I’m at a loss. The hurt is fresh and I’m just looking for some kind words. I plan on talking to my pastor tomorrow but if I can’t let out alittle bit of my feelings I’ll go crazy. I can’t talk to my wife or friend because that is where the hurt is coming from. My wife and a person I thought was my best friend have been seeing each other for 9 months. I feel so alone and hurt. My wife and I have three kids and she tells me she loves him. This isn’t the first time this has happened. In the 9 years of marriage she has cheated I know of 5 times. I forgive and have tried to work on our marriage. God I’ve tried. I just don’t know what to do.
Wife had affair with my best friend.
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P
pckts
Guest
You've certainly practiced enough forgiveness, and according to The Bible you have grounds for a divorce. If you think your kids would be greatly damaged by a divorce, then stay together, but know things are far from perfect and not the ideal environment already. She also may decide that she wants a divorce at some point, so maybe it's best to act on your own terms prior to this. She doesn't seem to have an interest in being married in the traditional sense now or in the past, yet you have 3 kids together. I'll pray for your very troubling situation.
I think the kids are being more greatly damaged, by having to see their mother sleeping around with different men all the time. :/ She's cheated FIVE times, and those are only the times he knows about. She tells her husband she's in love with his best friend, and wants to be with him. Seems to me like she wants her cake and to eat it too..
To the OP, your wife has cheated multiple times, and you've forgiven each time. But she's now cheating AGAIN, and it's time to realize she won't ever stop. 5 affairs in 9 years, that's practically your entire marriage that she's been playing around on you.
You have biblical grounds for divorce. You will be hurting your kids far worse if you stay with her. Kids aren't dumb, they surely know something is going on... Which is more important to you, a cheating wife who doesn't love you anymore, or saving your kids from more pain from this woman who puts her lovers first before them?
To the OP, your wife has cheated multiple times, and you've forgiven each time. But she's now cheating AGAIN, and it's time to realize she won't ever stop. 5 affairs in 9 years, that's practically your entire marriage that she's been playing around on you.
You have biblical grounds for divorce. You will be hurting your kids far worse if you stay with her. Kids aren't dumb, they surely know something is going on... Which is more important to you, a cheating wife who doesn't love you anymore, or saving your kids from more pain from this woman who puts her lovers first before them?
May God give your heart the strength and peace to get through this terrible experience.. 5 times means your wife probably will never stop cheating on you.. If your Children are very young like under 16 and the situation within your home is cordial between you and your wife i would not initiate a divorce.. With the way the divorce laws are these days it is almost certain you will lose the children and they will be living with her and she will take legal action to restrict your access to the kids down to a complete minimum.. And she might accuse you of violence towards her or the kids and get an apprehended violence order or similar legal ruling placed upon you to ensure your access to your kids is blocked permanently..
The current situation is terrible.. But once divorce procedures are started it could become a whole new world of terrible far worse then the current situation.. Lets face the truth the current divorce laws heavily favor the mother over the Dad.. It is very unjust but that's the way of the worldly legal system.. So if you can avoid divorce do so..
If divorce happens i would consider recording any interactions between you and your wife so if she claims you committed violence upon her during one of your visits you can produce a recording of the visit to show the authorities the truth of what actually happened..
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pckts
Guest
I understand that the current situation is greatly damaging the kids, but this woman left to her own devices raising them as a "single mother" would be a tragedy as well. A multitude of guys, which she probably would pay no mind to their parental ability/character, in and out of the house on a regular basis.
From personal experience I'd prefer to live under the broken marriage, than a mother enjoying an immature second single life in their 30s/40s. That's why I even suggested he consider salvaging whatever he has depending on their ages, how aware they are, and how bad she is/would be.
If he decides to go for full custody of the kids, then she won't be able to have them all the time.. Hopefully she loves her kids enough to give up her cheating ways, but who knows..
I know what I would do. Cut her loose. It takes two to work on a marriage and it seems to be the intent of your wife to destroy it. Maybe your pastor can refer you to a good divorce attorney.
This woman does not feel the least bit obligated to her wedding vows. She is not in a covenant relationship with her husband. I
wonder if she has any faith in Christ.
Pr 30:20 Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
wonder if she has any faith in Christ.
Pr 30:20 Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
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Depleted
Guest
Go to a gym with punching bags. Picture her as the punching bag, and have at it. When you are weary from punching the bag, picture your best friend as that punching bag, and have at it again.
This will do absolutely nothing to relieve your sadness, hurt, frustration, anger, or marriage. (Your marriage has been over for years.) All that will do is get out some of that energy from all your feelings, so you can talk to the pastor without having the desire to punch him. (You're going to want to punch someone eventually, thus the punching bag.)
But why are you going to the pastor? I'm a bit concern your pastor is the one who has been telling you to keep forgiving her, and go back. Granted, eventually, you will have to forgive her, but for your benefit. The marriage was definitely over three cheats ago. You married a predator.
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kaylagrl
Guest
Im sorry to hear of your marriage troubles. Have you ever gotten down to why your wife cannot remain faithful? I mean,what excuse does she give and what does your councilor say? It wonderful that you forgive her each time but you're being an enabler really. She's not facing the consequences of her actions. The thing is there are people who want their cake and eat it too. She wants the stability of a good man to come home to and the excitement of a man on the side. She can't have it both ways.She's being selfish and extremely immature. You cannot build a fence high enough to keep her home. It seems you've done all that is required of you and she has done nothing. As much as it may hurt,if she loved you she would have at least tried to change. You are in your right to divorce her.
