Why Are So Many Christians Still Single?

[Lightbeamrider]

Hi Beamrider, I totally get that it's annoying when people think you're interested when you aren't, but sometimes it can be really hard to tell what a person's intentions are.

That is true for all of us. Sometimes single women say they are married and wear rings to discourage men from hitting on them, or so they say. Who knows why they really act like they are married in public.

Men these days tend to be very apprehensive about approaching women (understandably),

I don't know. I never had much trouble approaching them or asking if they were interested in coffee, dinner, and conversation. If she says no then that is fine. Never ask twice. Move on to another one. Sometimes it has to be done and esp with men who may not know many women or work mostly with other men. Like anything else, it gets better with practice.

so when a guy does step out of the norm it usually catches us off-guard. And as you illustrated with your example, it caused some issues when a married lady did NOT disclose her status to you right away.

No real issues, since she kept talking to me about relocating to the Philippines, which was never going to happen with me.

It kinda sounds like you're saying "Don't disclose your status unless I'm actually interested, in which case you need to tell me right away".

No that is not what i am saying. Have in the past, found it annoying when they reveal their marriage status right away because of the presumption. I work with a lot of women, and I still don't know anything about them, and I'm really not interested in their personal lives any more than they are in mine. So, in those circumstances, they do not reveal their marital status.

Most women are just going to punt and tell you right away so that you will have the info. And some husbands would be upset with them if they didn't, so perhaps they are doing it out of respect for their men.

Do not believe the husband was upset with his wife or me but who knows? It is his wife and his problem, not mine. But i certainly can relate, now that i think about it and look in my rear views, so to speak.

A lot of factors are at play here, I'm just presenting the other side of the coin.

All the woman has to do is show up and do some conversation for a free meal and a little of her time and if she is not willing to do that then she can jump in the lake was my attitude. I was the one who was in the position of convincing her to go on a second date, meaning performance time, all the while trying to enjoy the evening. Normally, it was at a place of her choosing. One lady told me she loved Burger King..... I liked her. She talked my ear off and loved the food.

 

[Snackersmom]

No that is not what i am saying. Have in the past, found it annoying when they reveal their marriage status right away because of the presumption.

Oh OK. Since you mentioned several times that it annoys you (particularly if the woman is not attractive), I assumed it is a current annoyance.

But apparently it no longer bothers you, my bad!

 

[Snackersmom]

Recommend "He's Just Not That Into You" to them.

Wait up, who exactly am I supposed to be recommending movies to?

 

[Lovette]

Wait up, who exactly am I supposed to be recommending movies to?

Whomever you were talking about.

 

[Snackersmom]

Whomever you were talking about.

I wasn't talking about anyone in particular

 

[Lightbeamrider]

Oh OK. Since you mentioned several times that it annoys you (particularly if the woman is not attractive), I assumed it is a current annoyance.

But apparently it no longer bothers you, my bad!

You are very gracious but it was me. Its an old gripe and your post got me a thinkin

Wait up, who exactly am I supposed to be recommending movies to?

So what do you recommend? Here is a list of top-tier gas stations, assuming you drive a decent car. Sam's Club is not on it.

https://clark.com/cars/top-tier-gas-stations-clean-engine-aaa/

 

[Lovette]

I wasn't talking about anyone in particular

Then just reserve it as a joke.

 

[Snackersmom]

Then just reserve it as a joke.

That's not really how I joke, but ok

 

[Snackersmom]

You are very gracious but it was me. Its an old gripe and your post got me a thinkin

No worries . I totally get that it's annoying but I also get why women do it. It's almost a reflex. I've had to fight the urge a few times myself. For me I think it comes from loyalty to my guy and also not wanting the guy who approaches to feel led on. Because some guys assume you're hitting on them just by being polite.

So what do you recommend? Here is a list of top-tier gas stations, assuming you drive a decent car. Sam's Club is not on it.

https://clark.com/cars/top-tier-gas-stations-clean-engine-aaa/

Thanks for the info but where I live options are limited. My preferred brand of gas station is "One that sells gas".

