Strong Women In Today's World
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W
That pastor I submitted to, long ago? I didn't submit to him right away. I didn't know him. But his wife was a peach. Mom was gone before I went from child to adult, so I never had a female role model, nor just a women to teach me stuff women are supposed to learn just by growing up in it. I was clueless on all things domestic, except how to clean the house. How to clean a house is useful, but it doesn't put a meal on the table. It doesn't teach how to make a house a home. And it really doesn't teach how to love a spouse.
His wife taught me stuff by learning it herself with me there. We made strawberry jam together, learned we hated being that hot in the kitchen during summertime, and had a good laugh over it. But what I really learned was her kitchen was a disaster zone when her husband came home and how the two of them handled that one. I grew up with, if the house is a disaster when Dad comes home, I'm going to be scolded and treated harshly, so don't make it a disaster zone.
They taught me, if the house is a disaster zone, take time out to appreciate the work it took to look like that, (jars of strawberry jam on the table, glops of strawberry jam on the floor, counter, stove, and around our mouths, the dishwasher was still steaming from sanitizing jars, the hot water still causing steam in the sink from boiling jam and boiling the jam in jars, and very frizzy hair on her. My hair looked more like I had just been drowned. Very ineffective mess, but beautifully designed.) He didn't scold her because dinner wasn't on the table. He had us go to another room where the air-conditioning was working better, and asked if it was worth the effort.
She immediately went back into the kitchen and brought back little bowls of jam, so we could find out. I decided the jam was delicious but not worth the effort, and they laughed. Not at me, but with me. Proud that I could make that decision on my own. (Later on, I found out she never tried it again either.)
I had to go home by then, (dinnertime, and boyfriend/soon-to-be husband was making it for me), but when I left they had already agreed dinner would be ordered in that night. Cleaning up mess would be decided on later, if not the next day.
That is what I learned about marriage, submitting, loving as one of my first lessons for marriage.
That pastor's decision on something else taught me he was worth submitting to. My boyfriend had lost his home when his housemate married, and the pastor sent him to live with an elderly couple who never argued. NEVER. Boyfriend was divorced a year or so earlier than that, and his first wife was bipolar, (not the word used back then, nor something she was diagnosed as having until the marriage was over), so fighting happened often in that marriage, and he had forgotten how to talk it out, rather than fight it out. So brilliant decision. And having had that older couple as part of our courtship taught both of us how to live in a Christian marriage, before we I-doed.
The pastor took the time to find people to help us when we needed help, yet without making it counseling or appointment setting. He did it through friendship and getting us contacted with the right Christians at the right time.
That and not getting mad that we made a mess of his kitchen. That's a better example of how to submit.
Submitting is trusting someone enough to have him help you make decisions. It's not forcing you into certain decisions. It's about wanting you to grow, and being proud when you do grow. It's encouraging, when you need encouragement, and telling concerns if he sees a problem with a decision being made. It's not stopping the decision. It's helping to clarify it. And, if you go with that decision, and it is all the disaster he said it would be? Then it's help picking up the pieces, deciding what to do next, and being there, when you need someone to be there. There may be an "I told you so," but only when the mess is sorted and you can laugh at it.
No, the world doesn't give us trust. It doesn't even give us people who are trustworthy. But we are not of the world. And the Lord gives us the people we need at the time we need them. Sometimes those are people who submit to us. Sometimes those are people we submit to. But always they are our true brothers and sisters. The ones the Lord adopted, not the ones biology gave us.
That old saying? "Blood is thicker than water?" We've corrupted it to mean the opposite of what it originally meant. "The Lord's blood is thicker than the watered down version of family." His blood is more than family, because he saved us with it. We can love both God and family, but the Lord is trustworthy. Family is always iffy.
We are foreigners in our lands. God still guides us. Not society. And in his guiding, he does lead others to us that we can trust. Not often, but he does. And not often, because we need to trust him above all others, including those we are willing to submit to.
His wife taught me stuff by learning it herself with me there. We made strawberry jam together, learned we hated being that hot in the kitchen during summertime, and had a good laugh over it. But what I really learned was her kitchen was a disaster zone when her husband came home and how the two of them handled that one. I grew up with, if the house is a disaster when Dad comes home, I'm going to be scolded and treated harshly, so don't make it a disaster zone.
They taught me, if the house is a disaster zone, take time out to appreciate the work it took to look like that, (jars of strawberry jam on the table, glops of strawberry jam on the floor, counter, stove, and around our mouths, the dishwasher was still steaming from sanitizing jars, the hot water still causing steam in the sink from boiling jam and boiling the jam in jars, and very frizzy hair on her. My hair looked more like I had just been drowned. Very ineffective mess, but beautifully designed.) He didn't scold her because dinner wasn't on the table. He had us go to another room where the air-conditioning was working better, and asked if it was worth the effort.
