Do you believe being gay is a choice?

MadParrotWoman · Sep 13, 2014

I am struggling with the fact that my 16 year old son is gay. Ever since he was VERY young he showed signs of femininity. Over the years, he has been bullied in so many ways but the most common was being called gay, faggot and all the other names you associate with homosexuality. He has been to counseling and finally when he was 14, one night he had a major breakdown. He cornered himself in his room and wouldn't let me come near him. He said he couldn't do it anymore. Finally, I got him to admit that he was gay (not what I wanted to hear, because of the beliefs that I grew up with). But here was my son, tormented with trying to deal with who he was and who he was suppose to be. How do you deal with this as a mother? I love my son unconditionally and I have told him this on numerous occasions. We have a very close relationship but I admit I am very protective. A preacher told me once that you are not born gay but that the devil has influenced the behavior of a person. I don't believe that my son chose this way of life because he fought it so hard for so long. I have no one to talk to about this, I need to know how to lead my son to Our Lord Jesus Christ. God gave me the responsibility to care and nurture His child but I feel I have failed. Please help!!

God doesn't see the sin of homosexuality as being any different than any other sin ie. adultery, lying, blasphemy, murder etc., all sin is sin. It is not for you or I to judge only to love. You must carry on loving your son no matter what. We are all sinners. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

FallingLeaves · Sep 13, 2014

To be oneself is not a sin......God so wants us to be who we are and not deny...just be real.

AgeofKnowledge · Sep 13, 2014

I've been celibate for 26 years. Anyone CAN choose not to have sex with other people and follow God. Which means, despite whatever choices the people around you are making (and choices have very real consequences): you now have to make the choice of do you deceive yourself so as to minimize your discomfort and live a lie that justifies sexual immorality with other people outside of God's design for humanity which is marriage with one man and one woman: or do you want Holy Creator God and His truth to be your anchor moving forward. Christian family counseling is very good at this point even if it's just you going. Been there and done that. Do the RIGHT thing not the comfortable one. Peace.

corkeyw4 said:

notuptome · Sep 13, 2014

FallingLeaves said:

If you follow that advice you will only wind up with disaster.

All men are sinners that is who we are. God must change us or we will be condemned forever.

Rationalization and self righteousness is not acceptable to God. Perfect holiness is Gods standard and only through Jesus Christ can we be achieve the standard.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

CRC · Sep 13, 2014

(Romans 3:23-24) 23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and it is as a free gift that they are being declared righteous by his undeserved kindness through the release by the ransom paid by Christ Jesus. .

“Don’t worry about the straw remove the rafter”

(Matthew 7:1-5) 7 “Stop judging that you may not be judged; 2 for with the judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you. 3 Why, then, do you look at the straw in your brother’s eye but do not notice the rafter in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Allow me to remove the straw from your eye,’ when look! a rafter is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the rafter from your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to remove the straw from your brother’s eye.

Dan58 · Sep 13, 2014

I don't pretend to know whether gayness is a perversion or stems from emotional, environment, or natural factors. But it doesn't really matter if someone is born gay or chooses to be gay, the bible clearly says its wrong to engage in same sex relations (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:25-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:9-10). I personally believe that some people are born with unnatural tendencies, but it can't be use as an excuse to sin. If a person inherits certain genes that may make them susceptible to obesity, alcoholism, etc, it means they will need to struggle harder to resist the effects of those traits. But things like kleptomania, which is an irresistible impulse to steal, and has nothing to do with heredity, is still an impulse that must be resisted. Imo, its the same with homosexuality, the biological urge is not necessarily sinful, but acting upon it is. Sometimes we need to overcome what might seem natural to us. Just as being born with a hot temper is no excuse to knock someones head off, being born gay can't be a reason to surrender to sin, it must be overcome. Hopefully your son will have the desire and strength to bring his flesh under subjection.

twotwo · Sep 14, 2014

corkeyw4 said:

Gay is not a choice but slavery. As it is written: “Whoever commits sin is a slave to sin!”

The thoughts of sinners are corrupted through their contacts with the world.