 

[Bible_Locket]

Why are so many Christians still single?

They're smarter than they're given credit for.

 

[Lovette]

Why are so many Christians still single?

They're smarter than they're given credit for.

My answer is pungent: Because so many Christians identify themselves as "single" first and foremost, above all other attributes that may attract people to them, and they whine about it.

 

[Jesusgirl777]

From a Christian perspective, however, I believe the deepest issue is spiritual rather than cultural. When Christ is no longer at the center, it's easy for marriage to become centered on personal fulfillment instead of mutual sacrifice and service.

Also those Christians with Christ at the center of their lives or striving to keep Him in the center are still single.

I think sometimes they make wrong decisions and reject or ignore someone who may have been God's will for them.

Other times they don't meet Christians with the same goals as them.

 

[StoneLion]

I think the Lord best answers this here:

Matthew 19:8-12

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

 

[celras]

Yes. Divorce can be a traumatic experience for a person, I have known men who were divorced years, even decades earlier and are still hurting over it, emotionally and financially. With 'no fault divorces' a man can feel likes he is doing all the right things, do his best and then still be squelched on, having a life turned upside down. It is counter-intuitive and counter-Biblical. Younger men may see this and be wary. If divorce rates are varying between a quarter and a half of marriages, that's pretty grim odds of having your life wrecked.

Divorce statistics change but I have seen surveys which show that the divorce rate is higher among identifying Christians than among the general population, and surveys which show that Christians have a much higher divorce rate than Hindus, Muslims or Atheists. For example https://christian-witness.org/christian-divorce-statistics/ , 66% of divorced adults in the USA identify as Christian while 62% of adults identify as Christian. Amongst Christians the rate of divorce is highest among Evangelicals. It's therefore a question to ask, Jesus told his church to be salt and light, why then is the divorce rate higher among church goers than non church goers?

I don't believe by and large the modern church has a biblical world view, humanism, prosperity gospel, feminism, socialism are all creeping in and infecting pulpits. The bible warns that a time will come when preachers will tell people whatever they want to hear (2 Timothy 4:3) for the sake of popularity. I have even encountered churches that are ok with couples cohabiting, scared of losing them. Different churches seem to teach different things on marriage and sexuality or indeed any issue, sometimes these different things are not biblical, they contradict each other and contradict the bible. Some denominations marry people of the same gender, increasingly now so.

IMHO a believer should be seeking marriage with someone who has a biblical worldview, but it can be hard to find a church or congregation with a biblical worldview now. For example: https://www.christianitydaily.com/n...a-survey-reveals-family-research-council.html This research found that only 6% of Americans had a biblical worldview, while 48% claim to be living a Christian lifestyle. That's 42% of Americans who think they're living as Christians but don't know what it is to live as a Christian.

So to answer the question why are there so many single people:- it's difficult to find someone to be equally yoked with, there's a high risk of a marriage catastrophically imploding and there is confusion among Christians and Churches as to what marriage actually is.

God Bless.

Great comment.

 

[Lightbeamrider]

I would prefer to be single than to be married to a man who does not follow God’s Way. He says he believes in Jesus and goes to church but his words and actions in our marriage do not match.

I know this is a Singles Chat but I wanted to say that, one day, I hope to be single and I know that I want a Godly man. I think a good Christian is hard to find. But, CC has nice people and that has been helpful.

I separated from my husband last month for 1 month to find God and get closer to Him. Unfortunately, the church I was going to had members in it who were not Godly in their hearts. They were fake. I have found a smaller church recently and the members seem friendly.

I’m not in a position to leave my husband for his ways or words, but I know that God will bless me for the pain I am enduring right now.

I only wanted to share here. Because in my heart, I would prefer to be single than be married to a man I cannot trust.

It depends on your circumstances, meaning whether children and property are involved or not. If children, you would get child support (tax-free on your side, not his, since his child support would be deducted from net income, meaning taxed income) and the house, and your Godless husband would end up paying for it all. Probably living in a cheap one-bedroom in the seedy part of town where rents are relatively low. If at all. Generally, Facebook is a good place to check out for cheap rentals, assuming they are legit and not scams. Like collecting the non-refundable application fees and refusing all applicants. If no children and property then you may be mostly on your own.