She immediately went back into the kitchen and brought back little bowls of jam, so we could find out. I decided the jam was delicious but not worth the effort, and they laughed. Not at me, but with me. Proud that I could make that decision on my own. (Later on, I found out she never tried it again either.)
I had to go home by then, (dinnertime, and boyfriend/soon-to-be husband was making it for me), but when I left they had already agreed dinner would be ordered in that night. Cleaning up mess would be decided on later, if not the next day.
That is what I learned about marriage, submitting, loving as one of my first lessons for marriage.
That pastor's decision on something else taught me he was worth submitting to. My boyfriend had lost his home when his housemate married, and the pastor sent him to live with an elderly couple who never argued. NEVER. Boyfriend was divorced a year or so earlier than that, and his first wife was bipolar, (not the word used back then, nor something she was diagnosed as having until the marriage was over), so fighting happened often in that marriage, and he had forgotten how to talk it out, rather than fight it out. So brilliant decision. And having had that older couple as part of our courtship taught both of us how to live in a Christian marriage, before we I-doed.
The pastor took the time to find people to help us when we needed help, yet without making it counseling or appointment setting. He did it through friendship and getting us contacted with the right Christians at the right time.
That and not getting mad that we made a mess of his kitchen. That's a better example of how to submit.
Submitting is trusting someone enough to have him help you make decisions. It's not forcing you into certain decisions. It's about wanting you to grow, and being proud when you do grow. It's encouraging, when you need encouragement, and telling concerns if he sees a problem with a decision being made. It's not stopping the decision. It's helping to clarify it. And, if you go with that decision, and it is all the disaster he said it would be? Then it's help picking up the pieces, deciding what to do next, and being there, when you need someone to be there. There may be an "I told you so," but only when the mess is sorted and you can laugh at it.
No, the world doesn't give us trust. It doesn't even give us people who are trustworthy. But we are not of the world. And the Lord gives us the people we need at the time we need them. Sometimes those are people who submit to us. Sometimes those are people we submit to. But always they are our true brothers and sisters. The ones the Lord adopted, not the ones biology gave us.
That old saying? "Blood is thicker than water?" We've corrupted it to mean the opposite of what it originally meant. "The Lord's blood is thicker than the watered down version of family." His blood is more than family, because he saved us with it. We can love both God and family, but the Lord is trustworthy. Family is always iffy.
We are foreigners in our lands. God still guides us. Not society. And in his guiding, he does lead others to us that we can trust. Not often, but he does. And not often, because we need to trust him above all others, including those we are willing to submit to.
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W
Some of us don't have the personality to be Miss Suzy Homemaker. Some of us do. I am of the former personality. I still stink at being domestic, but that's okay, because I made sure he knew that about me going in.
Even if the government didn't set up taxing income in such a way that within 20 years both men and women had to work, I would have worked. It reordered home life in such a way that we both chipped in.
BUT, even though I can now put a meal on the table, I do the bills, and we have arranged everything into who does what, (with an empathize on doing what you like to do and giving the other person what you hate to do, which is how I landed on doing the bills and he landed on making dinner), I still can't do some things. We bought a TV last week. Samsung, so the directions are useless, if they exist. (It has something like 40 keys on the remote control and yet no directions on how to use the remote control. We took 45 minutes to find the spot were the cord goes in to turn it on, because the first directions on how to set it up was to turn it on.) He's been playing with the remote and settings for the last two days. All I can do with the remote is type in my email address and passwords to get into our streaming services. (It's set up for qwerty, and yet there is no keyboard, just directional arrows to use. I never realized how much I know about keyboard typing is from just-knowing now, instead of alphabet, until I have to think out where any letter is on the keyboard. I just don't know without studying the whole keyboard.) I told him he can't die on me because I can never afford how much it would cost to get someone in to set up a new TV and tutor me in remote control.
There is always something, no matter how much people work together if a spouse dies. That's not about rich or poor. It's about trusting the other enough to do what you don't like doing, and then forgetting that some day you may have to do it because the other can't.
Dad never taught me how to cook, and I never wanted to learn how to cook from him, because he teaches like I'm two years old and spanking is still an option. When I went to college, I had to cook dinner. That's when it dawned on me I didn't know how to cook. My roommate thought I was an idiot, because I bought pork chops but had to ask her how to cook them. She did teach me, but I figured out how to cook in a hurry.
That's what it will be like for me, if DH dies. I'll feel stupid again, but will learn because I'll have to. Been there before. Will be there again.
At one time I started my own business and was making a good go at it. BUT I don't know how to use the remote on a TV.
