You're such a faithful woman. But do you really fear the Lord hating divorce or you fear the future that you just want to go back time. What is happening to you is overwhelming but you really have to think about this. If you really want to save him because you fear the Lord, then fine reach out to him and pray more but if you fear the future, PRAY FOR STRENGTH. Heaps of women succeeded and excelled more after divorce. THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR. I believe there will be some divorced sisters here who could give you some decent advice or better still seek some professional help.
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H
1 Corinthians 7 is about abandonment. Yes, you may not put away a spouse if they are willing to stay with you -- unless it is for the cause of fornication/adultery. 1 Corinthians 7 isn't the whole picture. It is a supplement to what Christ already said about the topic. Paul is giving us additional pieces so that we have the full picture. Jesus says this:
Matthew 5:31,32: "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
Adultery is an exception. If the adulterer wants to remain married, divorce is still permitted. Remember, in the Old Testament, when someone was caught in adultery, God commanded that they be put to death.
"And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." (Leviticus 20:10)
In other words, a permanent separation from the innocent spouse (and their children) was, in the OT, imposed by the law of God -- through a death penalty. If the death penalty won't be administered by the civil government, however, Christ says that it is a valid reason to put them away. You can even remarry with a clear conscience, according to Christ. So a separation after full-fledged adultery is fine, God-approved, and -- frankly -- usually quite reasonable. Though it is important to note that it isn't mandatory. So, if Mae1117 wants to remain married to her husband, that is within her rights, so far as I understand Scripture. My previous post before was designed to make sure that she wasn't motivated to stay by a mistaken belief that divorcing her adulterer husband is a sin. It isn't.
Matthew 5:31,32: "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
Adultery is an exception. If the adulterer wants to remain married, divorce is still permitted. Remember, in the Old Testament, when someone was caught in adultery, God commanded that they be put to death.
"And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." (Leviticus 20:10)
In other words, a permanent separation from the innocent spouse (and their children) was, in the OT, imposed by the law of God -- through a death penalty. If the death penalty won't be administered by the civil government, however, Christ says that it is a valid reason to put them away. You can even remarry with a clear conscience, according to Christ. So a separation after full-fledged adultery is fine, God-approved, and -- frankly -- usually quite reasonable. Though it is important to note that it isn't mandatory. So, if Mae1117 wants to remain married to her husband, that is within her rights, so far as I understand Scripture. My previous post before was designed to make sure that she wasn't motivated to stay by a mistaken belief that divorcing her adulterer husband is a sin. It isn't.
A
I did. Your advice was pretty much, "This is what God gave me." Amazing thing about God. He doesn't give his kids the exact same thing. He does give his kids all they need for a specific situation. Sometimes he gives his kids, "divorce." Sometimes he gives his kids, "Stay." And sometimes he gives his kids a third choice.
There is a third choice. Did you know that? I didn't either, but I never needed to know it. I found out about it because hubby was married before, and sought his answers through God's word twice. Same God. Same word. Same reason to divorce her, but two different answers.
Give God room to speak to Mae. It will be her answer... not our answer.
(Not discounting several people are quite full of themselves on here. I say that to you, because I know you're like me. Full of myself sometimes, but willing to become empty to hear God. I didn't bother responding to people full of themselves, but I don't know if they can hear past that. You can, at times, just like me.)
There is a third choice. Did you know that? I didn't either, but I never needed to know it. I found out about it because hubby was married before, and sought his answers through God's word twice. Same God. Same word. Same reason to divorce her, but two different answers.
Give God room to speak to Mae. It will be her answer... not our answer.
(Not discounting several people are quite full of themselves on here. I say that to you, because I know you're like me. Full of myself sometimes, but willing to become empty to hear God. I didn't bother responding to people full of themselves, but I don't know if they can hear past that. You can, at times, just like me.)
A
And how do you know I don't? I did something I thought I'd never do -- marry a divorce man. What changed my mind? God and him. You may well know more than me, (probably do), but, on this issue? It would take a lot of knowledge.
God handed me something better than the Hope Diamond. He handed the most amazing man right to me. Ain't no way I was going to screw this up, so I've been looking at the instruction manual for 35 years. It's called "the Bible." Tabernacle/temple? Not so good on that stuff. Marriage? I had no clue on that either, so I've been learning how-to ever since. Still working on it, because this I do get, and his life depends on it. More precious to me than the Hope Diamond, so I take him seriously.
God handed me something better than the Hope Diamond. He handed the most amazing man right to me. Ain't no way I was going to screw this up, so I've been looking at the instruction manual for 35 years. It's called "the Bible." Tabernacle/temple? Not so good on that stuff. Marriage? I had no clue on that either, so I've been learning how-to ever since. Still working on it, because this I do get, and his life depends on it. More precious to me than the Hope Diamond, so I take him seriously.
H
God is a God of restoration. But God also is the God who (1) allowed divorce for fornication (Jesus' words) and (2) commanded that the government of Israel execute the death penalty for adulterers, thus permanently ending any marriage they were in.