 

[celras]

I would prefer to be single than to be married to a man who does not follow God’s Way. He says he believes in Jesus and goes to church but his words and actions in our marriage do not match.

I know this is a Singles Chat but I wanted to say that, one day, I hope to be single and I know that I want a Godly man. I think a good Christian is hard to find. But, CC has nice people and that has been helpful.

I separated from my husband last month for 1 month to find God and get closer to Him. Unfortunately, the church I was going to had members in it who were not Godly in their hearts. They were fake. I have found a smaller church recently and the members seem friendly.

I’m not in a position to leave my husband for his ways or words, but I know that God will bless me for the pain I am enduring right now.

I only wanted to share here. Because in my heart, I would prefer to be single than be married to a man I cannot trust.

I’m sorry you are going through such a painful situation. I think what you wrote highlights something very important: there is a difference between simply saying that we believe in Jesus and allowing our faith to shape the way we live, love, speak and treat our spouse.


None of us is perfect, of course, and a Christian marriage will always involve two imperfect people who need grace, forgiveness and God’s guidance. But trust, honesty, kindness and faithfulness are not small things. They are part of what makes a marriage a safe and meaningful covenant.


I also understand what you mean about wanting to be single rather than married to someone whose life and actions are fundamentally inconsistent with his faith. Marriage is too important to build only on words.


I hope your new church community will give you a place where you can find genuine fellowship, encouragement and people who sincerely seek to follow Christ. And above all, I hope that during this difficult season you continue to draw closer to God—not only asking Him to change your circumstances, but allowing Him to strengthen and guide you through them.


May God give you wisdom, peace and courage for whatever lies ahead.

 

[celras]

I would prefer to be single than to be married to a man who does not follow God’s Way. He says he believes in Jesus and goes to church but his words and actions in our marriage do not match.

I know this is a Singles Chat but I wanted to say that, one day, I hope to be single and I know that I want a Godly man. I think a good Christian is hard to find. But, CC has nice people and that has been helpful.

I separated from my husband last month for 1 month to find God and get closer to Him. Unfortunately, the church I was going to had members in it who were not Godly in their hearts. They were fake. I have found a smaller church recently and the members seem friendly.

I’m not in a position to leave my husband for his ways or words, but I know that God will bless me for the pain I am enduring right now.

I only wanted to share here. Because in my heart, I would prefer to be single than be married to a man I cannot trust.

I’m sorry you are going through such a painful situation. I think what you wrote highlights something very important: there is a difference between simply saying that we believe in Jesus and allowing our faith to shape the way we live, love, speak and treat our spouse.

None of us is perfect, of course, and a Christian marriage will always involve two imperfect people who need grace, forgiveness and God’s guidance. But trust, honesty, kindness and faithfulness are not small things. They are part of what makes a marriage a safe and meaningful covenant.

I also understand what you mean about wanting to be single rather than married to someone whose life and actions are fundamentally inconsistent with his faith. Marriage is too important to build only on words.

I hope your new church community will give you a place where you can find genuine fellowship, encouragement and people who sincerely seek to follow Christ. And above all, I hope that during this difficult season you continue to draw closer to God—not only asking Him to change your circumstances, but allowing Him to strengthen and guide you through them.

May God give you wisdom, peace and courage for whatever lies ahead.

 

[Lovette]

Definitely a valid point.

It's my favorite tactic, instead of answering a question, dismantle it first and ridicule the one who asked it.

 

[Ceph]

There are people like me who are very stubborn and don't want to move past the person they last fell in love with.
But.. aha! I'm looking for a new breakthrough today. I'm going to resolve things, and hopefully fully heal.
Please pray it goes well.

Hey guys, she's alright. I know that we'll see her again.
Not that anything new happened to me. I'm still single.

 

[Ceph]

Sally can wait.