Even if the government didn't set up taxing income in such a way that within 20 years both men and women had to work, I would have worked. It reordered home life in such a way that we both chipped in.
BUT, even though I can now put a meal on the table, I do the bills, and we have arranged everything into who does what, (with an empathize on doing what you like to do and giving the other person what you hate to do, which is how I landed on doing the bills and he landed on making dinner), I still can't do some things. We bought a TV last week. Samsung, so the directions are useless, if they exist. (It has something like 40 keys on the remote control and yet no directions on how to use the remote control. We took 45 minutes to find the spot were the cord goes in to turn it on, because the first directions on how to set it up was to turn it on.) He's been playing with the remote and settings for the last two days. All I can do with the remote is type in my email address and passwords to get into our streaming services. (It's set up for qwerty, and yet there is no keyboard, just directional arrows to use. I never realized how much I know about keyboard typing is from just-knowing now, instead of alphabet, until I have to think out where any letter is on the keyboard. I just don't know without studying the whole keyboard.) I told him he can't die on me because I can never afford how much it would cost to get someone in to set up a new TV and tutor me in remote control.
There is always something, no matter how much people work together if a spouse dies. That's not about rich or poor. It's about trusting the other enough to do what you don't like doing, and then forgetting that some day you may have to do it because the other can't.
Dad never taught me how to cook, and I never wanted to learn how to cook from him, because he teaches like I'm two years old and spanking is still an option. When I went to college, I had to cook dinner. That's when it dawned on me I didn't know how to cook. My roommate thought I was an idiot, because I bought pork chops but had to ask her how to cook them. She did teach me, but I figured out how to cook in a hurry.
That's what it will be like for me, if DH dies. I'll feel stupid again, but will learn because I'll have to. Been there before. Will be there again.
At one time I started my own business and was making a good go at it. BUT I don't know how to use the remote on a TV.
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M
My aunt is 83 and she still cant cook. Lol
I’ve lost count of how many raw or burnt meals we have had over the years.
But hey she raised us all single handed and managed it all without a man’s help.
She had no choice, which is why threads like these that demean women and
imply women are somehow a lower human, make me mad and sad.
I’ve lost count of how many raw or burnt meals we have had over the years.
But hey she raised us all single handed and managed it all without a man’s help.
She had no choice, which is why threads like these that demean women and
imply women are somehow a lower human, make me mad and sad.
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W
I do not now how in the UK, but in Germany many women are at home.
Also, I am sure that positions like businessmen, software developers, doctors etc are rich enough to live from one salary.
Yes, women should use brain I was just talking about society. That to stay at home is seen as something degrading, by many, even Christian, women.
Also, I am sure that positions like businessmen, software developers, doctors etc are rich enough to live from one salary.
Yes, women should use brain
I was just talking about society. That to stay at home is seen as something degrading, by many, even Christian, women.
I don't. I tried it out early in my marriage and hated it. So I worked. I admire women that stayed home, because I'd much rather do the spreadsheets for a business that makes millions, or even billions of dollars every year, than go through all the hard work, mothers and wives do in a house. At least I get to sit when I'm frustrated over a task. They are usually standing, walking, stooping, carrying, teaching, reorganizing, fitting things in, running around, and going from 6 AM to 11 PM on a good day. Eight hour work days are a wonderful thing. They beat 19 hour work days seven days a week, with holidays being busier days, not days off.
I think that women should be at home, or at least to work just for a short week.
But its hard today, financially. And, as I said, also psychologically for a woman. Her friends or ex-classmates will have carieer and she will have to answer their questions like "well, I am at home".
On the other hand, nobody can be with somebody all day long (if for example husband works from home), so its important to have some personal time and space.
Thats my view
But its hard today, financially. And, as I said, also psychologically for a woman. Her friends or ex-classmates will have carieer and she will have to answer their questions like "well, I am at home".
On the other hand, nobody can be with somebody all day long (if for example husband works from home), so its important to have some personal time and space.
Thats my view
W
I consider these kinds of posts odorants. The opposite of deodorants. They don't demean women. They point out who stinks at knowing anything about women. But what they don't know is the odor they give off repels women, so they will never be close enough to a woman to marry.
It's like spraying on Ode de Skunk and thinking it's a chick magnet.
It's like spraying on Ode de Skunk and thinking it's a chick magnet.
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M
Oh it’s changed a lot in the UK. Many people pay 50% or more towards their housing costs.
More people than ever in their 20s and 30s, still live with mum and dad as they can’t
afford to live in their own place.
Shortages of affordable housing is a real problem in the UK.
Often 20 something’s end up getting together with friends and renting together,
it’s the only way they can afford to leave home. There are several where I work who
all rent together. But if one leaves they end up in a mess.