I have also experienced this and it hurts like hell. My now ex-husband and a friend I had throughout school cheated in our apartment but I only found out a few months after marriage. To cut a long story short by the time we divorced I knew about 2 more. My point is that I went along to counselling and all that and it didn't change our marriage because my ex-husband continued to make poor choices and then I came to the realisation that I was only staying for the sake of my children. He was never remorseful and I don't believe truly sorry for his actions. 9 months is a very long time. I honestly after my experience do not believe that a marriage can go back to the way it was after the worst betrayal of trust.
Find the courage in yourself to leave her. Children are resilient and if you try to keep things amicable and sort yourself out they will be fine. Remember to pray for yourself and them every night. I started over with 3 children and it has been 3 years since my separation and divorce. Looking back I can't believe I held on just for the sake of the children when my spirit was completely broken. My ex-husband on the other hand is still with the same woman he cheated with and he is desperately unhappy. He has put on a pile of weight and walks around like the whole world is on his shoulders. I think you'll find she will regret her actions in years to come but if you stay and accept what she is doing it will just eat you. I wish you all the best. You're welcome to message and chat more about it if you like. God Bless.
Find the courage in yourself to leave her. Children are resilient and if you try to keep things amicable and sort yourself out they will be fine. Remember to pray for yourself and them every night. I started over with 3 children and it has been 3 years since my separation and divorce. Looking back I can't believe I held on just for the sake of the children when my spirit was completely broken. My ex-husband on the other hand is still with the same woman he cheated with and he is desperately unhappy. He has put on a pile of weight and walks around like the whole world is on his shoulders. I think you'll find she will regret her actions in years to come but if you stay and accept what she is doing it will just eat you. I wish you all the best. You're welcome to message and chat more about it if you like. God Bless.
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This is a good site that has a message board included with feedback, maybe it can help some:
[video]https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/[/video]
[video]https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/[/video]
I’m so sorry you’re facing problems in your marriage, Scott. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you. Have you ever considered talking with a couple counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? Do you think your wife might consider going with you? I just said a prayer for you and your wife, asking the Lord to bring healing and hope to the situation you described. I know it’s not easy right now, but I urge you to stay strong. Sending prayers & wishing you well!
Your married to a whore... You know what to do; Dump her.. Your "marriage" is a sham. You may be trying to work on your marriage, but she sure isn't. Wake-up, how many times do you need to get kicked in the mouth? Excuse my bluntness, but you don't need comforting words to ease your pain, you don't need a Pastor telling you to hang in there, you need to cut the tramp loose.
Scott 87 WOW!!! You sure understand 1 Cor 13:4-8!!! Verse 7 in particular! And Matt 18:21-35!! I salute your endurance!( heb 10:36!) Now as to the purpose for you to endure such hard ship,I could not even begin to explain brother! All I can look to do is comfort your betrayal with the understand that all believers endure the same.
Perhaps not with a wife or husband, perhaps with there so called best friend, which you also suffered! But I also can tell you there is a consequence rendered to those who preform this horrible action to another!!( Col 3:25!!) I think talking with your pastor is a fine idea brother! Lord knows you really need support!
There is no way I can imagine how tough this is for you!So I am not even going to attempt to explain anything to you! Except I sure am for you!! I know I could never do what you have!! Being loyal means everything to me! This situation causes me to reflect upon this chapter brother.( Col 3:1-17)
You have my prayers,and my comfort in Christ Jesus for such a hard ship you are enduring!!( 2 Cor 1:3-7!!) In my 65 years I have never found such a great faith in a person!!( Matt 8:10!!) Brother may every blessing find you,and always find you most well in our beloved Lord Jesus!!!
Perhaps not with a wife or husband, perhaps with there so called best friend, which you also suffered! But I also can tell you there is a consequence rendered to those who preform this horrible action to another!!( Col 3:25!!) I think talking with your pastor is a fine idea brother! Lord knows you really need support!
There is no way I can imagine how tough this is for you!So I am not even going to attempt to explain anything to you! Except I sure am for you!! I know I could never do what you have!! Being loyal means everything to me! This situation causes me to reflect upon this chapter brother.( Col 3:1-17)
You have my prayers,and my comfort in Christ Jesus for such a hard ship you are enduring!!( 2 Cor 1:3-7!!) In my 65 years I have never found such a great faith in a person!!( Matt 8:10!!) Brother may every blessing find you,and always find you most well in our beloved Lord Jesus!!!
When it comes to relationships, this is a area where I myself am just hopeless. Anyways in your case, going by biblical standards as has been mentioned, you have every right to divorce her; and on top of that, this other one that is supposedly your best friend, I would end the friendship.
Sadly, for divorce, I know how bad the family law courts are in the US.
Sadly, for divorce, I know how bad the family law courts are in the US.
it is sad that you are going through such a painful situation. i have gone through that, the pain is sometimes unbareable but only Jesus can heal the pain, only He can truly understand what you are going through. Since your wife says she loves the other guy we won't call him your friend because he isn't, staying with her any longer will cause you more pain. Do not worry what people will say it does not matter what matters is God loves you, what hurts you hurts Him. Vengeance is the Lord's, my ex left me when things started going well for him I had invested so much in him, and forgave him the times i caught him cheating until he told me it was best we separate. The pain was intense, embarrassment for so many reasons, how would I take care of our son alone, after everything I had invested, I asked God questions, and went into depression. Nut when i started praying and spending time the presence of God, I discovered the pain had gone and what used to trigger the pain didn't have an effect on me anymore. God had healed me, and saved me from a lifetime of pain. Somehow, I do not understand how, God made my son understand what was going on, he is fine a happpy boy now. My ex and the woman got married after dissolving my marriage, but since then they have had one problem after the next, three weeks ago he contacted me asking me to pray for him that things were not OK with him.
I don't know what to say dude, sounds like she is just using you and has no plans to change.