As a result, their perception is distorted so that evil looks good and disgusting acts looks great.

They have fallen under the dominion of the Evil One, the master of deception, the Father of lies.

The Holy Spirit can however purifies their thoughts and open their eyes.

As a parent, you must clearly state your aversion and disgust of homosexual acts. Children are always influenced sooner or later by the opinions of their parents.

Jorina · Sep 17, 2014

corkeyw4 said:

Sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. I can really understand that these questions go through your mind and make your heart feel heavy. Its hard to see a loved one suffer with the difference between how the feel they are and how they are supposed to feel according to the people around them.

I have been talking with a group of young people and friends (younger then me or my own age) who are gay as well. Both guys and girls. From what i hear and see i can not say anything other then that i strongly believe that it was not their choice to become gay and that they not even became gay but that they have been gay from the moment they where born. its not something that has grown upon them when they where little or when they where teens. Its just how they are.

I dont think being gay i a sin. But i do think that acting to it ís a sin. It states clearly in the Bible that people of the same sex should not be behaving together as a husband and wife. And that why i cry for those friends. For to love someone and not to be allowed to act like it. And to know that, if the Lord doesnt takes this away from you, you have to stay alone for the rest of your life. That is so tough to go through that when you are young. Especially when the people around you, even friends and family, are disliking you and behaving violent against you because you are gay. Some times people act like that because they are scared or confused or just because its easier to go along with the majority of people who say its someone's own choice and fault to be gay. But whatever reason they have to act like that; it doesnt change that what they are doing is actually there own choice and fault.

Our Heavenly Father and our Saviour Jesus Christ both teach us to be kind to one another. To love one another. To help one another. Not to judge about others. Sure, we do have the task to warn eachother when we see sin's be done. But being gay is not a sin in my opinion. Acting according to being gay (by example getting in a relationship with someone from the same sex as you) is a sin from what i read in the Bible.

I dont know if this helped you in any way. Just know that i really hope and pray that you keep your eyes on the Lord and knows that your help comes from Him. He knows your son. He loves your son. And He is willing to help you and your son to follow Him. I hope and pray that the Lord Almighty will take the gay feelings away from your son. But in the meantime i'll pray that the Lord will show you and your son that He is the One to go to with the things that are giving you a hard time. Or with the people that are giving you a hard time

. Let this situation draw you closer to Him.

God bless you and your family.

Garfield20 · Sep 17, 2014

before i came to Christ i was gay i fight and struggle in not going back to that lifestyle

Jason83 · Sep 17, 2014

In life we always have struggles and temptations to fight. To me, although I have never felt that way, it seems like homosexuality would be very difficult. With any sin, just remember this verse:

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

I feel for people that struggle with this sin, but according to God's word it is possible to overcome, adapt, and move forward beyond this temptation. Everyone has those personal struggles to deal with and this is one that is just more ridiculed and brightly lit. Whether they are born gay or not is irrelevant-- there are many things about being born into this world but "fair" isn't one of them. Sin is sin and the bible is clear on its stance on homosexuality. We are dealt cards in life and God never pushes us beyond what we can handle. So, we should handle it

. Focus on God to overcome these feelings or any sin for that matter.

seemspeculiar · Sep 17, 2014

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be decieved: men who practice homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God. There are those men who gave up natural relations with women and we're consumed with passion for one another, men commiting shameless acts with men and receiving in themselfs the due penalty for their error, as they didnt like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind. Thought they knew God's judgement and degree that those who practice such things deserve to die, not only do the same but have pleasure and approval to those who practice it. Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise which indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire. You shall not lie with a male as with a woman, it is an abomination.
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Abster · Sep 17, 2014

I don't think the sin of homosexuality will hold anyone from seeing God's face. We all sin and God hates every sin just the same. I think its the PRACTICE of homosexuality that may cause you not to see the kingdom. You can be a heterosexual and fornicate. Its still sin. However if you don't practice fornication... then thats a start. I dont imagine a homosexual would choose to be one. From that moment you are discriminated against, ridiculed, ostracized and more. Who would willingly make such a choice? Its clearly a struggle and we are all born in sin. I think the practice, giving into homosexual desires is where there is really a problem. Now I know that sin starts in the mind but we are ALL guilty of that. Pray for your son, equip him with the word of God and just like God, love him but not the sin. thats my suggestion. ((hug))

Dine · Sep 17, 2014

Well said !

