Divorce?

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Mar 13, 2019
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Thank you for your insight. I can only guess about my husbands salvation since it’s not my place to judge. I can say he says he is saved and he was not like any of this prior to marriage. I would not have married him had it been this way. I’m not perfect by any means and never have or will claim to be but the way I feel I have been abandoned I would never do.
 

soberxp

Senior Member
May 3, 2018
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I would say that if you leave him, you will regret this decision for a long time
 

SIMON55

Active member
Feb 15, 2019
538
192
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MO,OK,AR
Thank you for your insight. I can only guess about my husbands salvation since it’s not my place to judge. I can say he says he is saved and he was not like any of this prior to marriage. I would not have married him had it been this way. I’m not perfect by any means and never have or will claim to be but the way I feel I have been abandoned I would never do.
People can say anything they like and put on a front.....
" You will know them by their fruits.....the dead vine and branch will be cut off and cast into the fire "
If he isn't reflecting the spirit of Christ in his walk and his talk then he doesn't love the lord, himself or you.
You may be extremely tough gal and can endure it I don't know....more power to you if so .....people have endured much worse by remaining focused in the lord.
I was in a marriage that had plenty of physical intimacy that seemed mutually satisfactory with all the expected desirable results
But the person made me feel constantly rejected out of bed all the time fighting arguing falsely accusing etc.
and the end result I would assume to be the same as you are experiencing.
With a feeling of a neglected and rejected deep emotional intimacy commitment and absence bond of acceptance validation that destroys the legitimate aims of unity of purpose.
It would not be my desire to influence you with my own experience .....but you should beware there are several kinds of sociopathic personality disorders out there ....people who don't invest or commit emotionally despite the outward front or facade they represent on the surface....
Personally I find the effect of it to be like a vampire that feeds off their partners emotional investment but doesn't reciprocate the invested energy or interest and sucks the lifesblood out of the potentiallity of love and unity that should be thriving in a healthy interactive relationship of any kind.....and especially a romance.
If a man truly loves a woman he should never stop wanting to romance her even well beyond the years of passion and desires....
His love for his faithful companion in life should drive him to constantly reaffirm that unity and emotional bond.
People that don't and won't communicate and physically express that love of intimacy connection.....
Are just of a dissasociative sociopathic disorder of one kind or another if I understand the terminology right.....
Basically in simple terms they are a dead battery that you charge and charge and charge and it won't hold its charge and you can't get anything out of it......!
What would you do if every time you tried to start your car it just wouldn't start?
You wouldn't keep trying day after day after day hoping for a different result......
That would be the definition of insanity by repeating the same action expecting a different result.
If this guy was saved he would have a rechargeable battery and seeking the lord for recharging and seeking intimacy and marital reaffirmation from his wife.
The only reason I am conveying any message at all to you is to say beware they are out there ....they will pay lip service for years and withold honest communication from you and drain the life energy out of you.....
If you have a larger capacity than me then that's great I am thankful the Lord blesses you with it and you are able to endure it....
But from what you have said you are the only one dragging the marital Cross and this guy is just paying lip service when necessary and content to let you do it all.
A saved Christian man charged by the energy of walking in the spirit would not even consider doing that to his wife or consider denying her the treasured desires of her heart.
Im sorry....but if it is as you have said this man isn't saved and if he won't invest emotional commitment into being truly saved and saving his marriage and walking together in Christ then it is possible you may be only prolonging inevitable reality.
That the battery is just defective and needs to go back to the manufacturer for repair or replacement.
I would say beware of crocodile tears that aren't validated with true commitment to affirmative action.....
Ye shall no them by their fruits....the dead branch is cut off and cast into the fire.
Many shall adhere to false doctrines of man and be deceived....
The lords works are continual in those who truly seek him....the rest are just dead vineage and are cast off.
A harsh reality.....but if there is no inspiration in someone then enabling them to continue only does them a greater harm.....
Paul says cut the carnal vine off so that it may die and only then can it be reborn from above and ressurected into Christ....
God be with you both hopefully he will come to revelation and gain eyes to see and ears to hear.....
😀....may Gods Grace and mercy be with you sister through your tribulation I hope the Holy Spirit moves over him....
 

