Can I have some advice in dealing with a housemate?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Sep 15, 2021
119
59
28
#21
Youre welcome, Salome. If possible, in your next house share Check wirh your church or orher churches in the area and see if there are other young women who would like to rent a place together or pehaps rent a room in a home wirh one orher female.
Also see if there is any type of organization that might help match housemates— just an idea. I personally would not feel comfortable gaving male housemates. I read other post about note on fridge—- thats creepy.
Thank you, that's a great idea!
 

Laura798

Well-known member
Jun 6, 2020
1,220
494
83
#22
Yes and one another occasion I spilled some coffee on the floor after leaving the shower. After coming downstairs after getting dressed he left a message on the fridge calling whoever spilled the coffee an "f-ing c***". I confronted him about this. He apologised, because he thought it was "someone else" whom spilled the coffee (that makes no difference as to how rude this was).
Re-reading this. I think this is a huge red flag--he has no respect for women--he seems angry at them--perhaps because he has no wife at his age--or divorced. Disgruntled over what might have been and not seeing perhaps he was a big part of the problem for that not coming to fruition. Anyone at any age should not speak that way----Christian or not.

I am praying right now you will have NICE Christian women as housemates--I think when sharing a house, rules that are agreed upon should be put in place for tidiness and most importantly how to treat each other.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,876
4,589
113
#23
WWJD

well..one,of the reasons Jesus might have chosen only guys at first to be his disciples was he was going to be living with them at close quarters and it was going to be smelly as they were fishermen on a boat!

I think shared bathrooms can be problematic. Personally I think this guy over reacted but yes some people are pernickety about personal hygiene and expect bathrooms to be super clean as if nobody ever uses them.

You were not messy on PURPOSE and as a person with a tendency towards messy I do my best to tidy up after myself but you will unfortunately encounter people who have super extreme standards of cleanliness.

a used bandage etc is pretty gross but I wouldnt have reacted that you left it there on purpose. As humans in general we are messy creatures....we bleed, we lose our hair, snot comes out of our noses, and if we did not have saliva our teeth would go rotten far sooner than anyone expects....
 
Sep 15, 2021
119
59
28
#24
Re-reading this. I think this is a huge red flag--he has no respect for women--he seems angry at them--perhaps because he has no wife at his age--or divorced. Disgruntled over what might have been and not seeing perhaps he was a big part of the problem for that not coming to fruition. Anyone at any age should not speak that way----Christian or not.

I am praying right now you will have NICE Christian women as housemates--I think when sharing a house, rules that are agreed upon should be put in place for tidiness and most importantly how to treat each other.
Yes, he is divorced.

I am 'young proffesional', as we say in the UK. I have finished my university education and I work full time. I've worked several jobs, lived in different places, and I've met many different types of people. Most people who live in my area are students. This is their first time away from home, and drinking/partying is a huge part of their culture. I've lived with students in this house before he moved in, and many of them are messy and have friends round to take drinks and take drugs before they go out clubbing (in the the UK you can purchase alcohol at 18). At their age they don't know any better, and when I reprimand them delicately they're completely amicable and receptive.

If he is getting aggressive over some spilled coffee or a plaster left accidentally in the bathroom, how is he going to cope with a student who may very well take my room when I move out? I have looked at other house shares in the area, and most do not include weekly cleans as a condition of paying rent. They are also filthy, whereas our home is always clean.

On a positive not, he left a letter addressed to me outside of my room for me.

Thank you for the prayers, however fortunately I can afford to get my own place.
 
Sep 15, 2021
119
59
28
#25
WWJD

well..one,of the reasons Jesus might have chosen only guys at first to be his disciples was he was going to be living with them at close quarters and it was going to be smelly as they were fishermen on a boat!

I think shared bathrooms can be problematic. Personally I think this guy over reacted but yes some people are pernickety about personal hygiene and expect bathrooms to be super clean as if nobody ever uses them.

You were not messy on PURPOSE and as a person with a tendency towards messy I do my best to tidy up after myself but you will unfortunately encounter people who have super extreme standards of cleanliness.

a used bandage etc is pretty gross but I wouldnt have reacted that you left it there on purpose. As humans in general we are messy creatures....we bleed, we lose our hair, snot comes out of our noses, and if we did not have saliva our teeth would go rotten far sooner than anyone expects....
Absolutely, I completely agree. Thank you for the comment.
 

Laura798

Well-known member
Jun 6, 2020
1,220
494
83
#26
Yes, he is divorced.

I am 'young proffesional', as we say in the UK. I have finished my university education and I work full time. I've worked several jobs, lived in different places, and I've met many different types of people. Most people who live in my area are students. This is their first time away from home, and drinking/partying is a huge part of their culture. I've lived with students in this house before he moved in, and many of them are messy and have friends round to take drinks and take drugs before they go out clubbing (in the the UK you can purchase alcohol at 18). At their age they don't know any better, and when I reprimand them delicately they're completely amicable and receptive.

If he is getting aggressive over some spilled coffee or a plaster left accidentally in the bathroom, how is he going to cope with a student who may very well take my room when I move out? I have looked at other house shares in the area, and most do not include weekly cleans as a condition of paying rent. They are also filthy, whereas our home is always clean.

On a positive not, he left a letter addressed to me outside of my room for me.

