see Him do a work before she let out her last breath.
It was the most beautiful transformation I will never forget. I know she
is at rest and with the Lord, my brother who died at age 18, and dad.
I found when I was younger death was most difficult to accept.
'I know now, when a Christian goes to be with Jesus it is okay to not
grieve. I am more grieved when we aren't sure about their salvation.
How about you ? Are you ready to meet the Lord? We need to repent
of our sins, receive Him as our Savior and know Jesus Christ is the
Lord we will reign with forever and ever. ~ J~K~2

 

[damombomb]

We grieve them, because love hurts. But some people who have suffered, it is their rest.

 

[Toska]

When my husband's grandmother passed away a few months ago, I felt more relief than grief. She had been in the hospital, was incoherent, in terrible pain, and having tremendous trouble breathing. She was a Christian and she was ready to go home. I don't know how many times I found myself in the church chapel begging God to end her suffering and bring her home.

Her memorial service did have a lot of tears but, they were mostly tears shed telling stories about her life and what a good influence she had been for so many people. Yes, we miss her but, we also know she is no longer in pain or suffering and that she is happy with the Lord. We also know that we will have a very happy reunion with her one day.

There have been others in my life that have passed away and I suffered a lot of grief from losing them. I especially grieved the loss of my 2 year old nephew over 20 years ago and my father in law over 6 years ago. I know I will see them again but, I still miss both of them very much.

I think the circumstances have a lot to do with how much or how little grief a person feels. I found it hard to grieve for an aunt or uncle that I had only seen a couple of times in my life, when I was a child. But, those that are close to us, especially the ones that go unexpectedly, that is so very hard and the grief is terrible.

 

[crossnote]

I grieved terribly over my stepfather's death knowing he had not turned to Jesus.
I did not grieve nearly as much, and in some ways was rejoicing knowing my mom was finally at rest with Jesus when she passed on.

 

[J-Kay-2]

I grieved terribly over my stepfather's death knowing he had not turned to Jesus.
I did not grieve nearly as much, and in some ways was rejoicing knowing my mom was finally at rest with Jesus when she passed on.

I know exactly what you are saying. When we can't be certain they
made it to heaven, it is the greatest grief ever. I am sorry you had to
have that experience. It does cause a grief like none other. ~ Bless you.

 

[rainin]

Sometimes people are grieving on the inside and no one would ever know it from looking at them. Some people have such a view of death that grief just isn't a part of their process. Maybe some that have passed have left no reason to grieve their death for good or bad reasons.....I think grief is a very complicated emotion that changes over our lifetimes. Just my thoughts.

 

[J-Kay-2]

Sometimes people are grieving on the inside and no one would ever know it from looking at them. Some people have such a view of death that grief just isn't a part of their process. Maybe some that have passed have left no reason to grieve their death for good or bad reasons.....I think grief is a very complicated emotion that changes over our lifetimes. Just my thoughts.

I have found after losing so many I loved, it is okay to weep and okay to miss them.
I do find it easier to understand death as I have matured, than when I was young,
and lost my baby brother ( age 18). My grandfather, and my husbands grandmother
caused grief, but it was different than it is now.

I remember when my Mother in-law died, my husbands boss came to the viewing,
he said, " You will find yourself grieving out of nowhere when you least expect it."
That was true.

When I lost my daughter, after she had been buried and I was in Target. I was
in the shoe dept. I was looking at shoes, and I saw a shoe that reminded me of
her, and I sat down on the floor and sobbed. I just broke down. I didn't care if
anyone saw me. ( they didn't) But, my husbands boss sure was right... it can hit
when you least expect it.

 

[rainin]

There have been times when I cried and times when I didn't. Also, times when I thought the tears would never stop....but they did. I always think of David mourning his son during times like those. When it's over, it's time to go on with what God has in mind for us.

 

[J-Kay-2]

There have been times when I cried and times when I didn't. Also, times when I thought the tears would never stop....but they did. I always think of David mourning his son during times like those. When it's over, it's time to go on with what God has in mind for us.

It seems harsh doesn't it ? Thinking of David when he lost his son and
was able to get up and get on with his duties. I have found men often do
not grieve the same as women.
I do know of one man one time on my Grief Group I had on another
site, who was very bitter toward God for taking his son. Then another
man asked me how could I forgive God for taking my daughter.
I know of a woman I was in group with who could not let go. And
it had been years. She was caught in a time warp and nothing said
would bring her out. I will say for my daughter it actually took
6 years I could go without thinking of her. However if I run across
a letter from her and read it, I sob at her loving me and her gratefulness
for what her father and I did for her. There is no set rule how long....
But I do feel if one blames God and keeps them from having a relationship
with Him, we should try to help them or at least pray for them.
~J~K~2

 

[rainin]

I have been accused of not having any feelings because I don't grieve outwardly. I guess even inwardly Im not affected like most people. It's not that I don't feel the loss or the pain....it's just that we are all here for only a short time and death is our release from this cursed world. We are born and we die. I think God made us to die so why get upset about it. We are all different in that area I guess.

 

[J-Kay-2]

I have been accused of not having any feelings because I don't grieve outwardly. I guess even inwardly Im not affected like most people. It's not that I don't feel the loss or the pain....it's just that we are all here for only a short time and death is our release from this cursed world. We are born and we die. I think God made us to die so why get upset about it. We are all different in that area I guess.

Exactly what I was hoping for. Some people think something is wrong with a person
when they don't mourn or grieve. You have given a good answer.

There are some people who feel uncomfortable when they are around someone who
lost a loved one. They are afraid to bring it up for fear the person will begin to cry.
But it is okay to cry. Some people need to talk about their loss. We can be there
for them and listen.

Your theory is right. We are born to die. And we know we simply pass through this
world and into the eternal life with Christ.

God bless you ~

 

[tourist]

Who is to say, even to our own self that we do not grieve. This emotion is as unique as the individuals that have it in their hearts to experience it. As for myself, grieving is a very personal emotion, one that I am very careful whom I share it with. A couple months ago I had to watch my wife die. There have been few tears shed since that day but each and every one was precious.

 

[J-Kay-2]

Who is to say, even to our own self that we do not grieve. This emotion is as unique as the individuals that have it in their hearts to experience it. As for myself, grieving is a very personal emotion, one that I am very careful whom I share it with. A couple months ago I had to watch my wife die. There have been few tears shed since that day but each and every one was precious.

So sorry tourist. I take it she had been ill ? I have to say for those who have suffered
or simply elderly lying in bed in a nursing home, it is peaceful for them to move on to their
resting place. I believe the believer is alive more with Christ than ever here on earth.

You say it well when you say "every tear you cried was precious" is beautiful way of
expressing grief. God bless you and thank YOU for sharing that emotion.