SIMON55

Active member
Feb 15, 2019
538
192
43
MO,OK,AR
Thank you for your insight. I can only guess about my husbands salvation since it’s not my place to judge. I can say he says he is saved and he was not like any of this prior to marriage. I would not have married him had it been this way. I’m not perfect by any means and never have or will claim to be but the way I feel I have been abandoned I would never do.
One additional thing I neglected.....you raised the issue of judging your husbands salvation.
It isn't an issue of you judging.....it is an issue of you discerning the Lords judgments .....
Discerning isn't condemnation when done in love.....I am sure you don't want to be a stumbling block unto your husband but how can a man stumble who has already fallen and doesn't try to get up and walk.....?
We all stumble into our own will at times......
That is why we must continually pray for the knowledge of the Lords will for us and the strength of his power to carry it out....
As long as our eyes are on the Lord he will help us back up and make our path straight again....
But if we fall and don't look to the Lord we will just remain where we are....
If you walk down the street and see a man in an alley lying in his drunkardness many will appear un able to get up by their own power.
How is it any different with your husband ?
If you can't get him to look to the lord he won't ever stay up no matter how much you keep lifting him up.... his path will never be cleared and he will keep stumbling.
Does your husband not see the man in the alley ?
How far are any of us from becoming the man in the alley.....If we do not look to the Lord.....?
There are all kinds of alleys ditches stumbling blocks.....
The blind who don't look to the Lord to guide their walk neither see the ditch or that they have fallen into it.
So....it is nothing that they stay in it and become accustom to it.
Either someone wants abundant life or they don't it isn't a difficult discernment.
Christ says come with me let the dead bury the dead.
I think you are very much in a position to discern your husbands salvation the lord gives you the judgments by which to discern it by.......
If your husband can't show you the fruit of his salvation then where is it ?
If he claims it then have him show it.....I don't buy this osas stuff.....a walk in the spirit or with the Lord produces fruit......however minimal it might be even if it is limited to ones own life or home.😀
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
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I'm about to divorce my unbelieving wife. I hope your situation works out for the best.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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I would say if you don't leave him, you will regret your decision for a long time!
I'm trending towards your way of thinking. Why waste years stuck an abusive, dry, and unloving marriage? God wants us to have life and to have it more abundantly.
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,417
1,639
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I'm trending towards your way of thinking. Why waste years stuck an abusive, dry, and unloving marriage? God wants us to have life and to have it more abundantly.
Yes sir. I don't always feel this way, but some guys have no business marrying a woman.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
7,869
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65
Florida
I am so torn...I appreciate everyone’s input and prayers. I just want to do the right thing.
I know that you do. In the end, it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks you should do as the matter rests between you and God. Many times, doing the right thing is hard as the options available may both be bad but it does seem to me that your husband is very insensitive to you and that in itself is a form of abuse. If you were my daughter my counsel to you would be to consider divorce so as to spare you additional years of misery and isolation.
 

soberxp

Senior Member
May 3, 2018
218
24
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I am so torn...I appreciate everyone’s input and prayers. I just want to do the right thing.
honest ,I think you are anxious, or you are living in your own world. So, your dialogue needs to be formatted, and you will be depressed if there is no consistent answer. From your description, I don't see why your husband doesn't love you
You only have two options to figure out right now
1: maybe you really don't love him anymore
2: maybe you just think he doesn't love you anymore
then you do your choice,right or wrong ,
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,012
585
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I am so torn...I appreciate everyone’s input and prayers. I just want to do the right thing.
Why can’t you just go stay somewhere for a bit? Give him an opportunity to miss you. Or see if he wants to find a place for a month. You don’t need to rip off the bandaid all at once. Perhaps you both need a break to consider this independently.
 

