Hey Everyone,
The recent talks about men being a provider for the household got me thinking, and I didn't want to derail the current thread.
I was raised in a family of almost all stay-at-home moms with working dads, but in many cases, as soon as the kids were in school or semi-independent, the moms went to work as well. My personal feeling is that the work/home balance is something that must be decided between each couple because different things work for different people, but each person should contribute everything they absolutely can, whether at home or through a job.
However, I understand why some men (and women) would feel as if they'd never earn enough to attract a spouse or raise a family. Some of us just aren't gifted or geared towards professions that make a lot of money. Others of us are not made to handle the high stress levels of a high-paying job. And many of us will wind up working more than one job in order to make ends meet.
One luxury I have as a single person without kids is that I can make decisions based on my own sanity and comfort levels. If I don't want to take a promotion that pays an extra $X a week or year but will mean working twice the hours and taking on three times the responsibility, I don't have to take it. I can say no if I don't think the payoff is worth the cost. Now, there have been a few times in my working life when I've actually told myself, "Sure, I'm going to have to eat ramen noodles for a month, but I'm going to make it!" To me, more money is worthless if the measures you take to earn it are going to suck away all your time with those you love, your time with God, your physical health (because of the stress), and your emotional stability.
However, I realize that if someone is supporting a spouse and/or family, he or she is no longer quite as free to make those choices. Most people will choose based on the dollar amounts because they want to be able to provide the best they can for their family. Every one of us has seen a movie, read a book, know someone personally, or have experienced a situation in which a person feels trapped in a job they hate because of the money. How long can a person hold on in this situation? The long-term results are often dissatisfaction, mental and emotional breakdowns, and broken families. And we see how it happens--the spouse who earns less starts to feel lonely and abandoned, and maybe they start spending a little too much time in chat rooms or talking to "an old friend" on Facebook, or the spouse who is always at work starts to feel resentful and unappreciated, and becomes a little too close to a co-worker they see more than their spouse...
But on the other hand, in my past relationships, I dated guys who insisted they would only work jobs they loved and that appreciated their (personally perceived) talents. Ahem. Enter unicorn, Stage 1... In other words, they wound up not working at all or always "between jobs"--the politically correct term for "chronically unemployed because of pride".
If you are not someone (whether man or woman) who has a high-paying job or is gifted in an area that pays a lot, how willing would you be to take on a job or situation (such as working several jobs) that you hate in order to provide for your family? (This doesn't just mean a spouse and kids--it can also mean taking care of your parents, younger or differently-abled relatives, etc.)
And for the people who ARE gifted with high-paying jobs or positions, what are the costs? I've known some people who have started out at the very bottom and worked their way up to extremely prestigious and yes, lucrative positions. BUT, there has ALWAYS been a price to pay, usually in the form of a loss of health (due to stress levels), and having very little time to spend with the family they are supporting (missing their kids' childhoods, ball games, recitals, etc.)
Please note that the poll is anonymous, multiple choice, and is meant to supplement, not replace, a meaningful discussion--please don't JUST answer the poll, but tell us about your own thoughts and experiences (which is the heart of what I'm always after in these threads.)
I also know that the poll answers are neither complete nor perfect but these were some of the answers that came to mind as I was writing. If there is another answer you would have personally made, please be sure to tell us in your post.
The recent talks about men being a provider for the household got me thinking, and I didn't want to derail the current thread.
I was raised in a family of almost all stay-at-home moms with working dads, but in many cases, as soon as the kids were in school or semi-independent, the moms went to work as well. My personal feeling is that the work/home balance is something that must be decided between each couple because different things work for different people, but each person should contribute everything they absolutely can, whether at home or through a job.
However, I understand why some men (and women) would feel as if they'd never earn enough to attract a spouse or raise a family. Some of us just aren't gifted or geared towards professions that make a lot of money. Others of us are not made to handle the high stress levels of a high-paying job. And many of us will wind up working more than one job in order to make ends meet.
One luxury I have as a single person without kids is that I can make decisions based on my own sanity and comfort levels. If I don't want to take a promotion that pays an extra $X a week or year but will mean working twice the hours and taking on three times the responsibility, I don't have to take it. I can say no if I don't think the payoff is worth the cost. Now, there have been a few times in my working life when I've actually told myself, "Sure, I'm going to have to eat ramen noodles for a month, but I'm going to make it!" To me, more money is worthless if the measures you take to earn it are going to suck away all your time with those you love, your time with God, your physical health (because of the stress), and your emotional stability.
However, I realize that if someone is supporting a spouse and/or family, he or she is no longer quite as free to make those choices. Most people will choose based on the dollar amounts because they want to be able to provide the best they can for their family. Every one of us has seen a movie, read a book, know someone personally, or have experienced a situation in which a person feels trapped in a job they hate because of the money. How long can a person hold on in this situation? The long-term results are often dissatisfaction, mental and emotional breakdowns, and broken families. And we see how it happens--the spouse who earns less starts to feel lonely and abandoned, and maybe they start spending a little too much time in chat rooms or talking to "an old friend" on Facebook, or the spouse who is always at work starts to feel resentful and unappreciated, and becomes a little too close to a co-worker they see more than their spouse...
But on the other hand, in my past relationships, I dated guys who insisted they would only work jobs they loved and that appreciated their (personally perceived) talents. Ahem. Enter unicorn, Stage 1... In other words, they wound up not working at all or always "between jobs"--the politically correct term for "chronically unemployed because of pride".
If you are not someone (whether man or woman) who has a high-paying job or is gifted in an area that pays a lot, how willing would you be to take on a job or situation (such as working several jobs) that you hate in order to provide for your family? (This doesn't just mean a spouse and kids--it can also mean taking care of your parents, younger or differently-abled relatives, etc.)
And for the people who ARE gifted with high-paying jobs or positions, what are the costs? I've known some people who have started out at the very bottom and worked their way up to extremely prestigious and yes, lucrative positions. BUT, there has ALWAYS been a price to pay, usually in the form of a loss of health (due to stress levels), and having very little time to spend with the family they are supporting (missing their kids' childhoods, ball games, recitals, etc.)
Please note that the poll is anonymous, multiple choice, and is meant to supplement, not replace, a meaningful discussion--please don't JUST answer the poll, but tell us about your own thoughts and experiences (which is the heart of what I'm always after in these threads.)
I also know that the poll answers are neither complete nor perfect but these were some of the answers that came to mind as I was writing. If there is another answer you would have personally made, please be sure to tell us in your post.