Wow, a bit surprised at the advice given on this "christian" chat. While I understand that perhaps it comes from one's own bad experience I serve a God of restoration. After all, His son died so I could be restored. I do not know what the future holds. What I know is that I am not ready to make a decision to divorce and as long as it is wrong for me I will not do it. Perhaps I will not have a choice if he files. My hope has and always will be reconciliation.
That being said, please understand the hurt is deep - by far the most painful experience of my life. I can look back on this awful year and see how God has sustained me and my kids and that is my hope.
God is a God of restoration. But God also is the God who (1) allowed divorce for fornication (Jesus' words) and (2) commanded that the government of Israel execute the death penalty for adulterers, thus permanently ending any marriage they were in.
I agree that this is hard to balance. I, thankfully, have never been in a situation where I've had to consider divorce. I have, however, had to counsel divorcees and people considering divorce. And the toughest part about doing this is that the Christian often wrestles with the tension between the conflicting desires for divorce and reconciliation. On the one hand, they want to be merciful to their spouse like God has been merciful to them. On the other hand, they've been deeply hurt by their spouse, have little or no confidence in the person they're married to, and, by remaining with their spouse, they potentially expose themselves to STDs, perpetual conflicts, lack of intimacy, etc. Then, in my experience, the innocent partner often adds to this conflict a burden of guilt and shame for even considering divorce. They are, after all, innocent because -- unlike their cheating spouses -- they cared deeply about their marriage and their obligation to keep their wedding vows. So divorce, for them, has always been completely off-the-table, and sometimes they've even looked down upon people who have been divorced. Now they're forced to consider it.
So I don't envy anyone in this situation. In general, when I advice people, I recommend reconciliation -- if the innocent party feels up to it -- when the guilty person simply "fell" in a moment of weakness and shows evidence of repentance. When the adulterer is unrepentant or guilty of long-term deception, abandonment, etc., I think divorce is usually the best solution to the problem. It is a horrible thing -- like a death. But it also is an opportunity to move forward and glorify God in new ways -- by forming new relationships, and by overcoming new challenges.
When Israel played the harlot with God, He divorced her
(Jeremiah 3:8, "And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.") and ultimately married another -- the Gentiles. He didn't wait around indefinitely for Israel to return. In the future, thankfully, He'll receive Israel again (Romans 11).
And that's one last thing I would add: divorcing an unfaithful spouse doesn't mean that you don't continue to have Christian love for them and a genuine desire that God bless them with grace and other blessings.