Animus said:

"Born gay" or "Chose to be gay" are not the only two options, and I don't believe either are correct. To make this point, I need to take a detour that is unrelated to sexuality. People are only born with two fears, fear of falling and of loud noises. For example, you could put a bear in front of a baby and it would not be afraid unless the bear made a loud noise. As people grow up, they start to become afraid of various things, but nobody chooses to have fears.

I believe homosexuality is similar to this. Consider that nobody is born with any sort of sexual desire, that is something that develops much later. In the same way, nobody is born with a sexual attraction to feet, and yet many people end up having them. Sexuality is developed through sexual acts (including sexual thought), and those that indulge in their sexual curiosity are at risk of sexual perversion. Many teenage boys "explore their sexuality" through porn and masturbation (which is sinful) and some of them end up falling into homosexuality as their curiosity leads them their for one reason or another.

One piece of evidence I have for believing this is that the LGBT community is far more sexually promiscuous then the heterosexual community (by percentage). If homosexuality were really just like heterosexuality then there should be no difference in the sex drives of homosexual and heterosexual people. But not only is sexual activity more important to homosexuals, it seems to be the most important thing. This is why gay people are so upset about "being in the closet", because they feel like they are suppressing most of who they are, and suppressing what they want most. As a straight man, I never express my sexuality among my friends, I don't date, and I don't feel as though I'm being suppressed. My sexuality is not a big part of who I am. In theory, I could be gay and it wouldn't change a thing, but this is not what is observed. If sex is not very important to you, then it wouldn't bother you very much that you couldn't express your sexuality. However, because sex is very important to them, which is a result of the sexual activity which lead to their homosexuality, they will feel as though they are drowning if they believe they will never have the thing which they want most.

I know this post isn't very helpful as far as advice goes, but all I can really say on that front is try to get him to church and pray for the best. But I think it's important to see the truth of the matter, even if the truth is harsh.

presidente · Sep 17, 2014

MadParrotWoman said:

I don't see where the Bible teaches that all sins are equal. On the contrary, they are treated differently. Under the law a man having sexual relations with another man's wife or two men having sexual relations were both punishable by death. Lying and stealing were not death penalty crimes. There is also a difference in the attitude of the heart. One could make a sacrifice for unintentional sin, but not for 'high handed' sin.

Abster · Sep 17, 2014

Jorina said:

Sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. I can really understand that these questions go through your mind and make your heart feel heavy. Its hard to see a loved one suffer with the difference between how the feel they are and how they are supposed to feel according to the people around them.

I have been talking with a group of young people and friends (younger then me or my own age) who are gay as well. Both guys and girls. From what i hear and see i can not say anything other then that i strongly believe that it was not their choice to become gay and that they not even became gay but that they have been gay from the moment they where born. its not something that has grown upon them when they where little or when they where teens. Its just how they are.

I dont think being gay i a sin. But i do think that acting to it ís a sin. It states clearly in the Bible that people of the same sex should not be behaving together as a husband and wife. And that why i cry for those friends. For to love someone and not to be allowed to act like it. And to know that, if the Lord doesnt takes this away from you, you have to stay alone for the rest of your life. That is so tough to go through that when you are young. Especially when the people around you, even friends and family, are disliking you and behaving violent against you because you are gay. Some times people act like that because they are scared or confused or just because its easier to go along with the majority of people who say its someone's own choice and fault to be gay. But whatever reason they have to act like that; it doesnt change that what they are doing is actually there own choice and fault.

Our Heavenly Father and our Saviour Jesus Christ both teach us to be kind to one another. To love one another. To help one another. Not to judge about others. Sure, we do have the task to warn eachother when we see sin's be done. But being gay is not a sin in my opinion. Acting according to being gay (by example getting in a relationship with someone from the same sex as you) is a sin from what i read in the Bible.