tjogs

Senior Member
Jun 28, 2009
320
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Why can’t you just go stay somewhere for a bit? Give him an opportunity to miss you. Or see if he wants to find a place for a month. You don’t need to rip off the bandaid all at once. Perhaps you both need a break to consider this independently.
This is exactly what I would suggest too. Get time away from him. Let him and you also feel what it is to live without each other and let that experience together with prayer be advice how to continue. Together or not together.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
665
573
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I guess I wasn't clear. I was told to know someone-without dating-for two years. I've never done that, so i'm not speaking from experience.
Knowing someone for two years before dating them is not always practical.

While you are waiting for two years to decide if you want to date someone, another person can sooner decide that they are interested in that person as well. Where does that leave you?

Sometimes circumstances will have it that you will know someone for many years before dating them. Like a childhood friend, or a class mate from college, someone whom you've worked with for many years.

But what if you are just meeting the person for the first time, after a wonderful conversation where you discovered that the person is a Christian, and has similar beliefs/values as yourself, you exchange phone numbers, what happens after that? Do you chat on the phone for two years, or do you start going out, in order to spend time with the person to get to know them?

That's quite a different situation from knowing someone from the workplace or school etc
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
14,191
2,122
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Why can’t you just go stay somewhere for a bit? Give him an opportunity to miss you. Or see if he wants to find a place for a month. You don’t need to rip off the bandaid all at once. Perhaps you both need a break to consider this independently.
The thing is,people seldom go back together after they separate. It's a pity her husband refuses to see what a wonderful,beautiful,faithful wife he has before him. And he's about to lose her. Such a pity, because he can avoid it,he holds the key.
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,417
1,639
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Knowing someone for two years before dating them is not always practical.

While you are waiting for two years to decide if you want to date someone, another person can sooner decide that they are interested in that person as well. Where does that leave you?

Sometimes circumstances will have it that you will know someone for many years before dating them. Like a childhood friend, or a class mate from college, someone whom you've worked with for many years.

But what if you are just meeting the person for the first time, after a wonderful conversation where you discovered that the person is a Christian, and has similar beliefs/values as yourself, you exchange phone numbers, what happens after that? Do you chat on the phone for two years, or do you start going out, in order to spend time with the person to get to know them?

That's quite a different situation from knowing someone from the workplace or school etc
I would say it is if you want to actually get to know them. If you look at it as a competition, then yes, by all means, grab them before someone else steals them! I would say, from personal experience, that if I actually knew my two exes well enough, I never would've married either of them-even the Christian.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
14,191
2,122
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I would say it is if you want to actually get to know them. If you look at it as a competition, then yes, by all means, grab them before someone else steals them! I would say, from personal experience, that if I actually knew my two exes well enough, I never would've married either of them-even the Christian.
IDK some people are ninja level at hiding who they really are. My sister didn't know who her husband was till she married him. Oddly enough he said you never know people until after you marry them.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
665
573
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I fell in love with my wife because she made me feel like I was the best version of me. I felt like if I was a ship, she was the sail. Since we got married, I improved myself and want more out of life and she just wants to stagnate.
So now that you have improved yourself, you no longer need your wife's encouragement, as such she has become redundant and you would now want a woman who is on the same level as yourself?

She gave you attention, made you feel special when you needed it, now that she needs it, you can't be bothered, because you're a busy man and all, trying to get more out of life.

But while you are busy pursuing all you can in life, show some appreciation for your wife, who married you long before you improved yourself.

Don't let her feel like she's inferior to your accomplishments. Let her know that your ship still needs a sail. Yes, you can do that while pursuing other goals. Don't leave her aside, include her in your plans.

Or better yet, encourage her to go improve herself too. Get bigger education, earn more money and stop stressing on you. It will make her happier. In fact, all women should take this advise.
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