A friend a church rented a house with 3 others. Then one left and the remaining 3
had to leave too as they could not afford the rent any more.
A lot of private landlords, buy run down houses. Do them out then rent them
out. They might buy a 4 bedroom house, and rent each room out as a bedsit and
so have 4 separate tenants. The tenants might have to pay anything between
£450 to £1500 per month for a single room to rent. It depends what part of the
country you live in.
Private rents are often higher than buying your own
place. So people can’t save up for a deposit to buy their own place.
M
I think that women should be at home, or at least to work just for a short week.
But its hard today, financially. And, as I said, also psychologically for a woman. Her friends or ex-classmates will have carieer and she will have to answer their questions like "well, I am at home".
On the other hand, nobody can be with somebody all day long (if for example husband works from home), so its important to have some personal time and space.
Thats my view
But its hard today, financially. And, as I said, also psychologically for a woman. Her friends or ex-classmates will have carieer and she will have to answer their questions like "well, I am at home".
On the other hand, nobody can be with somebody all day long (if for example husband works from home), so its important to have some personal time and space.
Thats my view
There is a bit of a problem with that. What if the man is left looking after the
children as a single parent. Or what if the woman earns more than the man.
I don’t think we live in the kind of time where men go to work and women stay
home any more.
Each person’s circumstances are different.
I also know a couple where the husband became disabled so he had to be the
stay at home parent, and the wife had to find a job.
W
I think that women should be at home, or at least to work just for a short week.
But its hard today, financially. And, as I said, also psychologically for a woman. Her friends or ex-classmates will have carieer and she will have to answer their questions like "well, I am at home".
On the other hand, nobody can be with somebody all day long (if for example husband works from home), so its important to have some personal time and space.
Thats my view
But its hard today, financially. And, as I said, also psychologically for a woman. Her friends or ex-classmates will have carieer and she will have to answer their questions like "well, I am at home".
On the other hand, nobody can be with somebody all day long (if for example husband works from home), so its important to have some personal time and space.
Thats my view
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M
Absolutely but with house prices out stripping wages, many don’t have any choice.
When the recession hit in 2008, everyone’s wages just stayed the same, many ended
up unemployed. But somehow house prices still managed to creep up.
It’s a ticking time bomb.
We rent from the Council and my aunt gets housing benefit so we are ok.
But there is no longer enough council stock to rent out to everyone who needs it
anymore, as lots of council housing has been pulled down and sold off but not
replaced.
Even if I returned to work full time, (and my salary is very good). I would struggle to
rent a house or flat privately in a reasonable area. So would end up in a bed sit
in a run down area.
I count me blessings each day for our present housing situation. God has
provided a lovely two bedroom council house with all mod cons and adaptations for
my aunts needs and me.
I do not know how in your country, but in mine (and I think its throughout EU):
a) if you bought a house with a help of a bank loan and you cannot pay it anymore, they will sell your house so you will get the money you put into the house back (more or less) and you can go to a rental flat until your situation will get better
b) if you are in a rent, state will help you pay it if you are unemployed.
So, its virtually impossible to lose your home, in Europe. Homeless people are mostly drug addicted, drunk people who do not want to get back to normal life.
a) if you bought a house with a help of a bank loan and you cannot pay it anymore, they will sell your house so you will get the money you put into the house back (more or less) and you can go to a rental flat until your situation will get better
b) if you are in a rent, state will help you pay it if you are unemployed.
So, its virtually impossible to lose your home, in Europe. Homeless people are mostly drug addicted, drunk people who do not want to get back to normal life.
W
I think that is a problem with cradle-to-grave government involvement. And, that's not against your country. It's against big government, which America has now joined in on. It's oligarchy at it's inevitability. Something both countries are struggling with now. And the people have already joined the bandwagon.
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M
Couldn’t agree more.
You know a country is in trouble when a shed in London is more
expensive than a house elsewhere. See link at the end.
Problem is employers won’t pay a decent wage so workers have to
claim benefits to supplement wages.
Landlord hike up their rents knowing that benefits will pay what the
renters can’t afford.
Then people buy houses above their real means as they forget that a lot of
their income is from benefits. So the house prices increase as demand
increases in the better areas both for buyers and renters.
Then the government says “hang on a minute we need to reduce the
benefits bill”. So they change the rules and suddenly the combined wages
and benefits, no longer cover the costs. Houses get repossessed, people end
up homeless, living in bed sits or moving to poorer areas, so those prices
increase too. Then suddenly there is nowhere affordable to live anymore.
That’s my take on it I’m sure there are other factors, but basically wages are
not keeping up with the cost of living, especially the cost of housing.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/6487ef29-75c9-4f93-8c0a-326f6f056ecd
M
