Last year my husband of 23 years left me and our kids without warning. We had been a happy family. He literally left everything - me, our kids, our church, his faith and friends, even his clothes and hobbies. Although he is engaged in an affair, I still firmly believe that he could be reconciled to God and perhaps even us.
Even though the bible permits divorce under these circumstances - I do not feel right filing. I still believe I should wait this out. The question is, how? There is so much hurt and devastation/
Yes, God hates divorce. However, it is important that you don't fear filing for a lawful divorce simply because you think you will be displeasing God. While God hates divorce, His displeasure is directed at the guilty party in the divorce. So, if the person who files for the divorce is the innocent party, he or she is not sinning by seeking the divorce. In fact, there are verses where Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, considers it an advantage for the godly to be able to put away his or her godless spouse. (Read over 1 Corinthians 7 -- when the ungodly spouse gives a just cause for divorce, the godly are said to be "free", etc.)
An anology: God hates war, too. But that doesn't mean that he is angry with the country that defends itself against an unlawful invasion.
That said, I hate divorce, too, and I'm glad to see that you do, too. We all should hate whatever God hates. So, I'm very sorry to hear about the situation your husband has put you in, and I admire your desire to keep your marriage together. Just remember that there are good reasons God permitted divorce for cases like this, and don't remain married just because you would feel guilty to file for divorce. From what I can tell, filing for divorce may be the best thing for you and your family at this point. But get counsel from godly people who know more about all the details of your situation.
I'll pray for you.