I agree that this is hard to balance. I, thankfully, have never been in a situation where I've had to consider divorce. I have, however, had to counsel divorcees and people considering divorce. And the toughest part about doing this is that the Christian often wrestles with the tension between the conflicting desires for divorce and reconciliation. On the one hand, they want to be merciful to their spouse like God has been merciful to them. On the other hand, they've been deeply hurt by their spouse, have little or no confidence in the person they're married to, and, by remaining with their spouse, they potentially expose themselves to STDs, perpetual conflicts, lack of intimacy, etc. Then, in my experience, the innocent partner often adds to this conflict a burden of guilt and shame for even considering divorce. They are, after all, innocent because -- unlike their cheating spouses -- they cared deeply about their marriage and their obligation to keep their wedding vows. So divorce, for them, has always been completely off-the-table, and sometimes they've even looked down upon people who have been divorced. Now they're forced to consider it.
So I don't envy anyone in this situation. In general, when I advice people, I recommend reconciliation -- if the innocent party feels up to it -- when the guilty person simply "fell" in a moment of weakness and shows evidence of repentance. When the adulterer is unrepentant or guilty of long-term deception, abandonment, etc., I think divorce is usually the best solution to the problem. It is a horrible thing -- like a death. But it also is an opportunity to move forward and glorify God in new ways -- by forming new relationships, and by overcoming new challenges.
When Israel played the harlot with God, He divorced her (Jeremiah 3:8, "And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.") and ultimately married another -- the Gentiles. He didn't wait around indefinitely for Israel to return. In the future, thankfully, He'll receive Israel again (Romans 11).
And that's one last thing I would add: divorcing an unfaithful spouse doesn't mean that you don't continue to have Christian love for them and a genuine desire that God bless them with grace and other blessings.
I agree that this is hard to balance. I, thankfully, have never been in a situation where I've had to consider divorce. I have, however, had to counsel divorcees and people considering divorce. And the toughest part about doing this is that the Christian often wrestles with the tension between the conflicting desires for divorce and reconciliation. On the one hand, they want to be merciful to their spouse like God has been merciful to them. On the other hand, they've been deeply hurt by their spouse, have little or no confidence in the person they're married to, and, by remaining with their spouse, they potentially expose themselves to STDs, perpetual conflicts, lack of intimacy, etc. Then, in my experience, the innocent partner often adds to this conflict a burden of guilt and shame for even considering divorce. They are, after all, innocent because -- unlike their cheating spouses -- they cared deeply about their marriage and their obligation to keep their wedding vows. So divorce, for them, has always been completely off-the-table, and sometimes they've even looked down upon people who have been divorced. Now they're forced to consider it.
So I don't envy anyone in this situation. In general, when I advice people, I recommend reconciliation -- if the innocent party feels up to it -- when the guilty person simply "fell" in a moment of weakness and shows evidence of repentance. When the adulterer is unrepentant or guilty of long-term deception, abandonment, etc., I think divorce is usually the best solution to the problem. It is a horrible thing -- like a death. But it also is an opportunity to move forward and glorify God in new ways -- by forming new relationships, and by overcoming new challenges.
When Israel played the harlot with God, He divorced her (Jeremiah 3:8, "And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.") and ultimately married another -- the Gentiles. He didn't wait around indefinitely for Israel to return. In the future, thankfully, He'll receive Israel again (Romans 11).
And that's one last thing I would add: divorcing an unfaithful spouse doesn't mean that you don't continue to have Christian love for them and a genuine desire that God bless them with grace and other blessings.
P
At first, I thought atwhatcost was trying to communicate this: Post #42
Let's not forget what Phil said:
And he clarifies:
After careful consideration, I think Phil is on the right track. Please reconsider, atwhatcost.
Perhaps a refocus is in order; the OP said this:
So, in other words, it seems the OP's concern is not so much with answering the question, "Does god hate divorce?" -- She already understands this! Her concern is: "How do I cope with all of this hurt and devastation?"
Verses like Isaiah 26:3 come to mind:
Isaiah 26:3(NIV)
3 You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Perhaps, this was atwhatcost's intent. Regardless, I hope it's helpful.
Love in Christ,
-PW
(Family Forum versus Bible Discussion seems to be the hang-up in this thread.)
Let's not forget what Phil said:
And he clarifies:
After careful consideration, I think Phil is on the right track. Please reconsider, atwhatcost.
Perhaps a refocus is in order; the OP said this:
So, in other words, it seems the OP's concern is not so much with answering the question, "Does god hate divorce?" -- She already understands this! Her concern is: "How do I cope with all of this hurt and devastation?"
Verses like Isaiah 26:3 come to mind:
Isaiah 26:3(NIV)
3 You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Perhaps, this was atwhatcost's intent. Regardless, I hope it's helpful.
Love in Christ,
-PW
(Family Forum versus Bible Discussion seems to be the hang-up in this thread.)
