You are welcome to seek Pink Elephants with all your heart and perhaps They will let you find Them.
It can get frustrating trying to find faith in a cerebral way. Been there, done that.
Matthew 4:17
From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Luke 17:21
Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
"If you ask, "Well, so much for the City of Illusions, but where is the Place of Precious Things?", it is a place to which no directions can be given. For if it could be pointed out, it would be a place existing in space; hence, it would not be the real Place of Precious Things. All we can say is that it is close by. It cannot be exactly described, but when you have a tacit understanding of it, it is there."
Huang Po, Chinese Zen Master
Faith isn't in the brain or based on thoughts, it's found outside of thought phenomena and sensory perception phenomena.
Kingdom of God is reality seated beyond the veil of 5 senses and space and time, it is omnipresent and unfettered by space or time. You're talking like faith is a belief in a story. None of us found it like that, and you're simply searching in a wrong place.
Wish you well, keep knocking.