As I have lived through this, and was chosen at a young age, I totally agree with the above . Its a gift given via the Holy Spirit to enable people to fulfil a role later in the world. We are redeemed by generosity, kindness, mercy, love and grace. No amount of saved kittens or puppies will get you the same gift.
I to had lived through a VERY similar experience. Yes, at my conversion after my 3rd attempt at suicide the last week of 1977, I had Wave after Wave of DEEP, DEEP remorse for my Utterly Sinful Lifestyle. But there was something more to that conversion experience, that I usually leave out of my testimony. Perhaps I should not have left it out, but I was afraid that most would have made fun of it.
I had a vision or a dream, not sure which, where I was on my knees before the Cross, reaching up to HIM, BEGGING HIM FOR FORGIVENESS, over and over again. Something strange caught my eye, that NO ONE HAD TAUGHT ME ANYTHING ABOUT.
THE NAILS WERE THROUGH HIS WRISTS. {Years later I learned that Jews considered the wrists to be part of the hand.} As I was watching the NAILS in bewilderment, I saw blood come out, and fall, splashing on my raised forearms. THE BLOOD FELT WARM as it SPLASHED THERE. I KNEW I HAD BEEN TOTALLY FORGIVEN! That was where the Vision or Dream ended.
I believe HE HAD A PLAN FOR MY LIFE, and HE WOULD GUIDE ME THROUGH THE TRAINING TO BE QUALIFIED for POSITION HE WANTED ME TO TAKE. I was working in the Post Office on the night crew, where we were allowed to listen with a headset, to a Walkman cassette player, while we sorted mail. He Lead me to some outstanding BIBLE TEACHERS, for almost 10 years. I listened to as many as 4 one hour tapes a night. I had over 500 Cassettes, and I listened to everyone of the cassettes at least 4 times each. Most were by Dr. John MacArthur, and some be other TEACHERS, and all were Conservative evangelicals;
no wild and doctrinally unsound in the bunch.
Dr. John MacArthur, Jr. -
http://www.gty.org/ sermons dating back to the early 70s - free to listen to.
Dr. Adrian Rogers -
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/love-worth-finding/
Dr. Charles Stanley -
http://www.intouch.org/
Dr. Richard Lee -
http://www.firstredeemer.org/
Dr. Zola Levitt -
http://www.levitt.tv/media/watch/118 - some free - videos
Dr. Ed Young -
http://www.winningwalk.org/t-bio.aspx
Dr. Gil Rugh -
http://www.ihcc.org/ - free sermons dating back to the late 70s - free
Dr. Chuck Swindoll -
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/insight-for-living/
Dr. Walter Martin -
https://www.blueletterbible.org/audio_video/martin_walter/
Dr. Ben Haden -
http://changedlives.org/WHY
Dr. J. Dwight Pentecost -
http://www.dts.edu/read/dr-dwight-pentecost-dies-age-99/
HE eventually put it on my heart to move to California, WHEN, I personally thought there are nothing but Fruits and Nuts there, so who would ever want to live there. HE motivated me to get INVOLVED in Prison Ministy. AND I KNEW THAT WAS MY CALLING. I moved to another town and Volunteered at the end of the line, supermax Prison there. I was accepted as a Volunteer Protestant Prison Chaplain, with NO BIBLE COLLEGE, just those TAPES. I was there for 9.5 years, then moved again to another town with a supermax Prison, and Volunteered for 5.5 more years, until I retired from the Post Office.
Yes, I moved back to Nebraska, when my wife died unexpectedly, almost 4 years ago.