I dont know if this helped you in any way. Just know that i really hope and pray that you keep your eyes on the Lord and knows that your help comes from Him. He knows your son. He loves your son. And He is willing to help you and your son to follow Him. I hope and pray that the Lord Almighty will take the gay feelings away from your son. But in the meantime i'll pray that the Lord will show you and your son that He is the One to go to with the things that are giving you a hard time. Or with the people that are giving you a hard time

. Let this situation draw you closer to Him.

God bless you and your family.

What a beautiful comment, and heart you have. thank you for encouraging this woman directing her to the Lord rather than to personal feelings on her situation. Well done!

JoshJoseph2 · Sep 17, 2014

I would personally be very careful about this situation. At this point he may feel condemned by God and he may even feel that the bullying of him is justified because he's "wrong". Many Christians will kick out a young adult because he or she is gay or tell him what he's feeling or acting upon is wrong. Perhaps don't talk about your thoughts on it being a sin or not being a sin as it may make him feel worse. The best idea may be to just continue to love him and leave yourself open to talk to. The whole sin thing may be something you'd like to talk to him about later on in life or perhaps he will have an own personal conviction about it,

strugglingfather · Nov 10, 2014

First as a parent you have not failed. I do believe this is a choice. It is a choice that has items that make the choice easier or harder. I have 2 very close friends that are both gay. I have tasked in-depth with them and they both believe if they had a closer relationship with their father they might not be gay. They wanted a dad that hugged them and kissed their cheek held their hand. Cuddled with them when they were little. All in a non sexual way. When they got older they looked for that and the sexual feelings got involved.
Your boy needs a man that will come beside him biblically and mentor him and accept him and love him for who heis.
You need to fight this battle on your knees. That is the only way. Love him accept him and sorry him. God will prevail and use this for His Glory

BelovedI · Nov 13, 2014

I believe many have been manipulated and deceived and abused into accepting evil as good and good as evil, including accepting any form of sexual immorality as being ok, as it is not, but is a sin. Being anything that the Holy God hates according to the Holy Bible forChristians is not something we should knowinly choose. Homosexuality is an abomination and we are not to welcome them into our home lest we be doomed like them the Holy Bible says.
Many are hoping in the mercy of God about this.
When God said for us to be holy for He is holy , He meant it.

Gerlinde · Dec 2, 2014

corkeyw4 said:

To find an answer on the subject, I would advise you to use the following sources:

Because you've had your son nine months in your body; were very close to him all these years. Closer than anyone else.

I was, as you know, transsexual (born as a boy), it is somehow comparable to your gay son, what we go through both. No one chooses voluntarily to be gay or transsexual. No one chooses voluntarily; being hated, beaten, raped and / or murdered. So being gay is not a choice!
Can someone be gay and / or transsexual?
What does the Bible say?
And now comes the surprise!
Had the Bible and has never condemned homosexuality as we understand it TODAY. Why not? As the Theological Dictionary of the New testament (published by Kittel), shows us clearly, that all the verses in the NT are related to shrine prostitution and turning away from God.
Your son can be both: a good Christian and a good gay son.

corkeyw4 said:

That is nonsense! Have a look at the movie "Prayers for Bobby" (based on the true story), and you will understand, why.

oyster67 · Dec 4, 2014

Ugly, BenFTW, and Jimbone are all very good on this. All I can do is sign my name to what they have said.

I used to be very judgmental until I found out that a friend of mine in college was going through much of the same stuff as your son. He said things were not working out for him. No women wanted him. He told me that he thought that even his name sounded gay. He said, almost in tears, that he didn't want to be gay. It seems that Satan was telling him that he had no choice in the matter. I could tell that he wanted nothing more in the world than to just feel 'normal'. I wish I could have known then what I know now, so I could have told him about the boundless love of Jesus and His desire that we should all be made new creatures in Him. Don't give up.

Do you believe being gay is a choice?

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