Thank you for the prayers, however fortunately I can afford to get my own place.
Hmm...I thought something was 'up' with him--I'm guessing it was an apology note? That's nice!

And wonderful, brilliant that you can afford your own place--I'll say a prayer now--for a well-maintained place, affordable, cheerful, and with LOVELY neighbors!:)
 
Sep 15, 2021
119
59
28
#27
Hmm...I thought something was 'up' with him--I'm guessing it was an apology note? That's nice!

And wonderful, brilliant that you can afford your own place--I'll say a prayer now--for a well-maintained place, affordable, cheerful, and with LOVELY neighbors!:)
It was not an apology note sadly, it was just a letter for me.

Thank you so much for the prayers Laura.
 
Feb 8, 2020
28
32
13
42
#28
Yes, he is divorced.

I am 'young proffesional', as we say in the UK. I have finished my university education and I work full time. I've worked several jobs, lived in different places, and I've met many different types of people. Most people who live in my area are students. This is their first time away from home, and drinking/partying is a huge part of their culture. I've lived with students in this house before he moved in, and many of them are messy and have friends round to take drinks and take drugs before they go out clubbing (in the the UK you can purchase alcohol at 18). At their age they don't know any better, and when I reprimand them delicately they're completely amicable and receptive.

If he is getting aggressive over some spilled coffee or a plaster left accidentally in the bathroom, how is he going to cope with a student who may very well take my room when I move out? I have looked at other house shares in the area, and most do not include weekly cleans as a condition of paying rent. They are also filthy, whereas our home is always clean.

On a positive not, he left a letter addressed to me outside of my room for me.

Thank you for the prayers, however fortunately I can afford to get my own place.

Greetings SalomePortman,

You are taking the life in your hands, only respect for that! Wish you all the best and be happy!
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
3,745
644
113
#30
as you said this thread is in the wrong location. I do not find any book of the bible named old men and young women in the house
It is believed by some that Joseph was old and Mary was young. They claim that Mary was his second marriage to explain away his siblings.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
3,745
644
113
#31
Youre welcome, Salome. If possible, in your next house share Check wirh your church or orher churches in the area and see if there are other young women who would like to rent a place together or pehaps rent a room in a home wirh one orher female.
Also see if there is any type of organization that might help match housemates— just an idea. I personally would not feel comfortable gaving male housemates. I read other post about note on fridge—- thats creepy.
See if there is a Love Inc., in your area. It is a Christian Organization that helps people.

Our Vision:

To see Christian churches united in purpose and fully engaged in actively living out their faith by lovingly serving people in need in their communities.

Our Mission:

To mobilize local churches to transform lives and communities In the Name of Christ.

https://www.loveinc.org/vision-mission-values/

https://www.loveinc.org/affiliate-locations-2/
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
3,745
644
113
#32
WWJD

well..one,of the reasons Jesus might have chosen only guys at first to be his disciples was he was going to be living with them at close quarters and it was going to be smelly as they were fishermen on a boat!

I think shared bathrooms can be problematic. Personally I think this guy over reacted but yes some people are pernickety about personal hygiene and expect bathrooms to be super clean as if nobody ever uses them.

You were not messy on PURPOSE and as a person with a tendency towards messy I do my best to tidy up after myself but you will unfortunately encounter people who have super extreme standards of cleanliness.

a used bandage etc is pretty gross but I wouldnt have reacted that you left it there on purpose. As humans in general we are messy creatures....we bleed, we lose our hair, snot comes out of our noses, and if we did not have saliva our teeth would go rotten far sooner than anyone expects....
These toilets date from when Luke, Paul, John, et. al. were in Ephesus.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
9,160
2,871
113
#33
It is believed by some that Joseph was old and Mary was young. They claim that Mary was his second marriage to explain away his siblings.
LOL to day the Bible doesn't say that huh?
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
3,745
644
113
#34
What is not shown there are the three buckets, one with fresh water, one with vinegar water and the third with soapy water. The vinegar water was used to kill germs --- the others explain themselves.
Inside the buckets were sticks with sponges tied to them. This was their toilet paper back then.
All Bathrooms were public used by both sexes. It is possible there was a cloth wall between the mail and female -- this is not known.

I once replaced out toilet paper for a family that says everything must be done the way Jesus did it.
I had written directions next to the sink. They just dried their hands on their own clothes back then.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
38,728
15,478
113
#35
LOL to day the Bible doesn't say that huh?
It is another Catholic invention, to which they attach Mary being a perpetual virgin (since Joseph presumably was too old to consummate) and also thereby eliminate Jesus having any natural siblings, some of whom are not only named in Scripture, but also authors of Scripture.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,662
13,826
113
66
Tennessee
#37
I live in a house share. I could theoretically be living with adults of any gender and all ages.

Should I have apologised? Was it necessary of him to talk to me?
The guy was rude and has obvious anger issues. I would have told him to stick it where the sun don't shine. Well, maybe not but he comes off as bit of a jerk over such a small matter.
 
Sep 15, 2021
119
59
28
#38
The guy was rude and has obvious anger issues. I would have told him to stick it where the sun don't shine. Well, maybe not but he comes off as bit of a jerk over such a small matter.
I don't believe it's right to be aggressive unless absolutely necessary. I intend to be patient with him, however not passive.